Forsaken

  God, she tastes so fucking good, better than I even expected. I want to devour every single part of her, own her completely. Maybe I will. Maybe I'll take her as my own and never let her go. But not right now. If I'm going to break that law, I need a plan, one where I won't get caught. Otherwise, I'll be executed.

  "They were right about you," I moan as I drink more of her.

  She screams again, and then her eyes roll into the back of her head.

  I could keep going, but I'd drain her dry, and she'd probably end up dying. If I stop and give her time to heal, she might be strong enough for at least a hundred more feedings, if not more.

  I can't pry my hand off her, though, so I continue feeding greedily. Her strength drowns me to the point that I feel so damn high. Pure ecstasy--that's what she is. I want more. Now. All of it!

  I force my hand against her chest. More. More. More! I need more ...

  The room suddenly starts to spin. Round and round and round. I've never felt anything like it before. My mind is buzzing. I feel so alive. Too alive. I think I might be taking too much, more than even my body can take.

  Sucking in a breath, I yank my hand away from her and gasp for air. Then I stare down at her slackened body. She looks so helpless it makes me want to touch her again, but I fear my heart might give out from an overdose.

  "I'm coming back for you," I whisper as I get to my feet. "Just you wait. One day, you'll belong to me and me only."

  And I mean it. I always get what I want, no matter what.

  Chapter Five

  Kisses and Snowflakes

  I gasp for air, struggling to get my bearings. Darkness smothers me, along with the stench of sulfur and death. The hard surface underneath my back is very familiar, and it clicks where I must be.

  In my cell.

  Ryder, Reece, Blaise--they were all a dream. The rescue, the East City Post, the fault line, the caves--it never happened.

  Tears spill from my eyes and stream down my cheeks. I can't believe I'm still here. I can't believe the guys don't really exist. I can't believe everything I was feeling, the good and the bad, was a lie.

  My heart thrashes as I lie in the darkness. What did Lex do to me to make me see through his eyes? Did he do something when he fed from me? He seemed so obsessed, so crazed, so hungry.

  I shiver, replaying his thoughts.

  He said I was powerful. How can that be possible when I feel so weak and broken?

  "Sweetheart, are you cold?" The sound of Ryder's voice cascades over me like warm water.

  Oh, my God! He's here.

  I squint through the darkness to the opening of the cave. Just outside is the night-kissed sky. Relief pours over me. I did escape. The post, the fault line, the caves--I did go to those places. The best part is that the guys are real. I didn't dream them up.

  But if I'm in the cave, then what just happened with Lex? Was I dreaming? No. It was more than that. I remember the cold rush I felt before ... before I what? What happened after that? I'm not sure, but for some reason, I have a feeling it had to do with the legend of the spirits.

  "Allura?" Concern laces Ryder's voice. "Are you ...? Are you crying?"

  I dry the tears from my cheeks, but more continue to drip from my eyes. "Yeah, but it's okay. I just had a nightmare."

  Ryder scoots closer, wraps an arm around me, and pulls me against his chest. "Do you want to talk about it?"

  I sniffle. "It was about L-Lex."

  "The warden's voice you heard in the East City Post?"

  "Yes. I was dreaming about when he came into my cell and fed off me, only I wasn't seeing it happening from his point of view. I could hear his thoughts and see how much he wanted to feed off me--no, I didn't just see it." I press my hand against my chest. "I could feel it ... He didn't just want to feed off me. He wanted to devour me until I was dead. But he stopped himself because he was worried he'd overdose. And because"--my voice cracks--"he wanted to try to steal me and keep me for himself." The only good thing about that dream is that, while Lex knew I was different, he didn't suspect I was a hybrid. I get a drop of comfort from knowing that.

  Ryder falls silent for so long I start to grow worried.

  "What's wrong?" I ask, wiping my eyes with the back of my hand.

  "It's nothing," he mutters. "I just think ..." He shifts, sitting up and lifting his arm off me.

  An icy chill seeps through my skin all the way to my bones. Is Ryder afraid of me? Has he figured out what I am?

  "I don't think you just had a dream," he mutters. "It sounded like you had ..." He doesn't finish, just shakes his head.

  "Ryder, please tell me what you're thinking." I choke back the tears. "I'm scared ... that what happened"--I suck in a breath, steadying my shaky voice--"had something to do with the spirits."

  "Don't be scared." He rocks me back and forth, something he has done a couple of times. "Everything's going to be okay." He finds my cheeks with his fingers and wipes away my tears. "We need to go and tell Reece what happened. He'll know what to do."

  I'm starting to get up when his lips brush my cheek. I freeze, my breath faltering from my lips. The kiss is so feather light, so brief I wonder if I imagined it. But then he kisses my cheek again, and this time, his lips linger on my skin.

  My eyelids slip closed, and I feel myself drifting ...

  Snowflakes fall from the sky and dance around me. Music drifts from somewhere as I spin in a circle with my head tipped toward the cloudy sky. Silence fills the air except for the beating of my heart and the whisper of the snow kissing the world. I feel so at peace that I don't ever want to move. Maybe I won't. Maybe I'll live here, make this place my own snow globe where I can feel the snow whenever I want, where nothing bad can ever touch me again.

  "I could watch you do this all day," a guy says, sounding close.

  I smile to myself. I know that voice so well. It's a voice that has made me happy at least a thousand times. I just wish I could remember his name.

  Footsteps crunch against the snow, growing closer, and my stomach flips in anticipation.

  "So beautiful," he whispers, his hand finding my hips.

  I stop spinning, but I don't open my eyes.

  Snowflakes melt against my cheeks as I trap my breath in my chest. I wait, wait, wait, knowing, knowing, knowing something amazing is about to happen. Then I feel his lips against mine, and a warm sensation spills across my tongue and down my throat. I breathe the taste in, needing more.

  "I've wanted to do that forever," he says breathlessly. "I can't stop thinking about you. God, I want you so much."

  God, I want you so much, too.

  But then I feel a spark of hunger ignite inside my chest, and just like that, the moment dissipates.

  No. Not again!

  I stumble away from him and turn to run, keeping my eyes closed and never looking back, even when he shouts my name ...

  I blink, an exhale rushing from my lips.

  "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to scare you," Ryder says in a panic, leaning away from me. "I just thought ..." He shakes his head. "I don't know what I thought. I just wanted to kiss you. That's all. But I'm sorry if it scared you. I should know better. You just got out of the channels less than a week ago. I'm sure you're already overwhelmed without me adding to it."

  "You didn't scare me," I say softly, which is the partial truth. He did startle me in a surprising way. But the memory that tickled the back of my mind is what sent the jolt of fear through me.

  "So ... if I did it again sometime--kissed you--maybe after we get to the station and you get settled in and you start to feel more comfortable with everything, you wouldn't mind?" His light tone doesn't match the tension in his body.

  Would I mind Ryder kissing me? I'm not sure. I do like him, just like I like Blaise and Reece.

  "You know what? Don't answer that right now," he says quickly. "I want you to think about it and answer when you're ready."

  "Okay," I agree, although I'm not entirely sure what I'm agree
ing to. Another kiss? Or just that I'll think about it?

  Ryder gets to his feet, pulling me up with him. "Let's go and talk to Reece. It's probably time to pack up and leave, anyway. And with what you just told me, it's probably a good thing we're leaving. I know I said I don't believe in these curses, but ... This place really fucking creeps me out."

  I let him lead me to the entrance of the cave where Reece is perched on a rock, watching down below for any sign of the Forsaken. Before we step out into the cool night air, I dare a glance over my shoulder. For a heart faltering moment, I swear I see the outline of a tall figure with red eyes watching me from inside the cave, but when I blink, it's gone.

  Chapter Six

  Captured

  After I finish telling Reece about my dream, he orders Ryder to pack up our stuff. Ryder nods, seeming uneasy, and jogs back inside the cave.

  "What do you think caused my dream?" I ask Reece as I stand a few steps away from the ledge.

  The red sky has shifted to ash and the moon and stars are massive, exploding fireballs of lava, nowhere near as pretty as the glimmering night sky I remember. They give off enough light that I can clearly make out Reece standing next to me.

  He crosses his arms, his eyes fixed on the trail below. "I don't want to believe it's what I'm thinking, but ... with everything you said ... It sounds like a spirit might've entered you."

  I hug my arms around myself. "You said you didn't believe in the legends."

  "Usually, I don't, but most legends are just stories with no actual proof. Something actually happened to you, though, and while you were only a few feet away from me." He rakes his fingers through his hair, releasing a stressed breath. "When there's actual proof, I'm more willing to accept stuff. And the fact that you could see Lex's thoughts ..." He shakes his head. "Whether it's a spirit or not, I think it's a good idea to get the hell away from these caves."

  I tense. "If it is Lex's spirit, that means he got inside me."

  "I'm not one hundred percent sure if that's how it works. And, like I said, I'm not completely convinced that's what happened," he presses. "But I'd like to do some studying on spirits when we get back to the station."

  The hairs on the back of my neck stand on end. "If it was Lex's spirit ... can it ... Can he get inside me again?"

  He throws an anxious glance at the cave. "I don't know, but we definitely need to get you away from caves just in case."

  "Are these spirits only in the caves?"

  "According to the Forsaken legends, the caves are where the Grim used to shed until they created the channels and took over the city. They believe a lot of the spirits still exist inside the caves because they feed off the moonstone laced in the walls." Worry creases his brows. "If you feel strange at all, let me know, okay?"

  Goose bumps sprout across my arms. "I got really cold before it happened."

  He shakes his head, his jaw set tight. "I feel horrible we didn't wake you up. We thought you were asleep ... That's what it looked like. I wish I knew some of the symptoms or at least what went on with your body if his spirit did enter you." He pauses. "If it's okay with you, when we get back to the station, I'd like to hook you up to Oblivion."

  "What's Oblivion?"

  "It's a machine that will allow me to see your thoughts and record your brain activity. If I can access a certain section of your mind, I can potentially find out more about what went on during those couple of hours you were possessed."

  I want to know more about what happened, but I'm uncomfortable with Reece having access to my thoughts.

  "Do you just see the one thought? Or can you ... see multiple ones?" Like, for instance, when Mable tested my blood on moonstone. And what about all these other memories I keep experiencing? Would he see those, too? Because some of them, like kissing Ryder, I'm not sure I want anyone to know about, especially how I felt when the guy's lips brushed mine--starved.

  "I'd only go into the one," Reece assures. "I'd never invade your privacy."

  "Does it hurt?"

  "It does a little, but I can give you a sedative so you won't feel too much pain."

  While I'm nervous, I think I need to know what happened, so I agree.

  "I think I want to do it."

  "Good. It would be really beneficial. We know so little about the Grim, and if you managed to get into the mind of one, we could learn a lot through that. But, like I said, I won't force you to do anything you don't want to. We're not like the Grim. We'll never take away your freedom of choice. You can think about it for a while. We won't be at the station for at least five or six more days." He raises his voice, turning toward the cave. "Ryder, are you about ready? We've got about five hours before sunrise, and I want to get as far south as possible."

  "Yep, just about done," Ryder shouts back.

  I zip up my jacket as the wind picks up. "What's south?"

  "It's farther away from Forsaken territory," Reece explains, turning back to me. "Some still live in the area, but the majority of them remain north because it's a greater distance from the city."

  "Oh." I stick my hands into my pockets, my thoughts wandering back to Lex.

  Even now, I can feel the hunger he felt when he looked at me. If he's that obsessed with me, will he ever stop chasing me?

  "Reece, remember how I thought I heard Lex's voice while we were in the East City Post?" I ask and he nods. "Well, right before I passed out, I think I heard Lex tell me something was about to happen. Do you think maybe he's nearby?"

  Reece swiftly shakes his head. "Lex is nowhere near us right now."

  "How can you be so sure?"

  He fixes his attention on the sky, the exploding stars reflecting in his eyes. "Because Blaise locked him up in one of the cells at the East City Post," he mutters.

  Wait ... Blaise locked up Lex in a cell? The East City Post has cells?

  "What? When?"

  "A couple of days before we left the post." He looks at me with remorse. "We didn't want to tell you while we were close to the post, because we didn't want to scare you."

  "But I ... But how?" I pause, attempting to compose my rattled nerves. "Blaise captured a warden? A warden?" The idea ... I can't even wrap my head around it. I mean, Blaise does seem extraordinarily strong, but wardens are strong enough that they can break bones with a simple squeeze of their hand--I've seen them do it before. "How did he do it?"

  "Blaise has his ways," he answers with a shrug.

  Ryder said something cryptic about Blaise to me before when I asked him if Blaise had killed Maxx and Lucille. He told me killing them wasn't quite what Blaise did, but he never elaborated. Then he proceeded to say Blaise was a little different, though I'd have to wait for Blaise to tell me why.

  I understand they're trying to protect me, but I don't like being lied to. Then again, I'm lying to them about what I might be.

  I stare at the thin strip of land running along the opposing cliff. "So is Lex still at the post?"

  "Yeah. He should be. He was when we left."

  "But what if he escaped?"

  "I doubt it with how heavily guarded the cell was."

  I glance at him. "Does the post normally keep a lot of wardens trapped there?"

  He shifts his weight, avoiding eye contact with me, and I get the impression he's about to, as Blaise put it, sugarcoat the truth.

  "Please tell me the truth, Reece," I plead in a desperate move, clasping my hands together. "I know you guys are trying to protect me, but I want to know."

  Indecision is written all over his face as he brings his gaze to me. "I don't want to worry you."

  "I'm already worried," I point out. "At least, if you tell me the truth, I won't have to worry about what's really going on, and I can prepare for the worst."

  "It's really difficult to say no to you when you put it like that." He lets out an audible sigh. "The truth is, Lex is the first prisoner the post has ever had. Not many humans are strong enough to capture a Grim, even in high numbers. So, I'm not positive how
long they'll be able to keep him locked up. He was still in the cell when we headed out." He reaches out to take my hand. "I'm sure he's still there. The post won't let him escape very easily after we offered them a great deal of money to hold him until we could pick him up."

  My hands uncontrollably tremble. "Where will you take him after you pick him up?"

  "To the station," he says then quickly adds, "I know it doesn't sound ideal, but if we can get him there and study him, we can learn more about how the Grim work. We could maybe even find a weakness."

  I battle down my fear, knowing Reece is right. I lived with the Grim for what felt like an eternity, and the only weakness I saw is that they needed to feed. Nothing seems to hurt them. As far as I know, they don't bleed, and they barely feel pain.

  "Have you ever had one at the station before?" I ask.

  "Once, but he escaped about a day in." He grazes his thumb along the back of my hand in a comforting gesture. "I know this is making you nervous, which is completely understandable, but you'll be safe at the station. Lex won't be anywhere near, and you'll be protected at all times."

  "I just wish it weren't Lex." I sigh, wishing I didn't feel so bothered by this.

  "Me, too," he says. "I wish there was someplace else I could study him. For now, we don't have anywhere else set up with the proper equipment."

  My brows shoot up. "You're going to study him?"

  "Yeah. It's part of my job."

  "But aren't you scared?"

  He lifts a shoulder, shrugging. "I'm always kind of afraid when I'm near the Grim, but one day, I want to be able to live in a world where they don't exist. And the first step in getting there is learning more about them."

  I mull over what he said, and guilt coils in the pit of my stomach. Maybe I should tell him I might be a hybrid. Then he could just study me. Can I trust him not to hurt me when he finds out? I'm not sure.

  My lips part, but then close again. What's the right decision? I wish I knew.

  "All right, let's get this show on the road," Ryder announces as he exits the cave, carrying three dingy backpacks. "Are we going to use the flashlights? It might help Allura have an easier time climbing down."

  "I'll be fine," I assure him, but then my gaze drops to the cliff. "Someone will stay close to me, though, right?"