Oscar Rat's Secret Missions
The biography of a rodent hero, Me:
Young Oscar Rat walked over his book, careful to leave no smudges and, grasping an edge, turned the page. He then went back to perch on a stack of other books and continued reading. It was a compilation of Shakespeare’s plays. One of his favorites.
Oscar’s great-grandmother, Ethel, had been a typical lab rat when she was young. One of a large litter born in the Biology Laboratory at the University of Hawaii. She'd been unexceptional until injected with an experimental drug designed to increase her sex drive.
The drug not only accomplished that task but also increased her intelligence a great deal. With her new abilities, Ethel quickly escaped her cage along with a handsome wharf rat named Junior.
That innate intelligence somehow became genetic and she was soon the mother of dozens of intelligent rats. Then the grandmother of many more. Eventually the great-grandmother of many, many, many intelligent rats.
Her progeny, eventually a large colony, occupied the basement of the Science Building. They were well-read and mannered.
Oscar inherited all her better traits. He was unique in that he was also adventurous -- most of his contemporaries content to stay at home and study.
Oscar became bored with the bard’s work. He had been reading all morning and craved excitement. University life was soft, with little challenge for a young rodent. Oscar wanted to see the world rather than just read about it.
“Hey, Oscar. You want'a play some ball?”
He looked over and saw his friend, Ronnie.
“Na, don’t think so, Ron,” was his reply, glad for the interruption. He didn’t think he would ever be bored by Shakespeare, but it was so. Oscar had been very restless lately.
“Why don’t we go see Spike?” He asked his friend. “I want to ask him a few questions, about outside.” Spike the cat, was a good friend and had many tales to tell of the world outside the Science Building. He had been all over the island of Oahu, in his younger days.
The two searched for their friend. It being Sunday, they didn’t have to worry about humans. The big oafs made noise and were easy to avoid.
They found Spike asleep at his usual spot, in the sunshine near a front window.
“Wha, who goes there?” Spike jumped up. He was a very light sleeper, taking his job seriously and accosting intruders with his sharp claws and teeth. His only problems were due to age -- arthritic joints and poor eyesight.
“It’s only me and Oscar,” Ronnie assured him, “just killing time. How you doin’, Spike?”
“Oh. You can advance,” Spike replied, straining his old eyes to see their blurs, “Okay. No burglars or nothing like that. I keep a good watch. Just resting my eyes is all.”
The three made small talk, mostly Spike telling stories about his youth. Finally, Ronnie left and Oscar could get down to business. He pumped Spike about what it was like “Outside.”
“To begin with, young fellow, you have to avoid cats. Most of them want to eat you.”
“You never did that, did you Spike?”
“Well, Uh, you see, I – I – no – no – no, Oscar. I never ate rats, but a lot of cats do, so keep away from them, you hear?”
“Okay, Spike. I’ll remember that.”
“It’s best if you hide and sleep during the daylight and eat and travel only at night,” Spike cautioned him. “And be extra careful crossing streets. Those big machines on the roads are fast. If you see one, stay off the street. At night they have big lights so you can see them coming but in the daylight they’re too fast to see.”
“I read a book that said we were on an island and that If I caught a ship I could go to a bigger land. Is that true, Spike?”
“I’ve seen ships before but never been on one. Those things are huge and stay on the water. Cats don’t like water much.”
“I’m gonna go tomorrow morning to seek my fortune in the big ‘Outside’. I hear there’s a place where rats rule, full of food and trash. I want to find it.”
“I wish you would stay, Oscar, but I understand the urge to roam,” Spike's brain clicked back into memory mode, reality fading into childhood adventures. Oscar knew better than to disturb his friend. Spike spent more and more time with his memories lately.
The next morning, well before sunup, Oscar wrote a note for his mother and began looking for Spike. His feline friend showed him to a secret exit.
“Goodbye and good luck, young rodent.” Spike hugged Oscar and watched him leave his home, set on adventure.
It was still dark as Oscar heard the window slam shut behind him. He was frightened and thought of going back. He could still return to a lifetime of reading old books and wondering what the world was like outside.
Forcing himself, the young rat took his first step into the unknown. The other three feet followed and he was soon stepping briskly across the campus.
Following his friend Spike’s advice, Oscar headed south toward Waikiki. He soon came to a street. Curiously, he waited for a car to go by, wondering how much time he would have to cross the street afterward. He saw a light in the distance, a few seconds later, it lit up the roadway, so bright he had to shut his eyes.
The ground shook and the light seemed brighter through his closed eyelids. A dim roar became louder and louder. Suddenly the wind whipped through his fur, almost knocking him down. The light cut off and Oscar opened his eyes to see small red lights fading in the distance. That monster could kill me, he thought, shaking. I better study it more. A little basic calculus should help.
Oscar waited while a half dozen more autos went down the street, noting the time and distance down by scratching calculations on the pavement with his claws. He had to guess at things like speed and distances. Finally, estimating the time from the first ground shaking to the time it arrived, he figured how long he had to cross the street. I’d better be right, my life depends on it.
Waiting, and screwing up his courage, Oscar ran as fast as he could across the street. Once on the other side, his legs folded and he lay panting, waiting for his heart to settle down. One down and many more to go, he thought.
He came upon half a hamburger sandwich lying in a front yard. Not being very hungry but, following Spike’s advise, Oscar paused to eat his fill. Pretty much like the ones at the University, he decided, Too much mustard, though.
The wandering rat licked his whiskers and picked up his pace. I better find a place to hide for the day, he decided, noticing the sky was lighter. He heard cats calling in the distance and hurried, keeping a watch out for danger and a place to sleep for the day.
“Hey buddy, you better get on home. It’s going to rain,” somebody called to him. Oscar looked over to his right and saw a big dog looking at him.
“I don’t have a home, sir,” Oscar answered. “Can you recommend lodgings for the day?”
“Well, you sound like an educated little rat. If you want you can stay here today,” the dog told him, “I could use someone to talk to.” He paused a moment. “You would have to take a few burrs out of my coat, though. I can’t do it myself.”
Oscar was glad to take him up on the offer, since he himself didn’t know the first thing about finding shelter. He went over and the dog, who’s name turned out to be “Jackson,” showed him a nice place under the front porch.
“No cats dare come into this yard, so you can feel safe, little feller,” Jackson told him. “I gotta go in the house for awhile. See you later.”
“Thank you, sir.” Oscar settled down to take a nap. During the day he would often wake to the sounds of cats hunting, sometimes by screams of pain from their prey. It was hard for him to equate the sounds to his friend Spike. Occasionally a cat would walk by on the sidewalk, but none ventured into the yard. It still scared Oscar to see the way they walked and the look in their eyes. He would shudder and hide behind the steps.
He had to spend the afternoon prying burrs out of Jackson’s fur
. The dog had spent a lifetime walking the streets and kept up a nonstop monolog of his experiences, especially in regard to cats.
When the sun went down, Oscar set out again on his quest for adventure. Heading south again, he came upon a huge flowing river. That must be the Ala Wai Canal, he decided. Not knowing which way was the shortest, he turned to his left and continued.
A few hours later, the rat found a bridge crossing the canal. Following the edge of the bridge he crossed carefully after checking if for felines. Then he headed southeast. It being an island, he knew that sooner or later he was bound to find the ocean. After that he would only have fo follow the shore, watching for a ship to board.
After dark, Oscar was walking down a street south of Kuhio Street when he heard a growl behind him. Shaking, he glanced over a shoulder to see two eyes shining at him. It was a cat. The frightened rat walked faster. If he listened hard, he could hear rustling behind him. Every once in a while there would be another growl, each one sounding closer.
He knew from reading books that the cat was playing with him and that later it would try to kill him. I should have stayed home, he thought. Shivering, he starting to run.
A loud “Meow” told him the feline hunter was done playing and wanted to eat him then and there. Oscar felt a hot breath on his tail as he dodged under a stack of old boards.
“Meowoor.” The cat bleated, hitting its head on the wood and starting to dig. Oscar crouched under his rotten shelter. His eyes blurred with tears as he shook in fear. While in a panic, he heard other "Meowing" in different voices as other cats joined in the game.
“Hey, shut the hell up,” a loud voice called and the cats quieted and slunk away. Human footsteps sounded as Oscar cringed under his board. They became louder and then rapidly receded as someone walked by, shaking the ground. Oscar could hear the cats retreating, complaining all the way. “And stay away from here.”
The sun come up and Oscar had to find a better place to hide, and maybe a breakfast. Under the board would have been a good hiding place except that the cats could be back at any time. He peered carefully out one end. A house was in front of him, with a wooden fence next to it. He could see a street in the other direction and, oh my god, two cats.
As he stepped away from the board, Oscar heard a distant “Meow” and saw one of the cats racing in his direction. He ran for the house, eyes searching for shelte. The terrified rodent saw an inch or so of space under a door, and headed that way. The hell with it, he thought, as he squeezed inside. Humans were safer than cats. A few seconds later, he looked back, panting, and could see paws reaching under the door. The space was far too small for his assailants to enter.
Well, looks like I’m staying here today, Oscar thought as he looked around, spying a piece of dried pizza crust lying under a table. Instead, he opted for safety and scurried under an empty easy chair to continue to eye the room. It was a one-room apartment, dirty, with old furniture. He could see a porcelain bathtub through an open doorway.
He couldn’t see or hear anyone, so he checked the bathroom. It was empty, with a closet across one wall. Should be all right, he thought, not noticing any smell of dogs or cats inside. Oscar then went back to the other room and dragged the pizza crust under the bathtub with him.
While he was eating breakfast he heard the door open. He could see a human come in with a bag of groceries and a handful of books.
Can’t be all bad, if he reads books. Maybe I can borrow one? Oscar thought while munching on the delicious crust. He was so hungry he ate everything. Oscar then swept the crumbs up into a little pile, and ate them. His mother had taught him never to leave a mess.
Hearing a television come on, the rat found a pair of dirty socks and pulled them under the tub with him to fashion a makeshift nest and went to sleep. It had been a hectic day for him.
When he woke, the television was still on and he could see the human reading a book and sitting on the stuffed-chair. From the doorway Oscar could see the entire room. He was thirsty and looked around for water. The only place he knew of was in the toilet next to the tub.
He'd drank out of one at the University once. A guy had to be careful, though. He remembered when his brother Harry had fallen in and almost drowned. Some of the other guys had finally thrown something in for Harry to climb out on.
Oscar managed to jump onto the seat. The water looked so inviting. He listened carefully and the human was still quiet. Oscar braced his back legs and reached down. He was taking a long satisfying swallow when he could feel one of feet slipping. Jerking back, he almost made it before tumbling down into the water with a splash.
The rodent surfaced, sputtering and fumbling for purchase on the hard surface. He had never been more scared in his life as he continued to claw at the smooth, glassy porcelain. To make matters more serious, he could hear a chair squeak as the human got up.
An almost petrified Oscar clawed furiously at the porcelain bowl. Panting loudly, his eyes bugged out as he saw the human looking down at him. Worn out, he let go in resignation and started to say his prayers. He knew, just knew, that any moment the human would stick him with a knife or shoot him with a gun. He had read all the stories. Oscar layquietly in the water. Playing dead, he closed his eyes and waited to die for real.
He noticed something hard pushing at his fur and could picture a sharp knife skewering his precious hide. Oscar was surprised when he was picked up and lifted from the water. He opened his eyes as he felt himself moving.
The human was carrying him high up in the air, and moving toward the outside door. Oscar didn’t struggle, not wanting to be dropped from that height. He was taken outside and placed gently on the ground. He saw the human retreating back to the open door and going back inside.
Oscar scurried back under the wood pile, feeling cold from drying fur. He could see the door close behind the human. The rat couldn’t believe his luck.
Oscar spent a couple of days under the wood pile. He wanted to study the cats and learn when it would be safe to leave. He found that there were about a half-dozen of the animals. Whenever he thought he had their motions figured out, he would see yet another one. Two of them patrolled the area all night long. The fence alongside the house was new and rat tight.
Oscar became hungrier and thirstier while trying to think of a way out. There weren’t any mud puddles for him to drink out of and no rain. He could see a water dish in front of one of the apartments, the one with three cats living in it. Trying to get a drink there was out of the question.
Maybe I can sneak back in while the human’s gone? Oscar thought. I have to find something to eat and drink. I’m too weak to run past all those cats.
He waited patiently until the human left. It was evening when Oscar saw the doorway light up as the apartment door opened wide and the human left. A few minutes later Oscar ran over to the door and squeezed inside. Everything was the same as the last time except it was dark inside. He could see pretty-well as he tiptoed across the room, nose trying to sniff out water and food.
Oscar could smell food on the table. He jumped up onto chair and scampered up its back. There was a plate with something on it sitting on a table next to the chair, also a coffee cup. Oscar stepped back as far as he could and, running forward, leaped onto the table. He slid a foot or so across the top before stopping.
Having often eaten in the university cafeteria, he knew better than to eat any of the half a hotdog on a plate. Someone might notice later, so he dragged a small piece of cold french fry onto the table and made sure to eat the entire thing, followed by a green bean and a piece of lettuce. Oscar always tried to eat his greens. He then drank his fill of the cold coffee. Before leaving, he made certain he hadn’t made any mess. His mother would be angry if she ever found out.
Oscar then jumped back to the chair and scampered down it to the floor. He went back to his hideout under the batht
ub. The dirty socks were still there. Not only that, but he saw two small bowls next to the toilet. One held food and the other water. He didn’t know what to think of that. I’ll ponder about that tomorrow, he thought. Right now I have to get some sleep. For the first time in days the little rat felt safe and, snuggling his nose into the smelly socks, fell asleep.
Oscar liked it there. The human treated him good and kept him fed. Even gave him pizza, his favorite food. Noticing that Oscar liked pepperoni, he bought pepperoni pizza, sometimes even pepperoni by itself.
The contented rat found a good place to sleep under a table in the living room. He could watch both the human and the television from there. He even had enough light to read. A fan kept him cool in the hot weather. He could go out when he wanted and kept his own hours. After a month or so, the cats became used to having him around and didn’t bother him as much. He still didn’t trust them, though. They weren’t as old as Spike and played too rough for Oscar. And, did you ever try to have an intellectual conversation with a cat?
Oscar even became friendly with a cat named Squeaky, once they stopped trying to eat him. It seemed that one day a man came with a net and a cage, and took most of them away. They missed Squeaky since he was inside at the time. Now lonely, without any other cats around, Squeaky would sit and talk with Oscar by the hour. He said that some other rats had been stealing the cat’s food and that was why they wanted to get him earlier.
Oscar explored that part of town and learned how to get to the Port, where he could maybe sneak onto a ship. He wasn’t in any hurry, enjoying the easy lifestyle.
The human, Charlie, let Oscar read his books. Most of them were about computers and didn’t interest Oscar much. Charlie worked nights with a very big computer downtown.
One afternoon, while Oscar was reading under the bathtub, Charlie came home. The rat could hear him in the living room. The human pulled the bathroom door almost closed, an uncommon occurrence which surprised the rat. He could hear two people in the other room, and smell a fresh pizza.
“Come on, honey,” he could hear Charlie say, “let’s have something to eat.”
“I would rather eat something else, Charlie,” a woman’s voice answered.
“Later, babe. The pizza’s getting cold.”
Oscar, curious and hungry, went over to the partially-closed door and stuck his head out to see what was going on.
He saw a girl sitting on the bed with her shoes off and a piece of pepperoni pizza in her hand. About the same time, the girl saw Oscar looking at her.
“Eeeeeeeeuhhh, what’s that?” She screamed, jumping up, “A Rraaattt. You got a rat in here.” She ran to the door, with Charlie trying to grab her.
“It’s just Oscar, sweety,” Charlie grabbed at her arm but she just kept going out the door.
On his part, the frightened raat ran back under the bathtub and hid, shaking, under his book.
Charlie didn’t know what to do. He stood in the doorway watching his girlfriend run away. Then he turned to deal with an equally frightened rodent.
“I told her about you but I guess she didn’t believe me,” he tried to placate Oscar, who was still frightened. The rat hid under the tub all night, coming out the next morning to eat cold pizza.
Oscar eventually became bored and figured it was time to resume his journey. Late one night he took a bath, cleaned up his nest and set out to find a ship. Somewhere in the big wide world there must be a place for him. A place where rats could be themselves, away from cats and humans.