The Decameron, Volume II

to beplaced there, to stow things in upon occasion. And as it seemed to himthat the sneezing proceeded thence, he undid the wicket, and no soonerhad he opened it than out flew never so strong a stench of brimstone;albeit we had already been saluted by a whiff of it, and complainedthereof, but had been put off by the lady with:--''Tis but that a whileago I bleached my veils with brimstone, having sprinkled it on a dish,that they might catch its fumes, which dish I then placed under thestair, so that it still smells a little.'

  "However the door being now, as I have said, open, and the smoke somewhatless dense, Ercolano, peering in, espied the fellow that had sneezed, andwho still kept sneezing, being thereto constrained by the pungency of thebrimstone. And for all he sneezed, yet was he by this time so well-nighchoked with the brimstone that he was like neither to sneeze nor to doaught else again. As soon as he caught sight of him, Ercolano bawledout:--'Now see I, Madam, why it was that a while ago, when we came here,we were kept waiting so long at the gate before 'twas opened; but woebetide me for the rest of my days, if I pay you not out.' Whereupon thelady, perceiving that her offence was discovered, ventured no excuse, butfled from the table, whither I know not. Ercolano, ignoring his wife'sflight, bade the sneezer again and again to come forth; but he, being bythis time fairly spent, budged not an inch for aught that Ercolano said.Wherefore Ercolano caught him by one of his feet, and dragged him forth,and ran off for a knife with intent to kill him; but I, standing in fearof the Signory on my own account, got up and would not suffer him to killthe fellow or do him any hurt, and for his better protection raised thealarm, whereby some of the neighbours came up and took the lad, more deadthan alive, and bore him off, I know not whither. However, our supperbeing thus rudely interrupted, not only have not gulped it, but I havenot so much as tasted it, as I said before!"

  Her husband's story shewed his wife that there were other ladies asknowing as she, albeit misfortune might sometimes overtake them andgladly would she have spoken out in defence of Ercolano's wife, but,thinking that, by censuring another's sin, she would secure more scopefor her own, she launched out on this wise:--"Fine doings indeed, a rightvirtuous and saintly lady she must be: here is the loyalty of an honestwoman, and one to whom I had lief have confessed, so spiritual I deemedher; and the worst of it is that, being no longer young, she sets a rareexample to those that are so. Curses on the hour that she came into theworld: curses upon her that she make not away with herself, basest, mostfaithless of women that she must needs be, the reproach of her sex, theopprobrium of all the ladies of this city, to cast aside all regard forher honour, her marriage vow, her reputation before the world, and, lostto all sense of shame, to scruple not to bring disgrace upon a man soworthy, a citizen so honourable, a husband by whom she was so welltreated, ay, and upon herself to boot! By my hope of salvation no mercyshould be shewn to such women; they should pay the penalty with theirlives; to the fire with them while they yet live, and let them be burnedto ashes." Then, calling to mind the lover that she had close at hand inthe hen-coop, she fell to coaxing Pietro to get him to bed, for the hourgrew late. Pietro, who was more set on eating than sleeping, only askedwhether there was aught he might have by way of supper. "Supper,forsooth!" replied the lady. "Ay, of course 'tis our way to make much ofsupper when thou art not at home. As if I were Ercolano's wife! Now,wherefore tarry longer? Go, get thy night's rest: 'twere far better forthee."

  Now so it was that some of Pietro's husbandmen had come to the house thatevening with divers things from the farm, and had put up their asses in astable that adjoined the veranda, but had neglected to water them; andone of the asses being exceeding thirsty, got his head out of the halterand broke loose from the stable, and went about nosing everything, ifhaply he might come by water: whereby he came upon the hen-coop, beneathwhich was the boy; who, being constrained to stand on all fours, had thefingers of one hand somewhat protruding from under the hen-coop; and soas luck or rather ill-luck would have it, the ass trod on them; whereat,being sorely hurt, he set up a great howling, much to the surprise ofPietro, who perceived that 'twas within his house. So forth he came, andhearing the boy still moaning and groaning, for the ass still kept hishoof hard down on the fingers, called out:--"Who is there?" and ran tothe hen-coop and raised it, and espied the fellow, who, besides the painthat the crushing of his fingers by the ass's hoof occasioned him,trembled in every limb for fear that Pietro should do him a mischief. Hewas one that Pietro had long been after for his foul purposes: so Pietro,recognizing him, asked him:--"What dost thou here?" The boy making noanswer, save to beseech him for the love of God to do him no hurt, Pietrocontinued:--"Get up, have no fear that I shall hurt thee; but tellme:--How, and for what cause comest thou to be here?" The boy thenconfessed everything. Whereupon Pietro, as elated by the discovery as hiswife was distressed, took him by the hand; and led him into the roomwhere the lady in the extremity of terror awaited him; and, having seatedhimself directly in front of her, said:--"'Twas but a moment ago thatthou didst curse Ercolano's wife, and averred that she ought to beburned, and that she was the reproach of your sex: why saidst thou not,of thyself? Or, if thou wast not minded to accuse thyself, how hadst thouthe effrontery to censure her, knowing that thou hadst done even as she?Verily 'twas for no other reason than that ye are all fashioned thus, andstudy to cover your own misdeeds with the delinquencies of others: wouldthat fire might fall from heaven and burn you all, brood of iniquity thatye are!"

  The lady, marking that in the first flush of his wrath he had given hernothing worse than hard words, and discerning, as she thought, that hewas secretly overjoyed to hold so beautiful a boy by the hand, took heartof grace and said:--"I doubt not indeed that thou wouldst be well pleasedthat fire should fall from heaven and devour us all, seeing that thou artas fond of us as a dog is of the stick, though by the Holy Rood thou wiltbe disappointed; but I would fain have a little argument with thee, toknow whereof thou complainest. Well indeed were it with me, didst thoubut place me on an equality with Ercolano's wife, who is an oldsanctimonious hypocrite, and has of him all that she wants, and ischerished by him as a wife should be: but that is not my case. For,granted that thou givest me garments and shoes to my mind, thou knowesthow otherwise ill bested I am, and how long it is since last thou didstlie with me; and far liefer had I go barefoot and in rags, and have thybenevolence abed, than have all that I have, and be treated as thou dosttreat me. Understand me, Pietro, be reasonable; consider that I am awoman like other women, with the like craving; whereof if thou deny methe gratification, 'tis no blame to me that I seek it elsewhere; and atleast I do thee so much honour as not forgather with stable-boys orscurvy knaves."

  Pietro perceived that she was like to continue in this vein the wholenight: wherefore, indifferent as he was to her, he said:--"Now, Madam, nomore of this; in the matter of which thou speakest I will content thee;but of thy great courtesy let us have something to eat by way of supper;for, methinks, the boy, as well as I, has not yet supped." "Ay, trueenough," said the lady, "he has not supped; for we were but just sittingdown to table to sup, when, beshrew thee, thou madest thy appearance.""Go then," said Pietro, "get us some supper; and by and by I will arrangethis affair in such a way that thou shalt have no more cause ofcomplaint." The lady, perceiving that her husband was now tranquil, rose,and soon had the table laid again and spread with the supper which shehad ready; and so they made a jolly meal of it, the caitiff husband, thelady and the boy. What after supper Pietro devised for their mutualsatisfaction has slipped from my memory. But so much as this I know, thaton the morrow as he wended his way to the piazza, the boy would have beenpuzzled to say, whether of the twain, the wife or the husband, had hadthe most of his company during the night. But this I would say to you,dear my ladies, that whoso gives you tit, why, just give him tat; and ifyou cannot do it at once, why, bear it in mind until you can, that evenas the ass gives, so he may receive.

  Dioneo's story, whereat the ladies laughed the less for shamefastnessrather than for disrelish, being ended, the queen, taki
ng note that theterm of her sovereignty was come, rose to her feet, and took off thelaurel wreath and set it graciously upon Elisa's head, saying:--"Madam,'tis now your turn to bear sway." The dignity accepted, Elisa followed inall respects the example of her predecessors: she first conferred withthe seneschal, and directed him how meetly to order all things during thetime of her sovereignty; which done to the satisfaction of thecompany:--"Ofttimes," quoth she, "have we heard how with bright sallies,and ready retorts, and sudden devices, not a few have known how to repugnwith apt checks the bites of others, or to avert imminent perils; andbecause 'tis an excellent argument, and may be profitable, I ordain thatto-morrow, God helping