The Monikins

  CHAPTER XV. AN ARRIVAL--FORMS OF RECEPTION--SEVERAL NEW CHRISTENINGS--ANOFFICIAL DOCUMENT, AND TERRA FIRMA.

  It is always agreeable to arrive safe, at the end of a long, fatiguing,and hazardous journey. But the pleasure is considerably augmented whenthe visit is paid to a novel region, with a steam-climate, and which ispeopled by a new species. My own satisfaction, too was coupled with thereflection that I had been of real service to four very interesting andwell-bred strangers, who had been cast, by an adverse fortune, into thehands of humanity, and who owed to me a boon far more precious than lifeitself--a restoration to their natural and acquired rights, theirproper stations in society, and sacred liberty! The reader will judge,therefore, with what inward self-congratulation I now received theacknowledgments of the whole monikin party, and listened to their mostsolemn protestations ever to consider, not only all they might jointlyand severally possess in the way of estates and dignities, at my entiredisposal, but their persons as my slaves. Of course, I made as light aspossible of any little service I might have done them, protesting in myturn, that I looked upon the whole affair more in the light of a partyof pleasure than a tax, reminding them that I had not only obtained aninsight into a new philosophy, but that I was already, thanks to thedecimal system, a tolerable proficient in their ancient and learnedlanguage. These civilities were scarcely well over, before we wereboarded by the boat of the port-captain.

  The arrival of a human ship was an event likely to create excitement ina monikin country; and as our approach had been witnessed for severalhours, preparations had been made to give us a proper reception. Thesection of the academy to whom is committed the custody of the "Scienceof Indications," was hastily assembled by order of the king, who, bythe way, never speaks except through the mouth of his oldest male firstcousin, who, by the fundamental laws of the realm, is held responsiblefor all his official acts (in private, the king is allowed almost asmany privileges as any other monikin), and who, as is due to him insimple justice, is permitted to exercise, in a public point of view, thefunctions of the eyes, ears, nose, conscience, and tail of the monarch.The savans were active, and as they proceeded with method, andon well-established principles, their report was quickly made. Itcontained, as we afterwards understood, seven sheets of premises, elevenof argument, sixteen of conjecture, and two lines of deduction. Thisheavy draft on the monikin intellect was duly achieved by dividing thework into as many parts as there were members of the section present,viz., forty. The substance of their labors was, to say that the vesselin sight was a strange vessel; that it came to a strange country, ona strange errand, being manned by strangers; and that its objectswere more likely to be peaceful than warlike, since the glasses of theacademy did not enable them to discover any means of annoyance, with theexception of certain wild beasts, who appeared, however, to be peaceablyoccupied in working the ship. All this was sententiously expressed inthe purest monikin language. The effect of the report was, to cause allhostile preparations to be abandoned.

  No sooner did the boat of the port-captain return to the shore with thenews that the strange ship had arrived with my Lord Chatterino, my LadyChatterissa and Dr. Reasono than there was a general burst of joy alongthe strand. In a very short time the king--alias his eldest first cousinof the male gender--ordered the usual compliments to be paid to hisdistinguished subjects. A deputation of young lords the hopes ofLeaphigh came off to receive their colleague; whilst a bevy ofbeautiful maidens of noble birth crowded around the smiling and gracefulChatterissa, gladdening her heart with their caressing manners andfelicitations. The noble pair left us in separate boats, each attendedby an appropriate escort. We overlooked the little neglect of forgettingto take leave of us, for joy had quite set them both beside themselves.Next came a long procession composed of high numbers, all of the"brown-study color." These learned and dignified persons were adeputation from the academy, which had sent forth no less than fortyof its number to receive Dr. Reasono. The meeting between these lovingfriends of monikinity and of knowledge, was conducted on the mostapproved principles of reason. Each section (there are forty in theacademy of Leaphigh) made an address, to all of which the Doctorreturned suitable replies, always using exactly the same sentiments, butvarying the subject by transpositions, as dictionaries are known to becomposed by the ingenious combinations of the twenty-six letters ofthe alphabet. Dr. Reasono withdrew with his coadjutors, to my surprisepaying not a whit more attention to Captain Poke and myself, than wouldbe paid in any highly-civilized country of Christendom, on a similaroccasion, by a collection of the learned, to the accidental presence oftwo monkeys. I thought this augured badly, and began to feel as becameSir John Goldencalf, Bart., of Householder Hall, in the kingdom of GreatBritain, when my sensations were nipped in the bud by the arrival of theofficers of registration and circulation. It was the duty of the latterto give us the proper passports to enter into and to circulate withinthe country, after the former had properly enregistered our numbers andcolors, in such a way as to bring us within the reach of taxation. Theofficer of registration was very expeditious from long practice. Hedecided, at once, that I formed a new class by myself; of which, ofcourse, I was No. 1. The captain and his two mates formed another, Nos.1, 2, and 3. Bob had a class also to himself, and the honors of No. 1;and the crew formed a fresh class, being numbered according to height,as the register deemed their merits to be altogether physical. Next camethe important point of color, on which depended the quality of the classor caste, the numbers merely indicating our respective stations inthe particular divisions. After a good deal of deliberation, and manyinterrogatories, I was enregistered as No. 1, flesh-color. Noah as No.1, sea-water color, and his mates 2 and 3, accordingly. Bob as No. 1,smut-color, and the crew as Nos. 1, 2, 3, etc., tar-color. Theofficer now called upon an assistant to come forth with a sort ofknitting-needle heated red-hot, in order to affix the official stamp toeach in succession. Luckily for us all, Noah happened to be the first towhom the agent of the stamp-office applied, to uncase and to preparefor the operation. The result was one of those bursts of eloquent andlogical vituperation, and of remonstrating outcries, to which anynew personal exaction never failed to give birth in the sealer. Hisdiscourse on this occasion might be divided into the several followingheads, all of which were very ingeniously embellished by the usualexpletives and imagery:--"He was not a beast to be branded like a horse,nor a slave to be treated like a Congo nigger; he saw no use in applyingthe marks to men, who were sufficiently distinguished from monkeysalready; Sir John had a handle before his name, and if he liked it, hemight carry his name behind his body, by way of counterpoise, but forhis part, he wanted no outriggers of the sort, being satisfied withplain Noah Poke; he was a republican, and it was anti-republican for aman to carry about with him graven images; he thought it might be evenflying in the face of the Scriptures, or what was worse, turning hisback on them; he said that the Walrus had her name, in good legiblecharacters on her starn, and that might answer for both of them; heprotested, d--n his eyes, that he wouldn't be branded like a thief;he incontinently wished the keeper of the privy seal to the d---l; heinsisted there was no use in the practice, unless one threw all aback,and went starn foremost into society, a rudeness at which human natur'revolted; he knew a man in Stunin'tun who had five names, and he shouldlike to know what they would do with him, if this practice shouldcome into fashion there; he had no objection to a little paint, but nored-hot knitting-needle should make acquaintance with his flesh, so longas he walked his quarter-deck."

  The keeper of the seals listened to this remonstrance with singularpatience and decorum; a forbearance that was probably owing to his notunderstanding a word that had been said. But there is a language thatis universal, and it is not less easy to comprehend when a man is ina passion, than it is to comprehend any other irritated animal. Theofficer of the registration department, on this hint, politely inquiredof me, if some part of his official duties were not particularlydisagreeable to No. 1, sea-water color. On my admitting that the
captainwas reluctant to be branded, he merely shrugged his shoulders, andobserved that the exactions of the public were seldom agreeable, butthat duty was duty, that the stamp act was peremptory, and not a foot ofours could touch Leaphigh until we were all checked off in this manner,in exact conformity with the registration. I was much puzzled what todo, by this indomitable purpose to perform his duty in the officer;for, to own the truth, my own cuticle had quite as much aversion to theoperation, as of Captain Poke himself. It was not the principle somuch as the novelty of its application which distressed me; for I hadtravelled too much not to know that a stranger rarely enters a civilizedcountry without being more or less skinned, the merest savages onlypermitting him to pass unscathed. It suddenly came to my recollectionthat the monikins had left all the remains of their particular storeson board, consisting of an ample supply of delicious nuts. Sending fora bag of the best of them, I ordered it to be put into the register'sboat, informing him at the same time, that I was conscious they werequite unworthy of him, but that I hoped, such as they were, he wouldallow me to make an offering of them to his wife. This attention wasproperly felt and received; and a few minutes afterwards, a certificatein the following words was put into my hands, viz.:

  "Leaphigh, season of promise, day of performance: Whereas, certainpersons of the human species have lately presented themselves to beenregistered, according to the statute 'for the promotion of order andclassification, and for the collection of contributions'; and whereas,these persons are yet in the second class of the animal probation,and are more subject to bodily impressions than the higher, or monikinspecies: Now, know all monikins, etc., that they are stamped in paint,and that only by their numbers; each class among them being easily to bedistinguished from the others, by outward and indelible proofs.

  "Signed,

  "No. 8,020 office-color."

  I was told that all we had to do now was to mark ourselves with paintor tar, as we might choose, the latter being recommended for the crew;taking no further trouble than to number ourselves; and when we wentashore, if any of the gens-d'armes inquired why we had not the legalimpression on our persons, which quite possibly would be the case, asthe law was absolute in its requisitions, all we had to do was to showthe certificate; but if the certificate was not sufficient, we were menof the world, and understood the nature of things so well, that we didnot require to be taught so simple a proposition in philosophy, as thatwhich says, "like causes produce like effects"; and he presumed I couldnot have so far overrated his merits, as to have sent the whole of mynuts into his boat. I avow that I was not very sorry to hear the officerthrow out these hints, for they convinced me that my journey throughLeaphigh would be accompanied with less embarrassment than I hadanticipated, since I now plainly perceived that monikins act onprinciples that are not very essentially different from those of thehuman race in general.

  The complaisant register and the keeper of the privy seal took theirdeparture together, when we forthwith proceeded to number ourselves incompliance with his advice. As the principle was already settled, we hadno difficulty with its application, Noah, Bob, myself, and the largestof the seamen being all Nos. 1, and the rest ranking in order. By thistime it was night. The guard-boats began to appear on the water, and wedeferred disembarking until morning.

  All hands were early afoot. It had been arranged that Captain Poke andmyself, attended by Bob, as a domestic, were to land, in order to make ajourney through the island, while the Walrus was to be left in charge ofthe mates and the crew; the latter having permission to go ashore, fromtime to time, as is the practice with all seamen in port. There was agreat deal of preliminary scrubbing and shaving, before the whole partycould appear on deck, properly attired for the occasion. Mr. Poke worea thin dress of linen, admirably designed to make him look like asea-lion; a conceit that he said was not only agreeable to his feelingsand habits, but which had a cool and pleasant character that wasaltogether suited to a steam-climate. For my own part, I agreed with theworthy sealer, seeing but little difference between his going in thisgarb, and his going quite naked. My dress was made, on a design ofmy own, after the social-stake system; or, in other words, it was soarranged as to take an interest in half of the animals of Exeter Change,to which MENAGERIE the artist by whom it had been painted was sentexpressly, in order to consult nature. Bob wore the effigy, as hismaster called it, of a turnspit.

  The monikins were by far too polished to crowd about us when we landed,with an impertinent and troublesome curiosity. So far from this, we werepermitted to approach the capital itself without let or hindrance. As itis less my intention to describe physical things than to dwell upon thephilosophy and the other moral aspects of the Leaphigh world, littlemore will be said of their houses, domestic economy, and otherimprovements in the arts, than may be gathered incidentally, as thenarrative shall proceed. Let it suffice to say on these heads, that theLeaphigh monikins, like men, consult, or think they consult--which,so long as they know no better, amounts to pretty much the samething--their own convenience in all things, the pocket alone excepted;and that they continue very laudably to do as their fathers did beforethem, seldom making changes, unless they may happen to possess therecommendation of being exotics; when, indeed, they are sometimesadopted, probably on account of their possessing the merit of havingbeen proved suitable to another state of things.

  Among the first persons we met, on entering the great square ofAggregation, as the capital of Leaphigh is called when rendered intoEnglish, was my Lord Chatterino. He was gayly promenading with a companyof young nobles, who all seemed to be enjoying their youth, health,rank, and privileges with infinite gusto. We met this party in a way torender an escape from mutual recognition impossible. At first I thought,from his averted eye, that it was the intention of our late shipmateto consider our knowledge of each other as one of those accidentalacquaintances which, it is known, we all form at watering-places, onjourneys, or in the country, and which it is ill-mannered to press uponothers in town; or, as Captain Poke afterwards expressed it, like theintimacy between an Englishman and a Yankee, that has been formed in thehouse of the latter, on better wine than is met with anywhere else, andwhich was never yet known to withstand the influence of a British fog."Why, Sir John," the sealer added, "I once tuck (he meant to say TOOK,not TUCKED) a countryman of yours under my wing, at Stunin'tun, duringthe last war. He was a prisoner, as we make prisoners; that is, hewent and did pretty much as he pleased; and the fellow had the best ofeverything--molasses that a spoon would stand up in, pork that would doto slush down a topmast, and New England rum, that a king might set downto, but could not get up from--well, what was the end on't? Why, as sureas we are among these monkeys, the fellow BOOKED me. Had I BOOKED butthe half of what he guzzled, the amount, I do believe, would have takenthe transaction out of any justice's court in the state. He said mymolasses was meagre, the pork lean, and the liquor infernal. Therewere truth and gratitude for you! He gave the whul account, too, as aspecimen of what he called American living!"

  Hereupon I reminded my companion, that an Englishman did not like toreceive even favors on compulsion; that when he meets a stranger in hisown country, and is master of his own actions, no man understands betterwhat true hospitality is, as I hoped one day to show him, at HouseholderHall; as to his first remark, he ought to remember that an Englishmanconsidered America as no more than the country, and that it would beill-mannered to press an acquaintance made there.

  Noah, like most other men, was very reasonable on all subjects that didnot interfere with his prejudices or his opinions; and he very readilyadmitted the general justice of my reply.

  "It's pretty much as you say, Sir John," he continued; "in England youmay press men, but it won't do to press hospitality. Get a volunteer inthis way, and he is as good a fellow as heart can wish. I shouldn't havecared so much about the chap's book, if he had said nothin' ag'in therum. Why, Sir John, when the English bombarded Stunin'tun with eighteenpounders, I proposed to load our old twelve with a gallon
out of thevery same cask, for I do think it would have huv' the shot the best partof a mile!"

  --But this digression is leading me from the narrative. My LordChatterino turned his head a little on one side as we were passing,and I was deliberating whether, under the circumstances, it would bewell-bred to remind him of our old acquaintance, when the question wassettled by the decision of Captain Poke, who placed himself in such aposition that it was no easy matter to get round him, through him, orover him--or who laid himself what he called "athwart hawse."

  "Good morning, my lord," said the straightforward seaman, who generallywent at a subject as he went at a seal. "A fine warm day; and the smellof the land, after so long a passage, is quite agreeable to the nose,whatever its ups and downs may be to the legs."

  The companions of the young peer looked amazed; and some of them,I thought, notwithstanding gravity and earnestness are rathercharacteristic of the monikin physiognomy, betrayed a slight dispositionto laugh. Not so with my Lord Chatterino himself.

  He examined us a moment through a glass, and then seemed suddenly, andon the whole, agreeably struck at seeing us.

  "How, Goldencalf!" he cried in surprise, "you in Leaphigh! This isindeed an unexpected satisfaction; for it will now be in my powerto prove some of the facts that I am telling my friends, by actualobservation. Here are two of the humans, gents, of whom I was but thismoment giving you some account--"

  Observing a disposition to merriment in his associates, he continued,looking exceedingly grave:--

  "Restrain yourselves, gentlemen, I pray you. These are very worthypeople, I do assure you, in their own way, and are not at all to beridiculed. I scarcely know, even in our own marine, a better or abolder navigator than this honest seaman; and as for the one in theparti-colored skin, I will take upon myself to say, that he is really aperson of some consideration in his own little circle. He is, I believe,a member of par--par--par--am I right, Sir John?--a member of--"

  "Parliament, my lord--an M.P."

  "Ay--I thought I had it--an M.P., or a member of Parliament, in his owncountry, which, I dare say now, is some such thing among his people, asa public proclaimer of those laws which come from his majesty's eldestfirst cousin of the masculine gender, may be among us. Some suchthing--eh--now--eh--is it not, Sir John?"

  "I dare say it is, my lord."

  "All very true, Chatterino," put in one of the young monikins, with avery long, elaborated tail, which he carried nearly perpendicular--"butwhat would be even a lawmaker--to say nothing of law-BREAKERS likeourselves--among men! You should remember, my dear fellow, that a meretitle, or a profession, is not the criterion of true greatness; but thatthe prodigy of a village may be a very common monikin in town."

  "Poh-poh"--interrupted Lord Chatterino, "thou art ever for refining,Hightail--Sir John Goldencalf is a very respectable person in theisland of--a--a--a--what do you call that said island of yours,Goldencalf?--a--a--"

  "Great Britain, my lord."

  "Ay, Great Breeches sure enough; yet, he is a respectable person--I cantake it upon myself to say, with confidence, a very respectable personin Great Breeches. I dare say he owns no small portion of the islandhimself. How much, now, Sir John, if the truth were told?"

  "Only the estate and village of Householder, my lord, with a fewscattered manors here and there."

  "Well, that is a very pretty thing, there can be no doubt--then you havemoney at use?"

  "And who is the debtor?" sneeringly inquired the jack-a-napes Hightail.

  "No other, my Lord Hightail, than the realm of Great Britain."

  "Exquisite, that, egad! A noble's fortune in the custody of the realm ofa--Greek--a--"

  "Great Breeches," interrupted my Lord Chatterino, who, notwithstandinghe swore he was excessively angry with his friend for his obstinateincredulity, very evidently had to exercise some forbearance to keepfrom joining in the general laugh. "It is a very respectable country, Ido protest; and I scarcely remember to have tasted better gooseberriesthan they grow in that very island."

  "What! have they really gardens, Chatterino?"

  "Certainly--after a fashion--and houses, and public conveyances--andeven universities."

  "You do not mean to say, certainly, that they have a system!"

  "Why, as to system, I believe they are a little at sixes and sevens. Ireally can't take it upon myself to say that they have a system."

  "Oh, yes, my lord--of a certainty we have one--the social stake system."

  "Ask the creature," whispered audibly the filthy coxcomb Hightail, "ifhe himself, now, has any income."

  "How is it, Sir John--have you an income?"

  "Yes, my lord, of one hundred and twelve thousand sovereigns a year."

  "Of what?--of what?" demanded two or three voices, with well-bred,subdued eagerness.

  "Of sovereigns--why that means kings!"

  It would appear that the Leaphighers, while they obey only the king'seldest first cousin of the masculine gender, perform all their officialacts in the name of the sovereign himself, for whose person andcharacter they pretty uniformly express the profoundest veneration; justas we men express admiration for a virtue that we never practise. Mydeclaration, therefore, produced a strong sensation, and I was soonrequired to explain myself. This I did, by simply stating the truth.

  "Oh, gold, yclept sovereigns!" exclaimed three or four, laughingheartily. "Why then, your famous Great Breeches people, after all,Chatterino, are so little advanced in civilization as to use gold!Harkee, Signior--a--a--Boldercraft, have you no currency in 'promises'?"

  "I do not know, sir, that I rightly comprehend the question."

  "Why, we poor barbarians, sir, who live as you see us, only in a stateof simplicity and nature,"--there was irony in every syllable theimpudent scoundrel uttered--"we poor wretches, or rather our ancestors,made the discovery, that for the purposes of convenience, having, as youperceive, no pockets, it might be well to convert all our currency into'promises.' Now, I would ask if you have any of that coin?"

  "Not as coin, sir, but as collateral to coin, we have plenty."

  "He speaks of collaterals in currency, as if he were discussing apedigree! Are you really, Mynherr Shouldercalf, so little advanced inyour country, as not to know the immense advantages of a currency of'promises'?"

  "As I do not understand exactly what the nature of this currency is,sir, I cannot answer as readily as I could wish."

  "Let us explain it to him; for, I vow, I am really curious to hearhis answer. Chatterino, do you, who have some knowledge of the thing'shabits, be our interpreter."

  "The matter is thus, Sir John. About five hundred years ago, ourancestors, having reached that pass in civilization when they cameto dispense with the use of pockets, began to find it necessaryto substitute a new currency for that of the metals, which it wasinconvenient to carry, of which they might be robbed, and which alsowas liable to be counterfeited. The first expedient was to try a lightersubstitute. Laws were passed giving value to linen and cotton, in theraw material; then compounded and manufactured; next, written on, andreduced in bulk, until, having passed through the several gradations ofwrapping-paper, brown-paper, foolscap and blotting-paper, and having setthe plan fairly at work, and got confidence thoroughly established,the system was perfected by a coup de main,--'promises' in words weresubstituted for all other coin. You see the advantage at a glance.A monikin can travel without pockets or baggage, and still carry amillion; the money cannot be counterfeited, nor can it be stolen orburned."

  "But, my lord, does it not depreciate the value of property?"

  "Just the contrary;--an acre that formerly could be bought for onepromise, would now bring a thousand."

  "This, certainly, is a great improvement, unless frequent failures--"

  "Not at all; there has not been a bankruptcy in Leaphigh since the lawwas passed making promises a legal tender."

  "I wonder no chancellor of the exchequer ever thought of this, athome!"

  "So much for your Great Br
eeches, Chatterino!" And then there wasanother and a very general laugh. I never before felt so deep a sense ofnational humility.

  "As they have universities," cried another coxcomb, "perhaps this personhas attended one of them."

  "Indeed, sir," I answered, "I am regularly graduated."

  "It is not easy to see what he has done with his knowledge--for, thoughmy sight is none of the worst, I cannot trace the smallest sign of acauda about him."

  "Ah!" Lord Chatterino good-naturedly exclaimed, "the inhabitants ofGreat Breeches carry their brains in their heads."

  "Their heads!"

  "Heads!"

  "That's excellent, by his majesty's prerogative! Here's civilization,with a vengeance!"

  I now thought that the general ridicule would overwhelm me. Two or threecame closer, as if in pity or curiosity; and, at last, one cried outthat I actually wore clothes.

  "Clothes--the wretch! Chatterino, do all your human friends wearclothes?"

  The young peer was obliged to confess the truth; and then there arosesuch a clamor as may be fancied took place among the peacocks, when theydiscovered the daw among them in masquerade. Human nature could endureno more; and bowing to the company, I wished Lord Chatterino, veryhurriedly, good-morning, and proceeded towards the tavern.

  "Don't forget to step into Chatterino House, Goldencalf, before yousail," cried my late fellow-traveller, looking over his shoulder, andnodding in quite a friendly way towards me.

  "King!" exclaimed Captain Poke. "That blackguard ate a wholebread-locker-full of nuts on our outward passage, and now he tells us tostep into his Chatterino House, before we sail!"

  I endeavored to pacify the sealer, by an appeal to his philosophy. Itwas true that men never forgot obligations, and were always excessivelyanxious to repay them; but the monikins were an exceedingly instructedspecies; they thought more of their minds than of their bodies, aswas plain by comparing the smallness of the latter with the length anddevelopment of the seat of reason; and one of his experience should knowthat good-breeding is decidedly an arbitrary quality, and that we oughtto respect its laws, however opposed to our own previous practices.

  "I dare say, friend Noah, you may have observed some material differencein the usages of Paris, for instance, and those of Stunin'tun."

  "That I have, Sir John, that I have; and altogether to the advantage ofStunin'tun be they."

  "We are all addicted to the weakness of believing our own customs best;and it requires that we should travel much, before we are able to decideon points so nice."

  "And do you not call me a traveller! Haven't I been sixteen timesa-sealing, twice a-whaling, without counting my cruise overland, andthis last run to Leaphigh!"

  "Ay, you have gone over much land and much water, Mr. Poke; but yourstay in any given place has been just long enough to find fault. Usagesmust be worn, like a shoe, before one can judge of the fit."

  It is possible Noah would have retorted, had not Mrs. Vigilance Lynx, atthat moment, come wriggling by, in a way to show she was much satisfiedwith her safe return home. To own the truth, while striving to findapologies for it, I had been a little contraire, as the French term it,by the indifference of my Lord Chatterino, which, in my secret heart, Iwas not slow in attributing to the manner in which a peer of therealm of Leaphigh regarded, de haut en bas, a mere baronet of GreatBritain--or Great Breeches, as the young noble so pertinaciouslyinsisted on terming our illustrious island. Now as Mrs. Vigilance was of"russet-color," a caste of an inferior standing, I had little doubtthat she would be as glad to own an intimacy with Sir John Goldencalf ofHouseholder Hall, as the other might be willing to shuffle it off.

  "Good-morrow, good Mrs. Vigilance," I said familiarly, endeavoring towriggle in a way that WOULD have shaken a tail, had it been my goodfortune to be the owner of one--"Good-morrow, good Mrs. Vigilance--I'mglad to meet you again on shore."

  I do not remember that Mrs. Vigilance, during the whole period of ouracquaintance, was particularly squeamish, or topping in her deportment.On the contrary, she had rather made herself remarkable for a modest andcommendable reserve. But on the present occasion, she disappointed allreasonable expectation, by shrinking on one side, uttering a slightscream, and hurrying past as if she thought we might bite her. Indeed,I can only compare her deportment to that of a female of our own, whois so full of vanity as to fancy all eyes on her, and who gives herselfairs about a dog or a spider, because she thinks they make her look somuch the more interesting. Conversation was quite out of the question;for the duenna hurried on, bending her head downwards, as if heartilyashamed of an involuntary weakness.

  "Well, good madam," said Noah, whose stern eye followed her movementsuntil she was quite lost in the crowd, "you would have had a sleeplessv'yage, if I had foreimagined this! Sir John, these people stare at usas if we were wild beasts!"

  "I cannot say I am of your way of thinking, Captain Poke. To me theyseem to take no more notice of us, than we should take of two curs inthe streets of London."

  "I begin now to understand what the parsons mean when they talk of thelost condition of man. It's ra'ally awful to witness to what a state ofunfeelingness a people can be abandoned! Bob, get out of the way, yougrinning blackguard."

  Hereupon Bob received a salutation which would have demolished hisstern-frame, had it not been for the unionjack. Just then I was glad tosee Dr. Reasono advancing towards us, surrounded by a group of attentivelisteners, all of whom, by their years, gravity, and deportment, I madeno question were savants. As he drew near, I found he was discoursingof the marvels of his late voyage. When within six feet of us the wholeparty stopped, the Doctor continuing to descant with a very propergesticulation, and in a way to show that his subject was of infiniteinterest to his listeners. Accidentally turning his eye in ourdirection, he caught a glimpse of our figures, and making a few hurriedapologies to those around him, the excellent philosopher came eagerlyforward, with both hands extended. Here was a difference, indeed,between his treatment and that of Lord Chatterino and the duenna! Thesalutation was warmly returned; and the Doctor and myself stepped alittle apart, as he lost no time in informing me he wished to say a wordin private.

  "My dear Sir John," the philosopher began, "our arrival has been themost happily-timed thing imaginable! All Leaphigh, by this time, isfilled with the subject; and you can scarcely conceive the importancethat is attached to the event. New sources of trade, scientificdiscoveries, phenomena both moral and physical, and results that it isthought may serve to raise the monikin civilization still higher thanever! Fortunately, the academy holds its most solemn meeting of the yearthis very day, and I have been formally requested to give the assemblyan outline of those events which have lately passed before my eyes. Theking's eldest first cousin of the masculine gender is to attend openly;and it is even conjectured, in a way to be quite authentic, that theking himself will be present in his own royal person."

  "How!" I exclaimed, "have you a mode, in Leaphigh, of renderingconjectures certain?"

  "Beyond a doubt, sir, or what would our civilization be worth? As to theking's majesty, we always deal in the most direct ambiguities. Now asrespects many of our ceremonies, the sovereign is known morally to bepresent, when he may be actually and physically eating his dinner at theother extremity of the island; this important illustration of the royalubiquity is effected by means of a legal fiction. On the other hand, theking often indulges his natural propensities, such as curiosity, loveof fun, or detestation of ennui, by coming in person, when, by the courtfiction, he is thought to be seated on his throne, in his own royalpalace. Oh! as to all these little accomplishments and graces in the artof truths, we are behind no people in the universe!"

  "I beg pardon, Doctor--so his majesty is expected to be at the academythis morning?"

  "In a private box. Now this affair is of the last importance to me asa savant, to you as a human being--for it will have a tendency to raiseyour whole species in the monikin estimation--and, lastly, to learning.It will be indisp
ensably necessary that you should attend, with as manyof your companions as possible, more especially the better specimens.I was coming down to the landing in the hope of meeting you; and amessenger has gone off to the ship to require that the people be sentashore forthwith. You will have a tribune to yourselves; and, really, Ido not like to express beforehand what I think concerning the degreeof attention you will all receive; but this much I think I can say--youwill see."

  "This proposition, Doctor, has taken me a little by surprise, and Ihardly know what answer to give."

  "You cannot say no, Sir John; for should his majesty hear that you haverefused to come to a meeting at which he is to be present, it wouldseriously, and, I might add, justly offend him, nor could I answer forthe consequences."

  "Why, I was told that all the power was in the hands of his majesty'seldest first cousin of the masculine gender; in which case I thought Imight snap my fingers at his majesty himself."

  "Not in opinion, Sir John, which is one of the three estates of thegovernment. Ours is a government of three estates--viz., the law,opinion, and practice. By law the king rules, by practice his cousinrules, and by opinion the king again rules. Thus, is the strong pointof practice balanced by law and opinion. This it is that constitutes theharmony and perfection of the system. No, it would never do to offendhis majesty."

  Although I did not very well comprehend the Doctor's argument, yet, asI had often found in human society, theories political, moral,theological, and philosophical, that everybody had faith in, and whichnobody understood, I thought discussion useless, and gave up the pointby promising the Doctor to be at the academy in half an hour, which wasthe time named for our appearance. Taking the necessary directions tofind the place, we separated; he to hasten to make his preparations, andI to reach the tavern, in order to deposit our baggage, that no decencymight be overlooked on an occasion so solemn.