City Girl

  Cash waited, knowing he needn't say any more.

  "All I can tell you," Reagan started, "is what I know. I

  don't know the details. I just know how it affected me. Not

  long after my ninth birthday, my parents had a terrible

  fight. There was yelling and screaming, and I was locked

  244 Low wick

  out of the apartment. When my father came storming out,

  446

  I ran in to find my mother on the floor.

  'To this day I don't know if he struck her or forced himself

  on her or what, but she was crying and her hair was a

  mess, and she sat up and said she couldn't take it anymore."

  Reagan looked up and found Cash listening carefully.

  "She was gone when I woke up the next morning, and I

  never saw her again. For a time I tried to be a very good

  little girl, certain that would bring her back, but no one

  even noticed. On top of that my father was addicted to the

  bottle, and that only grew worse after Mama left. He was

  angry all the time, and I became afraid of him when he

  came close, to backhanding me. That only happened once,

  and he stopped short, but I remember it I didn't answer

  him quickly enough about where I'd been, and he almost

  hit me.

  "Day after day I would watch him drink until he

  couldn't move in the chair any longer, and I'd leave him

  alone until he roused again. I don't know how we ate or

  even stayed in the apartment, but one day he didn't rouse,

  and I went for the neighbors. He was dead, and I was

  447

  alone. I wasn't going to let it get me down, so before I was

  even a teen, I found work. I worked hard and did my best

  to find adventure around every corner so I could forget the

  things that hurt me. Thaf s why I took the nanny's job that

  didn't work out. That's why I was willing to come to

  Texas."

  Reagan looked him in the eye.

  "But there's one adventure that terrifies me. I never

  wanted to be married. I never wanted a man to have control

  over me or to love me and then leave me or hurt me."

  Cash put his hand out, just holding it open and waiting.

  After a moment, Reagan placed her hand in his palm, but

  Cash did not enclose her hand. Still moving carefully, he

  put his thumb on the back of her hand, not too tightly, and

  not attempting to pull her toward him in any way.

  City Girl 245

  "I must know your views on marriage better than

  anyone, Reagan. I've had to be very careful."

  "What do you mean?"

  448

  With his thumb stroking gently over the back of her

  hand, Cash said, "You're not a woman a man can rush. Not

  that I tend to be reckless, but I knew I had to be extra

  careful with your heart"

  "Oh, Cash," was all she could think to say. Her thoughts

  felt scrambled. He was so wonderful--her heart knew

  that--but her mind was still afraid. Even the way he held

  her hand was undemanding. She didn't think she had ever

  met anyone like him.

  "You need to know, Reagan, how much I want to take

  you in my arms right now and kiss you." Cash shocked her

  with his words; the hold on her hand had given no indication.

  "But you may not want to be my wife. You may never

  accept my love, and as much as I want to kiss you, I'm not

  going to do that if you're not going to marry me."

  'I've never been kissed."

  "When I was 16,1 had a girlfriend and we used to kiss.

  When I got a little older, I saw what a mistake that was, but

  I've not had anyone in my life since I came to Christ."

  Reagan's face told Cash she was thinking again. Thankfully,

  449

  she wasn't long in saying what it was.

  "Kissing leads to other things."

  Even though his head still hurt, Cash had to laugh. She

  was always such a surprise.

  "Well, doesn't it?"

  "Yes, it certainly can--it never has for me--but even

  talking about it can lead to temptation, so I think the two

  of us had better get back on the trail."

  Cash came awkwardly to his feet, and Reagan touched

  his arm.

  "How is your head?"

  "It hurts, but my heart knows I'm not in love alone, and

  that's enough to make me ignore the pain."

  246 lori wick

  Reagan smiled. She was not a woman who dreamed

  about a man falling for her and telling her how he felt, but

  if she were, this would not be what she imagined.

  You've been fighting this for years, Reagan girl--it's the least

  you deserve.

  450

  The two made their way down the hill to the horses and

  then very slowly back to the ranch. Reagan kept a close eye

  on Cash, but he didn't look as if he was going to pass out

  as she feared. She offered to go for someone to help with

  the horses, knowing she was useless in the barn, and Cash

  accepted. One of the hands, looking very pleased to be following

  Reagan, came in a hurry and offered to help Cash

  to the house as well.

  Cash said he could handle it but was glad to get to the

  living room.

  "If this isn't the worst," he commented quietly as he

  dropped onto the sofa.

  "What's that?" Reagan asked. She had remained close

  by, hoping for a bit more conversation.

  "Finding out you love me and having a headache all at

  the same time."

  Reagan smiled. She had never heard him sound so disgruntled.

  "Should I go for the doctor?" Reagan asked, making herself

  be practical.

  451

  "I don't think so."

  This was no more than said when they both heard the

  bunkhouse cook coining through the kitchen. Max had

  come to see Katy on occasion, but Reagan had never had

  much interaction with him.

  "Cash," he called again. "Where are you?"

  "In the living room."

  Max's voice brought Meg from Kat/s room, so she was

  standing nearby when he arrived.

  "You hit your head?" the older man demanded.

  "Just a bump."

  City Girl 247

  "Let me see it," he grumbled, as though Cash were a

  pesky child. "You've got a good egg there. What were you

  doing?"

  "I lost my footing and fell against a tree."

  Max shook his head.

  "You'll have to keep an eye on him tonight," he said to

  452

  Reagan. "Don't let him sleep too long."

  Cash tried to object, but Reagan was taking it all in. As

  though the ranch owner weren't even in the room, plans

  were made around him. Reagan was told to wake him

  twice during the night, three times if he went to bed early,

  and Max would check him again in the morning. Max then

  proceeded to Katy's room, where she had just gotten back

  into bed, to fill her in as well.

  "I'm fine," Cash said for the umpteenth time and then

  gave up trying to convince anyone. Meg was busy putting

  lunch on as both Reagan and Cash had missed it, and Max

  headed out to tell Brad about the head injury.

  Cash was sitting in
the living room feeling as though the

  house were falling apart around him when he realized all

  was quiet and that he was not alone. He looked over to see

  Reagan sitting on a chair watching him.

  "Do you feel like you've lost control of your own

  home?"

  "That was perceptive of you."

  "Not really."

  453

  Cash's brows rose in question.

  "You're always the one in charge, always the one to take

  care of everyone else. Having anything happen to you

  makes the rest of us fall apart."

  "You seem pretty calm right now."

  'I'm not as calm as I look. I'm afraid you're not all right,

  but you won't admit it or don't realize it."

  "May I be honest with you?"

  Reagan nodded.

  "My head hurts a little, but my real problem is my frustration

  in not being able to talk to you more."

  248 lori wick

  "What would you say?"

  "I would ask you if I can talk to Pastor or Russell about

  us. I know how I feel, and I know how you feel, but there

  are things to be worked out because of your fear."

  Reagan nodded in understanding.

  "Once in a while," she admitted, "I would have a vision

  of living here for always and being yours too, and sometimes

  454

  it would feel scary to me and sometimes not."

  "What does it feel like right now?"

  Reagan had to shake her head and confess that she

  wasn't sure.

  "I just wish," she whispered, her heart ripping a little

  around the edge, "that you could have someone who's not

  me. I think you deserve better."

  Cash didn't say a word, but Reagan got the distinct

  impression that he was not happy with this idea. She suspected

  that he might even have addressed the issue, but

  Meg came through the living room just then to tell them

  she had lunch hot and ready on the table.

  Cash and Reagan thanked her and moved to the kitchen,

  both knowing that the end of this conversation was going

  to have to wait.

  tfumfa

  "ARE you sure You want to try this?" Cash asked Katy

  again.

  455

  "I'm sure. Are you sure?"

  Cash smiled when her tone begged him not to say no.

  Reagan had awakened him in the night, but even so he'd

  slept well. Now, after having assured the woman repeatedly

  that his head was fine, Cash had rigged up a ramp in

  order to push Katy's wheelchair into the back of the

  wagon. The plan was not without risks.

  "What do you suppose the doc would say?" Katy asked

  conversationally as Cash tied her chair to the sideboards to

  steady it.

  "You do know how to panic a man, don't you, Kate."

  Katy gave a crack of laughter just as Reagan came from

  the house with all of their Bibles.

  "Are we set?" she asked, her eyes alight with excitement.

  This scheme had been all her own, and even though

  Cash had originally been horrified by the idea, he was once

  again won over by Katy's pleasure.

  "I think so. Are you still riding back here?"

  "Yes. I have a quilt to sit on, and I'll just keep the chair

  steady."

  456

  Cash shook his head when she looked mischievous and

  then stepped forward to help her when she moved to climb

  249

  250 lori wick

  aboard. She smiled down at him, and his eyes held hers for

  a moment.

  "It's about time you two found each other," Katy stated,

  shocking them a little. She looked at the couple staring at

  her and snorted.

  "My hip is broken/' she reminded them. "Not my eyes."

  "Katy/' Cash began patiently, feeling very protective of

  Reagan, "it's not that simple. We're going to give this--"

  "I know," she cut him off. "Reagan has to get over her

  fear of being married, but she will. And I'm not going to

  spread the news until the two of you do."

  "How did you know, Katy?" Reagan asked from her

  place on the floor of the wagon bed.

  457

  The older woman's face was kind. "I live with the two of

  you, Reagan. Cash didn't even know it, but as soon as you

  came to Christ, his feelings toward you started to change.

  And you didn't want this, but no woman has ever been

  able to resist Cash Rawlings. He's never encouraged them,

  mind you, but when that man walks the streets of Kinkade,

  female heads turn from all directions."

  It was an interesting start to the morning. They had to

  get going because the ride was going to be slower, but both

  Cash and Reagan were somewhat shocked by all of Katy's

  observations.

  "I've been praying for you both," she added when the

  wagon was finally set into motion.

  "And what exactly have you been praying?" Cash asked

  over his shoulder from his place behind the reins.

  "That you would grow in the Lord, so that if He did

  bring you together you'd be ready. I prayed in God's will,

  but I must admit I've wanted to see it happen."

  "Why did you never say anything?" Reagan asked.

  "That wouldn't have been wise. If I had been mistaken,

  458

  it would have just made you uncomfortable around each

  other."

  "But why did you say something now?" Cash asked.

  City Girl 251

  "Because something more went on yesterday than you

  bumping your head. I don't need to know what, but

  Reagan doesn't have to try not to look at you anymore, and

  you touched her arm twice last night, Cash. Thaf s not

  something I've ever seen you do to any woman before."

  Cash turned around and met Reagan's wide gaze before

  both started to laugh. Katy joined them, not knowing when

  she had felt so good. Her hip was mending, and she was

  headed to church--and not out of fear--but because God

  now lived inside of her. This thought, however, reminded

  her of something she needed to take care of with Cash.

  "Cash," Katy called to him just as her chair shifted a

  little and her hip experienced some pain.

  "Am I going too fast?"

  "No. I've got something to apologize to you about."

  459

  "All right. Did you want to talk to me later?"

  "No. Reagan can hear this. Remember how angry I was

  about your view of your parents' salvation?"

  "I remember."

  "Well, I can see what you were talking about now. I

  know your mother would have come if she'd received the

  letter you sent. She's that type of pers'on. But I do see what

  you meant before. Being a good person is not what God has

  to say."

  It had been said in Katy's way, but Cash understood her.

  "Thank you, Kate. I appreciate that very much."

  The three went on to church and had a wonderful

  morning. Less man a handful of folks missed the chance to

  greet Katy and wish her well, and she thought that if she

  died that day, she would do so the happiest person on

  earth.

  "How many folks get a second chance at my age?" she

  a
sked Noelle Ellis.

  "Not many take it like you have, Katy. Even at the

  eleventh hour God saves, but it seems that not many folks

  460

  see their need in time."

  252 lori wick

  Katy was so excited she could hardly speak. She was still

  sitting there smiling when Cash came to claim her.

  "Are you about ready to head out?"

  "Yes, I am. Is Reagan ready?"

  "I believe so."

  Several men were on hand to help Cash load Katy and

  her chair back into the wagon. It wasn't without discomfort

  to her, but if the truth be told, that lady barely even noticed.

  '3T

  "Katy!" Cash called to her after he made a trip into town

  on Thursday morning.

  "In the kitchen," she called back.

  Cash just about ran to find her and saw Reagan in attendance

  as well.

  "My parents are on their way!" he told them. "Davis at

  461

  the telegraph office caught me just as I was leaving town.

  They had been out of the state, and while away my father

  had taken ill, but now they're on their way."

  "We'll have to shop," Katy said decisively. "Do we have

  time?"

  "I'm not sure," he spoke as he tried to scan the contents

  of the message again. "With this date, they could be

  coming in today."

  Amid Katy's and his own excitement, it took a moment

  for Cash to notice that Reagan was missing. He called for

  her and began to check around the house, but not until he

  walked through the living room did he spot her out front,

  bicycle in hand, getting ready to hop on and ride. Without

  having to be told, he knew she was not headed out for

  exercise.

  He was out the door in a flash, running faster than he

  had in years. He caught up with her just as she was giving

  the bike a push to jump on. He was thankful she heard his

  approach and stopped.

  City Girl 253

  462

  "Oh, Cash," she said quietly, her features strained and

  tense, "I have to go home for a little while. I should have

  told you, but you're here now, so now you know."

  "Can I tali you?" he offered, his chest still heaving

  some.

  "No, no," she said, her eyes filling with panic. "Ill be

  back sometime."

  "Reagan, honey," Cash said gently, "whaf s wrong?"

  "I just need to go home. If s been a long time."

  "Does this have anything to do with my parents'

  coming?"

  "I have to go," she told him, not even looking at him.

  "I'll be back."

  "Reagan," he tried again, but she just shook her head

  and started on her way.