The Shepherd

  I went straight for denial. “I didn’t do anything. I don’t know what crap Justin told you, but I didn’t do anything.” Technically that was true, and I held tightly onto that sliver of truth.

  “Don’t give me any lies, boy. I can see it in your face. Tell me the truth!”

  “I’m not lying! I don’t know anything and I didn’t do anything.”

  “This girl has second degree burns. She’s been moved to a burn treatment facility in Seattle. Look, see for yourself.” Cassiano pulled two photographs from a file on the table and tossed them in front of me. I couldn’t look away from the horrid pictures of red, raw wounds on Rachelle’s cheeks and arms. I didn’t want to see, but I couldn’t stop looking. It was harsh, like a really nasty rash, only way worse. No denying the fact, Rachelle was marked for life.

  “They’re probably gonna have to do skin grafts!” Cassiano growled in my face.

  I felt nauseous, guilt tearing away at my insides. “I didn’t do it. I swear on my mother’s grave I didn’t do it.” I finally found the strength to look away from the pictures, willing myself to keep my eyes averted from the table.

  “Son, this can go real bad, real quick. Acid in her lotion, that’s assault with a deadly weapon, premeditated. May be considered attempted murder. You could be facing years in prison. What are you, sixteen?”

  I nodded, yes. Fear gripped me so tightly my balls shrunk to little pebbles. “But I’m telling you I didn’t do it. Don’t you hear what I’m saying?”

  Cassiano continued as if I was already tried and convicted. “At sixteen, a judge could decide to try you as an adult, two years shy of eighteen … it’s not that much difference. It’s happened before, right here in Moses Lake.”

  I recalled something about a stabbing a few years ago. The kid was sixteen, and they tried him as an adult. Cassiano wasn’t bluffing, not about that. I felt this situation sliding out of my grasp. The man had something on me, he knew something.

  “The only way you’re getting out of this with any chance at a normal life is to admit your guilt. Waiting to do the right thing is not the right thing. Be a man. Take responsibility for your actions. The judge and the prosecutor will have a lot more respect and leniency if you tell the truth about what you’ve done. Show some remorse.”

  Cassiano sat back in his seat staring hard, willing me to speak with an intimidating I-know-what-a-piece-of-shit-you-are look. I’d seen enough cop TV shows to know it was time to shut my mouth and prepare for the worst.

  “Am I under arrest? I think I should be talking to an attorney. Shouldn’t I have an attorney?”

  Cassiano held his searing stare for a few more seconds. I wondered if he practiced at home in front of the mirror. He was pretty damn good at the facial-psychological-intimidation. I felt intimidated, but there was nothing gained by giving Cassiano information. His patented stare bore into my guilty soul, branding me.

  The detective was angry, he wanted answers. Things were not progressing in the direction he’d hoped for.

  After a loaded silence, he finally answered, “No. Not yet.”

  A great weight lifted from my shoulders, I was halfway to freedom already. They didn’t have enough to arrest me, I hadn’t given them anything.

  Cassiano paused and switched direction. “So, what do you know about this? If it wasn’t you, do you know who did it? Who might have something against Rachelle Werner?”

  Though I had decided to be quiet (attorney up as they say on TV), I opened my big fat mouth again. “No, I don’t know anything. I heard about it from a kid at the skatepark yesterday. I was home sick all day when it happened. I wasn’t even at school.”

  “You were sick? That’s not how Justin tells it. He said you fought with Tommy, that Tommy and his buddies thrashed you, and Rachelle was there watching it all. She set you up for it, didn’t she?” Ole Cassiano knew a whole lot more than he had let on.

  Fuck.

  I tried my best to say as little as possible, yet still answer him. “Yeah, there was a fight, and Rachelle was there. I don’t have any idea if she set me up. I was skating and then they all showed up and started messing with me.” It occurred to me that Nadia’s peculiar brand of first aid might work in my favor. “Do I look like I was thrashed?”

  “No. Doesn’t even look like he hit you. And that’s another thing, Justin said you went off on Tommy. Almost like you wanted to kill him.”

  Though I was sweating hard, I couldn’t help but chuckle. There was nothing funny about this situation, but the insanity of it made me laugh. “I told you we weren’t friends. Tommy was an asshole. We didn’t like each other and we got in a fight. That’s all it was.”

  “The fight had something to do with Rachelle Werner? You couldn’t handle the fact that her and Tommy were dating? You used to date Rachelle, didn’t you?”

  Best friends make the worst enemies. Justin had told Detective Cassiano way too much about my personal life.

  Still chuckling at how quickly my world could turn to absolute shit, I held back the tide of lunatic laughter welling up inside me. “No. We fought because Tommy was an asshole! I have a girlfriend. I’m not interested in Rachelle. I am not jealous! I was home sick the next day. And I didn’t do anything you’re accusing me of!”

  Cassiano reverted back to the hard stare, the I-know-you-did-it-and-I’m-gonna-get-you stare. My sense of the situation wobbled. Had I actually convinced him I’m just a dumb obnoxious skater?

  “Hmm, who can verify that you stayed home sick?” Damn bastard was thorough.

  “My Dad.”

  “Why would Justin come to us and say all this? He also said you went to his house late last night. That’s when you admitted everything to him, right?”

  Would it ever end? This guy was good, and he had me pegged all the way around. He had already known everything before he asked a single question.

  I started thinking hard before opening my big, stupid mouth. If I admitted to being at Justin’s house, I’d have to explain why, the slippery slope of things better left unsaid.

  When all else fails, deny everything. The liar’s motto.

  “I wasn’t at his house, but I called to see if he was okay. He didn’t want to talk. Maybe he’s upset with Tommy’s death, and that’s why he’s lying. Really, I don’t know why he’s saying these things. And I didn’t do anything to Rachelle.”

  “So he’s lying?”

  I nodded, “Sorry to waste your time.”

  He looked at me, and I could almost see the wheels turning. The seesaw situation started leaning more in my favor. All he had was the words of an emotionally distraught teenager. No real evidence. Maybe I could walk away from this, if I just kept my fat mouth shut.

  “Okay. I’m going to verify a few things, get ahold of your father. If I find out you’ve lied to me, I promise you’ll regret it. You will sit in county juvenile lockup for the night, probably for the rest of the week. This is your last chance to come clean and tell me the truth. If you tell me now, I can take your statement and let you go home. Care to add anything to your story?”

  Oh man, this guy had me ready to talk. I wanted to tell him everything. I wanted so badly to point the finger at that damn psycho vampire. But nobody would listen. Nobody ever really listens to me, except for the psycho vampire.

  “No. I don’t know anything and I didn’t do anything.”

  “Alright, let’s hope for your sake you’re telling me the truth. You’ll have to wait while I get ahold of your Dad. You want something to drink?”

  I didn’t trust this new tack, the friendly Cassiano. But I went along with it. “Can I get a coke?”

  “Sure.” He brought back a Coke and then left me alone with my conscience to stew in the knowledge that I was a liar and an accessory to murder.

  * * * *

  Chapter 19

  Thursday evening, October 28th

  I wasn’t sure of the time when they finally released me to my father, but it had long since grown dark outside and
I was starving. Richard waited for me in the lobby, still in his dark blue RSC work shirt. There at his side – holding his fucking hand – was the murdering psycho vampire stalker. When she spotted me coming out the door with Detective Cassiano she ran up and gave me a huge hug, whispering in my ear, “I was so worried.”

  I wanted to yell at her, to scream accusations in her face. She was the reason for all this! If she hadn’t done those horrible things, I wouldn’t be standing at the police station, defending bullshit accusations!

  Nosy as ever, Cassiano, studied Nadia closely. “Is this your sister?”

  “No, she’s just a friend. Nadia meet Detective Cassiano.”

  I introduced her with a mind to start pointing fingers right there. This wicked little girl focused all the intensity of her freakish eyes on Cassiano, one of those unblinking, all-absorbing stares. When Cassiano put out his hand to shake, she pulled him down to her level, eye to eye. “Michael is not the one you’re looking for. You have made a mistake. You have the wrong person, Michael Evans is innocent.”

  Like a scene from a bad eighties sci-fi film, the Detective spoke in an eerie emotionless tone. “Michael’s not the one I’m looking for. I made a mistake. I had the wrong person, Michael Evans is innocent.”

  Richard stepped up and added to it. “Mike’s a good boy. He’d never get mixed up in this nasty business.”

  My father’s tone held conviction and certainty, a man who trusted his son without question. I had never heard him speak of me with such faith and pride.

  Nadia hammered her point home again. “Yes, Mike is a very good boy. This is all a big mistake.”

  And Cassiano just bobbed his head in agreement, a glazed smile on his face. The little witch had pulled her Jedi mind tricks on him.

  Nadia’s guiding hand pulled me out the door and into the parking lot of the police station. I was in a daze, stupefied by the amazing turnaround of Nadia’s influence. All three of us piled into my father’s truck together, Nadia happily seated in the middle, her head leaned over on my shoulder.

  She had this pretend-to-be-a-cute-little-girl act perfected to an art form. Who would ever believe how wicked dangerous she really was?

  But freedom is glorious, even with a killer vampire sitting beside me. I had never really appreciated my freedom until it was taken away. I sure appreciated it now.

  My anger at Nadia dissolved in the wash of absolution and my father’s praise. He even took us to the drive-thru at Jack-in-the-box before heading home. Richard ordered burgers, fries, and shakes for everyone despite Nadia’s protests that she wasn’t hungry.

  As we pulled into the driveway at the trailer, I started to realize the strangeness of the moment, Nadia together with me, in front of my Dad. A sinking feeling crept in. Why was my Dad bringing her home? I looked at him, at her, and he looked at me.

  Shit, he knew. Somehow he knew that Nadia had been sleeping in my room.

  But he didn’t say a word.

  We ate quietly at our little dining table that barely fit the three of us. Nadia played with her food, grinning at me once in a while. Probably waiting to munch on me tonight. The loaded silence was ruining my appetite.

  I could see no other way to handle the situation but face it directly. “So, how did you run into Nadia?”

  “She came to work, right as we were closing, and I’d just got off the phone with the police. She was very worried about you.”

  Her knee brushed my knee, and the wicked brat winked at me. At a loss for words, I mumbled. “Oh. I didn’t know you two had met before.”

  “Well, we hadn’t. But she knew I worked there. She told me you been lettin’ her stay here, and how you’re the best friend she ever had.”

  Shit. I looked to the brat who had ratted me out, and then my father, and they both had queer grins.

  “Well, she … um … she didn’t have a place to stay. And her parents are dead …”

  He smiled at me. One of the warmest smiles I’d ever seen on his face. My Dad never smiled at me like that. “It’s okay, son. It was the right thing to do.”

  Richard had never invited any of my friends over. I never invited anyone to the trailer. Why would I want anyone near this shithole?

  I sat silently and sucked down my milkshake waiting for the shit to hit the fan and blow all over me. Richard stared at me strangely, cocking his head slightly, like he was trying to figure something out. “You’re becoming quite the man, helping out a homeless girl with nowhere to go. I’m real proud of you son, real proud. I told Nadia she can stay in our spare bedroom for as long as she likes. And I know you didn’t have nothin’ to do with that nasty business at the cop shop. It was all just a misunderstanding.”

  I think aliens abducted my father and replaced him with this strange, smiling man.

  “Oh, well, that’s good.” How could I explain that he’d just invited a hundred year old blood sucking fiend into our home and that he was hypnotized by the thing? There was nothing for it. Nothing I could say or do. Like it or not, I was stuck with Nadia, and apparently so was Richard.

  Then he dropped a whole new bombshell. “Hey, son, I found something yesterday. Didn’t get a chance to give it to you yet. I’m sorry to say, I’ve had this since the day you were born. I put it away, forgotten, and I only recently remembered it when you asked me about your mom the other day. It’s a letter from your mother. She actually wrote it just for you.”

  He handed me a sealed envelope with my full name scrawled out in a bubbly cursive script. It was old, discolored with age, several hand-written pages folded up inside. I wanted to scream in his face for keeping this from me. But instead I retreated to my bedroom, closing the door behind me.

  * * * *

  Hand written letter from Marline Evans

  I am writing this to my son, Michael Evans. I am 9 months pregnant and I know this is probably the only chance I will have to say these things to you, my son. First and most importantly, you need to know that I have no regrets. Apart from my wish that I could be there to say this in person, I have no regrets. Believe me when I say this is true.

  As I sit here bloated and uncomfortable, with swollen feet and a back ache, knowing that I will not survive this ordeal, I have but one consolation, and that’s you, Michael. I can see you in my mind’s eye, as a baby, bouncing on Richard’s knee. Despite how it may seem at times, your father will love you very much. I can see you as a toddler, a curl of wavy brown hair across your forehead as you struggle to maintain your balance walking across the living room floor. It’s adorable to watch you grow and learn, each step is a risk, but the rewards are so great.

  I see you again as a four year old with Richard, delighted to catch your first fish, sitting next to him on the lakefront in Cascade Valley. Your smile warms my heart. No matter how many times I see you, I can hardly believe how wonderful you are. I see you riding your bike for the first time, and your first day of school when you didn’t even cry like most of the other children. You were so brave. It wasn’t too much later before you were riding a skateboard, waxing down all the neighborhood curbs with candles from the dollar store so you could show off your skate tricks to Rachelle Werner.

  I see your first kiss with your neighbor Rachelle, and then you saved her life, very foolishly following her out onto the ice. I see your first true love, and it’s not your neighbor, but your best friend Anita who’s been waiting a long time for you to notice her as more than a friend. I see so many things, so many details. It almost seems like I have lived two lives, both yours and mine.

  And though you didn’t know it, I have already been there with you through these moments. I know what a wonderful, courageous, and handsome young man you will become. These visions comfort me, they carry me through the decision I have made. Though it’s not always easy, and I know soon it will become very difficult for me, I would make the same decision a thousand times over. Please understand me, understand why I am doing this. I could never take away your life in exchange for mine.


  There’s nothing Richard can do or say to make me change my mind. He does not understand, and there’s no way I can make him understand. But you will. You will come to terms with this and accept my decision. It could never be any other way. As I am sure you know, it is virtually impossible to change the things we see in our visions.

  I know that life will be hard for you, because I am not there, because Richard is so deeply hurt. It will take a very long time for Richard to find his way with you. There are things about my life that Richard does not know, can never know. Only you, my son will understand these secrets. Only you will understand what it’s like to have these visions. I know you have the sight. I know you will learn to appreciate what it means to see things and know with certainty they will eventually come to pass, regardless.

  And I know there will be moments of darkness, when it may seem you have lost your way. My message to you is this: Do not despair. I am sending you the dearest friend I have in the world. She has been there for me without fail, as she will for you, if you let her. She will care for you as if you were her only child.

  I am sending you Natasha, a shepherd to guide you in your times of need. Although I know it will be difficult to trust her at times, Natasha will never harm or betray you. You must make your peace with her, she is vulnerable too, and she needs you as much as you need her. She is a priceless gem, the only inheritance I have to give. Trust her and know that I send you all my love when I send you Natasha.

  Love always,

  Marline Evans

  * * * *

  I read and reread the letter more times than I could count. It was short but bittersweet, and chocked full of so many things I needed to hear from my Mother. I fell asleep with tears rolling down my face, the letter still in my hand. Sometime in the night, Nadia joined me in bed. I awoke at 2:30 a.m. to Nadia, in nothing but T-shirt and panties, wrapped around me, smiling as if nothing had ever happened.

  As soon as I registered her presence, the accusation hit. “You were with her! You knew my mother!”