It's All Relative

  Closing his eyes for a second, his arms did wrap around her then. Jessie closed her own, her body finally getting what it was craving. Her heart and mind weren’t as thrilled, however. She couldn’t have him like this. It would only hurt them more to let it continue. Even still, she couldn’t make herself pull away.

  Into her hair, he muttered, “I’m sorry. You shouldn’t have to hear about it. I wish I could tell her to not say anything to you, but she wouldn’t understand why… I’m so sorry.”

  With the ache in his voice, Jessie finally pulled away, but just to look up into his eyes. She left his arms wrapped around her, and was a little surprised to find that her arms had slinked around his neck; she didn’t remember doing that. “You don’t need to apologize to me, Kai.” She shrugged and looked away. “You didn’t do anything wrong.”

  His head came down to touch hers, their foreheads resting together. Gently rocking his head, he whispered, “I feel like I’m doing something wrong. I feel like I’m…betraying you.”

  Jessie pulled her head away, surprised that he would feel that strongly about it. Tears stung her eyes. He shouldn’t. He shouldn’t feel guilty about seeing someone, not when the two of them were only family. That’s all they could be, she didn’t want him to forever feel guilty for doing the right thing.

  She brought a hand to his cheek as he averted his eyes from her. “You’re not betraying me, Kai. You’re doing what I asked. You’re doing the right thing.” His eyes hesitantly came back to hers, his arms around her tightening fractionally. Jessie swallowed, and said what she didn’t really feel. “You should keep pursuing this with April. The two of you could be great together.” Stroking his face with her thumb, she added in a whisper, “This thing between you and me…will pass.”

  Kai closed his eyes and swallowed, like he really hadn’t wanted to hear that. Jessie felt the same; she hadn’t wanted to say it. She wanted to tell him to never see April again. She wanted to tell him that they could run away, be ostracized from their families and from a large portion of society, and find a way to be together. But even then, the thought of knowingly being with her cousin…made Jessie ill. She couldn’t. As right as it felt, it still made her feel sick.

  Kai opened his eyes, but kept them down, looking at the inch or so between their bodies. “You still shouldn’t have to hear about it, and I’m sorry for that.”

  Hating where her thoughts had been, hating where she could feel them going, she stepped into Kai’s embrace, closing every gap between them. Sighing into his ear, she ran a hand through his hair. Her voice trembling, she breathed, “It’s okay. I like April. I like…you. I want you both to be happy.” He exhaled heavily and nodded, his face buried in her shoulder. Idly, Jessie wondered if this was making any of them happy.

  After a long, silent moment, they pulled apart from each other. As their arms fell off of each other’s bodies, their fingers disconnecting last, Jessie felt her heart crack. Staring at each other, Kai finally broke their silence. “What about you? Shouldn’t you be happy?”

  His eyes searched hers and she shrugged; his happiness mattered more to her anyway. Frowning at her answer, he shook his head. “Maybe you should start seeing someone too. I mean, you shouldn’t have to be alone…through this. Maybe that would make this easier…for both of us.”

  Looking away from her, his face seemed torn over the idea of her being with someone else. Jessie really didn’t want to think about herself with someone else either. She just couldn’t see anyone who could live up to the man before her. But she shouldn’t think that, and she definitely couldn’t tell Kai that.

  She shrugged, even though he couldn’t see it, his eyes still on the floor. “Who would I go out with, Kai?” He peeked his eyes up at her, his face a little disbelieving. Maybe he thought she had a little black book tucked away with pages and pages of men eagerly waiting for a phone call from her? She let out a soft chuckle at how untrue that was. “You have any roommates I don’t know about?”

  Smiling a little, he shook his head. Leaning back on the counter behind him, he said, “No…the one perk of having a studio apartment.”

  Jessie smiled at seeing his slight grin. Without thinking, she rolled her eyes and muttered, “I suppose I could call up Jeremy.” She grimaced, knowing that the horn dog probably would take her back, as long as he got some.

  “No!”

  Jessie blinked at Kai’s reaction. He straightened, his eyes hard as he shook his head. Reaching out a hand, he clutched her fingers. With a softer voice he said, “No, don’t lower yourself for that douche, Jessie. You’re too good for him.” By the tone in his voice, it was painfully clear that he thought Jessie was too good for anyone…except, maybe him.

  She sighed as his thumb stroked the back of her hand. Feeling that tension building again, Kai cracked a small smile and added, “You could always start seeing Harmony?” His smile widened as his fingers interlaced with hers.

  Jessie grinned and laughed at his comment. Feeling the last of her nerves disappear and a warmth flow in behind it, she gazed at him, admired him, and cared for him, in the only way their relationship would allow…from a distance. “Cute.”

  “Oh, Jessica Marie, you’re here to check on me too, I see.”

  Shock flew up Jessie’s spine and she twitched, turning her head to see her elderly grandmother waddle into the door. Jessie and Kai simultaneously dropped each other’s hands and stepped even farther than the couple feet apart that they’d been standing. Slapping on a warm smile, her heart racing, Jessie walked over to help her through the door. “Morning, Grams. How are you feeling?”

  The old woman snorted, shifting her gaze from Kai standing back against the counter, to Jessie forcing her arm securely around hers. “I’m fine. Besides feeling a little smothered by the two of you worrywarts, I’m perfect.”

  She narrowed her eyes at the two of them, her wrinkled brow looking suspicious. “Everything alright here?”

  Jessie swallowed, biting back the flare-up of terror building in her body. Her grandmother could not know about them. Free spirited or not, she would surely have a problem with her grandchildren lusting for each other. “Of course, Grams. Kai and I were just…going over his date with April.”

  Jessie cringed right after the words left her lips. Why the hell did she just give her grandmother that opening? As the sprightly woman jumped all over it, wanting to hear all about the woman she was sure was going to be the future Mrs. Kai Harper, a thought that soured Jessie’s stomach, Kai gave Jessie a disbelieving look too.

  Sighing, she rolled her eyes. She couldn’t help it if Kai and April were forefront on her mind. And now that Grams only wanted to talk about it, thanks to her, it was forefront on everyone’s mind for the rest of the afternoon.

  Just as Kai and Jessie were headed out for the evening, saying their goodbyes to their grandmother, Kai’s phone started chirping. Pulling it from his coat pocket, he glanced at the number, silenced it, and put it back in his pocket. Jessie cringed, knowing who had just called him.

  While he walked with her to her truck, she asked him about it. “April called?”

  Sighing, he slowed at the front of her truck. Resting his hand on the hood, he studiously watched his fingers circle a ding in the paint. “Yeah, I didn’t want to answer it with you…”

  Jessie sighed too. “It’s okay…to talk to her in front of me. She was probably calling to set up another date. She’s anxious to see you again.”

  Kai startled and looked back at her. “Really? I didn’t think she had the best time.” He looked away, scrunching his face, like he hadn’t meant to bring up the date again.

  Jessie frowned, remembering April at the table this morning going over and over the part she had liked. “Some of it…appealed to her,” she whispered. Twisting back to her again, Kai looked about to start apologizing again. Not letting him even start, Jessie spoke first, “You’re seeing her now, you’ll need to talk to her, and if you and I are going to still hang out, then you
should feel free to do that in front of me.”

  Kai slowly let his breath out as he studied her face. “It feels…disrespectful,” he whispered.

  Jessie’s heart started hammering at the look on his face, but she pushed it back, forcing herself to say the words that needed to be said, no matter how much they hurt. “It’s not disrespectful to talk to the woman that you’re dating. And you and I aren’t…anything.”

  His hand came up to cup her cheek. He muttered something under his breath that almost sounded like, “Aren’t we?”

  He drew closer to her and she drew closer to him. Within a foot of each other, her heart nearly leaping from her chest, her breath fast and shaky, she tried to look anywhere but his lips. But she couldn’t. They were slightly parted, the breath flowing from them fast and ragged as well, and they pulled all of her attention. They were the most inviting pair of lips she’d ever seen.

  They were nearly on hers when they suddenly shifted to her cheek. She gasped, inhaling quickly, relishing the heat and hating it at the same time. It wasn’t what she wanted, but it was more appropriate than where her thoughts had been.

  Needing to leave, his lips still touching her face, she breathily whispered, “Goodnight…cousin.” Then she opened her truck door and left her grandmother’s house as quickly as her truck would allow her, without even waiting for a response from him.

  After that, Kai listened to Jessie, and answered all of the phone calls he got from April. That was when Jessie started to notice something about her good friend that she hadn’t really noticed before. She liked to talk on the phone…a lot.

  When Jessie had gone to the store and found an unbelievable ‘buy one, get two free’ deal on Kai’s favorite canned meat, she’d snagged a bunch for him. Later that evening when she’d gone to his place to drop it off, he’d been on the phone with April as he opened the door. He’d given her an apologetic smile and had tried to get off the phone with the chatty girl. It had taken him three tries to successfully disengage from the conversation.

  When Jessie was at home, watching a little mindless TV, April would be sitting beside her on the couch, laughing on the phone, obviously talking with Kai. Jessie bit her cheek as she watched her friend twirl a strand of her hair, subconsciously flirting with a man who couldn’t even see her. But phone calls were pretty much all April got from Kai that week after their first date.

  Since Kai was busy with work and Grams, they weren’t seeing each other again until Saturday night. April wasn’t thrilled about their dates being a week apart; she was a little anxious to speed up their relationship. But Kai seemed content with the slow pace. Jessie found it interesting that even though his work did keep him out late during the week sometimes, and even though a lot of his free time was spent at Gram’s house, Kai always made time to see Jessie.

  They met up at Gram’s house to jointly watch a movie with her a couple of times. On the second night, Grams glanced at where they were sitting on the couch, a respectable distance between each other. Smirking, she asked, “Kai, dear, shouldn’t you spend a little time with your girlfriend, instead of always hanging around a couple of Harper girls?”

  Both of them cringed slightly, but Kai shrugged as he looked over at Grams. “April and I are just casual right now, Gran.” Looking over at Jessie, he softly added, “Besides, I like spending my free time with Harper girls.”

  Those words passing his lips had warmed Jessie considerably.

  In the middle of the week, he called Jessie and asked her if she wanted to go exploring the city with him. Getting home right around the time she’d gotten off work, he met her at the clinic’s parking lot, a huge, adventurous smile on his face. Laughing at his enthusiasm, Jessie hopped on his bike and proceeded to show him the numerous beauties that her city had to offer.

  They drove past Denver Museum of Nature and Science, a beautiful building that Jessie thought Kai would appreciate, even if it was closed. Clearly delighted, he was eager to go back when it was open. She showed him the Botanical Gardens, the Art Museum, and Coors Field. Grinning ear to ear, Kai made her promise to take him to a baseball game in the summer. Laughingly, they started making future weekend plans to visit all of the places they were driving past. Jessie was beginning to look forward to weekends again, knowing that she would get at least a little of his time.

  Since it was the last week it would be open for the season, they ended up spending the bulk of the night at Elitch Gardens Theme Park. They played the games and tried out all of the different rides, right up until the place closed, even lingering on the grounds until someone escorted them out. They just hadn’t wanted the evening to stop.

  Jessie woke up exhausted the next day, but exhilarated too. It had been an amazing evening for both of them. But upon seeing April’s face at the breakfast table, a little glum as she checked her phone for messages that weren’t there, Jessie felt really guilty too. Running around the city with him, holding hands and laughing, wasn’t exactly helping him have a relationship with April.

  Jessie cringed as she considered that their night had almost been a date. It wasn’t, she was only showing her cousin around town, but thinking back to them sharing long looks and him constantly brushing a stray curl out of her face…well, that hadn’t been quite so cousinly. And as much as she enjoyed their time spent together, that underlying tension was always there between them. That hunger and passion that they both struggled to push back.

  April did unknowingly diffuse it at times. She’d call right as they were gazing at each other a little too long. She’d text him right as he was cupping her cheek. And late Friday night, when they’d been sitting on his bed side-by-side, watching an old black and white movie, April had inadvertently stopped them from caving into that tension.

  Kai was staring at her and she was staring at him, the movie in the background playing some melodramatic scene that Jessie wasn’t even listening to. She was only hearing her heart thump in her chest, only feeling her breath pass over her lips. And Kai…she was very aware of him.

  They were sitting with their hips touching, not having started out that way, but over the course of the movie they’d inched together. They were leaning against his headboard and, somehow, his arm had snuck around behind Jessie, his thumb rubbing a circle into her low back. Jessie’s knees were propped up, her hands tightly clutching them to her chest. Mainly out of fear. Because she knew that if she relaxed her grip on her knees, those hands would drift to his face - that beautiful face that was staring down at her, watching her as intently as they’d been watching the movie…at the beginning.

  She sighed as her eyes flicked between his. Jessie wanted nothing more than to feel his lips against her…and not on her cheek this time. She wanted them enclosed over hers. She wanted it more than she’d ever wanted anything, and it still made her ill to want it.

  Kai sighed too, his eyes clearly telling her that he wanted it too. Jessie knew that she had to get up, had to leave him, before the feeling overwhelmed them both. She made a move to stand, but Kai made a move too and she froze. Kai’s move wasn’t to get up. Kai’s move was to lean towards her. Her lips parted as she felt him draw nearer. Her already fast heart dangerously quickened. His breath brushed over her face, light and fast. Achingly slow, he bent towards her.

  Careful to not let any other part of their bodies move, their faces touched. Jessie let a small gasp escape her as their noses, cheeks and foreheads brushed against the other. It was achingly erotic, worse than him just flat-out kissing her, and desire shot right through her, sickeningly igniting her. He hissed in a quick breath, exhaling in a low groan, and Jessie knew he was feeling the ache too. Clenching her hands to her jeans so she wouldn’t grab him and start shucking off his clothes, she moaned lightly as his cheek ran across hers.

  Feeling herself losing control, her breath nearly in pant mode, she moved her face to find his lips. He exhaled raggedly, his face adjusting to find hers as well. When his breath was entering her open mouth, mingling with her
own, and she was positive that they wouldn’t be able to stop this in time, his ear-splittingly loud cell phone broke the building tension in the air.

  Jessie gasped, their lips just brushing together before they both pulled back. Staring at each other with matching expressions of shock and concern, Kai finally twisted around to find his obnoxious phone. Jessie brought her hands to her face as he slapped his over the annoying thing on his nightstand. As he opened the phone, his eyes back on Jessie, she ran her hand through her hair repeatedly. That had been too close, much too close.

  “Yeah?” His voice came out strained and fast, obviously distressed. Swallowing a few times, he closed his eyes and struggled for calm. Minutely he pulled away from Jessie. She did the same. They needed a little space; that was the whole point of him being with April.

  “No, I’m fine…I’m glad you called, April.”

  His eyes opened and he gave Jessie a remorseful face. She looked away, a good dose of guilt now adding to her turmoil. Needing to walk off the remaining tension and desire in her body, she stood up. Kai hugged his knees to his chest as he watched her pace beside the bed.