Amber

  I shake my head, all my good humor gone too. “I don’t.”

  His grin slowly comes back. “Can I go to work, though?”

  I nod, my heart swelling to twice its size in my chest. Huh . . . I never knew that happiness can sometimes feel like cardiomyopathy. I’m going to have to tell Rose that I actually remembered one of the medical descriptions she’s talked about over dinner.

  Ty winks and disappears. I hear him putting on his shoes and banging around in the other room and then the sound of the door opening and closing behind him. When I’m certain he’s gone, I tiptoe into the other room and grab my phone off the table. I quickly dial my sisters as I climb back into bed.

  Em answers on the second ring, her voice very sleepy. “Oh my god, it’s been forever since I’ve talked to you.”

  “I know. I just had to call. Sorry it’s so early. I’m so excited, though, I couldn’t help myself.”

  “Why? What happened?”

  The words burst out of me like there’s an explosion going off behind them. “I think I’m falling in love!” Saying what’s been in my heart since last night feels amazing . . . like I just injected myself with pure helium. I’ve given voice to the light I feel warming my heart.

  “Oh my god . . . Are you serious? Are we talking about the lead guitarist?”

  “Yes. His name is Ty.” I can still picture his beautiful face and the angst in his eyes.

  “I remember. Tyler Stanz from Philadelphia.”

  “Somebody’s been doing her research.”

  “My sister is spending a lot of time with this man. I need to learn something about him, since she never calls me anymore.”

  “Hey, no fair. No guilt trips allowed. I called the other day and you weren’t around.”

  “No, you’re right. I was busy. I’m just kidding.”

  “I hear you’ve been painting.”

  “It’s possible I’ve been painting, but let’s not talk about that right now. Let’s talk about the L-word you just said.”

  I take a deep breath and let it out. “Okay, so I may have been a little overexcited. I don’t love the guy. But I really, really like him a lot.”

  “Did you have sex with him?”

  “Yes. Many times. And it just keeps gets better and better. It’s the best I’ve ever had by a mile.”

  “I’m happy for you. I really am.”

  I sense something in her tone that notches my excitement level down a bit. “Why do I not believe you?”

  “I may be just a tiny bit worried at how fast you’re moving with this guy. I’m not judging . . . you know I like having sex as much as the next girl. And our mothers raised us not to be uptight about that kind of thing . . . But it’s only been three days.”

  “I know. Believe me, my common sense has been lecturing me all day and night for those three days. But I can’t change how I feel. And I can’t change how he makes me feel whenever he’s around.”

  Em’s tone goes philosophical. “Do you think it’s in our DNA?”

  “What do you mean?”

  “This attraction we have for musical people. I mean, our mothers basically put their lives on hold for two whole years following the band around. Do you think you’re going to do that too?”

  I shake my head even though she can’t see me. “No. No way. I don’t want that kind of life. I’m coming back to the farm in two weeks.” I nod over and over, hoping it will help me to convince myself. The problem is, when I picture myself going back and living my old routine again, it makes me want to cry.

  “Even though you really, really like this guy?” Em asks.

  “Yes. My life is not in New York.” Saying it makes my heart feel heavy. It literally hurts.

  “Okay. Whatever you say. So . . . what else is going on, besides all that red-hot sex you’re having?”

  “Well, I had a really good first day. And today is the day I bring them to get their haircuts.”

  “We’re saying goodbye to the mullets?”

  “Yes. Forever and always. The mullets shall be banished to hell where they belong.”

  “Good for you. What else is on the menu?”

  “Wardrobe changes.”

  “Out with the old and in with the new?”

  “Kind of. I’m using Jon Bon Jovi as my model.”

  There are a few seconds of silence before she responds. “I can see that. That could work.”

  “Yeah, I thought so.”

  “So, you’re officially an employee of the band. What does the manager think about that?”

  “He is apparently on a long vacation while they’re in the studio, so I don’t even know if he’s aware of it.”

  “I hope he doesn’t get upset and think you’re stepping on his toes.”

  “I’ll be long gone before that can happen.” Again, the idea of leaving makes me way too sad. But I’m not going to deal with that right now. Nothing has changed, even though I’m loving this time I’ve been spending with Ty. Two weeks. That’s it. After that I am gone. I force down the urge to hyperventilate.

  “I wish you could talk to Rose, but she’s not here.”

  “Isn’t it a little early for her to be at the clinic?”

  Em sounds mad now. “Somebody dumped a box of puppies at our door, so she had to go over earlier than she’d planned.”

  I hiss in disgust. “What kind of asshole does something like that?” I don’t know why I bother to get enraged over it; it’s not the first time it’s happened and it won’t be the last. And Rose always says she’d rather they do that than worse things.

  Em answers, “I guess somebody who doesn’t want the puppies but is also nice enough not to drown them in a lake.”

  “You have a point. Anybody who gives their puppies to Rose knows that she’s going to take good care of them and find them loving homes.”

  “Yep. Listen, I’d better go. Are there any messages you want me to pass on to anyone?”

  “Just tell the moms that I said hi and that I’m doing fine and they shouldn’t worry. And give Rose an extra-big hug for me. Tell her I wish I were there to help her with the puppies.” Imagining myself being gone for good in the context of Rose’s clinic makes me feel guilty. I help her a lot there, and if I don’t go back soon, she’ll struggle to do everything with fewer hands.

  “I will,” Em says. “Be safe, okay? Take care of yourself. I’m sad that I’m not there to watch you do your thing. I’ll bet you’re amazing at it.”

  My heart feels like it has a cramp in it. I miss my sister so much. “I will. I promise. Wish you were here too . . . Feel free to come anytime.”

  “No, thanks. I’m happy to leave all the hard work to you.” She giggles. “Love you! Bye!”

  “Bye.” The call disconnects.

  I slowly pull the sheets back and sit on the edge of the bed, contemplating the day ahead. I’m going to put my worries to the side and focus on the band. They’re paying me to do this job, and I want to get it right.

  First things first: I need a shower. Then I’m going to grab some breakfast downstairs and head over to the studio. And if Ty needs me to, I’ll do my best to help him locate his brother. Maybe getting some younger blood into the music-writing part of the band’s business is exactly what the doctor ordered. I cross my fingers and send a prayer up into the sky that Red won’t be offended by the idea.

  CHAPTER FORTY

  I enjoy watching the band jamming together more than I thought I would. Time just flies by. Before I know it, we’re ordering dinner in and sitting down to enjoy pizza and beer together.

  “I thought that went pretty well,” I say to the group, biting into my slice of pepperoni. It’s delicious—cheesy and hot.

  “It’s a little rough, but we’ll get there,” says Paul.

  “We might get one song out of it,” Red says, not sounding as positive.

  Ty clears his throat. “What would you guys think about bringing in a songwriter?”

  Cash, Paul, and Mooch glance at one
another before turning their attention to Red. Everyone waits silently for his response.

  “Who did you have in mind?” He stops eating his pizza and stares at Ty. I would hate to have him look at me like that; he doesn’t seem exactly thrilled about the idea.

  “Maybe my brother. If I can find him.”

  “Where is he?” asks Mooch.

  “I don’t know. He moved out of my parents’ place a few years back, and I lost track of him. I think he’s still in Philadelphia.”

  “If he’s in the music business, it won’t be difficult to find him,” says Paul. “Have you done a search on the Net yet?”

  “No.” Ty keeps eating his pizza like it isn’t a big deal to be talking about finding his missing brother.

  I know for a fact that Ty could have done a search for Sam on his telephone, because I’ve seen him on there hunting down other things before. It’s very telling that he hasn’t bothered to do it yet. What is he afraid of?

  “What’s his first name?” Mooch asks, pulling his cell out of his back pocket.

  “Sam.” Ty puts his plate with a half-eaten slice of pizza on it down on the table, rubbing his hands on his legs. He’s nervous. I’d love to go hug him to make him feel better, but I’m pretty sure he’d want to kill me for doing that in front of the guys. And since I want to have sex with him later tonight, it’s probably better that he not want to kill me.

  We all stare at Mooch as he presses buttons on his phone. “Looks like he’s in LA. I don’t see him performing anywhere, though.”

  “No, he doesn’t perform. That’s not his thing.”

  After seeing Ty onstage, I find this hard to believe. Ty is a natural; it’s in his blood. And I know that Sam grew up playing right alongside him. I wonder why he doesn’t perform onstage. Maybe he’s shy like my sister Em.

  “I don’t mind you giving him a call,” Red says. “And if he wants to come over here and jam with us a little bit, he’s welcome. But I’m not making any promises.” He looks at the other members of the band, and they all stare at one another with the strangest expressions on their faces. Nobody actually says anything, though.

  I put my pizza down. “What’s going on?” I look from one face to the other, wondering who’s going to answer my question.

  Mooch shoves a giant bite of pizza into his mouth, shrugging. I think he’s trying to come off as innocent, but he couldn’t look guiltier if he tried.

  “Nothing’s going on. We’re all cool,” Red says, smiling, thinking I won’t notice that he’s faking it.

  Cash puts his plate down on the table and gets up, walking back into the booth. He shuts the door behind him, and very soon thereafter we hear the sounds of a guitar coming through the door. This tells me more than Mooch’s innocent act ever could.

  “There’s definitely something going on here, and the fact that you’re hiding it is not cool.” I glare at Red, since he’s the ringmaster here. “What is it that you’re not telling me? If you don’t want to share it with me, that’s fine. But you need to bring Ty in on it. You agreed.”

  Red slowly chews his pizza, the expression on his face mutinous. He wants to deny me, but then he looks over at Paul, who lifts his eyebrow at his bandmate, silently challenging him.

  Red throws his plate of pizza onto the coffee table and looks away, his expression twisting into something angry. He punches his leg with his fist. “God dammit.”

  I glance at Ty, but he’s just as confused as I am.

  “There’s some stuff going on,” Paul says.

  “Yeah,” I say sarcastically. “I got that.” I scold him as best I can with my eyes.

  I turn my attention to Red. “Tell me what’s going on. I signed your NDA. I’m not going to tell anybody anything.”

  I’ve finally got Red’s attention. He looks up at me sharply. “Why would you say that?”

  I shrug. “I just figured that it must be a big secret or you wouldn’t be getting so upset about it. And there’s already some woman from a newspaper bothering me, so I wanted you to know that I’m not going to do anything to screw things up for you. Your secrets are safe with me.”

  “She’s not from a newspaper,” Ty says. “She’s from OMG. An online rag.”

  “Fucking vultures,” Red says, hissing out a sigh of annoyance.

  “Don’t worry about her. I can handle her,” I say. “But what’s going on? Tell us and maybe we can help.”

  “The only one who can help us is Lister,” Paul says. He stands and walks over to the booth, looking through the window at Cash and tapping on the glass to get his attention. The music stops and he comes out.

  “Amber wants to know about Darrell,” Paul says.

  “Are we really going to do this?” Red asks. He sounds tired all of a sudden.

  “I think it’s better if she knows everything,” Paul says.

  “Forewarned is forearmed,” Mooch adds.

  Forearmed? “I’m not sure I like the sound of that.” I fold my arms over my chest. It feels like the temperature in the room has dropped several degrees.

  “There’s nothing you need to worry about,” Red says to me with his hands pressed together. “We’re taking care of everything.”

  “Forgive me if that doesn’t make me feel any better.” I’m slowly losing my temper. They’re hiding something from me, and everyone but Red thinks I should know what it is. I don’t like being patronized, and that’s what this feels like.

  “Just tell her, Red. Get it over with.” Now Cash sounds annoyed.

  Red leans back on the couch, resting his hands on his thighs. “Darrell was with the band back in the beginning. We were friends in high school.”

  A lightbulb goes on in my head. “Ohhh, I remember. He was with you for your first album.”

  “Yes. But then we had differences of opinion about some things, and decided to part ways.”

  “More specifically, we got into a big argument with him about your mothers,” Mooch says.

  I’m not sure I’m hearing him correctly so I sit there and replay what he said in my mind. Yep. I definitely heard that right. “My mothers?”

  “Yes,” Cash confirms. “It was about your mothers and them being with us on tour.”

  “What was the argument about specifically?” I am completely and totally fascinated now. All-in. I had no idea this had anything to do with me and my life. I feel like I’m on the cusp of getting some answers to questions I’ve had for a long time.

  Red takes over the explanation. “Your mothers had been traveling with us for going on two years at this point. Everything was cool. Then they started acting a little cagey, and we couldn’t figure out what was going on.”

  “Cagey?”

  “They just didn’t seem to be into the partying as much,” Cash says. “At the time, it felt like they weren’t into the scene anymore. Looking back, of course, we realize it was something entirely different. But things were going really great for two years and then . . . suddenly . . . they weren’t going great anymore.”

  Now I get it. “Because they got pregnant.” My heart goes cold. This is the story titled: The Beginning of the End of My Mothers’ Lives as They Knew Them. The part where my mothers’ hearts got broken, and my sisters and I got left behind. I’m not sure I’m ready to hear it, but Red is already talking again.

  “Yes, but at the time we had no idea that that’s what was going on.” Red rubs his hands together, massaging his knuckles. “We were in the dark about what was happening behind the scenes, but we were also really busy. We were writing a lot of music, we were touring nonstop, and we had constant attention on us, coming from all directions.”

  “From our label, from fans, from inside the band.” Mooch is shaking his head. “It was pretty awful, actually. We didn’t know what hit us. We were still new to the attention.”

  “So what does Darrell have to do with any of this?” I ask.

  “He was giving us a hard time about all the women hanging around. He thought they were a b
ad influence,” Cash says.

  “He thought my mothers were a bad influence?” I could use a lot of words to describe the women who raised me, but bad influence would never fit.

  “He thought they were a distraction from the music,” Mooch clarifies. “But we told him at the time—and we still believe—that they were great for us. They helped us de-stress. With them around to lighten the mood, we never had to take ourselves or anything we were doing too seriously.” Mooch looks over at Red. “They were like our haven from all the craziness.”

  Red is nodding his agreement. “They were. And then we lost them.” I hear the pain in his words, and I feel it inside my chest, too.

  “I don’t understand how it all happened. Explain it to me.” My heart is beating rapidly. Will they answer me? Will they explain what happened all those years ago? Do I really want to hear this story? I fear it will shatter some beliefs I’ve held as truths for way too long.

  Ty walks over and drapes his arm across my shoulders, silently giving me his support.

  “Are you asking how it worked out that your mothers left and you never saw us?” Red is staring right at me. He is offering me exactly what I thought I wanted. Do I still want that? Am I ready to hear something I may not like?

  “Yes. I’m asking.”

  Red looks at his bandmates. “Are we sure we want to go here?”

  Paul nods.

  “The truth shall set you free,” Cash says. He has tears in his eyes.

  “Like a Band-Aid, man,” Mooch says. “Rip that sucker off.”

  Red faces me again. “Fine. You want to know the story? I’ll tell it to you.”

  CHAPTER FORTY-ONE

  Like I said, everything was going great and then it wasn’t,” Red explains. “The four of us—Mooch, Cash, Keith, and I—were trying to hold things together. But Darrell was fighting us on it. He kept telling us we needed to cut the dead wood and focus on the music.”

  “He was jealous,” Cash says. “He wasn’t getting the attention from the girls that some of us were, and it made him angry.”