Behind His Eyes Convicted: The Missing Years

  “Mr. and Mrs. Vandersol, we must continue to have a guarded prognosis, but this is good. This is very good.”

  Emily shook her head. “I can’t believe it. I want to talk to her.”

  “And you will. I wanted to explain a few things first.”

  John watched through the window as Dr. Fairfield explained the happenings of the day. The staff had entered Claire’s room to wake her: when they did, she was already showered and dressed. Then, she proceeded to tell them that she didn’t want eggs for breakfast; she wanted fruit. The staff was so shocked that they called Dr. Brown, who called Dr. Fairfield. The entire facility was abuzz with the news.

  “Is it permanent?” John asked.

  “I can’t answer that with one-hundred-percent accuracy. The human brain is an amazing organ. It makes a path when medically we don’t see a possibility. Something was stopping your sister-in-law from facing reality. Her DTI images told us that she was living and experiencing sensations during her episodes. The change in medication and intensive therapy has worked to essentially bring her two worlds back to one. We all dream; we all have memories. The trick is to only visit those fantasies, not to live there. Ms. Nichols was stuck in that other world. I was hopeful during her recent bouts with agitation that we were on the right track. You see, no one wants to leave that other world, assuming it’s a pleasant place to be. From Ms. Nichols’ tests and behaviors, I believe that where she was, she enjoyed being. As the therapy began to work, her episodes decreased. The agitation was her frustration at losing what she enjoyed. My goal was for that frustration to build to the point of action. I believe that’s where we are. Ms. Nichols took action. She knows where she is. She knows her name and her daughter’s name. We’ll have to wait and see if her brain can handle the onslaught of information that she’ll encounter with this new awakening. I recommend that her therapy be increased.”

  Emily’s chest heaved with deep sobs. “Please, I need to see her.”

  Valerie handed her a tissue, as Dr. Fairfield warned, “She knows that you’re on your way. She’s expressed concern about you being upset with her.”

  “Oh God, no,” Emily exclaimed. “I’m not upset. I want my sister.”

  “Please, calm yourself. Understand that this is very overwhelming for her.”

  Emily nodded. “I understand.”

  As John worked unsuccessfully to hold back the tears, he gratefully took a tissue offered by Dr. Fairfield’s assistant. This development was more than they’d dared to hope. Taking a few deep breaths, John and Emily followed Dr. Fairfield out the door, down the hall, and into the next room. When the door opened, Claire kept her head bowed, and peered up at them through veiled lashes.

  “Claire!” Emily cried, as she ran to her sister and wrapped her in her arms. The rest of the room stood by helplessly as both women hugged and cried. Eventually, John joined his family, wrapping them both in his arms.

  Emily took Dr. Brown’s chair and leaned forward, with her knees touching Claire’s and their foreheads mere inches away, Emily held tightly to her sister’s hands. “Tell us how you’re doing.”

  “I’m… tired,” Claire replied.

  “Oh, Claire, thank God.”

  Claire’s eyes widened. “You’re… not mad?”

  “No, no, I’m not mad. I’m thrilled. John’s thrilled. We’ve missed you.”

  “I had to go,” she said, her words running together.

  Emily questioned, “You had to go? Where did you go?”

  “Away… for N-Nichol.”

  “Honey, we know all about that. It’s all right, you’re back.”

  Claire sighed. “Yes.”

  Her sentences were short, but it was obvious that she was fully comprehending every question that anyone asked. Eventually, John knelt beside them and touched Claire’s knee. When her piercing green eyes met his, John grinned. “Hey, lady, I’ve missed you.”

  Claire leaned forward and wrapped her arms around John’s neck. “Thank you… thank you… for not being… upset.”

  “At you? Never.”

  Claire sniffled. “You were… I’m sorry.”

  “Hey, don’t be sorry. Just stay with us, okay? No more going away.”

  She nodded. “I don’t know… where… I’d go.”

  Everyone giggled. “That’s good,” Emily said, “you just stay right here with us.”

  “And… Nichol?” Claire asked.

  Emily nodded as her gaze went to John and back to Claire. “Yes, eventually, of course, she needs you, but not yet. We need to get you better first.”

  A tear escaped Claire’s lower lid and descended her cheek. “I understand… but… I’ve missed… too much.”

  Emily looked up to Dr. Brown. “Where’s Ms. Russel? She should be here. Dr. Fairfield, I know it’s been your regimen, but Ms. Russel has helped to get my sister to this point. I want to thank her.”

  “She should be at the meeting downstairs. I’ll ask Valerie to bring her up,” Dr. Fairfield offered.

  John had never experienced a more emotional morning. He didn’t know for sure how long they stayed in that room, but by the time they helped Claire back to her room and joined her for lunch, he knew he’d be no good to anyone at Rawlings for the rest of the day. He was spent. It was all too much: hearing his sister-in-law responding, seeing the comprehension in her eyes, and watching her feed herself, was truly a dream come true.

  They never were able to thank Ms. Russel. Valerie said that she brought her up to the floor, and they’d watched through the window. She said that Ms. Russel didn’t want to interrupt this important family reunion, and said that she was too emotional. She was afraid she’d upset Claire.

  “Oh, I wanted so much to speak with her,” Emily replied, though she and John completely understood. It’d been more emotional than either one of them had expected.

  “Please… don’t… stop… her from… coming,” Claire said.

  Emily grinned and patted Claire’s knee. “Don’t worry about that. Of course, we wouldn’t stop her. Do you like her?”

  Claire nodded. Between her posture and drooping eyelids, it was obvious she was getting tired.

  “Why don’t we let you rest?” John offered.

  “I’ll be back tomorrow,” Emily said, “to see how you’re doing. Will you be all right?”

  “Yes… Tomorrow… will… you bring, Nichol?”

  Emily pressed her lips tight and shook her head. “Honey, let’s wait on that until we’re sure you’re all right. I showed you her picture. I’ll bring some tomorrow for you to keep here in your room.”

  “She’s so… big.”

  John replied, “She is, but she’s still little. You’ll have plenty of time with her. Right now, you concentrate on getting better. Listen to the doctors. I know you’ll be feeling like your old self in no time at all.”

  Walking from Everwood into the autumn air, Emily squeezed John’s hand. Although he felt as though he’d been through an emotional roller coaster, he couldn’t help but smile. His wife looked beautiful. With her makeup gone and her eyes red, Emily’s smile was the brightest he’d seen in years. “You’re lovely,” he whispered.

  “Ha. I’m sure I look stunning. My head is throbbing and I’ve never been happier. Honestly, I could use a nap. Then,” she added, “let’s get the kids and celebrate. This was a miracle.”

  “I think that sounds like a great plan,” John replied.

  If love is without sacrifice, it is selfish.

  —Sadhu Vaswani

  Brent stared at his wife. Finally he asked, “Are you seriously going to meet Meredith Banks, the woman who wrote that vile book, at this hour of the night? Tell me again why.”

  Courtney reached for her purse. “Brent, I’ll be fine. I’m meeting her at Short’s Burgers in Iowa City.”

  “You’re going to a bar—at 9:00 PM?”

  “She said it was about Claire. She knew that Claire was getting better. I need to find out how she’s gotten her information.
I know I should call Emily. I do, and maybe I will. But Meredith also knew that I hadn’t been allowed to see Claire. I mean, it was one thing when all Emily would say is that Claire’s not well. Now it’s different. Even though I can’t tell Emily, I know she’s getting better. Phil’s reports have tons of great information from her medical records. However, every time I ask Emily to put me on the visitation list, she has some reason why the time isn’t right.”

  “I don’t like this,” Brent said. “I don’t like Meredith. Sometimes, I’m not thrilled with Emily, but I know that Emily thinks she’s doing what’s best for her sister.”

  Courtney pressed her lips together before speaking. Finally, she said, “I think Emily won’t let me visit Claire because she knows that we still go see Tony every three weeks. She’s mentioned more than once that if I ever am allowed to visit Claire I’m forbidden—oh, yes, she used that word, forbidden—from mentioning Tony’s name in any form: Anthony, Tony, Rawlings, anything.”

  Brent shook his head. “Okay, Emily is a bit excessive. That still doesn’t answer my—”

  “Meredith said that if I came alone, she might be able to help me see Claire. I don’t even know how she has that ability, but for Claire, I’m going to find out.”

  “Let me come with you.”

  “She said alone. I’m afraid if I bring you, it may scare her off. Brent, I’ll be fine. I’ll text you from Short’s and before I head home,” Courtney replied.

  Brent pulled her close. “I just don’t like my beautiful wife going off to a bar at night.”

  Courtney giggled. “You know me. You’ll probably need to send a cab.”

  With that comment, and a quick kiss, Brent watched his wife disappear down the hall toward their garages. There was something about this whole thing that didn’t seem right. He considered calling John. He’d never call Emily; she would most definitely freak out, but if he called John, and John told Emily. No. Brent sighed and recalled Tony’s request last year at Yankton.

  It was settled. Brent would trust Courtney’s intuition. She hadn’t steered him wrong in over thirty years. In the meantime, he’d work on Tony’s latest request and wait by his phone. Brent didn’t plan to file the papers to revoke Emily’s power of attorney or request full custody of Nichol until Tony‘s release was assured. With that in mind, it could be in the next few weeks or it could be another year. Hell, if it were another year, Brent would undoubtedly do something else. The more he thought about Emily forbidding the mention of Tony’s name and restricting Courtney’s topics of conversation, the more it angered him. Claire was an adult. She’d been through hell, more than once, but he’d read Roach’s most recent reports; she’d made her way out of purgatory—again. As much as Claire was their friend, if Brent were to analyze his feelings, he thought of her more like a daughter. After all, she wasn’t much older than Caleb and Maryn. No matter what happened, he would do all he could to help her. Well, he had.

  His phone buzzed.

  “I JUST ARRIVED TO SHORT’S BURGER. MEREDITH ISN’T HERE YET. I THINK I COULD USE THAT DRINK! (Smiley face)”

  He texted back:

  “I DON’T BLAME YOU. LET ME KNOW IF YOU NEED THAT CAB.”

  “THE NIGHT IS YOUNG.”

  He smiled and lost himself once again to the motions at hand. It wasn’t until nearly midnight that his phone buzzed again.

  “OMG! IF YOU’RE AWAKE, YOU’LL WANT TO HEAR ALL I HAVE TO TELL YOU!”

  “I’M AWAKE.”

  Courtney didn’t wait until she was home, as soon as she was in her car, she called Brent. Instead of saying hello, he said, “Are you using your hands free?”

  “No, I have two hands on the phone, and I’m driving with my knees. I was afraid I might drop it.”

  Brent snickered. “You’re a smart-ass, but I love you.”

  “You’re impossible, but I love you, too. Wait until you hear what Meredith has been doing…” Brent listened with bated breath as Courtney retold the story she’d just heard. It was unbelievable how Meredith had infiltrated Everwood. Truly, she and Roach should work out some kind of partnership. Between the two of them, there’d be no secrets left.

  Courtney said that not only is Claire finally talking, she’s asking for visitors, and Emily still won’t let anyone in. It just wasn’t right. Meredith believed that if Claire didn’t get some positive reinforcement soon for her hard work, she’d decide that living in the real world wasn’t worth the effort. It wasn’t that Meredith was worried about Claire harming herself: she was worried about her mental stability. As it was, when Meredith left Claire’s room tonight, Claire was crying.

  “It makes me so mad. I want to drive over to the Vandersols’ house and pound on their door until someone comes outside.”

  Brent laughed at his wife’s vigor. That was one thing that could be said for Courtney: when she was in your corner, she was there forever, and most importantly, she was like a mother bear. “I don’t recommend that you do that. We’re still friends with Emily and John. I have to see John in the morning. I’d rather not start out the morning discussing news of how my wife was arrested on their front lawn.”

  “I’m going,” Courtney announced.

  Brent’s eyes widened. “To the Vandersols ’house? Please don’t.”

  “No, to Everwood. I’m sneaking onto the grounds. Meredith has a place where I can park. I have to walk a bit, but that’s all right. Meredith’s responsible for taking Claire for her evening walk. She’s going to bring Claire to me.” Courtney’s words came in such a rush: it was almost difficult to decipher each one.

  “When?”

  “Is it supposed to rain tomorrow?” Courtney asked.

  Brent hit the mouse on his desk. “Let me look. I’ve been working and didn’t hear the news.” After a few clicks he had the forecast. “No, it looks clear for the next few nights.”

  “Then I’m going tomorrow night!”

  “You know we’re going to Yankton on Saturday?”

  “I know!” Courtney exclaimed. “I can’t wait to tell Tony.”

  Brent’s smile widened. “I think it’s just the kind of news he needs.”

  Tony’s dark eyes widened. “You saw her?”

  “I did!” Courtney exclaimed. “She’s talking and… oh, Tony, she’s better!”

  Brent reached for Courtney’s hand.

  “W-what did they do? What happened?” Tony asked.

  Courtney shook her head. “I really don’t know. All I know is that they started some new treatment regimen with new medications. Meredith explained that she thinks—”

  “Meredith?” Tony questioned.

  “Yes!” Courtney’s blue eyes shone. “As in Meredith Banks.”

  Tony leaned forward, his baritone voice sounding more like a growl. “If she’s writing another—”

  Courtney reached out and briefly touched Tony’s hand. “She’s not. I know. I didn’t want to trust her at first either, but she swears she isn’t. She said that originally that was her plan, but it changed. Tony, I think we should be happy that Meredith got to Claire. I know that I am.”

  He leaned back and crossed his arms over his chest. “I’m not sure I can ever be happy about Meredith Banks. How the hell do Emily and John not know that she’s there?”

  “She’s not using her real name. Believe me, if I thought it was all for another of her sensationalized books, I’d report her.” Courtney leaned forward and lowered her voice. “I may have even threatened her a little.”

  Tony’s laugh resonated throughout the visitor’s room. “You? Well, good!”

  Brent interjected, “Don’t laugh. She’s pretty damn threatening when she wants to be.”

  “It was so good to see her. I know Emily thinks that she’s doing what’s best by Claire, but not allowing her to see anyone isn’t what’s best. She can’t even go outside by herself. That’s what Meredith does: she takes her outside after her dinner.”

  “You know my thoughts on Emily. I hate that she’s doing t
hat to Claire. How can she think it’s for the best?”

  Courtney shook her head. “I don’t know. I’m not giving up.”

  Tony exhaled. “I’ve read Roach’s reports. Her prognosis sounds good. What do you think?”

  “I’ve only seen her once, but I’m so encouraged. Oh, Tony, she’s back! And now if you…” Her words trailed away. “I’m sorry. I just want you to come home.”

  Tony grinned. “I promise, I’m ready to come home.” His eyes widened. “Speaking of which, I’m pleased with the pictures of the new house. What do you think?”

  Both Brent and Courtney nodded approvingly. “It’s very nice,” Brent said.

  “It’s better than nice,” Courtney said. “It’s beautiful and so homey. I’m sure you’re both going to love it. Oh, and Nichol’s room is perfect. I want you all there so badly.”

  Tony nodded, but his eyes were sad. Brent knew why, although he didn’t have the heart to tell Courtney, or Tony’s approval to do so. He’d known for a while. He’d prepared the preliminary petition for Tony and Claire’s divorce. It had all begun months ago when Tony asked him to visit alone. As Tony’s lawyer, he could see his client any day of the week, with approval. Truthfully, when Brent arrived, he was caught off-guard.

  Prisoners are allowed more privacy when speaking with their attorneys. Therefore, when Brent arrived on a non-visitation day, he was led to a small individual room. Within no time, Tony was brought to him.

  “Thanks for coming,” Tony offered.

  “Not a problem, it’s your plane.”

  Tony grinned, but Brent could see the sadness. It’d been building for some time. It seemed like with each visit, it was more and more difficult to elicit the smiles or even smirks that Tony had once had. “I need you to start working on something for me.”

  “Sure, what do you need?”

  “I want you to begin the petition needed to dissolve my marriage.”

  For more than a minute, Brent didn’t respond. He stared. He looked around the room. Was this some kind of joke? After everything these two had been through. Finally, Brent leaned forward, and said, “Tony, I know they have you in some kind of counseling here, but I don’t think you’re thinking clearly. I saw the two of you before all this shit went down. I listened to you on the phone with the whole Patricia thing. You love your wife. I’m not sure why you think this is an answer. Is it because of her medical condition?”