Daughter of Darkness

  What she said and the way she said it would probably make most people envious, I thought, but it didn’t give me the relief I sought as we drove on. Buddy was out there waiting for his lover, believing I would give him the crown jewel of life, the most cherished and important reason to live—deep, long, and everlasting love. He longed for me, while I approached with deception and the promise of deep, long, and everlasting betrayal.

  I wanted to cry, but I didn’t. I was as cold as stone. Every part of my body was attached to strings I could not see but knew were there, strings that Daddy would pull, that he had been pulling all my life. I would dance the dance of seduction, and I would embrace Buddy with the iron grip my sex now could employ. He had no chance of escape. His own heart would blind him and bind him for deliverance into Daddy’s waiting arms.

  “The moment you drove over to his uncle’s house that day,” Ava said, “I knew this was perfect.”

  “You were always watching me? You always knew?”

  “Of course, Lorelei. You’re almost as important to me as you are to Daddy. You don’t know how lucky you are to have it so easy the first time. I mean, it wasn’t hard for me, but I still had to do a little work. You’re getting a package wrapped and tied.”

  “Do we have to keep talking about it?” I asked, surprised at how sharp and defiant I sounded.

  She glanced at me. “Well, excuse me,” she said. “You’re sounding like a spoiled bitch already,” she added with a laugh. “I’ll have to give you my whole wardrobe.”

  We drove the rest of the way in silence. Buddy stepped out of the house and waved the moment we drove up.

  “Anxious, isn’t he?” Ava said.

  I started to get out, and she seized my arm. She glared at me with her full intensity, her eyes like daggers.

  “Your whole life will be decided today, Lorelei. Make no mistake about that,” she warned, and then let me go.

  I got out quickly, the chill she threw over my body still clinging to my skin. As she pulled away and Buddy approached, I felt as if a thin sheet of ice were sliding down my torso and crumbling at my feet.

  “Hey,” he said. He took my hands, looked into my eyes, whispered “Welcome,” and kissed me softly on the lips. He hesitated for a moment when he felt no reaction from me. I was still numb from Ava’s ice-water words. “Everything all right?”

  “Yes,” I said quickly, and started for the house.

  “I ordered pizza with some salad.” He moved ahead to open the door for me.

  Ordinarily, I would have been excited about getting what Mrs. Fennel called “goat food,” but tonight I thought I would have little or no appetite for anything. Nevertheless, I quickly smiled and entered. He had music playing throughout the house.

  “I thought I’d bone up on some classical music while I waited for you. I remember you mentioned how your father enjoyed it. This is Mozart.”

  “I know,” I said. “The Magic Flute.”

  “Yeah, of course, you would know. When I went into the music store, I just asked for Mozart. You want to go in the living room or—”

  “What’s the backyard like? I’ve been in the house all day, and it’s beautiful outside.”

  “Oh, it’s great. He has a small pool, nice patio. C’mon,” he urged, and led me through the house. We went out through the French doors in the den. There were light blue lounge chairs on a Spanish-tile patio. On the right side was a large barbecue grill and a sink. The pool was kidney-shaped, and there were a few tables, more lounges, and a small whirlpool. Five-foot-high ficus bushes provided lots of privacy, fencing in the property. There were some lemon trees on the right and also orange and grapefruit trees.

  “Not bad, huh?”

  “It’s very nice, yes,” I said.

  “You want something cold to drink, beer, juice, water? I think there is some diet soda.”

  “Just water, thanks.”

  I sat on one of the lounges while he went to get me the water. The sky looked a few shades darker blue than usual, which made the scattered clouds a purer white. There wasn’t much of a breeze. The clouds were puffy and thick and looked stuck in place.

  Buddy brought me a glass of water. He had one for himself and sat at my feet. For a few moments, he was silent, sipping his water and looking at me.

  “Is it my imagination, or are you a bundle of nerves?” he asked.

  “It’s not your imagination.”

  “Worried that your father won’t like me?”

  “Oh, he’ll like you.”

  “How can you be so sure?”

  “I know what he likes.”

  “So, why was there all that hesitation about me meeting him before?”

  “Let’s not ask any questions for a while,” I said. “It’s too beautiful and peaceful here. I feel as if I’m in a painting, and I like that feeling.”

  “Why?” he asked with a soft smile.

  “It makes me feel all of this can go on forever,” I said.

  “Why can’t it?”

  I laughed. “You remind me of a little boy sometimes,” I said. “So innocent, so trusting.”

  “Oh, and you’re Miss Sophistication, I guess, huh?”

  “I don’t mean it to be a criticism,” I said. “I wish we could all stay young and innocent forever.”

  He sipped his water. “We will.”

  “Oh, and how?”

  “Love can do that for you,” he said.

  “Really? Why do you believe that?”

  “Everything hard and difficult and even ugly seems far less so when you’re in love. When I met you, as quick as all this seems to be, I felt as if my eyes were opened wider, my ears could hear more. All my senses were unclogged, sharper. Suddenly, everything I did was… not exciting, exactly, but more joyful, and that keeps you young. Does that make any sense?”

  “Yes,” I said.

  “It was the same for you?” he asked hopefully.

  “Yes.”

  “Then you won’t laugh if I tell you I love you and want to be with you forever and ever.”

  “I won’t laugh,” I said.

  He lowered his glass to the tile and leaned over to kiss me. This time, I kissed him back. He took the glass from my hand and put it down gently. We kissed again.

  “I can’t imagine ever being happier than I am at this moment. If I died tomorrow, I wouldn’t feel cheated.”

  “But how can you be with me forever and ever if you die, Buddy?”

  “You’re here,” he said, pressing his hand to his heart. “Locked in forever and always with me. If we never saw each other again after today, I’d see you everywhere in every woman’s face and hear you in every woman’s voice. You’ve possessed me.”

  “That sounds like—”

  “Delicious torment. Don’t stop.”

  He kissed me again. Half of me wanted to drive him away and save him, but the half of me that wanted him was stronger. His hands moved over me, tugging at my clothes. I felt myself tighten in anticipation. Ava’s orders were to make love as much as possible before I brought him home. “His blood should be hot with passion and desire,” she had said.

  It’s all going the way it should, I thought. Guilt, however, mixed in with my pleasure. I couldn’t help being tentative, a little reluctant. He felt it and stopped.

  “Want to go inside?” he asked.

  “Yes,” I said, and we reentered the house.

  He led me to the bedroom in which we had made love. In moments, we were at each other, the hesitation quickly washed away by my own heat and passion. The intensity of it surprised me. He was surprised, too, but welcomed it as an indication of how much I wanted and loved him.

  This time, however, I hardened faster in the places I had hardened before and became more aggressive. He started to laugh and then pretended to cry out for mercy. Maybe he’s not pretending, I thought, but I couldn’t stop. I kissed him more demandingly than he kissed me, rushed him to undress, and became impatient with how long he was taking to und
ress me. When we were naked, I rolled him over and mounted him.

  “Wait!” he cried. “I’m not prepared.”

  “It’s all right. We’ll be fine,” I said, too impatient to wait.

  My hunger made him ravenous. With all abandon gone, we made love until he begged for mercy, laughing but astonished.

  “I don’t know if you were loving me or trying to kill me,” he said, half joking. He paused, studying me a moment. “Do you work out or something? You have real muscle definition.”

  “I work out,” I said, reaching for the blanket to cover my nudity.

  “I’d better start working out harder myself to keep up with you.”

  He rose and put on one of his uncle’s robes that was hanging on a closet door. He looked at his watch.

  “Our food should be here any moment,” he said. “I need some nourishment after that.” He sat on the bed and took my hand, gently playing with my fingers. “Why should I be so lucky? I keep asking myself that.”

  “Maybe you’re not.”

  “I love it when you’re modest.” He sighed and looked around. “My uncle’s returning next week. We’ll lose our love nest for a while.”

  Longer than a while, I thought.

  “I’ll figure something out,” he quickly added. “Don’t worry.”

  “I’m sure you would,” I said.

  “Will, not would.”

  We heard the doorbell.

  “That’s the food. Don’t move. I’ll bring it all in here. We’ll spend all our time in bed until we have to leave. Consider this our honeymoon.”

  I said nothing. It was all going the way it was supposed to go.

  “What do you want to drink now?”

  “Just some water again,” I said.

  “Coming right up. Whew,” he said, laughing. He dug his wallet out of his pants, smiled, and then went out to get our food.

  “You want any help?” I called.

  “Don’t you move!” he shouted back. “I know a good thing when I see it.”

  I looked around. My body felt as if it was cooling down, the madness of my lovemaking dissipating. Outside, a cloud moved over the sun, and an ominous shadow washed over the window, darkening the room for a few moments. I felt a chill, like what someone might feel if he or she knew he or she was being watched. Was Ava there spying on me?

  I heard him returning, proclaiming how delicious it all smelled.

  “We’re making a mess here,” I said after he had brought in the food and set up plates on the bed. He threw off his robe and sat next to me, putting pillows behind our backs. I didn’t think I would have any appetite, but, maybe because of our lovemaking, I was suddenly ravenous. He laughed at how fast and how much I was eating.

  “I had better watch my fingers,” he joked.

  I paused, recalling Ava’s description of Mrs. Fennel when she ate. “Watching her eat is like watching a starving dog eat,” she had said. Just a suggestion that I would be anything like Mrs. Fennel was enough to ruin my appetite. I pushed the plate away.

  “Hey, I didn’t mean to stop you.”

  “I’ve had enough,” I said. “I’ll help you clean up.”

  “No, you won’t. I invited you. You just stay here, comfortably.” He rose and began gathering things. He saw me glance at the clock. “We’re fine. Don’t worry. We have plenty of time,” he said.

  “Okay.”

  Let him cherish and enjoy every moment, I thought. Maybe I would feel less guilty. I tried not to think of it. Instead, I imagined what life was going to be like in a new home, in a new place, and with a new baby sister as well. Like Marla, I had no loyalty or affection for the school we were in now. I didn’t mind moving away, but I also had no illusions about what would await us somewhere else. Close friendships with other girls would always be forbidden. Most likely, I wouldn’t be going to school much longer, if at all, anyway. Daddy might find something for me to do in Louisiana until it was time for Marla to take my place. Maybe he’d send me to college as he had sent Ava.

  Buddy hurried back and dove onto the bed. The whole frame strained.

  “Buddy, you’ll break it.”

  “Unc would understand,” he said.

  “Understand? Why? Did you tell him about me?”

  “No. I haven’t told anyone about you.”

  “Really? Why not?”

  “Superstitious.”

  “What’s that mean?”

  “My grandmother lived with us when I was just a little boy. She always warned me, warned everyone, not to be too proud and not to brag about what you had; otherwise, the Evil Eye would find you and take whatever it was away from you. I can’t help it. I’m not shy or overly modest. I’m just… superstitious. Besides, most of my friends are idiots and wouldn’t understand how strong my feelings are for you. They’d mock me, tease me. Who needs it, right?”

  “Yes.”

  “What about you? Tell any of your friends about me?”

  “No. I don’t really have any friends.”

  He pulled his head back. “I can’t believe that. Not only do you have friends, but I’m sure you have a trail of boys sucking up your shadow.”

  “I don’t,” I said.

  “Why not?”

  “Maybe I’ve outgrown them.”

  “I’ll believe that more than anything else. It doesn’t matter,” he said after a moment of thought. “You have me. I’ll be not only your lover but your best friend, and I’ll fill every free moment of your time seven days a week, three hundred and sixty-five days a year.”

  I laughed. “Not even married couples do that, Buddy.”

  “We’re more than just any married couple could be. We’re… soul mates.”

  I looked away. Ava was right. This wasn’t hard, but that didn’t make it any easier for me to do.

  “So,” he said, lying on his back and putting his head on my lap, “tell me about your father. I’d like to know as much as I can about him before I meet him.”

  “What do you want to know?”

  “What’s he like? All I know is he’s away a lot. He likes classical music, and oh, yeah, he’s immaculate,” he said, laughing. “I’m just teasing,” he said when I didn’t laugh. “If you don’t want to talk about him, that’s fine.”

  “Of course I don’t mind talking about him. I love talking about him. If anyone is sophisticated, it’s Daddy,” I began. “He’s always aware of the newest fashions. He speaks four languages, plays the piano, goes to concerts and the theater in London, New York, and Paris. He knows the richest, most successful people, here or in Greece or Rome. And he’s handsome, devastatingly handsome. People who first meet him think he’s a member of some royal family. No one is more elegant than Daddy.”

  Buddy sat with his mouth open.

  “What?” I asked.

  “Do you always call him Daddy?”

  “What else should I call him?”

  “Holy smokes. It sounds like I’m going to meet a Greek god or something. Now you do have me nervous.”

  “Sorry. I guess I do go a bit overboard when I talk about him.”

  “That’s okay. It’s wonderful to think so highly of your parents, I guess. I mean, I look up to my father and my mother. My father’s a pretty bright guy, and he keeps himself fit.”

  “Oh, Daddy looks years younger than he is.”

  Buddy nodded. Then he paused, tilted his head, and gave me a coy smile. “He doesn’t walk on water, does he?”

  “No, but I think he could,” I said, and he laughed.

  “I do love you, Lorelei. I’ve never seen or heard a girl talk like you. You’re special.”

  “That’s what Daddy says.”

  “He’s right. I guess he is a genius, and if he’s so intelligent, he’ll immediately see how deeply and sincerely I care for you and approve of me. Hey,” he said after a moment. “You don’t look happy about that.”

  I brushed his hair off his forehead. “No matter what, Buddy, I’m very happy I met you, got
to know you.”

  “Great, only don’t make it sound like the last scene in Casablanca or something. There’s always tomorrow when it comes to us, Lorelei. Tomorrow forever.”

  “Tomorrow forever,” I repeated.

  He shook his head. “Looks like I have to do more convincing.” He sat up to kiss me.

  This time, I tried to control my passion so he could take the lead in our lovemaking. I wanted it to be softer and gentler and take longer, too. I tried to tell myself that this was the way Ava wanted it to be, but I felt it was more. With each caress, each kiss, we seemed to tighten and solidify the connection between us. This was the reason making love was the most intimate thing you could do with someone else, I thought, but only if you did it like this, with concern and care and not selfishness. In those precious minutes, you visited each other’s very soul, and if it was real and meant to be, you were like one person ready to share every joy and every sadness.

  When we were finished, I was crying softly.

  He smiled at my tears and kissed them away. “I hope those are tears of happiness,” he said.

  “They are, but they are tears of sadness, too.”

  “What? Why?”

  I didn’t answer. I rose and reached for my clothing instead.

  “What are you doing? It’s only a little past eight. We’re only twenty minutes away, and you told me we had to be there no earlier than ten.”

  “I want to go home now,” I said. “Just get dressed.”

  “What’s wrong?”

  “Get dressed,” I repeated.

  He started to dress, but he looked very unhappy. “Did I do something wrong, say something wrong?”