Henry Esmond; The English Humourists; The Four Georges

  The Poems

  [_Punch_, October 11, 1845]

  As the statues of these beloved Monarchs are to be put up in theParliament palace--we have been favoured by a young lady (connected withthe Court) with copies of the inscriptions which are to be engraven underthe images of those Stars of Brunswick.

  GEORGE I--STAR OF BRUNSWICK

  He preferred Hanover to England, He preferred two hideous Mistresses To a beautiful and innocent Wife. He hated Arts and despised Literature; But He liked train-oil in his salads, And gave an enlightened patronage to bad oysters. And he had Walpole as a Minister: Consistent in his Preference for every kind of Corruption.

  GEORGE II

  In most things I did as my father had done, I was false to my wife and I hated my son:

  My spending was small and my avarice much, My kingdom was English, my heart was High Dutch:

  At Dettingen fight I was known not to blench I butchered the Scotch, and I bearded the French:

  I neither had morals, nor manners, nor wit; I wasn't much missed when I died in a fit.

  Here set up my statue, and make it complete--With Pitt on his knees at my dirty old feet.

  GEORGE III

  Give me a royal niche--it is my due, The virtuousest king the realm e'er knew.

  I, through a decent reputable life, Was constant to plain food and a plain wife.

  Ireland I risked, and lost America; But dined on legs of mutton every day.

  My brain, perhaps, might be a feeble part; But yet I think I had an English heart.

  When all the kings were prostrate, I alone Stood face to face against Napoleon;

  Nor ever could the ruthless Frenchman forge A fetter for Old England and Old George:

  I let loose flaming Nelson on his fleets; I met his troops with Wellesley's bayonets.

  Triumphant waved my flag on land and sea: Where was the king in Europe like to me?

  Monarchs exiled found shelter on my shores; My bounty rescued kings and emperors.

  But what boots victory by land or sea? What boots that kings found refuge at my knee?

  I was a conqueror, but yet not proud; And careless, even though Napoleon bow'd.

  The rescued kings came kiss my garments' hem: The rescued kings I never heeded them.

  My guns roar'd triumph, but I never heard: All England thrilled with joy, I never stirred.

  What care had I of pomp, or fame, or power,-- A crazy old blind man in Windsor Tower?

  GEORGIUS ULTIMUS

  He left an example for age and for youth To avoid. He never acted well by Man or Woman, And was as false to his Mistress as to his Wife. He deserted his Friends and his Principles. He was so ignorant that he could scarcely Spell; But he had some Skill in Cutting out Coats, And an undeniable Taste for Cookery. He built the Palaces of Brighton and of Buckingham, And for these Qualities and Proofs of Genius, An admiring Aristocracy Christened him the "First Gentleman in Europe". Friends, respect the King whose Statue is here, And the generous Aristocracy who admired him.

  Sketches Of Manners, Morals, Court And Town Life

  [_Cornhill Magazine_, 1860; first edition in book form, 1861]