Broken Flower

  "I think she had a stroke!" she told the operator. After that she returned to Grandmother Emma and began to make her comfortable. She brought her a pillow and began to prepare a cool washcloth. I waited and watched, unsure of what I could or should do.

  'Go down and tell your father what's

  happening,'" Nancy instructed as she dabbed towels into the water on the floor.

  I hurried out and down the stairs. The music was still loud. When I entered the living room. Kimberly was swaying to the music in front of Daddy, who was holding his cocktail and laughing. Kimberly saw me and stopped. Daddy didn't realize why for a moment and then she turned down the music and nodded in my direction.

  "Jordan needs you," she said.

  "Needs me? How could anyone need me?" Daddy asked, still smiling. He turned his chair so he could see inc. "What's up?"

  "Grandmother Emma's on the floor in her bathroom. Nancy called for an ambulance."

  "Huh?"

  "Your mother..." Kimberly said, as if she had to explain to him who Grandmother Emma was. "What happened to her, Jordan?"

  "Nancy said she thinks it's a stroke, whatever that is," I said.

  "Stroke? My mother?" Daddy blinked his eves. I could see the news was sobering him up quickly. He put down his drink and looked at Kimberly. "You'd better go up there and see what's going on." he told her.

  She nodded and started out. "Show me the way. Jordan," she said. After all she had never been in the mansion.

  I didn't care to do it. I didn't want her seeing Grandmother Emma like that, but I led her out and up the stairs to her bedroom. Nancy had put a blanket over Grandmother Emma, who had her eyes closed now and was turned away from us.

  Kimberly looked at Nancy. "How is she?"

  "She ain't good. I think it was a stroke. I called for an ambulance."

  "Is she still breathing?" Kimberly asked, squinting and smirking as she looked down at Grandmother Emma.

  "Best I can tell she is. You know anything about this sort of thing?"

  "Not a clue," Kimberly said. She backed away. The sight of Grandmother Emma on the floor was frightening to her. "I'll go tell Christopher." She turned and hurried away.

  "You stay with her," Nancy told me. "I'll go look for Felix."

  I nodded and looked down at Grandmother Emma. She made a small groan and her eyelids fluttered, but they didn't open. I sat beside her on the floor and waited. It came to me to take her hand in mine and that caused her to turn her head and open her eyes.

  I thought she shook her head before she closed her eyes again. She didn't say or do anything else before the ambulance arrived, and the paramedics, who just happened to be the same two who had come for Miss Harper, came up the stairs with a stretcher. I Lrot up quickly as they rushed into the bedroom and to Grandmother Emma. Then I stood back and watched them take her blood pressure and try to get her to be alert. They carefully placed her on the stretcher after they called in her condition and then started to carry her out.

  Felix came rushing up the stairs and offered to help them, but they had everything under control. He followed them down to open the door. I walked slowly behind them. Daddy was outside the living room watching everything and Kimberly stood beside him, neither of them speaking. I went to the front of the house with Nancy and watched them place Grandmother Emma in the ambulance. Nancy put her hand on my shoulder. Felix came back into the house and asked Daddy if he wanted him to bring the van around.

  "Yeah. I guess so," Daddy said. "Although I don't know what the hell I can do for her." He looked up at Kimberly. "I'l1 call you later."

  "You want me to do anything with Jordan? Stay with her, take her to dinner?"

  Daddy looked at me. "Naw. She's a big girl. She'll be fine here by herself, right, Jordan?"

  I nodded. I didn't want to do anything with Kimberly anyway. She took out a piece of paper and wrote her telephone number on it for Nancy.

  "Just in case you need some help," she said. "Don't hesitate to call me."

  Nancy looked at it and then stuffed it into her apron with a look that told me she would never even glance at it again.

  Daddy wheeled himself out and he and Kimberly went down the ramp. I watched Felix get him into the van and then I watched them drive off after the ambulance. Kimberly following in her own car. She turned in the opposite direction at the base of the driveway and drove away.

  A great pall of silence suddenly fell over the house and the grounds. Everything had happened so quickly. I felt like all the air around me had been sucked up to the sky. I couldn't breathe. My heart, which had been pounding, was now so still. I wasn't sure that it hadn't evaporated in my chest.

  "There's nothing more we can do," Nancy said. "I'll put out some dinner for you. Jordan, and wait for your daddy's return, okay?"

  "Yes," I said.

  "We'll be just fine," she told me, but I thought if I ever needed Ian, I needed him now. Why couldn't I call whoever was keeping him and be them to bring him home? Wasn't it more important for him to be here with me?

  When I thought about him. I remembered I had left my last letter for him on Grandmother Emma's desk. Now she wouldn't be able to send it to him until she got better. That saddened me as much as anything else.

  I went to her office to get the envelope. I didn't want Daddy or Nancy or anyone to find it and read it. I would keep it in my room until Grandmother Emma came home. I thought.

  It was right where I had left it. I picked it up and then I thought maybe I could find stamps in her desk drawer and maybe Ian's address, too.

  I starched the top drawer and got excited when I found a roll of stamps. I quickly put one on the envelope. Then I opened the side drawer and started to look through the papers, hoping to see something with Ian's name on it. I stopped when an envelope fell out.

  It was my first letter to Ian. She had never sent it.

  But she had opened and read it,

  I couldn't help myself. I sat on her desk chair and just started to cry.

  Nancy heard and came running to the office door. She saw me sitting behind the desk, sobbing with my head down on my arms.

  "Oh. Jordan," she said, approaching, "don't worry, honey. Your grandmother will be all right. You'll see. She'll be home in no time."

  I looked up at her. "I don't care," I said, flicking off the tears.

  "What did you say?"

  "I don't care if she ever gets better. I don't care if she ever comes home either!"

  Nancy gasped. I clutched the two letters I had written and rose from Grandmother Emma's desk chair.

  "Jordan!" she cried, and shook her head. "What a terrible thing to say."

  I held up my letters. "No, it's not. She never mailed my first letter to Ian," I moaned. She said she would and she didn't. She lied. Mama told me people tell you what you want to hear. She said people do it all the time. She said..." I gasped. "She said, 'Welcome to the adult world.'

  "Well, I don't want to be in the adult world," I said, and ran out and up to my room.

  No. I didn't want to grow up at all. I'd never forget to take my medicine. I'd take it forever if it would keep me from lies and I was about to find out just how impossible that was going to be, because the biggest lit of all was waiting to show me its ugly face.

  27 Daddy in Charge

  . Daddy didn't return for dinner. Felix phoned Nancy to tell her that Daddy had called Kimberly from the hospital and she and he had gone out to eat at a restaurant. He never called to tell Nancy beforehand so she was upset because she had prepared enough food for all of us and another of his favorite desserts, which took some time, a fresh fruit tart. After Felix phoned to let her know, she went into the kitchen and dumped out food, slammed the stove and refrigerator doors, and swore aloud that she would look for new employment.

  I sat alone in the dining room listening to her. When she came in to see how I was doing, she told me everything and also said Grandmother Emma had suffered a stroke and was being evaluated in the hospital,
but it was clear she was very, very ill.

  "Whenever you go see her, you'd better not be mean to her. Jordan, because she forgot to send out your letter," Nancy added. "For your information, young lady, elderly people who suffer strokes have trouble with their memory and she might have been having that just recently. I know because my mother had a stroke.'

  I knew she was telling me all this to make me feel bad, but I was still angry about my letter to Ian.

  "The truth is she hasn't been herself since your father's return," Nancy continued, clearing things off the table. "Look at all that woman's had to carry on her shoulders, with your mother and all and then this horrible, terrible thing your brother did. It's enough to give a twenty-year-old a stroke, much less a woman of her age."

  I suddenly realized that although Grandmother Emma was always quite firm and seemed even angry at times when she spoke to Nancy. Nancy really admired and respected her. I wouldn't go so far as to say love, but she certainly held Grandmother Emma in high regard and excused any of her abruptness and sharpness as being simply the way a woman who was a leader and an important member of the community had to be.

  I did feel bad about what I had said. I hoped Nancy wouldn't tell Grandmother Emma. Much later, after I had gone to bed and was falling asleep. I heard loud voices and laughter coming from downstairs. I rose and went out in my pajamas to the top of the stairway so I could listen. Had Grandmother Emma gotten better already and been brought home? I wondered.

  I soon realized it was Daddy and Kimberly and they were carrying on just as they had before Grandmother Emma had gotten ill. I went down a few steps and saw Kimberly wheeling him toward his bedroom. From what I overheard, I understood she was staying the night. Nancy was nowhere to be seen. I imagined she had gone home, and Mrs. Clancy was still away.

  I sat on the step and listened until I couldn't hear their voices anymore. For a few moments I debated whether or not I should go down, knock on Daddy's door, and ask him what had happened to Grandmother Emma, but I didn't want to see him with Kimberly. I was afraid I would see them doing what I had seen them doing when I peered through the window. I rose and returned to my bedroom, but now falling asleep wasn't as easy as I thought it was going to be.

  I missed everyone, Mama. Ian, and even Grandmother Emma, despite her not mailing my letter. It had been comforting to know she was just across the hall from me. She was still as powerful as a queen in my mind and she could keep the demons from our doors. What would keep them away now? I wondered. I was sure I would have nightmares. Would I be able to do what Ian prescribed, blink my eyes and pop them out of my head?

  Trembling. I descended into the darkness of sleep.

  Nothing woke me until morning, however. First, it was the sunshine pouring through the windows because I had forgotten to close the curtains, and then it was Nancy coming to see how I was.

  "I'll make you a good breakfast," she said.

  I nodded, rose, washed and dressed, and took my medicine. I expected to see Daddy and Kimberly in the dining room, too, but they weren't there. Nancy told me they hadn't woken yet. She heard nothing coming from that side of the house. Then Mrs. Clancy came in and Nancy intercepted her in the hallway to give her all the news.

  "I'm not surprised, not a bit," she muttered, "considering all that poor woman has to contend with."

  She came into the dining room to have some breakfast and coffee.

  "Someone's here with Daddy," I said.

  "I heard," she said, her face grimacing like the face of someone who had just bitten into a very tart lemon.

  As if on cue in a play. Daddy and Kimberly came out of his bedroom. Kimberly wheeled him to the dining room. She was wearing one of his bathrobes and his slippers. Daddy had a pajama top and a pair of sweat pants on with no shoes. The first thing I thought when I saw them was Grandmother Emma would never permit them to come to the dining room table dressed like that.

  "Well, everyone's eating breakfast without us, Kimberly," Daddy said. "This is Mrs. Clancy," he added.

  Kimberly smiled at her but didn't say anything and Mrs. Clancy only glared back. Then she put down her coffee cup.

  "I don't imagine you took your medications this morning," she said.

  "Oh, sure I did. Didn't I. Kimberly?"

  "He did," she said. "Maybe not the exact same medicine, however,'" she added, and they both laughed. "Oh, look at those corn muffins." She sat beside him and poured herself and then Daddy a cup of coffee.

  "You have a therapy session at one today," Mrs. Clancy told Daddy.

  "I think I've already had enough therapy for a while," he quipped, and both he and Kimberly laughed again. They were acting like two teenagers. 'Besides, we're taking, a ride over to Kimberly's apartment today to get some things together. She's moving in to take over most of your duties, Mrs. Clancy. There is no more reason for you to stay. I'll see to it that you're given a month's salary."

  Mrs. Clancy's mouth dropped open, but then she quickly closed it and smiled. "Why, it seems that Christmas has come early this year," she said.

  Kimberly thought that was hysterical and broke into laughter again. Daddy laughed, too.

  "Touche, Mrs. Clancy. I'll miss your sweet and warm smile every day, and those loving hands of yours."

  Mrs. Clancy rose so quickly, she nearly tipped over her chair. "I'll pack up immediately," she said. "Give my best wishes to your mother."

  "Will do," Daddy said.

  Nancy stood in the doorway listening to everything and not moving. Mrs. Clancy glanced at her and then left the dining room. I had been holding my breath the whole time.

  "Oh, look at little Jordan," Kimberly said. "Don't be frightened, honey. I'll take very good care of your daddy."

  "That's for sure," Daddy said. "Nancy. I'm starving. How about some cheese omelets."

  "Very good, Mr. March," Nancy said, and returned to the kitchen.

  "Now that Kimberly will be here full time, Jordan," Daddy said, "you can invite some of your friends over to go swimming. She can supervise. Okay?"

  I nodded, but thought Grandmother Emma was going to be very, very angry about all this. And what would happen when Mama woke up and found out, too?

  "In fact," Daddy continued, "things are going to change radically around here now. We're going to bring, some fun back into this place. Just think of it as a constant party."

  Kimberly giggled.

  "What about Grandmother Emma?" I asked.

  "What about her?" Daddy said. "She wasted most of her life being so serious and never enjoying all that she had and look what it's gotten her. Now it's too late for her to enjoy it, but I'll make up for it for her," he added, and Kimberly smiled and nudged him. "I mean, Kimberly and I will."

  "She'll be angry if we have parties here all the time, Daddy."

  "She won't know anything anymore, Jordan." He leaned on the table. "Your grandmother has had what is called a stroke."

  "I know."

  "It's severe. She won't recuperate. She'll never be what and who she was. In fact, I'll be arranging for her to be in a facility."

  "She's not coming home?"

  "I doubt that very much. We don't have a lift on the stairway, remember?" he said with a cold smile. "And we'd have to rip apart some more of the mansion to accommodate her and you heard what she said about that. She wouldn't disturb this house any more than she had to for me and that was done begrudgingly. No, this is no place for a woman in that condition. Maybe Mrs. Clancy can get a job in the facility and care for her.

  "Don't look so worried. You'll be happier, believe me."

  "What about Ian?" I asked.

  "There's not much to do about Ian at the moment. We have enough to deal with anyway.."

  "And Mama?"

  "Whatever she needs, she'll have, but it doesn't look like she's going to need much, Jordan. I'm sorry about it all, about your father being in this damn chair, about your brother and your mother, but we'll either roll over and die or ring some bells and blow som
e whistles," he added, and smiled at Kimberly.

  She smiled and then leaned over to kiss his cheek. I couldn't help how I looked, but whatever the expression was on my face, it brought them both back to that teenage laughter.

  Nancy served them their omelets and when they began to eat. I wiped my mouth, excused myself, and went upstairs to brash my teeth. I heard Mrs. Clancy coming out of her room, carrying her two suitcases. She saw me in the hallway.

  "Try to ignore them. Jordan," she said. "That's the best advice I can offer." She descended the stairs and walked out of the mansion.

  Not long afterward. I heard Daddy and Kimberly leaving to go to her apartment. He had Felix drive them in the van. He would also help them with anything. Daddy was giving the orders now, not Grandmother Emma, I thought.

  Just before lunch they returned with all of Kimberly's clothing, toiletries, shots, and other personal things. I watched Felix carry it all to Daddy's bedroom. Nancy was told to help hang things up in the closets and then Daddy and Kimberly decided they would take lunch on the patio facing the pool. Kimberly got into a very abbreviated two-piece bathing suit and Daddy surprised me by putting on his bathing suit as well. He told me to put on mine and go swimming with them.

  It was a very warm, sunny day. I was pulled in two different directions. I wanted to be angry about everything, but I did want to go swimming, too, and I always wanted to call Missy and some of the other girls to invite them to the house. For now, I saw no reason to pout in my bedroom so I did put on my bathing suit and joined them at the pool.

  Nancy brought out some sandwiches. Daddy sent her back for champagne. He had music piped out and it did seem to be the beginning of endless parties.

  "You can call some of your friends tomorrow," Daddy said.

  I ate a sandwich, listened to them giggle and talk, and watched Kimberly parade around like a swimsuit model for Daddy. She was on his lap or constantly throwing her arms around his neck and kissing him. It all made me feel very nauseated.