The Decameron, Volume II
remains to be seen if the company will not give me a heartywelcome, and make me captain out of hand. Let me once be there, and youwill see how things will go; else how is it that this countess, that hasnot yet seen me, is already so enamoured of me that she is minded to makeme a Knight of the Bath? And whether I shall find knighthood agreeable,or know how to support the dignity well or ill, leave that to me."Whereupon:--"Well said, excellent well said," quoth Buffalmacco: "butlook to it you disappoint us not, either by not coming or by not beingfound, when we send for you; and this I say, because 'tis cold weather,and you medical gentlemen take great care of your health." "God forbid,"replied the doctor, "I am none of your chilly folk; I fear not the cold:'tis seldom indeed, when I leave my bed a nights, to answer the call ofnature, as one must at times, that I do more than throw a pelisse over mydoublet; so rest assured that I shall be there."
So they parted; and towards nightfall the Master found a pretext forleaving his wife, and privily got out his fine gown, which in due time hedonned, and so hied him to the tombs, and having perched himself on oneof them, huddled himself together, for 'twas mighty cold, to await thecoming of the beast. Meanwhile Buffalmacco, who was a tall man andstrong, provided himself with one of those dominos that were wont to beworn in certain revels which are now gone out of fashion; and envelopedin a black pelisse turned inside out, shewed like a bear, save that thedomino had the face of a devil, and was furnished with horns: in whichguise, Bruno following close behind to see the sport, he hied him to thepiazza of Santa Maria Novella. And no sooner wist he that the Master wason the tomb, than he fell a careering in a most wild and furious mannerto and fro the piazza, and snorting and bellowing and gibbering like onedemented, insomuch that, as soon as the Master was ware of him, eachseveral hair on his head stood on end, and he fell a trembling in everylimb, being in sooth more timid than a woman, and wished himself safe athome: but as there he was, he strove might and main to keep his spiritsup, so overmastering was his desire to see the marvels of which Bruno andBuffalmacco had told him. However, after a while Buffalmacco allowed hisfury to abate, and came quietly up to the tomb on which the Master was,and stood still. The Master, still all of a tremble with fear, could notat first make up his mind, whether to get on the beast's back, or no; butat length, doubting it might be the worse for him if he did not mount thebeast, he overcame the one dread by the aid of the other, got down fromthe tomb, saying under his breath:--"God help me!" and seated himselfvery comfortably on the beast's back; and then, still quaking in everylimb, he folded his arms as he had been bidden.
Buffalmacco now started, going on all-fours, at a very slow pace, in thedirection of Santa Maria della Scala, and so brought the Master within ashort distance of the Convent of the Ladies of Ripoli. Now, in thatquarter there were divers trenches, into which the husbandmen of thoseparts were wont to discharge the Countess of Civillari, that she mightafterwards serve them to manure their land. Of one of which trenches, ashe came by, Buffalmacco skirted the edge, and seizing his opportunity,raised a hand, and caught the doctor by one of his feet, and threw himoff his back and headforemost right into the trench, and then, making aterrific noise and frantic gestures as before, went bounding off by SantaMaria della Scala towards the field of Ognissanti, where he found Bruno,who had betaken him thither that he might laugh at his ease; and therethe two men in high glee took their stand to observe from a distance howthe bemired doctor would behave. Finding himself in so loathsome a place,the Master struggled might and main to raise himself and get out; andthough again and again he slipped back, and swallowed some drams of theordure, yet, bemired from head to foot, woebegone and crestfallen, he didat last get out, leaving his hood behind him. Then, removing as much ofthe filth as he might with his hands, knowing not what else to do, he gothim home, where, by dint of much knocking, he at last gained admittance;and scarce was the door closed behind the malodorous Master, when Brunoand Buffalmacco were at it, all agog to hear after what manner he wouldbe received by his wife. They were rewarded by hearing her give him thesoundest rating that ever bad husband got. "Ah!" quoth she, "fine doings,these! Thou hast been with some other woman, and wast minded to make abrave shew in thy scarlet gown. So I was not enough for thee! not enoughfor thee forsooth, I that might content a crowd! Would they had chokedthee with the filth in which they have soused thee; 'twas thy fitresting-place. Now, to think that a physician of repute, and a marriedman, should go by night after strange women!" Thus, and with much more tothe like effect, while the doctor was busy washing himself, she ceasednot to torment him until midnight.
On the morrow, Bruno and Buffalmacco, having painted their bodies allover with livid patches to give them the appearance of having beenthrashed, came to the doctor's house, and finding that he was alreadyrisen, went in, being saluted on all hands by a foul smell, for time hadnot yet served thoroughly to cleanse the house. The doctor, beinginformed that they were come to see him, advanced to meet them, and badethem good morning. Whereto Bruno and Buffalmacco, having prepared theiranswer, replied:--"No good morning shall you have from us: rather we prayGod to give you bad years enough to make an end of you, seeing that therelives no more arrant and faithless traitor. 'Tis no fault of yours, ifwe, that did our best to honour and pleasure you, have not come by adog's death; your faithlessness has cost us to-night as many sound blowsas would more than suffice to keep an ass a trotting all the way fromhere to Rome; besides which, we have been in peril of expulsion from thecompany in which we arranged for your enrolment. If you doubt our words,look but at our bodies, what a state they are in." And so, baring theirbreasts they gave him a glimpse of the patches they had painted there,and forthwith covered them up again. The doctor would have made them hisexcuses, and recounted his misfortunes, and how he had been thrown intothe trench. But Buffalmacco broke in with:--"Would he had thrown you fromthe bridge into the Arno! Why must you needs mind you of God and thesaints? Did we not forewarn you?" "God's faith," returned the doctor,"that did I not." "How?" quoth Buffalmacco, "you did not? You do so abovea little; for he that we sent for you told us that you trembled like anaspen, and knew not where you were. You have played us a sorry trick; butnever another shall do so; and as for you, we will give you such requitalthereof as you deserve." The doctor now began to crave their pardon, andto implore them for God's sake not to expose him to shame, and used allthe eloquence at his command to make his peace with them. And if he hadhonourably entreated them before, he thenceforth, for fear they shouldpublish his disgrace, did so much more abundantly, and courted them bothby entertaining them at his table and in other ways. And so you haveheard how wisdom is imparted to those that get it not at Bologna.
(1) The distinguishing mark of a doctor in those days. Fanfani, Vocab.della Lingua Italiana, 1891, "Batolo."
(2) Perhaps an allusion to some frightful picture.
(3) About four miles from Florence.
(4) In the Italian "artagoticamente," a word of Boccaccio's own minting.
(5) A Venetian coin of extremely low value, being reckoned as 1/4 of theFlorentine quattrino.
(6) I.e. without salt, that Florentine symbol of wit, not being soreadily procurable on a holiday as on working-days.
(7) A public sink at Florence.
(8) In the contado of Arezzo: the equivoque is tolerably obvious.
(9) Slang for an ill-kept jakes.
(10) Also slang: signifying a pyramidal pile of ordure.
(11) Broom-handle.
(12) The meaning of this term may perhaps be divined from the sound.
NOVEL X.
--A Sicilian woman cunningly conveys from a merchant that which he hasbrought to Palermo; he, making a shew of being come back thither with fargreater store of goods than before, borrows money of her, and leaves herin lieu thereof water and tow.--
How much in divers passages the queen's story moved the ladies tolaughter, it boots not to ask: none was there in whose eyes the tearsstood not full a dozen times for excess of merriment. However, it beingended, and Dioneo witting tha
t 'twas now his turn, thus spakehe:--Gracious ladies, 'tis patent to all that wiles are diverting in thedegree of the wiliness of him that is by them beguiled. Wherefore, albeitstories most goodly have been told by you all, I purpose to relate onewhich should afford you more pleasure than any that has been told, seeingthat she that was beguiled was far more cunning in beguiling others thanany of the beguiled of whom you have spoken.
There was, and perhaps still is, a custom in all maritime countries thathave ports, that all merchants arriving there with merchandise, should,on discharging, bring all their goods into a warehouse, called in manyplaces "dogana," and maintained by the state, or the lord of the land;where those that are assigned to that office allot to each merchant, onreceipt of an invoice of all his goods and the value thereof, a