The Goat

  The bouncer was busy flirting with some young girls. They, like Sherry, were likely underage. It was the Basil’s intention to make as small a scene as possible. He waited until the man allowed the girls in.

  Basil approached, meeting the man eye to eye. The bouncer started to roll up the sleeves on his black shirt, showing off his large biceps. Basil pulled his weapon and shoved it into the guards face. The bouncer’s eyes affixed on the pistol, he waved Basil inside.

  Basil walked into the club, stowing the weapon at his backside, and covering it with his shirt. The bouncer crept in behind him and headed to the rear of the club. Basil looked around. Still no girl, and no were-goat. His mind danced over the possibility they had escaped.

  The costume contest was underway. Basil couldn’t clearly see the goat, but assumed that he would be taking part in the show at any moment. He took a seat at the bar near the door.

  Sherry had spotted him right away, even seeing his motion to conceal the weapon. Now it was much more serious, she hadn’t been aware the man was armed.

  “Frank, I need your help.”

  He looked over, his head bouncing on his shoulders. “What, Sparky’s going be up soon.”

  “Basil is here, by the bar.”

  Frank leaned over the back of his table, not seeing the man at first. He looked at the occupants of the seats at the bar, most of which were in costume. As he continued his study, he finally caught sight of the man. The still fresh scratch on his side from the bullet last night ached. The memory flooded back through his softened mind.

  “Son of bitch! You know that Basil is here? Sherry, did you hear me? Basil is here! Son of a bitch!”

  “I know.”

  She reconsidered the idea that the dog would be of any assistance.

  “I owe him something.”

  Frank pushed his way out of the table and stumbled down on all fours. He managed back onto his hind legs. He stayed focused on the man, but between the crowd and his own impairment it was extremely difficult to remain upright. Frank camouflaged well among the costumes and his low height aided his being undetectable. Frank arrived at the base of the stool, without any of Basil’s attention.

  Sherry watched the whole time, not sure what to do about this inebriated bravery.

  “Hey you,” Frank called from below. Basil didn’t look down. “You there, in the pink shirt.”

  Basil looked down and was surprised to see a midget in a dog costume. It was a very good dog costume.

  “Can I help you little man?”

  “Frank, Frank,” he snapped at the Basil’s dangling legs. “No little man!”

  “Sorry, Frank.”

  Basil turned away, scanning for the were-goat. Frank rocked his stool.

  “I’m not done with you!”

  “Take it easy, pal. You don’t have to go all nuts on me!”

  “You want to take this outside!”

  “Look, buddy-”

  “Frank!”

  “Look, Frank, I don’t even know you. Just leave it alone before you hurt yourself,” Basil reached down and petted him on the head. The costume felt more real than he had imagined. He reminded himself that not only could dogs not talk, they wouldn’t be in a bar if they could.

  “You don’t remember me? I remember you. I remember you tried to kill me!”

  Basil started wondering briefly if he had ever busted a midget before. It wouldn’t have been the first time he’d run into a man turned out from prison that wanted revenge. No one came to mind.

  “I think you’ve got the wrong guy.”

  “No,” Frank shook the stool. “Fatty, you shot me last night, and I’m pissed.”

  The detective became bewildered. He hadn’t shot anyone last night. The only bullet fired had gone off into the goat’s scrawny mutt. It had been so dark. Basil froze in suspense. He reminded himself that dogs don’t talk. Then he remembered that neither do goats.

  “I know you. You were with the goat, weren’t you?”

  Frank was trying to remain intimidating. His head was spinning so much. Frank’s stomach gave out on him. Basil jumped as the vomit splashed over his shoes.

  Déjà vu.

  He was certain this was the same dog. He was amazed to find that he too could talk. It was an unexpected perk that just doubled his income potential.

  Basil leaned down to the animal, breathing through his mouth.

  “Frank, was it?”

  Frank was teetering on the cliff of consciousness.

  “I think you do need a little help, how about we step outside?”

  Sherry had watched Frank assault the man’s chair and was now in suspense watching his reaction to the canine’s upchuck reflex. She looked to the floor where the contestants were lining up, including a very boisterous Sparky. She turned back to Basil, and watched him carry the limp dog from the bar.

  She didn’t know who to run to.

  The door closed as the bouncer came back from the rear of the bar with two other men. They started going over through the crowds, searching.

  “Contestant number two weighing in as a wild goat. Coming to us all the way from Saskatchewan... Sparky!”

  The crowd exploded.

  Chapter 70

  “We’ve got it! Sherry, we’ve got five hundred bucks! That’s enough gas money to get there and back again. We need to find Frank and get going.” His tail was spinning uncontrollably.

  In Sherry’s mind she kept going over the words she wanted to say, but she wasn’t sure how to let the goat know that Basil had taken the dog. She was also afraid of going outside; the detective could be waiting there with a trap.

  “Sherry what’s wrong? Sherry?”

  “Sparky, Frank-”

  What if she had done something? What if she had acted? Frank’s abduction was as much her fault as his own.

  “Frank what? Is he throwing up again? Please tell me he at least went outside.”

  “He went outside, with Basil.”

  Sparky only heard the first half of her statement. He was ready to get back on the road. He burst out the club door, passing right by a large man who had replaced the doorman from earlier.

  “Frank?”

  Sherry emerged right behind him, his coat over her arm. “You forgot your coat.”

  “You said he came outside right,” he looked back at her not taking the time to read her expression. “Frank?”

  “Sparky, he-” A very large lump in her throat was holding her voice hostage.

  Sparky turned back to her, finally catching that something truly had gone wrong. “Where would he go, Sherry?”

  As she broke over the lump, her ducts also let loose. The tears came down her cheeks, reflecting the zebra stripped sign. “Sparky, Basil, he took Frank.”

  “What? No. No. Frank? Frank!”

  “I watched him carry him outside.”

  “He wouldn’t take him, he wanted me,” Sparky started out into the cars. “He wanted me! Frank, come on its time to go. Frank!”

  “He’s with Basil, he’s gone Sparky.”

  “Where, where’s the car, where’s Basil.”

  Sherry led him to where they had parked. The car was gone.

  “Damn it!” He stomped in the dirt. “Frank!”

  “He’s gone Sparky, I’m sorry.”

  “He wanted me, not Frank, me!”

  “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, Sparky I’m so sorry. This is my fault, I was only trying to help. Now Frank’s gone.”

  “No Sherry, you didn’t have anything to do with this. This is Basil’s doing. If anyone else is to blame it’s me. Why can’t he just leave me alone to find my family? I’m not trying to hurt anyone. Why can’t he just let me be? Why arrest me?”

  “He doesn’t want to arrest you, Sparky. He could care less. He wants you to make him rich. He wants to make a fortune off of owning a talking goat.”

  “So he must know about Frank.”

  “He walked right over to him.”


  “Who did? Basil?”

  “No, I told Frank he was here. He got so mad and stormed over. Well, more like stumbled over. He was trying to pick a fight.”

  “Frank was probably still angry about being shot.”

  “We have to find him; we can’t let the detective hurt him.”

  “We’ll find a way to get him.”

  Sparky knew that he could not abandon his friend, but he could not abandon his herd either. Both were in need of rescue, and there was only one of him. In the case of Frank, he didn’t have a clue where to start. He really had no clue where they were except in relation to their destination, and had no indication of where Basil would go. His hopeful words would be hard to back up.

  “You rode down with him, right? Any idea where he would take him?”

  “No, I don’t have a clue. He didn’t talk about Frank. He was focused on you, obsessed with you.” She turned, hearing the door to the club open.

  A small group of people came out in costume. One of them waved over “Congratulations, man!”

  “Thanks,” he answered, looking down at Sherry. “I think that guy was trying to take me home. There was this woman Frank had met when we got there. She kept offering to talk to guys for me. I wasn’t really sure why.”

  “Sparky, what are we going to do, call the police?”

  “If I could have called the police, I would have done it from the comfort of home. They don’t help goats.”

  “I was joking, Sparky.” She wiped her tears clean.

  “Oh, I only know to laugh if you suck in a big ball of drool at the end. It’s what Frank always does.”

  They made their way back to the car.

  “You shouldn’t even be along for this, you need to get home. If something happened to you-”

  “I can’t leave, not until I know Frank is safe.”

  Sparky hesitated as he opened the driver door and sat down. Sherry started to climb in the passenger side. “Watch out for the hair.”

  Sherry dusted Frank’s fur from the seat. It was hard to get it all off. “I should have known you’d dirty up my car.”

  Sparky looked over at her, nervously. Sherry spread her lips and sucked down the saliva in her mouth. Sparky forced a small laugh.

  “What do we do now?”

  Sparky was about to answer her when he was interrupted. At first he wasn’t sure if he was imagining the sound, but when he saw Sherry return his awkward expression he realized she was hearing it too.

  “What is that?”

  Sparky didn’t know, but he was certain it was coming from under his seat. He reached down and searched. His hoof clicked against a small plastic item. He pulled it out from under his chair and stared at it, not certain what to do.

  Sherry looked at him, “Are you going to answer it?”

  Chapter 71

  Sam was looking through the cages to her older brother.

  “Do you see anything, Sparky?”

  “Nothing.”

  Sparky Junior’s proximity to the main door had given him a vantage that afforded him some chances to spy on their human captors. He hadn’t gained anything truly valuable, but the two weren’t about to give up.

  “Wait, I hear something.”

  Two people walked toward the door. They stopped just shy of the stuffy chamber that housed the goats. Their voices were muffled but Sparky Junior was able to hear some of their words.

  “I don’t appreciate being called on an open line. The man is very watchful Miss Goldman, he doesn’t take well to conspiracy.”

  “I don’t care, I’m tired of that buffoon always being saved by his majesty and you are the only one that can help me get to him.”

  “I have what I want, I’m through with you. You’re going to ruin this entire operation if you’re not careful. You and that buffoon.”

  “How dare you!”

  Sparky, Jr. strained his ears forward, but it was no use. He knew there was more chatting between the two parties but he could not make it out.

  “What now?” Sam asked.

  He put his hoof to his mouth, motioning for her to be quiet. Sparky, Jr. leaned his head up to the bars, trying his hardest to hear more.

  The door sprang open and a short, balding man drove through swearing. He waved his arms wildly, visibly enraged by his previous conversation. He stopped at once and locked eyes with Sparky Junior.

  “Spying on my conversation? You guilty little devil!” The man struck the bars with his hand. Sparky retreated.

  “Do you know I worked so hard to put this together? I wouldn’t doubt the secret ingredient to your magical transformation was my own sweat. And I get nothing. No thanks. Just a phone call from that dirty little minx that is trying to play me off. How dare she?”

  “I know, 'What does this have to do with me? I’m just a little goat' you must be saying,” he reached into his coat and pulled out a photograph. He waved the picture in front of the animal. “This was my first test. A Doberman. I loved my dogs. I did all my work on them. They were wonderful subjects.”

  “Sadly, his brain exploded all over me after I started treating him with my first strain of serum. Sad story, no?”

  The bald man slapped the young buck’s cage again and then proceeded on. The next cage had two of the younger goats inside.

  “You must be simply ecstatic to be the first successes of my product. Although I will admit I thought dogs were dirty.”

  “Listen up! I expect your full co-operation! I’m going to start a very exclusive interview process. If you participate willingly it will have a very positive effect on your lifespan. If you resist, you’ll be ground up and used as food for those who were willing to help our cause.”

  The bald man turned around and stormed out of the room, without speaking any further.

  The moment the space was clear Sam called to her brother. “What did you hear?”

  “I’m not sure. It sounded like they were fighting.”

  “About us?”

  “I, I don’t know.”

  “Will you two just shut up!” Oreo slammed his hooves down, demanding to be heard. “We’re slaves now, slaves until they cut us apart for research. Unless you learn how to break metal bars with your teeth, nothing is going to change that.”

  “Oh come on big guy, they’re only trying to help,” Mudbubble said.

  “All their bantering is pissing me off!” Oreo screamed.

  “I don’t see you doing anything to help!”

  “And I don’t see you doing anything either!”

  “At least she’s trying to lead us out of here, even if it is hopeless. You could learn something from them. Looks like their old man taught them really well.”

  Oreo laughed; the sound echoed off the hollow walls. “Their old man? Their old man couldn’t protect us. He’s probably the reason we’re here.”

  “That’s not fair!” Sparky Junior said.

  “Oh, it isn't? Where was he then? Where is he now? He’s living the good life on the farm! Probably got a whole new flock to watch over!”

  “Knock it off,” Blossom said. “You don’t know that.”

  “Well, if it’s not true then we’ll all know in a few days. When we’re all dead together we’ll ask him.”

  “Damn you! If you don’t shut your mouth this instant I’m going to rip your head clean from your shoulders. You’re a damn fool, Oreo. Sparky is a good goat! And I pray that he never hears your words. It would break his heart to hear that such a good friend betrayed him. Don’t label him with your own incompetence just because you are jealous!”

  The room went quiet with Sam’s outburst.

  Oreo was infuriated that the little goat had openly bashed him in front of the herd, but he refused to speak it. The two caught eyes stared each other down, Samantha refusing to be outdone. Maybe it was her father’s spirit. Maybe it was that she knew it would all be over soon enough. But she was unafraid.

  After a long time, Oreo put his head down. Sam tu
rned back to her brother, who smiled at her brightly. It was the first smile she had seen in some time and it elicited a feeling of hope that she had almost abandoned.

  “Alright Sparks, now what exactly did they say?”

  Chapter 72

  “I knew you had my phone, remind me to get that back from you.”

  “Basil?” Sparky hardly recognized the voice through the phone; the man sounded just this side of maniacal.

  “You know, I was going to put a gun to that girl’s head to convince you to come with me, but now I have much better leverage.”

  “Where’s Frank?” Sparky paused waiting for an answer.

  Basil's heavy breath crackled over the speaker several times before he resumed speaking. “It’s great to know that no matter if you choose to help me or not, I can make my fortune off of your passed out friend.”

  Sparky's patience thinned, he could tell the detective was drawing this out. “Basil, where is Frank?”

  “You know, I wondered why you’d have a dog along with you. Do you know how excited I was when I realized that it wasn’t a midget that was trying to pick a fight with me?” Basil's partial victory was something he had struggled for enough that he could resist enjoying it fully.

  “Are you listening to me?"

  Sparky shook the cell phone, not certain it was even working with their connection.

  Basil ignored the goat, and kept gloating. “A talking goat and a talking dog, sounds like a new sitcom idea to me, or better, maybe it could be-“

  Sparky disconnected the call.

  “What are you doing? You hung up on him?” Sherry asked.

  “I think it was broken. I don’t think he could hear me.” Sparky's face showed his confused anguish.

  The phone rang again.

  “Hello?” Sparky spoke slowly.

  “Why did you hang up?” Basil's tone had moved from conceited to flustered.

  “I didn’t think you could hear me.”

  “Of course I can hear you! You just listen to me, then I give you demands, and then you can hang up. Not before!”

  Sparky nodded. “I’m sorry, I didn’t know.”

  “Well now you do! Is that girl there?”

  “Yes, she’s here." Sparky looked over Sherry, her eyes were sunken and moist with tears. It was clear she felt responsible. "Where’s Frank?”

  “Let me talk to the girl.”

  “I want to know where Frank is!” Sparky could hardly believe he was yelling.

  “Not until I talk to the girl!” Basil screamed in response.

  Sparky hung up the phone. His yellow eyes rested on Sherry. “He wants to talk to you.”