Letting Go

  “Okay,” I said warily. “What is it?”

  Taking a large breath, she held it for a few seconds and blinked rapidly, like she was trying to stop more tears from coming on. “I need money. I got laid off, and Mike took everything and bailed on me.”

  My head jerked back. “What? Oh my God. I’m so sorry. I didn’t even know you had a—wait, who’s Mike?”

  She waved her hand dismissively. “He’s gone, it doesn’t matter. But Jagger told me not to date him, he begged me not to. He said Mike would do something like this to me, but I didn’t listen to him. I didn’t believe Mike would leave me, and now I have nothing. No money, no car, nothing. I’m going to lose my house . . . I can’t even afford to buy Keith’s food,” she sobbed.

  “Mrs. Easton, I’m sorry. I don’t even know what else to say.”

  “And I know Jagger. He’ll go after Mike. Mike threatened him every time Jagger stopped by the house, and the last time Jagger was there, he told Mike he’d kill him if he did anything to me. I can’t let my son go to jail because I was too stupid, and I know he’ll go to extremes to make sure I’m okay. He’ll give me everything he has, that’s just how he is. I can’t do this to him.”

  I stood there in shock. I wanted to know why Jagger hadn’t told me about Mike, but knew that he would do anything to keep me from anything painful. “That’s why Jagger was mad at you,” I mumbled.

  Mrs. Easton’s eyes widened. “What?”

  “That day we were moving Jagger into the warehouse and you came by, that’s why he was mad. Because of Mike . . . right?”

  “Oh, sweet girl. I’m so sorry you had to see that. He was just trying to protect me.”

  Of course he was. Because that’s what Jagger did. Protect people. “How much do you need?”

  “Two thousand. That will cover the bills until I can find another job.”

  “Two thousand?” My jaw dropped, and I scrambled for something to say. “I don’t—I don’t have that kind of money. I just started working and I’m trying to pay off student loans as fast as possible.”

  A hard sob burst from Mrs. Easton’s chest, and she covered her mouth to quiet her cries. “Oh God. Oh God.” She turned her body away from me, but I still heard her whisper, “What am I gonna do?”

  “I can . . .” I trailed off, and felt sick at the thought. But this was Jagger’s mom. I couldn’t let her lose her house. “I can give you a thousand.” The offer came across as a question more than anything. “I’m sorry it’s not enough, but it’s all I have. If I could just tell Jag—”

  “No!” she nearly shouted, and turned to face me again. “That’s fine, anything you can afford is fine, but you can’t tell him. If he knew about this, he would give me everything . . . I told you that. He’d give me money even if it meant he wouldn’t be able to pay his own bills.”

  I looked around helplessly for a few seconds before nodding. “Okay. I have to write a check, though. I can’t pull all that out at the ATM.”

  “Oh, Grey, you’re a lifesaver. I swear, as soon as I get another job I’ll pay you back.”

  “I know you will.” I gave her a weak smile as I searched for a pen in my purse and walked over to my car.

  Setting the checkbook on the hood, I wrote out a check to her for one thousand dollars. I tried not to think of the fact that I would now only have enough left in my account to pay my cell-phone bill and buy gas. I just swallowed back the sick feeling and continued chanting to myself that this was Jagger’s mom and little brother, and I needed to help them.

  “Here you go, Mrs. Easton. I’m so sorry that all this happened to you.”

  Pulling me in for a tight hug, she held me for a few seconds as fresh tears began welling up in her eyes. “Thank you, honey. Thank you so much.” Cupping my cheek for a moment, she smiled shakily at me. “You’re such a sweet girl, I’m so glad my Jagger has you.”

  I watched as she turned and began walking away. “Do you need a ride home?”

  She glanced back and rested her hand over her chest. “No, honey, the walk will give me time to think. Thank you.”

  Once she had turned the corner, I got into my car and gave myself a few minutes to gather myself before calling Jagger.

  “Hey, I was just getting ready to call you.”

  “Sorry.”

  There was a long pause, and just when I realized that I hadn’t said anything else, he asked, “You okay?”

  “Of course!” I shook off the sick feeling and straightened in my seat. “I’m sorry, it was a long day, and then I got caught up at the end . . . I’m just a little out of it. But what do you want for dinner?”

  “I already ordered Chinese so you wouldn’t have to cook or anything since you had to go in on your day off.”

  A smile pulled at my lips. “Sounds perfect, I’ll be there in a few minutes.”

  After ending the call, I knew I was right in helping his mom and in not telling Jagger. She was right. Even though Mrs. Easton had always been a little flighty, Jagger would do anything to take care of his mom. Just as he had always done for Charlie and me.

  I KNOCKED ON Graham’s door a few hours later after spending time with Jagger, and jumped back a little when it immediately opened and a big mass of a guy bear-hugged me.

  “Where’ve you been all my life, girl?”

  “Can’t breathe,” I choked out, and hit him as hard as I could. “God, Deacon!” I hissed when he released me, and hunched over to pull in quick and uneven breaths as I tried to fill my lungs.

  “Don’t be so dramatic, Grey. You’re fine.”

  I glared up at him like he’d lost his mind. “Fine? Do you know that it feels like being slammed into a brick wall when you do that?” I tried to hold my anger, but the face he was making made it impossible, and by the time I finished talking, I was smiling.

  “See? You’re not even mad at me.”

  Pushing at his chest to walk into the house, I shook my head. “I am mad at you, you just make it hard to stay mad.”

  “When are you going to stop breaking my heart and realize you’re in love with me?” he asked as he slung an arm around my neck, pulling me in close to his side.

  I barked out a laugh, then pulled away and skipped ahead of him. “Hmm . . . let me think.”

  “Never,” Graham answered for me, and I turned around just in time to be engulfed in his hug.

  “Come on, dude,” Deacon complained. “She’s breaking my fucking heart.”

  “She’s my fucking sister!”

  “And I’m also taken,” I chimed in, and Deacon did a dramatic move like I’d just wounded him. “Don’t act like you’re hurt, how many different girls have you been with this week alone, Deacon?”

  “Three,” he responded immediately, and a wry smile crossed his face when the doorbell rang. “And that would be number two coming back again.”

  “You’re gross, and obviously not brokenhearted.”

  Grabbing the back of my head, he landed a loud kiss on my forehead before dodging Graham’s fist and backing up toward the entryway. “I’ll always be brokenhearted when it comes to you, Grey LaRue,” he teased.

  “I fucking hate my roommates,” Graham growled once Deacon had disappeared.

  Turning to look at him, I raised one eyebrow and walked over to plop down on one of the couches. “No you don’t, and I don’t know why you had me come here when you know they’re going to act the way they do.” I looked around for a second before asking, “Speaking of, where’s Knox?”

  “Gone. Thank God. I don’t think I’d be able to stop from punching one of them if they were both here.”

  “Once again: I don’t know why you had me come here when you know how they always act.”

  Knox and Deacon had been Graham’s best friends since middle school, and after years of partying together in a fraternity, they all decided they weren’t ready to settle down or give up the party. They bought a large house in Thatch, and continued to live like frat boys.

  Both were hand
some in a way that had women of all ages turning to look at them, and they knew it. Their egos as well as Graham’s added up to a recipe for destruction for any girl who entered their lives, and many did. I’d grown up with Knox and Deacon and viewed them as two more obnoxious brothers to deal with, but Graham never seemed to get the memo that we all viewed each other as siblings. Knowing his annoyance at my involvement with Ben and Jagger, both Knox and Deacon had been declaring their “love” for me since I was sixteen just to piss him off, and six years later, it still worked.

  Deacon walked back into the living room with a busty, black-haired girl against his side, and shot me a wink as they continued on to the hallway leading to his room.

  I gestured toward the hallway they’d disappeared in and whispered to Graham, “At least he’s starting to go for girls outside of Thatch. The three of you have half the female population simultaneously hating you and waiting for another chance to be with you.” Graham laughed, and I slapped at his arm. “It’s not funny. Do you know how often I get asked about one of you, or receive phone numbers from women wanting you to call them again ‘just in case you lost it’? It’s annoying.”

  “Come on, you haven’t even been back in Thatch for a total of a month and a half when you take out your trip to Seattle. It can’t be that bad yet.”

  I didn’t respond to that, I just gave him a look telling him he was so wrong.

  “And I wanted you here because I’m hiding from Mom,” he continued.

  “Wait, what? Why?”

  “Haven’t you heard her lately? Or have you been too wrapped up in your new relationship.”

  I opened my mouth to deny that, and smiled when I realized I couldn’t.

  “Exactly.”

  “Oh, whatever. Tell me why you’re hiding.”

  Graham groaned and got comfortable on the couch. “She wants me to move out of here and get my own place, without a roommate, and she’s trying to get me to settle down. She has a new list of eligible girls every time I come over or talk to her.”

  “Eligible?” I asked on a laugh. “Oh my God, are you serious?”

  He sat up and tried to imitate Mom’s voice. “ ‘They’re single and absolutely darling girls. You’d be lucky to be with any one of them; besides, they’re not like the floozies you normally date.’ ”

  I laughed harder and had to wait until I could breathe normally before asking, “Floozies? She really says that?”

  “Now you see why I’m hiding?”

  “A little,” I admitted.

  “She acts like I’m in my midthirties or something. She just keeps saying all the good ones will be gone by the time I realize I’m ready to settle down, so she’s trying to help me see what I’m missing. I’m only twenty-four.”

  “Or maybe she’s saying that because she’s secretly hoping you’ll stop whoring yourself around.”

  Graham’s foot shot out and connected with my knee. “Don’t be a brat, you know I’m not getting paid.” He grinned wickedly and shrugged. “Whatever, I think she just wants me to be like you.”

  My eyebrows rose. “Like me?” I asked dully.

  “Yeah. Twenty-two and already with the guy of your dreams, or some bullshit like that. You’ve always known exactly what you want when it comes to who you want to be with, there’s never been a question with Ben or—” Graham cut off quickly, his eyes widening when he realized what he was saying.

  I waited for a second to see if he would continue or backtrack, but he just sat there staring directly past me, looking like he was kicking himself for saying anything. “With Ben or Jagger?” I offered, and Graham’s eyes flashed back over to mine.

  “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to—”

  “Graham, it’s fine. You’re allowed to talk about Ben. Jagger and I talk about him.”

  “But it—I don’t know, and then after what’s been happening . . .”

  I smiled and squeezed his arm for a second. “But it’s fine. Even with everything that’s happened, I can still talk about him. When all that shit went down, I was struggling, yeah, but only because I was confused and upset. I had a hard time dealing with the stolen vows and the Facebook messages, but none of that made a difference for me with what happened to Ben.”

  Graham watched me for a minute before speaking, and when he did his voice was soft—the worry in his tone clear. “But you look so depressed sometimes, Grey. You look like you’re not dealing or something.”

  “I am dealing. I’ve dealt with it. Are there days when it’s hard? Yeah, there are, but it was a sad thing that happened. And you have to remember that a lot of the days that you’ve seen me were really bad or hard days. Like at graduation and the two-year anniversary of Ben’s death. Or coming back to Thatch for the first time in a year. Or when I found out how Jagger felt about me, and felt like everyone was spitting on Ben’s memory. Or the times when I got the messages from his account, or pictures of us together. It would be hard for anyone to go through what I did.”

  “I just worry about you.”

  “I know. So do Mom and Dad, and so does Jagger, but I really am doing fine.” I grabbed the collar of my shirt and pulled it to the side. “Did you notice I’m not wearing my necklace?” Graham shook his head and I released my shirt. “It was time to take it off.”

  “When did you do that?”

  “A few days ago. It’s now in the box with my engagement ring and some other things.”

  “I don’t know what to say to something like that,” he admitted softly. “I want to say I’m happy for you, because I know what taking off the necklace had to mean to you. I want to say I’m glad you’re moving on, and moving on with Jagger. But I hate that you’ve had to go through any of this. It kills me knowing how much you’ve hurt over the last couple years.”

  I looked up and blinked quickly to stop the tears that were welling up in my eyes, and gave Graham a soft smile. “Now you’re going to make me cry because you’re being all sweet and stuff.”

  Graham sat up and clapped his hands. “Okay, no crying. Because I’ll find someone to hit for making you cry, even if it is my fault. New subject? Something not so depressing?”

  “Sure.”

  “The love of my life is here!” someone shouted from behind me, and I turned to see Knox standing there with his arms open wide, a bag of greasy food hanging from one hand, a case of beer in the other. “Have you finally realized we’re meant to be together?”

  I laughed and Graham grumbled, “Not that subject.”

  “What, no girl tonight, Knox?”

  He winked, the action so much like Deacon’s, and one I’d come to expect from both of them during the times they were pissing off Graham. “Already left her for the night; somehow I knew I needed to be home, and look what I find.”

  “That’s it. I’m killing both you and Deacon,” Graham said simply, as if he’d just decided on what shirt to wear for the day rather than murder.

  Knox huffed. “You can’t kill me, your sister loves me. She’d hate you if you killed me.” Graham stood up, and Knox raised his arms higher. “Food! I brought food and beer! You can’t kill me, dude.”

  Snatching the bag of food, Graham punched him in the stomach and walked calmly back to the couch while Knox stayed bent over, holding himself up against the wall.

  With an unapologetic look at his roommate, Graham turned to me and shrugged. “That’ll hold me over until next time.”

  Jagger

  August 23, 2014

  I WATCHED GREY shrug into one of my shirts as she got off the bed, and followed her every move as she walked to the bathroom.

  She barely glanced over at me before she realized I was awake and watching her, and did a double take. “Hey,” she said softly, and turned around to walk over to me, her voice still raspy from sleep. “When did you wake up?”

  “When you moved away from me.”

  Grey smiled and leaned over to kiss me. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you—” She cut off on a laugh when I gr
abbed the backs of her thighs and pulled her toward me.

  “I’m not. I’m just sorry you put clothes back on.” Running my hands up her legs and over the curves of her bare ass, I pressed her down against me and swallowed her moan when she rocked against my erection.

  “Then maybe you should change that?” she offered, and sat up so she could look down at me while she slowly eased herself onto me, a soft moan sounding in her chest when she was fully seated.

  I’d barely inched the shirt up to her waist when we heard the front door open and shut, and Grey scrambled off me and the bed to look for more clothes to put on.

  “Jag?”

  “Son of a bitch,” I growled. “Yeah, hold on a sec!” Grabbing the pair of jeans on the floor, I pulled them on and looked back at Grey.

  “Charlie has the worst timing!” she hissed as she finished putting on her shorts and ran into the bathroom.

  I bit back a smile and leaned over the railing to look at my little sister. “What’s up?”

  “Were you seriously still sleeping? It’s almost eleven!”

  And Grey and I didn’t go to bed until sometime around four this morning. “Uh, yeah. We were tired.”

  “We—oh. Why do you always leave your door unlocked?”

  I raised an eyebrow at her exasperated question. “I didn’t.”

  “Actually, you did. It was definitely unlocked, and the key you just gave me doesn’t work.” She held up her key ring. “It wouldn’t even fit in the lock, so I just tried the handle.”

  “Yes it does. I checked it before I gave it to you.”

  “Obviously not, I tried it this way and that way.” She showed me as if she was actually trying to unlock an imaginary door in front of her. Holding her key out before turning it upside down and trying again.

  “Really, now? Is that exactly how you did it?” I smiled when her answer was to glare at me. “Fine, I’ll make you another key. Give me a second to find a shirt.” Pushing away from the railing, I walked over to the closet and put on the first shirt I touched, then opened the bathroom door. “You coming with me?” I asked Grey.

  “This is so embarrassing!” she whispered harshly. “This is the second time she’s walked in when we were starting to do something.”