Longing

  When the prayer ended, Gerald flew into her arms and the two of them stayed that way for a long time — until finally Bailey felt someone tap her shoulder.

  “Uhhh … okay, that figures.” It was Stefano’s voice. “We’re late one time … one time, and we miss something like this.”

  Bailey felt the smile on her lips. She opened her eyes and turned in time to see him throw his hands up in the direction of a few of the girls, all of them regulars in the Bible study. The three of them looked from her to Gerald and back again. Their expressions made it clear they were almost afraid to ask what had just happened.

  Before she could think of where to begin, Gerald was on his feet. He held his arms out to the sides, his teary eyes all lit up. “I did it! I gave my life to Jesus!”

  “You did?” Stefano’s shock rang loud in his question. “Are you serious?”

  “I am!” He wrapped his arms around each of the girls, and then he hugged Stefano. “I want it all, friends. Hope and redemption and salvation. Eternity!” He looked back at Bailey. “I don’t want the pattern of the world another minute longer.”

  All three of their castmates stood motionless, eyes wide, lips slightly open. But just when Bailey wondered if they might mock Gerald or tell him to rethink his newfound decision, Stefano’s eyes welled up. “I’m … I’m happy for you.” He crossed his arms in front of him. “Maybe … maybe that’ll be me someday.”

  “Someday soon.” One of the girls touched Stefano’s shoulder. “We’ve been talking about it. How reading the Bible was doing something inside us. Changing us somehow.” She looked straight at Bailey. “What you said … how all of us are born with a sin struggle, and how God wants us to keep looking to Him to fight that sin — whatever it is … that’s really stayed with me.”

  Again Bailey was so surprised she could’ve dropped to her knees here in Starbucks. Instead, Gerald motioned for the others to get their drinks. “We’re in Romans 12 today … hurry up. It’s too good to miss.”

  An hour later they finished, and as they left the coffee shop Gerald walked beside her. “I already checked. The Times Square Church is having a baptism service this week.” His tears were gone, his eyes clearer than ever. “I want to go.” He hesitated, joy radiating from his expression. “Would you come, Bailey? It would mean so much.”

  She could do nothing to stop the fresh tears that sprang to her eyes. She laughed so she wouldn’t cry. “Yes. Of course. I’ll be there for sure.”

  Then — as if to further prove the change that had happened in his heart — Gerald positioned himself in front of the other three and invited them also. “I want us to all be there. The whole Bible study.”

  It was more than Bailey could take in. They still had five hours before they would meet up again for that night’s show, and when she was finally back at Bob and Betty Keller’s house she went to her room, sat on the edge of her bed, and pulled out her phone. Brandon would be filming, but she couldn’t wait another minute. As fast as her fingers would fly across the miniature keyboard, she texted a message she wasn’t sure she’d ever send.

  God worked a miracle, Brandon. Gerald gave his life to Jesus. He’s a believer! Right there in Starbucks!! (This is me crying because I can’t believe it!) He’s getting baptized this weekend. I know … remind me to breathe. I love you … see you tonight.

  When she’d sent the message, Bailey covered her face with her hands and let the sobs come. Because she was grateful God had used her today despite her lack of knowledge or experience at this sort of thing, and because she was humbly aware of her own desperate need. For a Savior she didn’t deserve and a salvation she hadn’t earned.

  Tears filled her heart and overflowed onto her face and jeans — tears for all the ways she was thankful and all the ways her heart was breaking. Because the pattern of the world was so ugly and deceiving, and because that very pattern had trapped so many countless people. And because despite the longing in the soul of mankind for a rescue, the pattern of the world was easy to get used to, like a room full of bad curtains. The world could talk about love and life, goodness and grace … and miss the calling God had for every person on earth. Every single person. Regardless of their sin struggle.

  The call to be transformed.

  Eighteen

  BAILEY EXPECTED THE SHOW TO BE ONE OF THE BEST EVER, ESPECIALLY after a morning like they’d just shared at the coffee shop. And she was right. From the time they gathered at the theater, the cast could sense something different, something special about this night. Gerald couldn’t stop talking about Jesus and the Bible and how God was working a miracle in his life. Most of the cast didn’t know what to make of him. But everyone was kind, all of them happy because he was happy — even if they didn’t quite understand.

  The show seemed to fly by, and Bailey remembered after the curtain went up that this was a late night for Brandon. After filming, the crew was meeting to look at the daily footage, make sure they were capturing what they needed to put the movie together. Brandon had told her he couldn’t be there till eleven o’clock or later. She didn’t hear from him until she checked her phone between acts and found a response from him in her text messages.

  Bailey, that’s amazing!! Seriously!! I’m SO proud of you for caring about your cast … for caring about everyone. I can’t wait for later to hear about Gerald. Love you too … now dance your heart out for Him.

  Before the second act, Gerald pulled her aside, still glowing from places in his soul she doubted he’d known existed before today. “Let’s go out after the show—the whole cast. We can celebrate, and I’ll tell them about Romans 12. How about that?”

  She laughed, overflowing with joy at his heartfelt enthusiasm. “We might want to start with just a verse or two.”

  Gerald thought for a moment and then grinned. “You might be right.”

  “But I like the idea of celebrating.” She hugged him, letting the highlights from earlier that day play in her heart again. “Maybe the Stardust Diner down the street?”

  “Perfect!” Gerald stayed, and the moment between them became deeper even as the rest of the cast hurried back onstage for the second act. “About earlier, Bailey … thank you.” He put his hand on her shoulder and gave it a gentle squeeze. “I always felt like … no matter what I decided about the Bible … you loved me anyway.” He leaned close and kissed her cheek. “Thanks for that. I …” He shook his head, looking somewhat amazed. “I never met a Christian like you before.”

  His words stayed with her as she took the stage … with every beat of music that remained and every dance move she poured herself into. For months at a time she hadn’t thought her contribution to the Hairspray cast was worth anything at all. She’d taken the criticism of many of the cast members and her director, and she’d struggled with defeat and great loss after Chrissy died. More times than she could remember she’d gone home and poured out her thoughts in her journal, in her prayers, asking God to show her why He’d brought her here. What her purpose in this season of her life really was.

  After Gerald’s talk she didn’t have to ask anymore. She knew.

  The tremendous and exhilarating high that filled her soul as a result convinced her that this was, indeed, the best show of her entire time on Broadway. She’d never sung better, never danced cleaner … never believed more that this stage and this cast and this moment was right where she was supposed to be.

  As they filed off the stage after curtain call, she could hardly wait to find Gerald, to help round up the others for the celebration he wanted all of them to share. But before she could find him, as she was still taking her last few steps off the backstage steps, she heard Francesca Tilly’s voice. “Everyone listen up.” Bailey couldn’t see her, but she would’ve known the voice anywhere. “I need everyone to meet in wardrobe. Immediately, please.”

  What in the world? The wardrobe area was the one place backstage where they could all gather. Any other space would’ve been too small. But they had no meeting s
cheduled tonight. Bailey hadn’t even known Francesca was in the building. Wednesdays were usually just the cast and the stage manager.

  The dancers fell quiet except for nervous glances swapped between them. Still wiping sweat from their foreheads, still dressed in their costumes, they filed silently to the wardrobe area. “This can’t be good,” one of the girls whispered.

  For the first time it occurred to Bailey that the meeting might not be about a change in choreography or a call to excellence. Her throat felt dry, and she wished she had a bottle of water. She wound up next to Gerald in the second row. Francesca stood at the far end of the wardrobe area, watching them, arms crossed.

  When they had all filed in, Francesca allowed a flicker of sorrow in her expression. Proof that whatever was coming was different than anything she’d said to them before this moment. She cleared her throat. “I don’t have good news. The producers have cancelled our show.”

  Soft gasps came from the cast and a couple guys hung their heads. Bailey felt the shock come over her like a sudden downpour.

  Francesca was going on. “Whatever financial formula they use, we didn’t cut it. We have ten days — through the end of January. After that you’ll all be released.” She hesitated, her lips pinched together. “We’ve had a good run here, people. I’m sorry. I wanted you to know as soon as I did.”

  Bailey couldn’t feel her feet, couldn’t tell if she was breathing or not. What had the director said? They were finished? The show was over? This wasn’t really happening. Everyone said they were doing great; they were filling the seats, right? That was the last report … it could be a year or longer before this moment might come. Francesca was saying she’d be there for the last few shows and something about closure. But everything about her announcement felt surreal, like a bad dream or a not-funny joke. Their show was finished? Bailey felt herself begin to shiver. She could barely hear over the pounding of her heart.

  Gerald and the cast agreed that a celebration now would fall flat for sure. Instead, he invited everyone to watch him be baptized. He found her and hugged her before they went their separate ways. “I’m not afraid of this … God will show me what’s next.”

  “Right.” Bailey smiled at him, grateful for his response. “That’s what I hoped you would say. I was just reminding myself of the same thing.”

  They didn’t talk long, and the theater emptied more quickly than usual, everyone shocked and needing time to grasp their new reality. Not until she was home at the Kellers’ and she could finally talk to her mom did the truth set in. “It’s over, Mom … they’ve cancelled the show.” In the end she hadn’t even lasted a year on Broadway. And with the feedback she’d gotten from Francesca, she had two choices: Take dance classes and work hours every day, all while hitting one audition after another …

  Or she could ask God what was next.

  “How do you feel? Other than shocked …” Her mom’s voice was kind, gentle. Bailey loved how steady she was.

  “I’m … not sure.” Bailey found a Clear Creek High sweatshirt in her bottom drawer and slipped it over her head. Between the cold outside and the chill of the unknown, Bailey was desperate to be warm again. “I guess I’ll get a copy of Backstage magazine … see which shows are auditioning. I need to get back on a show as quickly as possible, for sure.” She hesitated. “I know that … and I know God has a plan. It’s just a little hard to see.”

  “I’m sorry.” There was an ache in her mom’s voice. “I didn’t see this coming.”

  “Me, either.” Her teeth chattered a little. “Anyway … my morning was amazing.” She caught her mom up on the development with Gerald, the baptism they’d attend that weekend.

  “That’s wonderful.” She sounded unrushed, taking Bailey’s disappointment slowly without any pronouncement about Broadway being a hard place or God moving her on or where He might be taking her next. “All we really know is that Gerald’s decision out-shadows it all. That, and you’ll be absolutely ready for the next dance audition.”

  “I hope so.” Bailey exhaled. She wasn’t cold anymore. “I love how you look at things, Mom.” She was about to explain how the cast had been secure in their show run for another year when another call came through. She glanced at the Caller ID and saw Brandon’s name. “Hey, Mom, can I call you back?”

  “Definitely.” She hesitated. “It’ll be okay. I know it will.”

  Bailey felt herself nodding in agreement. “Thanks … I believe that. Deep down, I really do. I love you.”

  “Love you too.”

  Her mom’s voice reassured her, but she needed to talk to Brandon, needed to tell him the news. A part of her didn’t want to take his call, didn’t want to tell him because of their conversation about distance and how the show kept her here, away from him in LA. She switched to his call, not sure if he was still there. “Hello?”

  “Ahhh … there. I’m okay now.” He gave an exaggerated exhale. “Baby … you have no idea how badly I needed to hear your voice.”

  “Thanks.” She smiled despite her sadness. “You too.” She bit her lip, wondering if he could hear the hurt in her tone.

  “Okay, so I can’t stop thinking about Gerald. I need all the details … tell me everything.”

  “It was great.” She touched on the highlights, but her enthusiasm wasn’t what it would’ve been. “He’s so happy, Brandon.”

  “Hmmm.” Admiration filled his tone. “I knew God was going to do something amazing with that Bible study.”

  “Thanks.” She was quiet, not sure how to break the news. Besides, as soon as she told him, the reality would hit. She was losing her job. Her dream role was about to be a thing of the past.

  “Bailey …” He was quiet for a few seconds. “What’s wrong?”

  She closed her eyes and exhaled. “There’s no easy way to say it.”

  “Say what?”

  “It’s the show.” Another long sigh. “We’re done, Brandon. All of us. Ten more performances and the run’s over.”

  “What?” He took a few beats and then groaned. “I can’t believe it. Oh, baby, I’m sorry. I thought … things were going well, right?”

  “They were.” The producers’ decision still didn’t make sense. “We had an average of twenty more seats sold every night last week. One of the guys had the numbers.”

  “So … are they sure? I mean … it’s not just a warning?”

  “No.” She loved this about him, the way he responded to her loss. Never mind that it opened doors for the two of them to be together more. Brandon only cared about her pain. She opened her eyes and looked out the window. “It’s not a warning. The show’s been cancelled.”

  He sighed, his frustration and shock evident. “I can’t believe it. The show’s so good.” They were both silent, letting the reality sink in. “This is so weird, the timing.”

  “Why?” She stood and walked to the window, looking up at the slice of sky between the buildings across the street.

  “You’re not going to believe it.” His laugh was one of disbelief. “My agent called today. He has a part he wants you to read for in early February. A lead in a big picture they’ll film in LA later this spring.” Even still he didn’t sound happy about the situation. Amazed, but not happy. “I told him it wouldn’t work … you were busy with Hairspray. But now …”

  Bailey felt her whole world tilt. “Really? That’s crazy …” Her feelings instantly stretched in opposite directions. “I mean, I really appreciate that. But I sort of thought … I mean, I figured I’d audition for a few more shows in New York. You know … because I just got here, Brandon. Not even a year ago.”

  This time the silence was his. “So … you want to stay in Manhattan?”

  “Well, yes.” She hated how this sounded, but she could do nothing to change the fact. “I’ve wanted to dance on Broadway all my life. I mean … I won’t stay here forever … but for now. Yes. If I can stay, I will.”

  “Oh.” More quiet, this time longer than before. “W
ell, then … I guess I can tell the casting director you aren’t interested.”

  Bailey’s heart pounded. “I’m interested. I just … I really want another Broadway show. If I can win a part, anyway.”

  “Don’t worry about it …” He chuckled, but she knew him well enough to hear the hurt in his voice. “Do what you have to do … I believe in you, baby.”

  The call ended sooner than usual, and Bailey felt the distance between them more than ever. When they were off the phone, Bailey stayed at the window for a long time. Thinking about her time in New York, the Bible study … the nights of performing. Gerald’s decision. She’d grown up this past year in Manhattan, learned how to live out her faith and find her way in the big city. Learned much about who she was and what mattered most and how to never let a day go by with regrets about the people God had placed in her life. She longed for the next opportunity, the next audition. Because of course she needed to stay in New York and pursue the next show. Brandon would understand.

  This was where God had placed her.

  Nineteen

  CODY CLIMBED INTO THE BACK OF HIS PICKUP TRUCK AND grabbed hold of the last of Cheyenne’s furniture — an old office chair she’d used at the desk in her apartment. He slid it to the waiting hands of the guy from Goodwill and then dusted the snow off his gloves. The man seemed indifferent about the items — an old sofa and end table, a small dining room set, and a few lamps. A couple oversized Hefty bags full of summer clothes and dresses she’d never wear again.

  The guy didn’t say anything. He gave Cody a receipt and that was that. Cody climbed back in his truck cab and realized he was shaking. Was it so easy, getting rid of the things that surrounded a life? He had worked cleaning out Chey’s apartment since early that morning, but it wasn’t that hard. A cleaning service would be through later today. His part was to clear out her furniture, pack up her extra clothes, and gather the couple boxes of personal items that sat on the seat beside him.