Win Some, Lose Some

  I poked at my lo mein with the end of a chopstick. There were only a few left on the plate, and they were little pieces. If I poked them in the right directions, I could make letters. Ms and Ts were easy, but Bs were hard to make.

  “Matthew!”

  I jumped.

  “What?”

  He let out a long sigh.

  “Why did Mayra come over?” he asked.

  “We’re doing an ecology project together.”

  Travis started coughing until rice came out of his nose. I narrowed my eyes at him as he finally stopped and looked at me, shaking his head.

  “Let me guess,” he said. “The effects of cuddling on the environment?”

  “No,” I said as I started cleaning up the empty containers and wiping down the table as Travis finished off the rest of the tofu, “honey bees.”

  “You really aren’t helping here, dude,” Travis said. He sounded really sad, and I didn’t know why.

  “What do you want me to tell you?” I asked.

  “Tell me about Mayra.”

  “Okay.” I finished putting everything in the trash and sat back down at the kitchen table. “She’s in my ecology class, and Mr. Jones made me work with her.”

  “I got that much.”

  “Right.” I ran my hand though my hair. “I was supposed to go to her house to work on the assignment, and I tried—I really did—but I couldn’t knock on the door.”

  “So how did she get over here?”

  “I guess she just came over when I didn’t show up,” I said. “I think she knew I had tried. I tried to go to her house once before.”

  “And she came over here to see you instead?” Travis asked for clarification, and I nodded. “And you’re okay with her being here?”

  “It’s weird,” I said. “I don’t know why, but having her here doesn’t bother me much at all.”

  “Uh huh.” Travis chuckled. “So what’s her story? She’s one of the outsider kids in your class, too? She’s really cute, but I know that doesn’t always matter in those cliques and stuff. Is she smart? Maybe on the chess team or something?”

  My brow furrowed as I tried to process what Travis was saying. Mayra was smart, but she wasn’t those other things at all.

  “She plays on the soccer team. She’s a team captain.”

  “Oh yeah? Jock-girl, huh?” Travis’s head bobbed up and down. “I guess that only counts when you’re a cheerleader or something. Kids sure can be mean.”

  I shook my head.

  “She’s the captain of the team,” I told him. “Or co-captain at least. Aimee Schultz is the other captain. Mayra was class president last year. She’s really popular.”

  Travis flinched and narrowed his eyes.

  “Really?”

  “Yes.”

  “What’s she doing with you, Matthew?”

  It was my turn to flinch.

  “I don’t know.”

  Travis ran his hands though his hair. He stood from the kitchen chair and dragged me into the living room with him so we could sit more comfortably. He leaned forward with his elbows on his knees and looked at me. I stared at the coaster where Mayra’s Coke class was still sitting. There were little beads of condensation coating the outside of it.

  “Matthew,” Travis said, “you and your sister are my only blood relatives. You know I love you and try to do just what your dad would have done for you. I think you are an awesome kid. You’ve done so much better than I ever would have dreamed after your mom was gone, too.”

  He leaned back and put his arms on the armrests as he tilted his head toward the ceiling. He rubbed his eyes.

  “I don’t know how to say this without sounding like an asshole.”

  “Say what?”

  He sat back up and looked at me again.

  “What does she want, Matthew?” Travis asked, his voice dropping a little. He sounded angry. “I love you like a son, but why would a girl like that be over here, wrapped up on a couch, alone with a boy like you?”

  I stared at the droplets of water as they trickled down the side of the glass.

  “She has to want something,” he said, “and I just might have to find out what.”

  He stood up and started to pace around the room a little.

  “If they’re fucking with you for some reason, I’ll fucking kill them.”

  “That’s illegal,” I reminded him.

  “Well, I’ll go tell on them!” he yelled. “I know most of their parents! She’s Henry Trevino’s daughter, isn’t she?”

  “Yes.”

  “Maybe I’ll go talk to him.”

  I had an image of Travis walking up to Mayra’s front porch—a place I couldn’t even manage to approach—and talking to her dad, maybe even yelling at him. I wondered if Mr. Trevino would get mad and then tell Mayra she wasn’t allowed to come and work on our project again.

  “No!” I suddenly yelled. “Don’t do that!”

  “Why not?”

  “She’s not like that!” I said insistently.

  “How do you know?” Travis said with a growl. “Matthew, you don’t read people well. You know that. Remember the guy who came over and trimmed the trees last fall? He took you for two grand, and you couldn’t afford that. He took advantage of you, dude. I don’t want that to happen again.”

  “She’s not like that,” I repeated.

  “Then why was she trying to make out with you on the couch?”

  “She wasn’t,” I responded. “She was…was…just holding me.”

  “What the fuck does that mean?” Travis moaned, exasperated now.

  “I told her everything,” I said. “I told her about the doctors and how they don’t know what I have. I told her about Dad and about Mom. I told her everything, and she held me, and I cried.”

  Silence.

  Another bead of condensation worked its way to the bottom of the glass and onto the absorbent stone coaster.

  “You told her about it all?” Travis finally asked quietly.

  “Yes.”

  “You really cried?”

  “Yes.” My voice had dropped to a whisper again.

  “Matthew—you haven’t cried since they took Megan away. You didn’t cry at the funerals or anything.”

  “I know.”

  Travis got up and walked over to the couch to sit beside me. He put one arm over the back of the couch and held the other one out.

  “Come here,” he said.

  I leaned into him and he gave me a brief hug.

  “Maybe I am an ass,” he muttered as he let go. “And maybe I’m wrong. I worry about you, dude. I do.”

  “I know.”

  “You like her?” he asked.

  “I don’t know,” I replied. I thought about it for a minute. “She smells good.”

  Travis chuckled.

  “I bet,” he said. “Are you going to have her over here again?”

  “We still have some work on our project to do,” I said, “so maybe. Probably.”

  “You gonna kiss her?” he asked as he wiggled his eyebrows.

  I shook my head.

  “You want to?”

  “I don’t know, Travis.” I felt myself tensing up. “I don’t know anything about any of that.”

  “I know Kyle gave you ‘the talk’ when you were younger,” he said.

  “‘The talk’?”

  “You know,” Travis said with another raise of his eyebrows, “that talk.”

  “What talk?”

  “Ugh!” Travis stood and took a few steps away before he turned around to look at me. “The sex talk!”

  “Yes.”

  “I’d guess that talk was probably pretty…‘mechanical’ in nature.”

  “You can use machines?” I asked.

  Travis began to laugh.

  “Well…um…not what I meant,” he said, “though yeah, you can.”

  A portion of the discussion between my father and me about sexual reproduction made a quick drive-by in my brain.


  “I don’t want to have a baby,” I said.

  “No, you don’t, but there are all kinds of birth control and stuff out there. She could already be on The Pill.”

  I glanced up at my uncle for a long moment. My gaze danced around his eyes, and I could see he wasn’t angry or upset any more. He seemed relieved, maybe, and I wondered if he thought I was going to actually have a girlfriend, like he mentioned before.

  I wasn’t so sure about that. He was talking about sex, and I hadn’t even kissed her or anything. I was pretty sure you were supposed to do that first.

  “Travis, I wouldn’t have any idea what to do,” I finally said. “I mean, not at all. I know what gets done but…nothing else.”

  “Well, dude,” Travis said as he stood up from the couch, “I would sit here and tell you everything about it”—he chuckled again—“but if I did, I’d be here all night. You’d learn a lot, too. You would also freak out on me about every fourth word, so I’m not going to do it.”

  Travis grabbed his keys from the table near the door.

  “But you know what?”

  “What?”

  “Google is damn handy.” Travis continued to laugh softly as he went out the door.

  Google.

  Google what?

  Dating?

  Kissing?

  Sex?

  Is that what I wanted? To date Mayra? To kiss her? To…to…to…do more?

  I hadn’t the slightest idea.

  I couldn’t determine what I wanted, so I just locked up and went to bed.

  ~oOo~

  The next day at school was about as strange a day as I could have ever imagined, stranger than rain when the sun was shining, stranger than the way peanut butter smells when it’s wet, and stranger than vampires that sparkle. The worst part was first thing in the morning.

  As soon as I walked into school, I heard my name being yelled from down the hall.

  “Matthew! Matthew!”

  Mayra came running down the hallway. There were some other kids with her, including Justin Lords, Aimee Schultz, and Carmen Klug. I slowed my steps a little as they approached, but I didn’t stop my trek to my locker. That’s what I did when I got to school—I went to my locker. My hands were shaking a little as I reached for the lock to work the combination.

  “Mayra, what the fuck?” Justin grumbled under his breath as Mayra came up next to me.

  “Hey, Matthew!” she said, ignoring Justin.

  I squeezed my eyes shut for a second, then concentrated on the lock so I could align the numbers properly. It was difficult since my hands were shaking. I knew I hadn’t responded to Mayra yet, but I couldn’t decide how, especially with her other friends standing there. Should I just say “Hey” back to her? Should I say “Hey, Mayra”? Something else? Ask about the weather?

  “Seriously, Mayra?” Carmen sneered. “He can’t even say hello, for Christ’s sake!”

  My chest rose and fell with labored breaths as Carmen’s words echoed through my head. She was right. Greetings were a strange concept for me. I didn’t understand the point. No matter how many times I practiced, the whole activity was worse than going to the dentist and lying there with my mouth open. That was just when one person approached me, and now there were four of them, looming close.

  “Shut up!” Mayra turned her head over her shoulder and hissed under her breath. She turned back toward me just as I managed to get the locker open.

  I crouched down and started organizing the folders and the books from my book bag into the locker. Focusing on the items in the locker, I made sure everything was lined up precisely. I could hear them talking behind me in hushed voices, but I wasn’t paying attention to the words until I felt Mayra’s hand on my shoulder.

  I startled, which elicited giggles from Carmen. Aimee elbowed her in the side, and Carmen called her a bitch. I glanced up to see Justin rolling his eyes and turning away dramatically from the row of lockers.

  “Matthew, did you hear me?” Mayra asked.

  I thought about it for a minute, but I couldn’t come up with what she had said. The first bell rang, and I didn’t have the right things for my period one class. My timing was all off.

  “Shit, shit, shit,” I muttered as I grabbed for the right things.

  “Fucking freak.” Justin snarled before he stomped off down the hallway. He continued to yell over his shoulder. “Just fucking forget it, Mayra! Find some other stray to take in!”

  I couldn’t catch my breath and started to hyperventilate a bit. I was feeling dizzy, and I couldn’t decide if I should just grab my stuff and get to class or not. Maybe I should say something…ask Mayra to repeat her question, or maybe I should at least say hello.

  Was it too late to say hello?

  I had no idea.

  “He’s even panting like a dog,” Carmen said, snickering.

  Aimee glared at her and leaned close to her ear. Carmen’s lip curled as she responded, and then she laughed out loud. Aimee gritted her teeth and continued to glare at Carmen.

  I tried closing my eyes, but I could still hear the laughing behind me. I didn’t think it was just Carmen anymore. I was pretty sure I heard someone start barking, too. Mayra was yelling at them to stop it, and the sheer amount of sounds around me—about me—was just too much.

  I shut down.

  Kneeling on the hard tile floor of the hallway in front of my locker, I slowly began to take everything out of it. One class at a time, I placed the correct textbook, associated folder, and spiral notebook next to each other. Once a set was in, I straightened them exactly, wishing I had a level with me and wondering if I could afford to get a small one at the hardware store to keep in my locker.

  With all my attention on the contents of the locker, I blocked all sights and sounds coming from the hallway and the people around me.

  I sat back a little on my heels and looked at what I had done. One of the folders had the edge of a paper sticking out the top, so I took everything out, fixed the paper, and started all over again. By the time I was done repeating the process for the third time, I looked up, and the school nurse was beside me with a cell phone held up to her ear.

  “…completely non-responsive…yes, if you could, I think that would be for the best…”

  She ended the call and looked down at me. I blinked a few times and saw Mayra Trevino over on the other side of the hallway with her back pressed up against the opposite row of lockers. She had her hand covering her mouth, and I wasn’t sure, but I thought there might be tears in her eyes. Principal Monroe was there and a couple other faculty members too. There wasn’t anyone else in the hallway, and I realized that first period must have already started.

  I was late.

  If someone was late to class, they always got a tardy slip. I’d never gotten a tardy slip before. Would it go on my record? Would it be seen on my college applications?

  Shit, shit, shit.

  I looked back down at the floor. I had no idea what I was supposed to do at this point. I didn’t understand why there were people standing around me or why Mayra looked so upset. I wanted to get up and go ask her, but I didn’t know what to say.

  I felt a cold hand on my arm and I jumped, which caused me to bang the opposite shoulder against the locker door. As I rubbed against the sore spot, I glanced up to see Travis coming down the hallway.

  “Hey, dude,” he said as he walked toward me. He gave me half a smile and looked over to the principal and the nurse. “I got him—just give us some space, okay?”

  I saw the others take a few steps backwards, but I mostly watched Principal Monroe as he walked up to Mayra and told her to go on to class.

  “No!” she said. “I want to make sure he’s all right!”

  “Miss Trevino, Matthew’s got his uncle here with him now. You move along.”

  “Not until I know he’s all right!” She was insistent.

  “It’s okay.” Travis walked over to them both. “I think Matthew wouldn’t mind if s
he sticks around a minute. Might be better for him.”

  The principal gave Travis a weird look before shrugging and moving over to talk quietly with the nurse. Travis crouched down next to me.

  “You with me, dude?”

  “Yes,” I said quietly.

  “You want Mayra to stay?”

  “No,” I replied.

  Travis looked surprised.

  “Why not?”

  “I don’t know what to say to her.”

  “Why don’t you start with hello? Then you could see where it goes from there.”

  “No.”

  “You sure?” he asked.

  “No,” I said again and then sighed. “I’m late for class.”

  “Not a problem, dude,” Travis said. “You want to go there now?”

  “I’ll get a tardy slip.”

  “Nah, it’s all good—I’ll work it out.” Travis’s words were reassuring.

  “You will?”

  “Sure,” Travis said with a smile. He wrapped his hand around my elbow and pulled me up. “You got the stuff for your first class?”

  I reached down and pulled out the folder and the notebook before nodding.

  “Maybe Mayra could walk with you,” Travis suggested. “Then I can talk to Monroe about the tardy slip, and you can say hello.”

  I took a deep breath and tried to stop my hands from shaking. I had something that resembled a plan now, and that usually got me going when I was stuck. Travis was going to take care of the tardy slip, so that should be all right as well.

  “Okay,” I whispered.

  Travis walked over to Mayra, and then they both came back next to me. At some point, the corner of my notebook had become slightly bent, which sucked. I’d have to write all the notes into a new one.

  “Hey,” Mayra said as she looked up at me through her eyelashes. They were definitely wet. “You have English first, right?”

  “Yes.”

  Mayra walked beside me down the hall without speaking. We stopped when we got to the closed door of the classroom, and I knew I was forgetting something.

  “Oh!” I exclaimed when I remembered what I was supposed to say. “Um, hello.”

  Mayra laughed quietly through her nose as she tilted her head up to look at me again. It was the first time I had noticed how short she was. She barely came up to my shoulder. She shook her head slowly, and when I looked back down to the ground, she reached out and placed her finger under my chin. She tilted my head back to look at her, and when I met her eyes, I could have sworn my stomach flipped over.