Banked Fires

  CHAPTER XV

  THE AFTERMATH

  In the early morning, Joyce realised that she was both hungry andthirsty. Her lips were parched, her throat dry, nothing having passedthem since early tea the previous afternoon, and she was at the lowestebb of despondency and depression. Her surroundings helped to increaseher misery, for the ground was a mixture of puddle and slush, and thereseemed no chance of help anywhere. She seemed to have fallen into a deepcrater, and but for a projection of roof that still held firm owing to anetwork of pipal roots, she would have been as drenched as the bricksand mortar with which she was surrounded.

  To add to her alarm, she was all alone. Captain Dalton was nowhere to beseen.

  Though he had behaved horribly the evening before, he had not troubledher since; the tramp of his feet as he paced up and down thecircumscribed space that was left to them of the chamber, being the onlyevidence she had till she dropped off to sleep that she was not withoutcompany. But with the daylight he was gone, and feeling almostpanic-stricken with ghostly fears and loneliness, she called aloud tohim.

  "Captain Dalton!"

  "I'm here," his voice cheerily announced as he emerged from the innerroom which had suffered an equal amount of damage. "See what the godshave sent you!" and he handed her a pipal-leaf cup, full of water todrink.

  It was eagerly seized and gratefully drunk. "Where did you get it from?"

  "That other room is full of branches torn from the roof when it fellin," he returned. "I discovered them by the light of a match and amusedmyself making cups out of the leaves by the light of a few more. Theydon't hold much, but I managed to set a good few to catch the rain dropsas they fell, and that's better than nothing."

  "Have you had any?" she asked politely.

  "I was waiting for you, but I'll take a drink now." He retired and didnot return till she called him again.

  "I wish you would take your coat. You must be so chilled," she ventured."The rug will do for me."

  "Are you quite sure?" he asked and Joyce noticed that his hands wereblue with cold. After putting on his coat he was about to retire againwhen she stopped him wistfully. "Please stay--I feel so frightenedalone."

  "I thought you preferred not to have me around," he said dropping downbeside her.

  For answer she wept into her arms as they rested on her knees.

  "I was beastly, last night, wasn't I--poor little kid," he said ingentler tones than she had ever heard from him. "Can't you have it inyour heart to forgive me?--just wipe it out as though it had neverhappened?"

  "I can forgive you, but--I--could never wipe it out. I feel so degraded.It is like having an ugly stain on a page you had always wanted to keepclean."

  Dalton studied her as something entirely new to his experience. "I havenever in my life met anyone like you. It has been an eye-opener to a manlike me. I didn't understand you all this time. I am just beginning to,now. Tell me frankly your idea."

  "It is nothing extraordinary," she said drying her eyes. "It is onlythat I did not believe a gentleman could treat a decent married girl asyou did me. I wanted to be like brother and sister, and I thought youunderstood. Anything else never entered my head as possible toself-respecting people."

  "And I have spoilt all your pretty illusions!--let down my sex too,rather badly! What don't I deserve! It would relieve my feelings if youslanged me for all you are worth. Believe me, you have done no wrong. Itis only that I see things crookedly, and am just what you called me, an'unspeakable cad.' I should have respected your helplessness. Truly, Ideserve to be shot."

  "I _have_ been very silly, I don't care what you say. But I never canremember I am grown up!" she said pathetically. "Honor told me thatpeople would talk, but I did not believe they had any cause. Now Irealise what they are thinking! and it breaks my heart. They willbelieve I am like Mrs. Fox. She does things that look bad, and peopledespise her. Now they will despise me."

  "Never! they have only to look at you and hear you speak, to see whatyou are."

  "Honor said it was not enough to be good but to avoid doing the thingsthat make people think we are not. Now they are thinking perhaps that Iflirt with you and let you kiss me!" Her face was suffused with crimsonshame. Nothing was so horrible to contemplate as the fact that he hadkissed her! She was stripped of self-respect forever.

  Dalton might have been tempted to smile at her self-accusing attitudehad it not been for her perfect sincerity. He felt overcome withcontrition and longed to atone.

  "You make me infinitely ashamed," he said humbly. "Perhaps if you knewwhat went towards making me such a brute-beast, you would feel just alittle sorry for me and understand--even bring yourself to like me alittle bit as you say you once did. I have never had a sister. It mighthave made a difference if I had." After a pause--"Some years ago therewere two persons in whom I believed as--I believe--in God. One was awoman and the other, my dearest pal. He and I were like brothers. Iwould have trusted him with my life. I did more. I trusted him with myhonour." A pause. "And he whom I trusted and loved, robbed me of allthat made life dear to me, and of what I valued more than life. And thewoman I loved and believed pure and true, conspired with him to betraymy honour! I was their dupe. A blind confiding fool!"

  "Oh!" was wrung sympathetically from Joyce.

  "When I found out all I went mad, I think. I have been pretty mad--andbad--ever since; but at the time, if I could have laid hands on both Imight have ended my career on the gallows. But Fate intervened. He waskilled in a railway accident shortly afterwards, and a year later, shecame whining to me for forgiveness."

  "Did you forgive her?"

  Dalton's eyes glowed with cruelty and an undying contempt. "Forgive her?Not if she had been dying! There are things impossible to forgive. Shehad killed my soul, destroyed my faith in human nature--which others,since, have not helped to restore!--turned me into a very devil, andwithout an incentive to live. Do you think I could forgive her? If Ihated her then, I loathe the very memory of her now."

  "Yet you tried your best to make me one of the same sort?" Joyce askedwonderingly.

  "I did not believe, till you proved it to me, that women are of anyother sort," he replied.

  "You forget Honor Bright?"

  "I never forget Honor Bright," he replied unexpectedly. "I have lookedupon her as the exception that proves the rule."

  "Your mother?" Joyce interposed gently.

  "My father divorced her," he said harshly. "So you see I have had rathera bad education!"

  "I am very sorry for you."

  "You are?--that's good. Then there is hope for me."

  "I am sorry that you should have such a contempt for women, owing toyour unfortunate experience."

  "I owe you an eternal debt of gratitude for teaching me what anegotistical jackass I have been."

  "Tell me," she asked, suddenly waking up to their dust-laden condition,"am I covered with smuts and grime?"

  Dalton surveyed her quizzically. "You are covered from head to foot,like a miller, with fine white dust."

  "So are you!" and they laughed together for the first time since thecalamity.

  "Let's wash, there's a pool in the next room. Quite a respectable amountof clean water is collected about the floor."

  He showed her the pool and left her to make her toilet while he exploredtheir prison for some possibility of escape. Putting his hands to hismouth he sent forth stentorian cries for help with no result. Without apick-axe to work with, he saw no chance of cutting a way through thetons of material that lay around them.

  It was midday, when Joyce was feeling weak with hunger, and Daltonfighting a strong tendency to pessimism, that he heard Honor's"_Coo-ee!_" and replied.

  "Thank God!--at last here's someone to the rescue!" he exclaimed, andJoyce burst into tears.

  When Honor was able to locate the spot from which the answering voiceproceeded, she contrived with difficulty to get near enough to theopening to hear what had happened. It was good to know, however terriblehad been the experie
nce of the pair, that both were unhurt, and thatJoyce was bearing up wonderfully.

  "I shall run back and get help at once, cheer up!" she called out.

  "We don't, either of us, feel cheerful, I can assure you. It has beenghastly here all night," the doctor shouted back.

  "But it is great to have found you! I am so thankful," and she sped toher bicycle and travelled at top speed to the Mission. Mr. Meek couldprovide the labour at a moment's notice for the work of digging out theimprisoned couple, and to him she went direct.

  Immediately the Settlement hummed with activities; coolies swarmed tothe spot with pickaxes and spades, crowbars and ropes, and as news fliesfrom village to village with almost the rapidity of "wireless," hundredsof natives gathered at the scene to view operations, the women withinfants astride one hip, and naked children swarming around. They campedon the ground chewing _pan_ and parched rice, and chattered incessantlyof the mysterious workings of Providence, the folly of humanity, and thedecrees of Fate.

  The bare-footed, semi-nude rescuers, climbed over the face of the ruinswith complete disregard of life and limb, and with wary tread and lighttouch, began the work of removing the _debris_.

  In due course, the rescue was effected, and Joyce was assisted to climbout of the wrecked chamber to safety. Honor half-supported her to thecar which Captain Dalton drove in silence to the Bara Koti. His eyesavoided Honor's and in manner he was quiet and constrained.

  "So you never got the souvenir after all!" she said to Joyce when shehad heard a disjointed account of the catastrophe.

  "I should have hated to look at it again, if I had," was the hystericalreply. "I shan't want to pass this road again, or get a glimpse of thatterrible place as long as I live. I hate India more than ever, and Raymust send me home at once. Otherwise, I shall live in dread of someother calamity befalling either Baby or me. Oh, Honor, persuade him tolet me go!"

  By the time she was put to bed she was suffering from nervousprostration. Meredith, who had returned from his fruitless search,looked like a man walking in his sleep. His wife had clung to his neckin passionate relief, but she had avoided his lips as she had never donebefore, and a sword seemed to have entered his heart.

  "Oh, I am so glad to be back!" she kept repeating, with her babe pressedto her bosom.

  "Memsahib habbing one great fright!" commiserated the ayah.

  Silent and stunned, Meredith hovered about the room. He had uttered noword of reproach to his wife for her imprudence,--she had sufferedenough, mentally and physically; but resentment was fierce within himtowards the doctor. The impulse to walk round and horse-whip him forhaving had the impudence to lead his foolish, but adored girl-wife intosuch a scrape, was well-nigh unconquerable, and he refrained only forfear that scandalous tongues would give the unhappy event a sinistercharacter.

  "Kiss me, Sweet," he once whispered, leaning over her in passionateanxiety. He wanted to look deep into her eyes; not to see them fall awayfrom his with a shrinking expression foreign to them.

  Joyce offered her cheek.

  "Your lips," he commanded.

  But Joyce fell to weeping broken-heartedly. Meredith kissed her cheekwith a pain at his heart, and turned away.

  "Won't you tell me everything?" he asked another time, studying herintently. Normally, he imagined she would have babbled childishly of allher experiences, and have been insatiable in her demands for petting.Why did she seem crushed and silent as to details? Honor had said theshock would account for her shaken and hysterical state; but it did notexplain her strange aloofness.

  "You know it all," Joyce returned listlessly, the tears springing to hereyes at his first question as to the experience she had undergone.

  "I know the barest outline--and that from Honor Bright. You wanted aparticular stone for a souvenir, and in digging it out, the archcollapsed, which brought down a large bit of the roof and a lot morebesides. What happened after that? How did you manage to spend thenight? It must have been horrible!"

  "Some day I may be able to talk about it, but not now," she cried withquivering lips. "It is cruel to question me now."

  Meredith leaned back in despair. "I hope Dalton was properly careful ofyou?" he asked, devoured with jealousy.

  "He gave me his coat and his rug, and made cups out of pipal leaves tocatch the raindrops as they fell. We were so thirsty," she saidmonotonously.

  "Rather a brainy idea!"

  "Please don't recall all that to me. I don't want to think of it!" shecried; and that was all Meredith could learn of the events of thatnight.

  The following day it was discovered that the doctor was suffering from afeverish chill and was confined to bed. By nightfall, it was reported byJack who had been to visit him, that he was in a high fever, and thatthe Railway doctor had been called in by the Civil Hospital Assistantfor a consultation.

  The next day it was known that Captain Dalton was seriously ill withpneumonia; a _locum_ arrived from headquarters, nurses were telegraphedfor, and for some days his life hung in the balance.

  Joyce, who still kept her bed with shaken nerves, incapable ofinteresting herself in her usual pursuits, was startled out of herlethargy at the news. "If he dies, it will be my fault," she cried. "Oh,Honor! I was so cold that he gave me his coat as well as the rug, anddid without them himself till morning. He must have taken a chill, forhe looked so bad in the dawn."

  "He did what any other decent man would have done in his place."

  "It was rather surprising of him, considering how fiercely wequarrelled!" and feeling the need of confession, she poured out thewhole story of her shame into her friend's ears. "Even now I grow hotwith humiliation when I think of it! I cannot understand why he did it,for it was not as if he had fallen in love! Only because he thought Iwas a--a--flirt, like others he had known."

  Honor's face was very white as she listened, silent and stricken.

  "I just had to tell you, dear, or the load of it on my mind would havekilled me. I feel as if I were guilty of a crime against Ray; and, poordarling, he does not understand what is wrong!"

  "Why don't you tell him and get it over? He loves you enough to make thetelling easy. And if you love him enough, why, it can only end happily,"said Honor with an effort.

  "There would be a tragedy!--I dare not. Ray would kill him for havingdared to insult me like that! You have no idea of what I have beenthrough! Captain Dalton said I was asleep and needed awakening! I haveawakened in right earnest and know that I have been a wicked fool. How Ilong to be loved and forgiven! Oh, Honor! when Ray looks at me soanxiously and lovingly, I just want to be allowed to cry my heart out inhis arms and confess everything; but I simply cannot, with this dread ofconsequences. Nor can I make up to him with this wretched thing on myconscience! Why didn't I listen to you!"

  "There is not much use in crying over spilt milk, is there? The bestthing you can do is to bury it and be everything to your husband that hewishes. You must try to atone. If you love him----"

  "I do! There is no other man in the world so much to me. I did notrealise how much I cared till Captain Dalton made me, by his outrageousbehaviour! I am not fit for Ray's love after knowing how I have loweredmyself!"

  "You will not mend matters by creating a misunderstanding betweenyourself and your husband. What is he to think if you continue to shrinkfrom his caresses?"

  "He will think I don't care at all, and that is so untrue!"

  "Can't you see that, with your own hand, you are building up a barrierbetween you which will be difficult to pull down at will?"

  "When I am able to tell him all about it, he will understand. At presentI feel shamed and degraded. I feel myself a cheat! I, whom he believes agood and virtuous wife, have actually been kissed by a man who thought Iwas the sort to permit an intrigue! Don't you see, that if I behaved asthough nothing wrong had happened, I would be putting myself on a parwith Judas?"

  Having wrought herself up to the point of hysteria, she was not to bereasoned with.

  "How I wish I had neve
r set foot in that dreadful place! It seems, afterall, that the devil is really in possession of it, and that disasterovertakes people who enter there."

  "Disaster invariably overtakes people who give the devil his chance,"said Honor unable to resist a smile.

  "I dare say you are right. I have been very foolish, for I had no ideaof the sort of man I was growing so intimate with. But he was trulysorry, and tried afterwards in a hundred ways to show how he regrettedhis behaviour. Indeed, I think, on the whole, he received quite a goodmoral lesson for thinking most women are without any conscience," andJoyce proceeded to relate the sequel of her story, which involved thatof the doctor's past.

  "It is a most painful history," said Honor gravely.

  "And he has never known home-life; his mother was a wicked woman, andwas divorced!"

  "How pitiful!"

  "It quite accounts,--doesn't it?--for his badness?"

  "I don't think he is at all bad," Honor said unexpectedly. "He's beenbadly hit and wants to hit back; that's about what it is. To him womenare all alike"--

  "Not you!--he said you were, to his mind, the 'exception that proves therule.'" Joyce interrupted.

  Honor coloured as she continued,--"And he has very little respect forthe sex. He requires to meet with some good, wholesome examples to sethim right, poor fellow!"

  "He thinks the world of you, Honey!"

  "Does he?" with an embarrassed laugh. "Then he takes a queer way ofshowing it."

  "That was your fault. You turned him down over Elsie Meek's case, and hewas too proud to plead for himself. But I have watched him, Honey, andthere isn't a thing you say or do he misses, when you and he are in thesame room."

  "Your imagination!" Honor said uncomfortably. "You forget he has justbeen trying to make love to you!"

  "True. But he has never been _in love_ with me. It was sheer devilment.Even I could tell that. Love is such a different thing. Ray loves me.There is no mistaking it, for it is in his eyes all the time, and provedin a thousand ways."

  "Did Captain Dalton say much more about that girl who jilted him?" Honorasked with embarrassment. Joyce had failed to grasp the fullsignificance of Dalton's unhappy experience, and Honor had accordinglyderived a wrong impression.

  "Only that he loathes her now. That she killed his soul!--which isabsurd, seeing that the soul is immortal."

  "It can therefore be resurrected."

  How, and in which way, Honor had not the slightest idea, but her heartinstead of recoiling from the sinner after all she had heard, warmedwith sympathy towards him. She could not help a feeling of pity andtolerance for the unfortunate victim of deception who throughdisillusionment and wounded pride, had gone astray.

  When Honor returned home, it was to hear that her mother had gone overto the doctor's bungalow to nurse the patient till professional nursesshould arrive; and had left word that her daughter should follow her.

  "We have to do our 'duty to our neighbour' no matter how much we maydisapprove of him and as no one in the Station is capable of tending thesick with patience and intelligence, I must do it with your help."

  So Honor superintended the making of beef-tea for the sick-room, fetchedand carried, ran messages, and made herself generally useful, much toTommy's disgust. It was hateful to him that a man so generally dislikedas the Civil Surgeon, should be tenderly cared for by the women he hadsystematically slighted.

  "I don't see it at all," he grumbled to Honor when he caught her on theroad on her way home for dinner. "Surely his servants could do what isnecessary till the nurses arrive?"

  "The least little neglect might cost him his life, Tommy."

  "It wouldn't be your fault. For weeks the fellow has not gone near yourpeople."

  "Would you have us punish him for that by letting him die of neglect?"

  "It is no business of mine, of course."

  Honor quite agreed with him, but softened her reproof with a demand forhis help. "At any rate, it is everyone's duty to lend a helping hand intimes of trouble. We want a message sent to the doctor-_babu_ at thegovernment dispensary, and it is a mercy I have met you." She gave him alist of the things required by the local Railway doctor who was incharge of the case, and Tommy cycled away, obliged to content himselfwith the joy of serving her whenever and wherever possible.

  That evening, while Honor was left on guard at Dalton's bedside to seethat he made no attempt in his delirium to rise, she experienced asudden sinking of the heart in the thought that he might die.

  He was very ill.... Pneumonia was one of the most deadly diseases. Asyet there was no means of knowing how it would go with him. With gnawinganxiety she watched his flushed face and closed eyes and the rapid riseand fall of his chest. How strong and well-built he was! and yet he layas weak and helpless as a child.

  The thought that he might die was intolerable. It gave her a sense ofwild protest, a desire to fight with all power of her mind and willagainst such a dire possibility. He must not die till he had recoveredhis faith in human nature, his belief in womanhood. If there were anytruth in the New Philosophy he would not die if her determination couldsustain him, and help him over the crisis.

  "Honey...?" the sick man muttered. His eyes had unclosed and werelooking full at her.

  "Yes?" she replied, trembling from head to foot with startled surpriseat hearing him speak her name.

  "Have they let you come at last?" he asked in weak tones.

  "They sent for me to help," she returned gently.

  "Was it because I wanted you so much? My soul has been crying out foryou. There is only one face I see in my dreams, and it is yours. Youwill not leave me?" he asked breathlessly.

  "I will stay as long as they let me," she said kneeling at the bedsidethat she might not miss a syllable that fell from his lips.

  "How did you know that I loved you all the time?"

  "I did not know." Surely it was wrong for him to speak when he was soill? yet she longed to hear more. Every word thrilled her through andthrough.

  "Ever since that day--you remember?--when you came to me for help inyour danger and suspense; when I saw into that brave, staunch heart ofyours, and, for the first time, knew a true woman!" His face was alightwith emotion. It was transformed.

  "Oh, hush!--you must not talk."

  "Yes. I am horribly ill," he panted. "It is ghastly being tucked up likethis, unable to get up. But it is worth while if you will stay with me."A pause while he frowned, chasing a thought. "What was I saying? My mindis so confused."

  "It does not matter, I understand."

  He caught her hand and pressed it to his burning lips, then laid thecool palm against his rough, unshaven cheek.

  "If I have longed for anything it is for this--to hold your hand--so--tofeel that you'd care just a little bit whether I lived or died--nobodyelse does on this wide earth!"

  "I care a very great deal," she said brokenly. "So much, that I beg ofyou not to talk. It must hurt."

  "Every breath is pain. If I give a shout you must not mind. It is arelief sometimes. Pleurisy is devilish. They told you, I suppose, I havethat as well? If I don't pull through----"

  "Stop! You shall not say that. You _will_ get well. I know it. I am sureof it," she said. "Try to rest and sleep."

  "I shall try, if you say you love me."

  "I _love_ you," Honor said with fervour. It did not matter to her thathe might presently be rambling and forget all about her and his fevereddreams of her. It was the truth that she loved him, and she spoke fromher heart.

  He did not seem to hear her, for, already his thoughts wandered. "I keepthinking and dreaming the wildest things and get horribly mixed," hesaid frowning and puzzled. "Was I buried for days and nights in theruins--with someone? then how is it I am here?"

  "You were buried for one night with Mrs. Meredith, and you were bothrescued in the morning."

  His eyes contracted suddenly. "A pretty little creature--dear littlething!--brainless, but beautiful. One could be almost fond of her if shedid not bore o
ne to tears!" He turned painfully on his side and Honorplaced a pillow under his shoulders. "Ah, that's easier!--thanks,nurse," he said mechanically. "Tears?... What about tears? Ah, Mrs.Meredith's tears. She cried almost as much as the rain, poor kid! and wewere nearly washed out--like 'Alice,'" and he laughed huskily, forgetfulthat he was again in possession of Honor's hand which he held in a vice."I am a damned fool to have tried it on with her. Beastly low-downtrick," he muttered almost inaudibly. "'You unspeakable cad!' she said,and, by God! I deserved it. I should have known that she was not thesort to play that rotten game. Ah, well! it is only another item on thedebit side of the ledger!" His eyes closed and he drifted intounconsciousness. Honor's hand slipped from his hold and she rose to herknees, choked with grief and longing. Oh, for the right to nurse himtenderly! "Oh, God! give him to me!" she cried in frenzied prayer.

  Dalton did not recognise her again after that, and the next morning Mrs.Bright handed over the case to the nurses from Calcutta.