Don't Just Speak Love

  * * * *

  When I woke, I had no idea how long I’d been asleep, but I didn’t care. All feelings had gone, and the only thing left in me was...nothingness. In another corner, my iPhone was beeping, but I ignored it, hoping the world would leave me alone. I lay on the floor, staring vacuously ahead.

  I must have fallen asleep again because I was woken abruptly by a noise in my room. Alarmed, I sat bolt upright to investigate the sound, and two people came into focus—Sasuke and Sir Albion.

  Sir Albion had his back to me while Sasuke picked up one of the hoodies on the floor and walked quickly toward me. I backed away as he got closer. After the trauma of last night, I’d clearly developed a subconscious sensitivity to testosterone. He passed me the clothing, and I stared at it for a moment, wondering what it was for.

  “Put it on,” he said when I did nothing, and I remembered the current state of my shirt. Quickly, I slipped my arms into the hoodie and pulled it on.

  “What happened?” asked Sasuke as he lowered himself onto the floor in front of me, his intent—and anxious?—eyes searching my face.

  I didn’t know what to say, so I said nothing.

  “Sasuke.” Sir Albion spoke up all of a sudden. “Training is cancelled today. Look after her for now. Update me again.”

  Sasuke gave a slight nod, and Sir Albion zapped off.

  “Did somebody hurt you?” Sasuke tried to get me talking again, very gently this time. “You can tell me anything. I promise I won’t tell anyone if you don’t want me to.”

  Something in his voice made me crack up and tears formed in my eyes, but I refused to let them roll. I looked up at the ceiling.

  “Do you want to talk?” he asked, tentatively.

  Still straining to hold back tears, I shook my head, careful to keep my movements slow. I didn’t know how, but Sasuke’s presence was sending all my emotions tumbling back.

  “Okay. Do you want me to stay?”

  “Okay,” I whispered, and he moved to sit next to me.

  For a long time, we sat in comfortable and soothing silence. Sasuke didn’t push me to explain anything, but eventually, when I thought I’d calmed down enough, I opened up.

  “My dad,” I croaked, and Sasuke immediately whirled around to look at me. “He was drunk. He mistook me for my mum. He didn’t do anything more than rip my shirt and hit me with his belt, but I still won’t forgive him.” My vision was blurred. I thought I’d regained control over my emotions, but apparently, I hadn’t.

  Sasuke grabbed my hands, his wide, horrified eyes looking me over. “Are you hurt?”

  I was okay now, but when I saw the concern all over his face, a tear nearly escaped me. Hastily, I forced it back and broke our gaze; I was sure I would start crying if I didn’t. “You told me I’m too negative. You told me the world isn’t as horrible as I think, but the truth is—I’m not, because the world is every bit as horrible as I think it—”

  Sasuke let go of my hands and, surprising me, threw his arms around me. Frozen to the spot, I even forgot to breathe. “I’ll show you it isn’t all bad.” He wrapped me tighter, so tightly I could feel his heartbeat—the solid, steady thumping in his chest that was...strangely calming. “Trust me. I can’t promise there wouldn’t be bad times at all, but from now on, I’ll make sure your world is as beautiful as it can be.”

  Feeling secure in his embrace, I allowed myself a minute to indulge in the perfect fantasy he’d created for me before pulling away from him. To my surprise, I found myself asking in a small voice, “Do you like me?”

  “Do you like me?” He dumped my question back in my face.

  “I asked first,” I insisted, slightly distracted by the warmth of his body. His arm was touching mine—skin to skin—and I hadn’t known I’d been so cold until now.

  “I adore you,” he said without hesitation, and I immediately lost what little control I’d gained over my tear glands.

  I felt like I was on top of the world in spite of everything that had just happened. However, I quickly toned the feeling down because I of all people should have known that good things didn’t last. That was the reality.

  That being said, there were still several things I couldn’t help but want to find out. “What makes you so sure?” I asked as Sasuke delicately wiped my tears away with his soft hands. It was the first time I had someone doing that for me, and more tears fell as I drank in the blatant concern on Sasuke’s face. This feeling...the feeling of his tender touch...it made me vulnerable, it made me want to pour out all the anguish I’d swallowed in these seven years.

  “I couldn’t sure at first…” Sasuke considered briefly. “…but gradually, I started to realise that something about you is different, very different...very...special.” My heart missed a beat, and I felt a sudden surge of joy. “And now, I know I do. There are so many reasons for it, listing them all would take a long time.” He paused, his blazing eyes searching mine. I stared back eagerly, and he continued, “One thing is sure, there’s absolutely no way to keep you off my mind. I’ve never felt this way about anyone before. You just...overwhelm me. You have no idea how awful it felt when we weren’t talking. It was like something important was missing.”

  “No,” I said, taking Sasuke aback. His eyes were large with surprise. “I know exactly how it felt because I felt the same.” The bemused look on his face transformed into an all-out smile—Sasuke’s signature easy grin...the one whose indescribable effect on me, I realised, was something no one else could do.

  “My dad told me once that boys have a tendency to like girls who resemble their mums,” he said, still smiling. “And you certainly do.”

  “How do I resemble her?” I asked curiously.

  “Your independence, your braveness—you and my mum are such strong women, I truly respect that courage. You’re also one of the most genuine people I’ve met, never bothering to portray yourself in a way you’re not.”

  I didn’t know how to react to the compliment so I looked away, elated but slightly embarrassed as well. In fact, I didn’t think I was that strong a person. I was constantly afraid, frightened of a million things—both trivial and grave. “I’m not as strong as you think,” I said quietly. “I’m a bit of a loser, to be honest.” Then, in a weak effort to make my previous comment sound more casual, I tried playing it off as a joke. “If you meant I’m strong in this manner,” I gave my biceps, which were rather toned after all that physical training with Sir Albion, a light flex, “then I guess I am.”

  He was unsmiling, regarding me with a sidelong glance that was hard to interpret. “You get hurt, but you always push yourself forward. You never give up. It’s okay to feel terrible, everyone feels terrible when terrible things happen. There’s no need to beat yourself up for being normal.”

  I stared at him, feeling seriously good about myself for the first time in my life. He was right. Life wasn’t all bad. Plenty of unpleasant things had happened to me, but there were good things, too. Knowing Sasuke was definitely one of them—probably the best of them.

  “And actually, there’s another uncanny resemblance…” he trailed off, like he was reluctant to continue.

  I kept my gaze on him expectantly. Now that he’d gotten my interest piqued, there was no way I would go without finding out. “Tell me.”

  “Well...if you insist...the ways you and my mum tell people off are exactly the same.”

  I laughed. “That’s it?”

  He grinned at me lopsidedly. “Yep.”

  “The only person I really argue with is you,” I said indignantly.

  His grin grew wider. “I suppose I am to feel honoured?”

  I laughed again, but his expression suddenly turned serious.

  “It’s your turn,” he said stiffly. “Do you…you know…happen to like me too?”

  Feeling my face warm, I turned away quickly, groping for the words to express how I felt about him. I didn’t know he was taking it as a sign of rejection until he spoke again.

&
nbsp; “Don’t worry, it’s okay if you don’t—”

  “No!” I exclaimed and immediately turned red for overreacting. I went on softly, “I mean, that’s not it. I do like you—very much—but I can’t be sure... Love is...something that I’ve never known...I’m not sure how it’s supposed to feel…” I sneaked a look at Sasuke to check on his response, meeting his pretty black eyes in the process. It was the most amazing pair of eyes I’d ever looked into—even more amazing than Archangel Israfel’s ethereal one.

  Sasuke closed his eyes and leaned in. I knew what was about to happen, and to my surprise, I didn’t move away in fear or shock, but stayed and anticipated with a racing heartbeat. I closed my eyes, too, as our lips connected, and my heart burst with happiness. I’d never thought I would have a first kiss and I definitely never thought it would feel so blissful.

  When our lips finally found themselves apart, I rested my head on his chest. He put an arm around my shoulders fluidly, his other hand—big and gentle, with long fingers calloused from years of drumming—holding mine. Beside him, I felt so warm, so safe, so...protected. There was nothing stressful to worry about, nothing demanding to take on, nothing intimidating to face alone. He was with me. Sasuke was here with me. And I wouldn’t have minded staying this way forever.

  “That was my first kiss,” I divulged, feeling marvelled yet surreal at the same time I said those words I hadn’t once thought I would say. “I never thought I would have one.”

  Now, I got it. I was content, and love, probably, felt like this.

  “That was my first, too.” His lips curled into a broad, contagious smile as I tipped my head back, gazing up at him. “Averie, can I ask you something?”

  “Hmm?” I said, noticing for the first time how nice he smelled—a crisp, natural scent; no cologne, no deodorant, just a hint of cool menthol shower gel and the rest was all him, all Sasuke. The way he smelled...it was comforting and, somehow, made me at ease.

  “What do you like most about me?” he asked, his hot breath brushing against my hair.

  I didn’t even have to think about it. “Your kindness.”

  “You once said I’m too nice for my own good,” he reminded me gently.

  “I’ve changed my mind. I want to believe what you believe in,” I told him, meaning every word. The way he looked at the world was so positive, so hopeful. I wanted to see it that way, too. I needed to change. I didn’t want to continue feeling negative and fearful about the world.

  He kissed me again, this time lightly on my forehead.

  I smiled then pointed at Sasuke’s watch. “What time is it now?”

  He showed me his watch, but answered my question nevertheless. “Almost four o’clock. Are you feeling okay now?”

  Was he leaving? I shook the thought off the moment it shot into my mind. I didn’t want to cling to him. He always seemed so busy. Maybe he needed to work on homework or a project or something.

  “Yes, I’m fine now,” I told him thickly, trying not to show any reluctance as I started to sit up straight and pull my hand from his, but he snatched it back immediately.

  “Feeling okay enough to go somewhere with me?” he asked.

  Heart singing, I agreed. I wondered where we would be going this time.

  He zapped us off, taking us into his hostel room. We weren’t going to stay here, I realised when he opened the door then turned back around to say with a radiant smile, “Let’s go.”

  We managed to slip away from the boys’ side of the hostel and into the common lobby without bumping into anyone. Going down six storeys, we walked side by side without saying anything as we headed into the main school building. He led the way to an area of the school I hadn’t been to before, stopping in front a room labelled “Music Lab II.” He went into the room and flipped on the lights and air-conditioning. I followed him in.

  The room was filled with musical instruments. He walked to the back of the room, straight to the only set of drums. Sitting down before the drums, he picked up a pair of drumsticks and thumped out an uplifting tune. When he finished, he looked up at me and explained, “I play the drums every night. That’s how I keep sane. That’s how I calm myself down when unpleasant things happen. Riding Susumi is also good, but I can’t get to the stables every day, so this is still the best way to de-stress. Come here and try it.” He got off the stool, passed the stick in his left hand to his right, and motioned me forward with his free hand. “Nobody will hear a thing. This room is soundproof. So just hit the drums as hard as you can. You’ll feel better, I promise.” He held the drumsticks out.

  I stepped up to him and took them, eager to try my hands at the drums, though I was still a little hesitant. “I don’t know how to play any instruments.”

  He scratched his chin. “It probably isn’t too healthy,” he mused, “but just pretend you’re hitting the people who are pissing you off.”

  I could so do that. There were so many people I wanted to beat up—Dad, and Mum, and Ms. Psychotic, and Acacia, and the list went on.

  True to Sasuke’s words, I felt a whole lot better after the drumming session. I sounded atrocious, of course, but Sasuke bore with it, allowing me to take all my anger out at once. As a bonus, I even got to hear Sasuke sing a short demo of his new single. His buttery voice sounded absolutely fantastic. He then took me out to dinner. I had the tastiest meal of my life and shared the most unforgettable cup of ice cream with him.

  Today was the best day of my life. Yesterday had been the worst.

  What a contrast.

  When he finally took me home, it was 7.30 PM. I loved his company, but he had to have other things to do so I didn’t want to keep him any longer. “Sasuke, thank you so much…for everything.”

  “Don’t worry about it. Go have a hot bath and a good rest. If you need anything, call me.” He held my gaze, lingering and not saying goodbye as I’d thought he would. “And you sure you’ll be fine by yourself?”

  I nodded then grabbed a fresh towel from my wardrobe and, smiling unreservedly at my favourite person in the world, prompted, “You should get going. Get some rest too. See you in school tomorrow.”

  He smiled so widely, his eyes formed two upward arches. “See you.”

  After he’d left, I had a long, hot shower. When I finally came out, I didn’t feel like sleeping after having slept so much already, so I decided to do something I hadn’t done in years—tidy my room.

  First, I picked every piece of clothing up off the floor and tossed them in the washing machine in the bathroom. Then, I threw away the rubbish before clearing the floor of objects and putting them back where they were supposed to be—books on shelves, stationary in the stationary holder, bags and shoes in the cupboard. Last of all, I turned to my double bed to make it for the first time in my life. I’d just started pulling at the covers when the doorbell rang.

  My mood plummeted to rock bottom at once. My father wasn’t home yet, so it had to be policemen sending my father home in his drunken stupor. At first I just stood there—not wanting to move—but the doorbell kept ringing. Irascibly, I dragged my feet to the first level to get the door.

  When I opened the front door, I saw somebody at the gates, diligently pressing the doorbell, but it wasn’t the police. Even after all this time, I knew her. I would’ve recognised her anywhere. It was my mother.