Unfamiliar

  Chapter Twenty-Seven

 

  Hailey

 

  “Who the hell was that?” Braxton asked.

  “That was Chase.”

  “Chase,” he repeated. He paused for just a moment before realization flooded his face.

  “The band guy.”

  “Yeah.” I bit my bottom lip, unable to look him in the eye. God, how many ways could a person screw up? Who else was I going to hurt today? People might as well form a line because I was on a roll.

  I felt like I was going to choke on my own tongue. How could I find the words to tell Braxton—how could I tell my fiancé that I was in love with someone else? That Chase Lancaster held my heart in his hands. I didn't even know when it had happened exactly. Maybe it was the first time I’d played guitar with him.

  Maybe it was when he’d told me I was beautiful.

  Maybe it was when we’d been writing our song or maybe it was when he’d told me about his heart being broken.

  Maybe it was the first time he’d kissed me.

  Maybe it was when I’d realized that he was my Piano Man.

  I couldn't pinpoint one specific incident. It had happened gradually, a little bit at a time but there was no denying it now. I was in love with him.

  That revelation meant that I couldn't postpone this conversation with Braxton any longer. I had waited too long in a vain attempt to keep from hurting him too soon after his mom passed away, but now I realized that that was just a cowardly excuse. He was going to hurt no matter when I told him and it was going to be entirely my fault.

  “And why did Chase have his tongue down my fiancé’s throat?” He wasn't even bothering to keep his voice down.

  “We can't talk about this here.”

  “The hell we can't! Damn it, Hailey, what the fuck was that?”

  “Braxton, come on, we can talk outside.” I led him down the stairs and through the glass doors that opened into the quad. I couldn't even look at him but I knew he was following me. Once we were out of the stuffy library I didn't feel so claustrophobic. This wasn't going to be easy—of course I knew that it wouldn't be. I just didn't realize just how hard it would be to find the right words. “I'm not really sure what to say.” I walked in a daze over to a nearby bench and sat down. He followed me over and sat down beside me.

  I knew this conversation was long overdue and I was dreading hurting Braxton, but I

  hadn’t anticipated hurting Chase in the process—he’d looked so pissed when I’d asked him to leave. But what else could I do? I couldn't just break up with Braxton right in front of him. That wouldn't be fair. I knew that I was going to destroy Braxton—he didn't need an audience to witness his pain. I’d never really considered myself to be a heartless person, but right now I sure felt like one.

  “I came here to surprise you, you know? Tessa told me she thought you were in the library 'studying'.” He laughed humorlessly. “I know I’m not a college student or anything but that sure the hell didn't look like studying to me.”

  “Braxton, I-”

  “No,” he interrupted. “You don't have the right to act all pathetic.”

  It was like a slap in the face. Braxton and I had gotten into arguments in the past but he had never talked to me so harshly before. Of course, I never had done anything to deserve this sort of hostility before either.

  “I don't know where to begin.”

  “Try the beginning,” Braxton suggested.

  So I did. I told him about Chase. I told him how we’d been partnered up together for class and how I’d felt when I sang with him on stage—how this whole other part me I didn't know was in there seemed to open up. I told him how I’d learned that Chase was William C. Lancaster and how I was pissed that he didn't tell me at first but now I kind of understood why he’d kept that part a secret.

  I sat on a bench beside the boy next door—the boy I had been in love with for as long as I could remember, and I told him everything. I told him how I’d fallen in love with someone new. “Fuck, Hailey. How long has this been going on?”

  “A while...”

  “So you've wanted to end things with me for a while?”

  “No—I mean, not really. I wasn't sure what I wanted. I thought that maybe it was just a stupid crush that would eventually go away. I didn't want to hurt you for nothing.”

  “You've been lying to me for months—months! Because you didn't want to hurt me?”

  “I wanted to tell you sooner—but I was just so worried that it wasn't the right time. Your mom just died and I-”

  “Yeah, because finding out this way was so much better.”

  “I thought I was doing the right thing waiting. I didn't want to make things worse for you.”

  “Well, thank you so much, you were absolutely right. Walking in on my fiancé kissing another guy—that was definitely better than just hearing the truth!”

  I felt the blood drain from my face. I couldn't even begin to count the many ways I’d screwed everything up. Hindsight is 20/20, right? I hadn't wanted to hurt him any more than absolutely necessary but I could see that by being dishonest with him, I had broken him. His world was crashing down around him and it was completely my fault. “I'm sorry,” I whispered.

  “Don't give me that shit. You're sorry? You're sorry—for which part?”

  “For everything! Do you think I wanted this to happen? Of course not! But it did! It happened and I know I didn't handle it the right way but you have to know that I never wanted to hurt you.”

  “So the whole time I’ve been taking care of my dying mother in Southlake, you’ve been here fucking the punk rocker?” he yelled.

  “No! That’s not what happened—I didn’t—I mean, we didn’t—nothing happened! Not like that!”

  “Nothing. Nothing at all?”

  “Okay, well, I mean, we did kiss but you already knew that.”

  “Why should I believe that was all that happened?” he asked, his voice tight.

  “Braxton, this wasn’t something I planned for. It just happened. You and me—we don’t belong together.”

  “How could you say that? We’re exactly right for each other.”

  “No. We aren’t. We’ve just been together for so long that we forgot we’re not the same person—we are two very different people who have been trying very hard to be right for one another, not realizing that we didn’t have to be.”

  My heart was aching for him, knowing that I was hurting him but at the same time I was exasperated. How could he be so blind?

  “That’s not how it’s supposed to be, you know? We should be challenging each other to be better people but instead we’ve been stuck in the same place for so long that we—well, I won’t speak for you, but I know that I forgot how to be my own person with my own thoughts and desires. We’re trapped in this relationship out of some twisted sense of obligation or habit, but whatever it is, it’s not how love is supposed to be. I know that now.”

  “I planned my whole life around you. I love you Hailey. I’ve been patient and understanding. Do you think I was okay when you told me you couldn’t say yes to me? I was dying inside. But I thought I knew you. I knew you’d come around and I thought you did. God, how could I be so stupid? I fucking love you. You needed time—so I gave it to you and this is what you do to me?”

  “I’m sorry.” I didn’t know what else to say so I didn’t say anything more. I got up and walked away wondering if the guilt I felt would ever go away and if I had made the right decision walking away from the boy next door.

  I was completely numb. The tears that I thought would pour down my cheeks as soon as I broke Braxton's heart never came. I wasn't sure if it was because Chase had already depleted my tear quota for the day, or if maybe, just maybe, I was more relieved than sad now that it was done. It was all out in the open and as much as much as it hurt, I knew that it was the right thing to do. I never should've let it go on as long as it did. I
was just scared of letting him go because I didn't know what life would be like without him. And even though I felt like I was finally ready to explore what that life looked like, it was still frightening.

  I was so lost in my own thoughts that I almost ran right into Tessa in the hallway outside of our dorm room.

  “Hey, what's up?” she asked. She could tell something was wrong so there was really no point keeping it from her.

  “I broke up with Braxton.”

  “C'mon. I think I still have some double-stuffed Oreos.”

  We both sat on her bed, our backs pressed up against the wall with the box of Oreos in between us. She didn't ask for details—I think she would have been okay with just sitting here sharing her box of cookies with me until I was ready to talk so I told her everything.

  Afterwards she asked, “Are you going to tell Chase?”

  “No, I don't think so.”

  “Why not?”

  “I think I hurt him too much that it won't even matter. I doubt he wants to speak to me again.”

  “I'm sure that's not true.”

  “You weren't there, Tessa. You didn't see his face. I really messed everything up.”

  “Just give him some time. I'm sure he'll come around. Do you want me to maybe tell

  Jonathan so he can pass along the info?”

  “No. Don't tell anyone. Not yet. I don't know. I just feel like it should come from me but I think it’s too soon. I mean, I literally just ended things with Braxton. I don't want to immediately rush into Chase's arms—that is assuming he'd even have them open for me. Which as of right now, I'm guessing he doesn't.” “I think you'd be surprised.”

  “Well, I still think I need to wait. Today I need to just sit here and watch sappy romance movies with my best friend and stuff my face with these delicious cookies.”

  “Sounds good to me.”

  There was nothing I wanted to do more right now than run to Chase and tell him everything, but I had hurt him deeply and he needed time to think about how he really felt about me—so I needed to give him that.