The Fallen Prince That Never Was

  Chapter 8

  Trouble with the Natives

  When taken captive by a native tribe, as a reluctant guest of honour you can expect to take part in the usual barbecue outing. Bound to bamboo cane – a specialized human skewer so to speak – except nothing less than a decorative presentation of fruit and vege placed upon either side. Some seasonal salting and a well placed fire beneath your rear–end is essential. Blowing heavy breaths in a feeble bid to extinguish its flames is to be considered polite. And if desired, wiggle dramatically in an attempt to skip the main course for those of a more acquired taste. Take time to acquaint one’s self with local custom were appropriate. Note – useful hints and tips can be found in the Tropics Trip Adviser booklet provided.

  ‘What to do in a Hostage Situation – First Protocol,’ quoted Morku, ‘in a clear and courageous tone simply yell... Help!”’

  When concerning traditional delicacies, seek reputable advice...

  Tombstone

  Here Lies

  Jack Shunpaul

  World Renowned Food Critic

  “With exception to my current circumstances… simply marvellous!”

  Bickering amongst each other is the key to the common conversationalist.

  ‘You know, if I’m not mistaken,’ moaned Earru, ‘this isn’t the first time that something has tried to eat us under your leadership.’

  ‘Why that’s just simply outrageous!’ replied Droc bitterly. And finally – secure in the comfort of your restraints – sit back and enjoy listening to various war–cries and beating drums of doom, compliments of your host respectively.

  It was fair to say that the dwarves had found themselves in somewhat of a pickle. They had to admit, being taken captive by the natives was rather embarrassing. For a tribe of primitive Gingerbread Cookie Men, they were surprisingly resourceful?

  There they did dance in savagely ways for all to see. And the dwarves knew that it would only be a matter of time before this lavish entertainment would cease. It would only be a matter of time before a path would clear, announcing the arrival of some Godly King. Crowned of leaf, such a God would probably sit upon a throne made of cane. And upon such a time, they feared, a sacrifice was sure to be made. However, in their darkest hour, they hadn’t expected it to be the Magical Lock?!

  ‘Now you listen to me,’ fumed Cara to its side, a ring of spearheads surrounding her, ‘you tell these fruit biscuits to let me go right this instant. I ain’t no sacrificial appetiser, you hear me?!’

  The Magical Lock seemed confused. Until now, it had been quite unaware of its apparent godly powers?

  ‘Straight as the crow flies – what could possible go wrong?’ said Zack with displease, ‘I’d just as soon take my chances with pirates than take your advice again.’

  ‘Oh would you ever quit your whining,’ she replied hastily, ‘do I look like a tour guide to you; how was I supposed to know that something like this would happen?’

  ‘You’re alive?!’ yelled Droc with hope in seeing them.

  ‘Yeah, yeah, save your happy reunion for later,’ said Cara, ‘I think we’ve got more pressing issues at hand, don’t you?’

  ‘Ach, you let my friends go you wee little minx’s!’ tried the Magical Lock, waving its hands angrily as a dark warning to all whom would dare disobey.

  And the moment fell quiet. Within the midpoint of camp a curtain of leaves did unveil a giant pod–like plant. There it stood with thoughts of unspoiled meat gleaming in its eyes, as several stork–like arms swayed uncontrollable with delight. And to its side lay a great pot of cooking’s worth, filled with water, leaves and bone. Armed with one neatly folded napkin and some crude tongue relished eating utensils, it eagerly awaited the tribal leader’s command.

  ‘Ach, a’h said let them go!’ tried the Magical Lock once more.

  The leader tilted its head from side to side, probing the air with its spear for safeguard.

  ‘Ach – cut – them – loose!’

  After careful consideration, the tribe cheered to the sound of drums once more. Apparently, their sacrifice was accepted with open arms?!

  Cue one Giant Fly Trap... and some slippery appetizers!

  ‘The names T... Oh I’m going to eat you up all real nice and smooth like, yeah!’ it said to the cheer of the tribe, ‘Is there a doctor in the house, because I’m about to get me some indigestion... yeah baby, yeah!’

  ‘Couldn’t we just take a rain–check?!’ yelled Cara, the natives hoping to present her as a salad dressing, ‘I’m not even sure if I am a viable source of nutrition?’

  ‘A bit more salt baby – mush obliged,’ continued the Fly Trap, rubbing its forehead while trying to contain its excitement, ‘go ahead, I don’t bite... not that much, yeah!’

  ‘Magical Lock you better do something?!’ yelled Zack while being slowly lowered into the cooking pot with Cara.

  ‘Ach, they’ll not listen,’ it replied worriedly, ‘what can I do?’

  To be honest, it wasn’t the kind of divine intervention he was hoping for.

  ‘I’m going to have me a little tenderness, yeah!’ yelled the Fly Trap.

  ‘Once again this is all your fault kid,’ said Cara, the last remains of daylight fading to darkness as a great lid slid across overhead.

  ‘My fault?’ he asked, desperately trying to reach its rim, ‘Just how is it my fault?’

  ‘I told you that you shouldn’t have made that wish. But no, you just wouldn’t listen would you?’ she replied, feeling a little hot under the collar, ‘You just better hope that I don’t end up on u–tube over this?’

  Her career depended on it.

  ‘We don’t have time for this,’ said Zack, ‘come on think... there must be something we can do?’

  ‘Here, try this,’ thought Cara handing him a length of bone, ‘maybe we can use it to smash our way out of here?’

  Zack took the bone, pounding it repeatedly against the pot.

  ‘No–no–no–not there,’ she insisted, ‘beneath the surface... use the pressure of the water beneath the surface!’ He gave her an oddly gaze, ‘hey, bones I can handle but cucumber...’ she glanced down at the watery stew, ‘strike the pose, a sister has got to draw the line somewhere?’

  Reluctantly, Zack volunteered to slip beneath the surface. It was dark, the water beginning to become too warm to bear. And beyond, he could hear the cheer of natives and sound of drums before he was forced to rise for air. But again he tried to slip beneath the water, pushing from one end of the pot to the other, rocking it to the spill of water atop – when at last it did give way. And the pressure of water did build, lines of distress racing throughout its surface as the heat of fire grew beneath. And again he pushed from side to side, his breath failing with every moment that passed.

  Boom… the pot shattered!

  Chaos suddenly erupted throughout the camp, a wave of water washing over the festive atmosphere. It quenched the fires. It loosened the binds of captivity. It disposed of its unwanted cucumber... and two rather rude guests.

  Swiftly, they made a run for it!

  ‘Hey? – Hey? – Don’t you dare make me run!’ said the giant Fly Trap, ‘this ain’t no Livin’ La Vida Loca, know what I’m saying?!’ It didn’t like fast food. ‘Where’s the manager at,’ it yelled grumpily, ‘the hell you’re going to pawn me off with some cheap self–service crap?!’ After all, it was promised a five course meal.

  Leaping out from the jungle’s undergrowth the natives came swift in the hunt. Out from vine ropes they swung, shooting spears of lickerish or many a dart from wafer tubes. Nervously heading this mass assault was Cara of the Celtic Meadows, hauling the Magical Lock by her side. And ahead, ran Zack and the dwarves, dividing in their efforts to lose the natives as best they could. And on and on they did blindly venture, losing sight of one another as the sound of a hunter’s horn soared throughout the air.

  ‘Curse this wretched jungle,’ grumble Samif, puffing heavily while trying to keep up with his com
panions, ‘why is it that we always have to run up hill?!’

  ‘Keep moving!’ yelled Droc, boldly venturing up a steep ridge, a treacherous line of rock and flow of river rushing by below, ‘There’s no telling what will happen if those natives capture us again? We can’t afford to let this opportunity slip us by...’

  Apparently, Airtu misplaced his footing? Samif braced himself. Droc’s eyes simply filled with innocents – Thud! – Perhaps it was something he said?

  Zack moved as swiftly as he could. Soon he come to a divide in the land; a vast gorge that lay before him. Only one path secured safe passage; a rope bridge crafted of vine and old laths of wood. With the natives close to hand, Cara and the Magical Lock at last rushed to join him, and it seemed that there was no alternative but to dare a crossing.

  Steadily, he moved with care, the laths creaking beneath his feet as he did so.

  ‘Ach, just don’t look down,’ said the Magical Lock.

  ‘No kidding Sherlock,’ said Cara, a lone dart sticking merely inches before her, ‘I mean seriously, why is it always a rope bridge? Hasn’t anyone ever heard of an escalator before?’

  But ahead Zack suddenly came to a halt? Upon the far side were more natives, ‘Now what?’ he asked, staring from one swaying end to the other, the natives closing in from both ends.

  ‘Your guess is as good as mine,’ said Cara, ‘but whatever we do, let’s just hope this thing – Snap! – holds?’

  A tin length of vine coiled through the air. Under their weight, it seemed that the rope bridge was striping its self piece by piece!

  Snap!

  Zack held on tightly, eyes wide with fear for the rush of water far below...

  Droc son of Oric and his mighty fellows fumbled to pick themselves up from the ground. Strangely, from somewhere above they began to hear a rather frantic cry. Awkwardly, they gazed at one another? – A dark mass of wood and vine shot past the edge!

  ‘Wasn’t that?’ said Droc, the frantic yelling easing to a soft fade below.

  ‘Yes...’ finished Samif, ‘yes it was?’

  The last strand of vine whipped in its fall. Morku tried to gaze beyond a heap of body parts sprawled out across him. He couldn’t be sure, but he hoped that it wasn’t his leg that had become entangled?!

  Once again Droc found himself simply starring in innocents, as he and his mighty fellows were dragged out across the edge. This was going to hurt... he could tell!

  Entangled in the vine they fell down into the might of a great river, washed along its winding course together with the rest of their companions. Struggling to survive, they lay powerless against the current, torn carelessly over many short falls lined of rock and drift of wood. And mountainous walls towered in many ages of greatness about its course. Where above the last of the natives did soon fade from sight, wildly flinging tip of spear with anger for those whom did evade their capture. Though it would be of little comfort, for once more the waters drew strength. It roared in its warn for a great waterfall did line its end of course. And no matter how hard they would try to break free, it would not let them go.

  The fall came swift... so too did its end!

  Easing in its depth, there came at last a clam flow of water. Lingering with tiredness, Zack and companions now lay in the shallow comfort of the rivers bank far below. Against all odds they had somehow survived the great fall. They had somehow evaded the natives and lived to tell the tale. But nothing could prepare them for where they now lay; especially, if you were unfortunate enough to be a dwarf?

  ‘Look Zack, the fall...’ said Cara, ‘this must be it; we’ve made it to the Falls?!’

  Yes, before all rose a great waterfall, magnificent in strength – the falls, the very path they had just survived – and through clouds of mist did stand within the form of a three headed beast. Caved out from the earth its self, its body did blend with the natural rock and flow of water, creep of foliage and menacing strangle of vine.

  ‘It looks like a dragon,’ said Airtu nervously, ‘a three head dragon?’

  ‘Oh no–no–no... you,’ began Samif, spurting water from his mouth while waving his finger in protest at Droc, ‘you said we wouldn’t have to risk an encounter with a dragon if we helped the boy on his quest?!’

  ‘Well I for one am just glad to be alive,’ he replied, ‘if the princess is held captive in there, then that my mighty fellows is where we’re going!’ He cleared his throat unconvincingly, ‘besides, it’s either that... or try our changes with the natives again?’

  It was a point that you couldn’t argue with.

  ‘Well what are we waiting for?’ said Morku, draining his boot of water as a fish flapped for dear life underneath his shirt, ‘certain death by a fire breathing dragon; I’m good with that.’

  Splash!

  The fish swam for cover. You could say that it helped set the mood.

  ‘Great,’ conceded Samif, ‘as if picking a fight with one dragon wasn’t bad enough, we have to go along and make it three?’

  Clearly, he was just getting into the swing of things.

  As the dwarves began to bicker amongst themselves, Zack moved closer, glancing beyond the waterfall’s shimmering view. Deep within he could see a cave, a downward venture of unknown depth? It scared him. Though nevertheless, it was a path. One he hoped, that would soon lead him to Suzan.

  ‘Well amigo,’ said Cara while approaching his side, ‘I’d like to say that it’s been swell and all. But honestly, you’re one crazy kid taking on the Bounty like this?’ She took a deep breath, trying to compose herself, ‘once we enter there is no turning back. Are you sure that you’re ready for this?’

  ‘Let’s find out,’ he replied, daring to enter the belly of the beast.

  The best way to successfully pick a lock is to use a key. To secure such a device was no easy task. However, the small clan of Magical Locks had a plan; they would wait until the trolls lay snoozen. Suzan wasn’t holding much in the way of hope, but below one tin cup, two pots and a satchel began to grow little feet? The first troll was easy. The second claimed to be a natural hunchback in his sleep? – And the third was all for the taking!

  The tin cup lifted slowly. With wondering fingertips, a stealthily hand stretch forth in hope to snatch the key – Slash! – It hadn’t expected a bone dagger to strike the earth before it?

  Clearly, any further attempts to escape, was sure to be met with by a dead–end!

  Darkness, within the belly of the beast a lantern’s light began to softly glow.

  ‘Would you keep it down,’ said Cara, ‘this whole operation depends on stealth. The Bounty aren’t exactly the kind of people that you can approach easily – get it?’

  ‘I’m just saying; Zack? – What kind of a name is that?’ replied Droc.

  ‘Four letters, one name,’ said Airtu, ‘Zack?’

  ‘I prefer Sebastian myself,’ added Samif, ‘something a bit more adventurous?’

  ‘Shush!’ She hushed their words away with a wave of her tiny finger, ‘quiet, like a shadow...’

  Something told them that it would be unwise to disagree.

  Ahead, Morku and Zack came now upon a small clearance. Easing to its edge, they began to notice a campfire burning brightly below. Gathered about it were three trolls, and above, lay Suzan.

  ‘Suzie...’ gasped Zack, relieved to have at last found her.

  ‘This is the Bounty; trolls?’ thought Cara, ‘Kid, are you sure that she’s a princess?’

  ‘I told you; she’s not a princess,’ he said, ‘now just tell me how we are going to get her out of here?’

  ‘Are you serious, it’s just a couple of trolls – How hard could it be?’

  Zack’s retuning gaze wasn’t encouraging.

  ‘Look’s like they’re preoccupied with something?’ said Morku, ‘Maybe we could use it to our advantage?’

  ‘Ach wee crivens,’ screeched the Magical Lock, ‘it’s my wee clan?!’

  ‘Seems like you’ve got your usefulnes
s after all?’ said Cara, ‘Come on, let’s just get this over with – What’s the plan?’

  Droc stepped out from the shadows. Clearly, it was his moment to shine – if only he knew it.

  Below the clan of Magical Locks were quite a handful; for such small a thing they were extremely agile. Something needed to be done – grown trolls fumbling about in hope of catching a stubborn cup, was proving somewhat embarrassing.

  But unknown to all, above Droc son of Oric and his mighty fellows were in the midst of forming a human ladder. Morku held the anchor position upon the edge. Next in line hung Airtu, Earru, Samif and Droc – Zack made up its end. The plan was simple; with a bit of luck he could reach Suzan, allowing the dwarves to haul them both atop undetected.

  The ladder swung. Zack reached for the cage... finding himself helplessly dangling upside–down wasn’t what he had in mind?!

  ‘Damn you dwarf–man,’ moaned Cara, Morku picking himself up from the edge with awkwardness, ‘you weren’t suppose to let them go?’

  ‘It’s not my fault,’ he pleaded, ‘I couldn’t hold on?’

  ‘Save it for the inquisition, pal,’ she replied disapprovingly, ‘we’re busted now for sure?’

  Morku cringed. There would be no living with her after this.

  ‘Zack, where did you come from?!’ yelled Suzan with a fright.

  However, time was not on his side. Zack desperately clung to her cage. Below him four reluctant dwarves swayed merely inches above the unsuspecting trolls. Under their weight he was losing his grip. And at any moment the Bounty were sure to notice one odd leg, two waving hands and Airtu’s bemused expression staring them right between the eyes.

  A troll looked left then right. Luckily, his timing was slightly off.

  ‘Suzie – your hand – give me your hand...’ tried Zack.

  ‘You know you’ve got some explaining to do; running off and leaving me here like this,’ she continued unmindfully, ‘And just to think that I was worried about you all this time?’

  ‘Your hand – just give me your hand, Suzie...’

  ‘I don’t know why I ever let you talk me into getting on that ship in the first instance,’ she huffed, ‘you and your adventures are always getting us into trouble.’

  ‘Your hand – I can’t hold on much longer...’

  ‘Honestly, I wish you would just stop fooling around and get me out of here,’ she complained, ‘in case you haven’t noticed, we’re in enough trouble as it is!’

  The dwarves gave a slight shrug of embarrassment. Apparently, when it comes to serving royalty they are no excuses.

  ‘Your hand, Suzie...your hand!’

  Too late, his fingers slipped way – Thud! – The trolls weren’t too pleased; Droc son of Oric was surprisingly heavy... and that blasted cup was still on the loose?

  Swiftly, the trolls dashed to their feet. Maddened by such a daring intrusion, one did roar with anger – Echo! Echo! Echo! – The moment froze – Echo! Echo! Echo! – All eyes widened as the roar echoed deep into the shadows – Echo! Echo! Echo! – And from them it fell silent though grew in new awareness – Echo! Echo! Echo! – And a great beast did rise with warn – Echo! Echo! Echo! – For none should ever want to awaken that which lurks within the darkness – Echo! Echo! Echo!

  ‘You fool,’ said another troll, ‘you could have woken – Roar! – the beast?’

  Oh dear – Slowly the earth began to tremble. In the darkness a great fire glowed beneath the ill intent of six red eyes. And in its awakening the beast did come forth; a dragon layered of harsh scale with great wings widening to a fierce pose. Strapped to its back lay the old remains of a saddle, its reins ripped apart to a disused like. And three long necks – lined of jagged bone – uncaringly crossed paths to the might of ill jaws. Before all its talons crippled the ground upon which it stood. And out from the earth many faults did stream onward, a rain of rock crashing to the ground as it began now to ferociously trash about the cave!

  Samif weighed up his options. There was only one thing for it; a swift kick between the legs of a troll should just about buy them enough time to make a run for it!

  The troll dropped to his knees. He really didn’t have time to think about where the second had come from?

  Quickly, Zack followed a link of chain. It seemed to run from Suzan’s cage to an old wheel fixed firmly against a stone pillar. ‘Just hold on, Suzie,’ he yelled, ‘I’ll get you out of there!’

  ‘Oh take your time,’ she replied, ‘besides, you’re doing a real good job so far; why stop now?’

  ‘Would you ever get a move on before we’re toast!’ yelled Cara coming to his aid.

  ‘It’s stuck, I can’t move it,’ he replied hurriedly, ‘quick, give me a hand!’

  Together they tried to move the wheel but it would not budge.

  ‘It’s no use, kid’ said Cara, ‘come on, we’ve got to get out of here now!’

  ‘Just go, save yourself – I’m not leaving without Suzie!’

  ‘Are you crazy; after everything we’ve been through?!’ she replied, her sight desperately searching for a solution as the dragon grew near, ‘Magical Lock, don’t just stand there... get that freak clan of yours into action right this instant!’

  ‘Ach, do you not know a jailbreak when you see one?’ it replied, its clan scaling the chain links with hope to pick the lock, ‘we’re working on it lassie!’

  But the dragon came swift, hissing as a great ball of fire rose throughout the air. Suzan was still trapped, and Zack had not the time to save her... when suddenly, a loud thud came from above?!

  It was Morku son of Tork! Boldly leaping from the safety of the ledge, he landed – not so pleasantly – on top of the cage. The links snapped. The fire rumbled merely inches above as it fell to the ground, buckling the door open upon its harsh landing.

  Without hesitation they made their getaway.

  Morku... hobbled.

  An early bird sat on a branch eyeing its prize; the cunning worm set upon its venturous wondering. The bird soared high with pride before swooping low, relishing the pre–taste of victory – Boom! – A sudden ball of fire consumed its body?

  As the worm wiggled on to survive another day, it paid no heed to the bird once know to Captain Wide Front Silver as his beloved parrot, Nutcracker. Nor, it seemed, to that of a metal leg and one fashionable length of custom wood–wear, which stood above a strange commotion coming from somewhere beneath the earth?

  Ignorance, it seemed, was much more than bliss. It was a matter of survival!

  ‘All I’m saying is that it’s either them...’ suggested Samif.

  ‘...or us,’ finished one of the trolls, taking cover now behind a great rock just left of the dwarves, ‘It’s only a matter of...’

  ‘...time,’ continued Samif, ‘before that wretched dragon rips this place apart!’

  ‘Good thinking,’ agreed Droc, ‘now, if we can somehow force them out of cover...’

  ‘...it could buy us enough time to escape,’ said another troll, ‘while the dragon is busy dealing with them.’

  ‘Sounds good to me,’ said Airtu, ‘but how?’

  ‘We’ll fake a break for it,’ suggested Samif, ‘no doubt they’ll try and...’

  ‘...follow; it’s a sure thing – trust me,’ said the troll, ‘on my count; one–one–hundred...’

  ‘Two–one–hundred...’

  ‘Three!’ – Smash! – The trolls cover crumbled into pieces? They had to admit, it was great timing... just not on their account.

  The dragon struck. The dwarves seized their opportunity!

  ‘We’ve got to get out of here!’ yelled Morku, urging Zack to keep moving along a narrow tunnel, the cave seeming to crumble more and more with every moment that passed.

  ‘But what about the others?’ he said.

  ‘Just do what the damn man says,’ insisted Cara, ‘this is no time for the most outstanding citizen of the year award!’

  ‘Come on, I think I can see dayligh
t ahead,’ said Suzan, ‘we can make it if we hurry!’

  ‘But...’

  ‘Would you ever?!’

  Her tone was irrefutable.

  ‘Our situation has not improved!’ cried Droc son of Oric, now dangling upside down from one of the mighty jaws of the dragon.

  ‘Always with the negativity!’ complained Samif, holding on to his chief.

  ‘I was under the impression that we were suppose to escape?’ added Airtu, somehow managing to find himself entangled within the dragon’s reins.

  ‘I’m just warming up!’ screeched Earru, holding on to the beast for dear life as it whipped its tail about.

  Droc flicked his eyes with embarrassment as Earru screeched passed. The professionalism of youth just wasn’t what it used to be anymore.

  But now the dragon crushed the last remaining troll with its mighty talons. And soon it would spread its wings, preparing it seemed, to take flight?

  Its unwilling passengers screeched – Zoom! – Well, at least they were making progress.

  Somewhere in the jungle’s wilderness, a cave entrance exploded in a rain of rock. Dust coated figures stumbled blindly, tumbling head over heel to an awkward halt. Zack sprang up seated upon the ground, mad haired and quite bewildered for his narrow escape. Suzan didn’t seem all that better, nor did Morku and Cara. Zack never did notice Droc and his companions shooting up through the air, helplessly clinging to the dragon as it swiftly flew across the sun. However, he did manage one metal hand, a hook and the inside of a rather dark sack?!