Letting Go

  After a couple minutes went by with Grey staring at the menu, and Graham and me watching her every move, Graham leaned over the table toward her.

  “Is it LeAnn?” he asked, soft enough that his voice wouldn’t carry.

  Grey’s head snapped up, her eyes wide and pinned on her brother. “What did you just say?”

  “I asked if it’s LeAnn.”

  “Why would you ask that?” she whispered harshly.

  “Why wouldn’t he?” I asked before Graham started talking again.

  “Because you’re being weird as shit and we’re out in public. Are you afraid she’s gonna walk in here? If she does she’ll have to turn right back around and leave because of the restraining order. You’re gonna be fine.”

  “No, I’m not afraid she’s going to walk in here, and I’m fine, Graham,” she mumbled as she shook her head slowly back and forth, like we were the ones acting weird.

  Leaning over, I brushed back her red hair and put my lips to her ear, and bit back a sigh when she moved away. “Do you want to leave?”

  “Why would I? What is the deal with you and Graham right now?”

  Before I could respond, Knox and Deacon came walking up to the table, Knox talking loudly. “Don’t go putting the moves on my future wife. I don’t care if you’re engaged, Grey’s mine.”

  “My future wife,” Deacon added as he sat down next to Grey.

  I looked up and smiled as Knox dodged Graham’s fist. I knew they were just trying to get a rise out of him. If I’d ever thought they actually wanted Grey, I’d try to keep her from them.

  “I’m fucking starving. Let’s order some burgers already.”

  Graham pointed at Knox, but looked at me. “See? At least someone here is sane.”

  “I never said the burgers weren’t good, I just said there’s other food on the menu!” I argued, and Deacon snorted.

  “No. There’s only burgers on this menu,” he insisted as he drummed his hands on the table and looked around. “Where’s our waiter, we’ve been here for an hour.”

  Grey laughed and tossed her menu at Deacon. “You’ve been here for about two minutes, if that, and it’s a waitress, not a waiter.”

  Knox and Deacon both looked up at Grey, smiles crossing their faces. “Is she hot?” Deacon asked, and Grey just raised an eyebrow in confirmation.

  “Mine!” Knox and Deacon shouted at the same time, but just before they could get into an argument, Grey cut in.

  “You haven’t even seen who it is yet! And if I remember correctly, all three of you have been with her at one point.”

  “Fuck,” Knox groaned.

  “And I like how you try to claim a girl you want to hook up with like you’re four years old and claiming a toy.”

  Knox grinned. “You have to lay claim when you have roommates who are always going after the same girl as you.” His eyes narrowed on someone who was standing behind me, then his face fell. “Damn it, it’s Julia. You can have her.”

  “I don’t want her. I had her once already,” Deacon hissed just as she came up to the table.

  “This is awkward,” she mumbled with a forced smile. “Obviously I don’t need an introduction, are you all ready to order?”

  “Yes,” I said before Knox or Deacon could ask for another waitress—it wouldn’t have been the first time. “We are.”

  “Great, what can I get you?”

  “I’M SO EXHAUSTED. I feel like a grandma, and it’s barely nine,” Grey groaned almost three hours later when we were back home. “I just want to go lie down in bed.”

  I finished arming the security system and looked over my shoulder to see her walking toward the stairs. “Do you think we could talk?”

  “Of course, what do you want to talk about?” she asked without stopping.

  “Not in the bedroom. I want to talk down here.”

  Grey turned to look at me when she heard my tone, her eyebrows rising in surprise. “Is everything okay?”

  “With me?” I asked on a disbelieving laugh, and walked over to meet Grey at one of the couches. As soon as we were sitting down, I met her stare and held it. “Everything’s fine with me. I want to know what’s going on with you.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “Do you really not know what I’m talking about? You’ve been somewhere else all night. Your brother even noticed something was wrong.”

  “Jagger, I’m just tired today. Work was overly exhausting, and everything kept going wrong there, so I’m just out of it because all I want to do is sleep. What is so wrong with that?”

  “Was Graham right? Are you worried about LeAnn?”

  She scoffed and sat back. “Why do you both think that all of a sudden? Of course I worry about what she might do, but I don’t focus on her like I did while she was trying to destroy us. I honestly think she’ll do anything to avoid jail, like I’ve told you before.”

  I studied her for a while, then sighed, feeling defeated. “Fine. If you say there’s nothing wrong, then there’s nothing wrong.”

  She looked at me again and shook her head. “I just want to go upstairs, curl up in your arms, and pretend like today never happened as I fall asleep. Okay?”

  “Okay, Grey,” I said softly. “Let’s get you in bed, then.”

  I followed her up the stairs and watched her as we both got ready for bed. After washing her face and stripping down until she was wearing only a thin tank top and her underwear, she climbed into bed and immediately curled into a ball against my chest. I looked down and couldn’t help but notice that she still looked like something was on her mind even with her eyes closed. Almost like her entire body was tight even after she’d relaxed onto the bed. Wrapping my arms tightly around her, I rested my chin against the top of her head, and exhaled heavily when I felt the tightness in her body slowly relax. No matter what she said, I couldn’t dismiss the way she’d looked all night and knew I would do everything to find out what was wrong if she was still the same the next day.

  Chapter 18

  Grey

  November 12, 2014

  MY FACE FELL right along with my heart when Mrs. Easton walked up to the counter at work. She looked around like she was genuinely trying to decide what to get, without ever looking at me. But from the sly smile on her face, I could tell that she knew I was there, and I knew why she was there. It had been another month and a half since her last visit to The Brew, and for a second I wondered if this was what I’d have to continue to expect until I figured out what to do. Every six weeks, her showing up at my place of work, asking for money. Because her man took off with everything, because her son wasn’t hers at all, but allegedly Jagger’s . . . and whatever else she had waiting to dump on me.

  “I’ll take . . . four,” she mused, and then glanced down at me with a coy smile.

  “Four what?”

  “Oh, now don’t go playing stupid with me, Grey. You and I both know what.”

  I ground my jaw for a few seconds before giving her the same smile she was giving me. “Four dollars? Sure, I’ll give you that in cash this time.”

  “Don’t try to act smart.”

  “That’s an insane amount of money,” I hissed, leaning forward so my voice wouldn’t carry. “I don’t even make enough to give you what I have already given—”

  “I knew you had access to his money,” she bit out, cutting me off.

  I didn’t. But I also didn’t want to tell her I was taking the money out of my savings, because then she would think she could get even more from me. “I don’t have that kind of money, and the fact that you think you can keep raising the price is ridiculous.”

  “My grandson had to go the ER, Jagger should be footing that bill. And since you already know what will happen if Jagger finds out the truth about Keith, I guess you know what that means for you, don’t you?”

  Unfortunately, I did. “I want to see the birth certificate and papers giving you custody.”

  Without missing a beat, Mrs. Easton shrugged her
shoulders. “Fine. Come on over sometime . . . without my son. I’ll show you myself. Or you could always just ask Charlie,” she added with a wicked smile.

  I already had asked Charlie, and it hadn’t gone over well at all. She had just given me a shocked look and wanted to know who was asking—but never actually gave me a yes-or-no answer. And judging from the smile she was giving me, Mrs. Easton knew I’d been asking around. I hated that there wasn’t any sign that she was lying. “I don’t have the money.”

  “You better figure—”

  “I’ll give you what I gave you last time. And then I don’t want you to come asking me for money again. I’m done after this, understand?”

  Mrs. Easton’s wicked smile turned triumphant and she took a step away. “Your shift here is almost over, correct?” When I didn’t respond, she turned around and called out, “I’ll be waiting outside.”

  My boss, Anne, came up beside me and bumped my shoulder. “Hey.”

  “Hey!” I said too brightly.

  “Did that person not want anything or . . .” She trailed off, leaving me to fill in the blank.

  “Oh, no. It’s, uh, Jagger’s mom. She just came to talk to me about something, sorry about that.”

  “Oh!” She looked in the direction Mrs. Easton had gone to make sure she’d left before whispering, “Your conversation looked kind of heated. I was trying to figure out if I should step in and save you.”

  A hard laugh burst past my lips. “Appreciate the thought, but it was fine. Sorry, she brought family stuff here.”

  Anne snorted. “This is Thatch. When isn’t there family business—or everyone else’s business—going on everywhere?”

  “That’s true,” I mumbled.

  Once again, I wrote out the check before leaving the shop and handed it to Mrs. Easton without a word as I walked to my car. My savings account was quickly disappearing because of her, but I was praying that now that I had most of my answers, I would figure out a way for Jagger to get custody of Keith before Mrs. Easton came back again.

  FOUR DAYS LATER I was sitting in Graham’s living room going back and forth in my mind about whether or not I should tell him about my problem with Jagger’s mother. He hadn’t brought up my weird “hypothetical” situation since the day we’d talked about it, and I knew there was no way to keep Jagger’s name out of it if I fessed up. He would know the question was too personal, he would do the math and figure it out, and then he’d just be pissed that I hadn’t been up front with him in the beginning.

  “Are you going to tell me why you told me you wanted to see me alone? Not that I blame you, seeing how I live with Knox and Deacon, but I didn’t know why you wouldn’t want to talk to me in front of Mom and Dad or Jagger.”

  I swallowed thickly and started twisting my hands together. “Uh . . .”

  “I would ask again if you’re pregnant, but I’m pretty sure if you were, Jagger would know.” A couple seconds passed before he asked sheepishly, “You’re not pregnant . . . right?”

  “No, Graham, once again I am not pregnant.”

  “Okay, well then, what is so bad that you couldn’t let Jagger be here with you?”

  I can do this. I can do this, and I need Graham’s help, I reminded myself. With a shaky breath, I squared my shoulders and looked at my brother. “Do you remember when I asked what you would do in that hypothetical scenario that wasn’t so hypothetical?”

  “Yes . . .” he said slowly, drawing out the word.

  “It has to do with that.”

  “Did they ask you for money again?”

  Twice, I thought lamely, but shook my head. “This isn’t about asking me for money, I just need to talk to you, and see if you can help me out.”

  “Is Jagger asking you for money? Is that why he’s marrying you?”

  My entire body felt like it fell right along with my face. “Really? Really? No, Graham, Jesus! Jagger has money; he makes a lot off his drawings. God, the way you think blows my mind sometimes, and I told you this doesn’t have to do with someone asking me for money.”

  “Okay, fine, what is it, then?”

  “LeAnn disappeared for almost a year after Ben died, do you know about that?”

  “LeAnn . . . LeAnn you-went-to-high-school-with LeAnn?”

  “Yes, her.”

  “How am I supposed to know? I wouldn’t touch that mess with a ten-foot pole. Why? Did she come after you? Because if she did, you can call the cops. That’s breaking the protective order and her probation.”

  “Oh my God, Graham, no! I haven’t seen her since before we found out that it was her harassing Jagger and me. But there’s someone who’s holding something over Jagger—against him really, and it has to do with her, and why she disappeared.”

  “Just so I don’t have to try to figure out what you’re thinking by myself,” he said drily, “why don’t you simply tell me the rest?”

  “There is someone with a toddler, and they’re saying it’s Jagger’s and LeAnn’s. They said LeAnn got pregnant before Ben died, but didn’t try to approach Jagger about it until after Ben died, and then Jagger was never alone for her to talk to. So Jagger doesn’t know, but he does know the kid because the person who is holding it against him knows him really well and LeAnn gave her custody. And he definitely looks like he could be Jagger’s son.”

  “Holy shit, Grey. How long have you known about this?”

  “The end of September. A week after we got engaged,” I said warily, awaiting the reaction I knew was coming, and Graham didn’t disappoint.

  “You’re fucking telling me that you’ve known for a month and a half that your fiancé has a son with some other chick, and you haven’t told him? Are you fucking insane?”

  “You don’t—”

  “What the hell, kid? I told you that I would keep Knox from knowing about his sister, but that was if it was some bullshit like what you told me before! I didn’t know it was this.”

  “I didn’t know either! What I told you last time is what I had been told! But now it’s changed to this, and I don’t know what to do. I found out just weeks after we caught LeAnn breaking into the warehouse, and this person is threatening to take off with the baby if I tell Jagger! I don’t know what to do.”

  “Easy! You tell him because he deserves to know!”

  “I’m trying to protect him, Graham,” I argued, and Graham laughed like what I was saying was ridiculous.

  “Do you have any idea how pissed he’s going to be when he not only finds out that he has a kid, but that you knew?”

  My chest tightened. Graham had just confirmed everything I’d been thinking since Mrs. Easton came to me the second time. “There’s so much more to all of this, but I swear I am trying to protect him from what’s going on. It would crush him if he found out about this person, and I can’t let her take Jagger’s son away!”

  “You’re not fucking protecting him!” Graham shot back, and I stood up to yell at him.

  “You have no clue what I have been going through over this! So don’t tell me what I’m not doing, Graham! I need to find a way for Jagger to get custody of his son before I tell him, because if I don’t have a plan, he will go to this woman, and she will leave! So will you please just listen to me and help me?”

  Graham watched me for a few seconds with his mouth tightly shut then shook his head. “Fine. Talk.”

  I sat back down on the couch and tried to calm my breathing. “At first, I thought the woman was lying to me. But then I started finding out things, like that LeAnn had actually disappeared for that year—which I found out right before we all went out to dinner at Bonfire and why I was so spacey that night—and when I tried to trip the woman up about something, she practically offered the whole story up to me on a gold platter without a second thought.”

  “Kid, just tell me who—”

  “I can’t. Just trust me; I can’t tell you that right now, but I need your help. I have no idea how to go about finding a way to make sure she either can’t t
ake off with the kid, or find a way for Jagger to try to get custody immediately—which would also not allow her to leave with the kid.”

  Graham shrugged and looked at me helplessly. “How am I supposed to know what to do about that?”

  “Don’t you have any friends that would know? Or have you slept with a girl that would? Something, anything. Because I just keep hitting a wall.”

  For a long time, Graham didn’t respond. He just sat there staring off into space with a frustrated look on his face. “I don’t know. Maybe. There’s one girl, but she might not help me—I’m pretty sure she hates me.”

  “That’s fine, I just need you to try.”

  “One condition. Whether we find out a way or not, you have until the New Year to tell Jagger, or I tell him for you. He deserves to know.”

  “I can’t risk losing his son, Graham.”

  “Grey. Tell him, or I will.”

  My stomach churned, and the tightness around my chest increased. Looking Graham directly in the eye, I breathed, “I promise.”

  Jagger

  December 20, 2014

  THE PAST TWO months with Grey had passed quickly. There’d been nothing distracting her or keeping her away from me; every day started with her in my arms and ended the same, and my time with her never seemed like enough—but somehow was always perfect.

  We’d had Thanksgiving dinner with her family, and the next day she’d gone shopping, and when she came back she turned our home into something that belonged in Elf. But I hadn’t complained, and I’d helped her decorate everything because it was the first time since Ben had died that she’d even been excited about Christmas. I wasn’t about to do anything that made her constant smile leave her face, or dull the way her eyes lit up every time she walked into the warehouse.

  I’d been about to send off another shipment of drawings to the gallery in Seattle, but Grey made me wait so we could bring them ourselves. She said she wanted to see everything on display again, and used it as an excuse to do some wedding stuff while we were there. Charlie had traveled to Seattle earlier and immediately met up with Janie so they could go with Grey to try on their bridesmaid dresses today.