Abducted to Oz

  CHAPTER NINE:

  CAPTURED AGAIN!

  "Well, Telly, you are a most fascinating person. Would you like toaccompany me on my mission? You see, I am a stranger in a strange land,and I'd feel a lot better with someone like yourself who is familiarwith the way things work here. Also, I haven't the slightest idea whereI am or where I'm going. Not only that, but I escaped from a WickedWitch and she's probably mad as heck right now and looking for me."

  "I'd be delighted to accompany you, my little friend. Although I musttell you, I don't know how much protection I could give you from theWicked Witch because, if it's the one I think it is, she's bullied mefrom time to time. Whenever she sees me, she zooms right in and makes merun all the soap operas she's missed. Sometimes I have to sit for hoursand hours while she catches up. By the way, what is the mission youmentioned?"

  "Oh, my mission is to get home to America," Graham answered quickly. "Myparents must be worried sick about me. Have you any ideas how I couldget back before that Witch captures me again?"

  "Well, let's see! Hmmm, dum de dum de dum, Hmmm, um, let me think..."

  There was a long pause. "No!" he finally said. "I can't think of asingle way you could get back to America. In fact, I really don't thinkit's even possible for a human being to get back once he's here. Theonly person I know of who ever did that was Dorothy Gale of Kansas. Andthe reason I know that is that I run the movie every year and the end isalways the same. Dorothy clicks her heels together three times and says,'There's no place like home, there's no place like home, et cetera,' andshe wakes up in her bed back in Kansas. Now, there's an idea! How aboutwe go and see Dorothy? She'll know how to get you back. Why didn't Ithink of that first?"

  "Wonderful!" the boy exclaimed. "I'm beginning to feel a lot better.What is Dorothy doing now? Is she--" Graham's question was cut short bya big, extremely loud popping sound and a cloud of smoke. When the smokecleared, who should be there but the Wicked Witch, grinning from ear toear and prancing up and down with excitement!

  "Well, my little friend. Found you at last, haven't I? Loved your spell!Oh, it was terrific! See how beautiful I look? DO YOU? DO YOU?" shescreamed, grabbing him by the scruff of the neck. "Look at me. Look, Isay!" she yelled as she jerked his face to hers. "Do I look morebeautiful to you? Let's see. What was the last line of that spell ...Oh, now I remember: Look in the mirror and you shall see, none morebeautiful than thee! You little liar. LIAR! Did you hear me?"

  "How could I not?" asked Graham. "The way you're carrying on, I assumethere are people in Kansas who can hear you." But he cowered behindTelly as he said so.

  "Hello, my good woman," said Telly, holding out one of his peculiartriangle-shaped arms. His handshake was not accepted by the wickedwoman. "Allow me to say that you are more exquisitely beautiful than anyof the television stars I've ever seen or heard of!" said the roboticman. "And believe you me, I have run more Miss America beauty pageantsthan you can shake a stick at. You are lovelier than any of those girls.You are more innocently ravishing than Ginger Grant on Gilligan'sIsland! You are the epitome of human grace and style! You make all otherwomen pale beside you!"

  "Huh?" said the Witch, dropping Graham like a sack of potatoes. Hecaught his breath and tried to stand up, but the Witch had put one ofher big, long feet on his chest to hold him down. "What are you talkingabout, Tube-face?" the Witch asked of the television-person.

  "I am just admiring your gorgeousness!" said Telly in a musical tone ofvoice. "Are you the next TV heart-throb? The next Susan Lucci? Are yougoing to take the couch potatoes of the world by storm and make all ofthem yearn to be you? You could, you know. You surely are already theenvy of everyone who has ever laid eyes upon you!"

  The Witch looked at her prisoner. "What is this machine up to, boy? Andyou'd best not lie to me again!"

  "Oh, no!" replied Graham. "I have learned my lesson, to be sure. Iwouldn't think of telling another lie."

  "Then what is this clinking, clanking, clattering collection ofcaliginous junk babbling about?" she sneered.

  "I'm truly relishing your magnificent beauty!" repeated Telly.

  "My friend is simply admiring your beauty, like he said," answeredGraham, not sure why Telly was acting this way, but deciding it would bebest to play along. "I think he is quite smitten with you!"

  "Really?" said the Witch. "Tell me more."

  "You are truly a vision of loveliness!" charmed Telly in a most dramaticmanner. "My heartstrings are all going ZING!"

  "They are?" the Witch said, somewhat perplexed. "Maybe the spell workedafter all. I guess it was a delayed reaction. Give me a mirror! I wantto see how I look!"

  "Er... You don't want to do that," said Graham. "You... er... You are sogorgeous that no mirror could possibly capture your true image."

  "That's altogether silly and utterly foolish, young man! Now that I ampretty, I want to look upon myself." The Witch took her foot off hischest and let him stand up. "Now fetch me a mirror, or I will turnmean!"

  "Such beauty could never do harm to anyone," said Telly. "You are onlymeant to be worshipped!"

  "Thank you," the Witch said. Then, realizing that she had actually saidsomething polite, she added, "You bizarre jumble of soup cans andgigabytes."

  She saw that Graham had made no move to obtain a mirror, so she pushedhim over again. "Okay, slime-twirp. I'll get my own mirror!" Sheswitched off Telly's picture in order to catch her reflection in theblank screen. Telly, thinking quickly, distracted her for a momentand switched the screen back on while at the same time calling upan image of Eva Gabor from his archives.

  When Graham saw what had happened, he held his teeth tightly togetherand clenched his fists in anxiety. How would the crone react?

  "My ... My ... My goodness!" she said. "I really am something, aren'tI?" She smiled a hideous grin. "Just looky there! I am beautiful!"

  Graham's anxiety quickly subsided. Telly's clever ploy had worked. "Youare a vision of loveliness," said the boy.

  "I am, aren't I? I'm gorgeous!" She then began to dance and flittedaround like a young girl as she broke into a rendering of a song fromthe musical play _West Side Story_:

  "_I feel pretty ... Oh so pretty I feel pretty and witty and gay And I pity Any girl who isn't me today I feel charming Oh so charming It's alarming how charming I feel And so pretty That I hardly can believe I'm real!_"

  After she finished the song, she closed her eyes in sheer ecstasy andheaved a long, contented sigh. She stood there like that for the longesttime. Graham and Telly quickly seized the moment and tiptoed behind ahedgerow and, as soon as they were out of earshot, they ran like thewind as far as they could go. As soon as they felt they were safe, theycollapsed in a heap in uncontrollable laughter.