Les trois mousquetaires. English

  28 THE RETURN

  D'Artagnan was astounded by the terrible confidence of Athos; yet manythings appeared very obscure to him in this half revelation. In thefirst place it had been made by a man quite drunk to one who was halfdrunk; and yet, in spite of the incertainty which the vapor of three orfour bottles of Burgundy carries with it to the brain, d'Artagnan, whenawaking on the following morning, had all the words of Athos as presentto his memory as if they then fell from his mouth--they had been soimpressed upon his mind. All this doubt only gave rise to a more livelydesire of arriving at a certainty, and he went into his friend's chamberwith a fixed determination of renewing the conversation of the precedingevening; but he found Athos quite himself again--that is to say, themost shrewd and impenetrable of men. Besides which, the Musketeer, afterhaving exchanged a hearty shake of the hand with him, broached thematter first.

  "I was pretty drunk yesterday, d'Artagnan," said he, "I can tell that bymy tongue, which was swollen and hot this morning, and by my pulse,which was very tremulous. I wager that I uttered a thousandextravagances."

  While saying this he looked at his friend with an earnestness thatembarrassed him.

  "No," replied d'Artagnan, "if I recollect well what you said, it wasnothing out of the common way."

  "Ah, you surprise me. I thought I had told you a most lamentable story."And he looked at the young man as if he would read the bottom of hisheart.

  "My faith," said d'Artagnan, "it appears that I was more drunk than you,since I remember nothing of the kind."

  Athos did not trust this reply, and he resumed; "you cannot have failedto remark, my dear friend, that everyone has his particular kind ofdrunkenness, sad or gay. My drunkenness is always sad, and when I amthoroughly drunk my mania is to relate all the lugubrious stories whichmy foolish nurse inculcated into my brain. That is my failing--a capitalfailing, I admit; but with that exception, I am a good drinker."

  Athos spoke this in so natural a manner that d'Artagnan was shaken inhis conviction.

  "It is that, then," replied the young man, anxious to find out thetruth, "it is that, then, I remember as we remember a dream. We werespeaking of hanging."

  "Ah, you see how it is," said Athos, becoming still paler, but yetattempting to laugh; "I was sure it was so--the hanging of people is mynightmare."

  "Yes, yes," replied d'Artagnan. "I remember now; yes, it was about--stopa minute--yes, it was about a woman."

  "That's it," replied Athos, becoming almost livid; "that is my grandstory of the fair lady, and when I relate that, I must be very drunk."

  "Yes, that was it," said d'Artagnan, "the story of a tall, fair lady,with blue eyes."

  "Yes, who was hanged."

  "By her husband, who was a nobleman of your acquaintance," continuedd'Artagnan, looking intently at Athos.

  "Well, you see how a man may compromise himself when he does not knowwhat he says," replied Athos, shrugging his shoulders as if he thoughthimself an object of pity. "I certainly never will get drunk again,d'Artagnan; it is too bad a habit."

  D'Artagnan remained silent; and then changing the conversation all atonce, Athos said:

  "By the by, I thank you for the horse you have brought me."

  "Is it to your mind?" asked d'Artagnan.

  "Yes; but it is not a horse for hard work."

  "You are mistaken; I rode him nearly ten leagues in less than an hourand a half, and he appeared no more distressed than if he had only madethe tour of the Place St. Sulpice."

  "Ah, you begin to awaken my regret."

  "Regret?"

  "Yes; I have parted with him."

  "How?"

  "Why, here is the simple fact. This morning I awoke at six o'clock. Youwere still fast asleep, and I did not know what to do with myself; I wasstill stupid from our yesterday's debauch. As I came into the publicroom, I saw one of our Englishman bargaining with a dealer for a horse,his own having died yesterday from bleeding. I drew near, and found hewas bidding a hundred pistoles for a chestnut nag. 'PARDIEU,' said I,'my good gentleman, I have a horse to sell, too.' 'Ay, and a very fineone! I saw him yesterday; your friend's lackey was leading him.' 'Do youthink he is worth a hundred pistoles?' 'Yes! Will you sell him to me forthat sum?' 'No; but I will play for him.' 'What?' 'At dice.' No soonersaid than done, and I lost the horse. Ah, ah! But please to observe Iwon back the equipage," cried Athos.

  D'Artagnan looked much disconcerted.

  "This vexes you?" said Athos.

  "Well, I must confess it does," replied d'Artagnan. "That horse was tohave identified us in the day of battle. It was a pledge, a remembrance.Athos, you have done wrong."

  "But, my dear friend, put yourself in my place," replied the Musketeer."I was hipped to death; and still further, upon my honor, I don't likeEnglish horses. If it is only to be recognized, why the saddle willsuffice for that; it is quite remarkable enough. As to the horse, we caneasily find some excuse for its disappearance. Why the devil! A horse ismortal; suppose mine had had the glanders or the farcy?"

  D'Artagnan did not smile.

  "It vexes me greatly," continued Athos, "that you attach so muchimportance to these animals, for I am not yet at the end of my story."

  "What else have you done."

  "After having lost my own horse, nine against ten--see how near--Iformed an idea of staking yours."

  "Yes; but you stopped at the idea, I hope?"

  "No; for I put it in execution that very minute."

  "And the consequence?" said d'Artagnan, in great anxiety.

  "I threw, and I lost."

  "What, my horse?"

  "Your horse, seven against eight; a point short--you know the proverb."

  "Athos, you are not in your right senses, I swear."

  "My dear lad, that was yesterday, when I was telling you silly stories,it was proper to tell me that, and not this morning. I lost him then,with all his appointments and furniture."

  "Really, this is frightful."

  "Stop a minute; you don't know all yet. I should make an excellentgambler if I were not too hot-headed; but I was hot-headed, just as if Ihad been drinking. Well, I was not hot-headed then--"

  "Well, but what else could you play for? You had nothing left?"

  "Oh, yes, my friend; there was still that diamond left which sparkles onyour finger, and which I had observed yesterday."

  "This diamond!" said d'Artagnan, placing his hand eagerly on his ring.

  "And as I am a connoisseur in such things, having had a few of my ownonce, I estimated it at a thousand pistoles."

  "I hope," said d'Artagnan, half dead with fright, "you made no mentionof my diamond?"

  "On the contrary, my dear friend, this diamond became our only resource;with it I might regain our horses and their harnesses, and even money topay our expenses on the road."

  "Athos, you make me tremble!" cried d'Artagnan.

  "I mentioned your diamond then to my adversary, who had likewiseremarked it. What the devil, my dear, do you think you can wear a starfrom heaven on your finger, and nobody observe it? Impossible!"

  "Go on, go on, my dear fellow!" said d'Artagnan; "for upon my honor, youwill kill me with your indifference."

  "We divided, then, this diamond into ten parts of a hundred pistoleseach."

  "You are laughing at me, and want to try me!" said d'Artagnan, whomanger began to take by the hair, as Minerva takes Achilles, in theILLIAD.

  "No, I do not jest, MORDIEU! I should like to have seen you in my place!I had been fifteen days without seeing a human face, and had been leftto brutalize myself in the company of bottles."

  "That was no reason for staking my diamond!" replied d'Artagnan, closinghis hand with a nervous spasm.

  "Hear the end. Ten parts of a hundred pistoles each, in ten throws,without revenge; in thirteen throws I had lost all--in thirteen throws.The number thirteen was always fatal to me; it was on the thirteenth ofJuly that--"

  "VENTREBLEU!" cried d'Artagnan, rising from the table, the story of thepresent d
ay making him forget that of the preceding one.

  "Patience!" said Athos; "I had a plan. The Englishman was an original; Ihad seen him conversing that morning with Grimaud, and Grimaud had toldme that he had made him proposals to enter into his service. I stakedGrimaud, the silent Grimaud, divided into ten portions."

  "Well, what next?" said d'Artagnan, laughing in spite of himself.

  "Grimaud himself, understand; and with the ten parts of Grimaud, whichare not worth a ducatoon, I regained the diamond. Tell me, now, ifpersistence is not a virtue?"

  "My faith! But this is droll," cried d'Artagnan, consoled, and holdinghis sides with laughter.

  "You may guess, finding the luck turned, that I again staked thediamond."

  "The devil!" said d'Artagnan, becoming angry again.

  "I won back your harness, then your horse, then my harness, then myhorse, and then I lost again. In brief, I regained your harness and thenmine. That's where we are. That was a superb throw, so I left offthere."

  D'Artagnan breathed as if the whole hostelry had been removed from hisbreast.

  "Then the diamond is safe?" said he, timidly.

  "Intact, my dear friend; besides the harness of your Bucephalus andmine."

  "But what is the use of harnesses without horses?"

  "I have an idea about them."

  "Athos, you make me shudder."

  "Listen to me. You have not played for a long time, d'Artagnan."

  "And I have no inclination to play."

  "Swear to nothing. You have not played for a long time, I said; youought, then, to have a good hand."

  "Well, what then?"

  "Well; the Englishman and his companion are still here. I remarked thathe regretted the horse furniture very much. You appear to think much ofyour horse. In your place I would stake the furniture against thehorse."

  "But he will not wish for only one harness."

  "Stake both, PARDIEU! I am not selfish, as you are."

  "You would do so?" said d'Artagnan, undecided, so strongly did theconfidence of Athos begin to prevail, in spite of himself.

  "On my honor, in one single throw."

  "But having lost the horses, I am particularly anxious to preserve theharnesses."

  "Stake your diamond, then."

  "This? That's another matter. Never, never!"

  "The devil!" said Athos. "I would propose to you to stake Planchet, butas that has already been done, the Englishman would not, perhaps, bewilling."

  "Decidedly, my dear Athos," said d'Artagnan, "I should like better notto risk anything."

  "That's a pity," said Athos, coolly. "The Englishman is overflowing withpistoles. Good Lord, try one throw! One throw is soon made!"

  "And if I lose?"

  "You will win."

  "But if I lose?"

  "Well, you will surrender the harnesses."

  "Have with you for one throw!" said d'Artagnan.

  Athos went in quest of the Englishman, whom he found in the stable,examining the harnesses with a greedy eye. The opportunity was good. Heproposed the conditions--the two harnesses, either against one horse ora hundred pistoles. The Englishman calculated fast; the two harnesseswere worth three hundred pistoles. He consented.

  D'Artagnan threw the dice with a trembling hand, and turned up thenumber three; his paleness terrified Athos, who, however, consentedhimself with saying, "That's a sad throw, comrade; you will have thehorses fully equipped, monsieur."

  The Englishman, quite triumphant, did not even give himself the troubleto shake the dice. He threw them on the table without looking at them,so sure was he of victory; d'Artagnan turned aside to conceal his illhumor.

  "Hold, hold, hold!" said Athos, wit his quiet tone; "that throw of thedice is extraordinary. I have not seen such a one four times in my life.Two aces!"

  The Englishman looked, and was seized with astonishment. D'Artagnanlooked, and was seized with pleasure.

  "Yes," continued Athos, "four times only; once at the house of MonsieurCrequy; another time at my own house in the country, in my chateauat--when I had a chateau; a third time at Monsieur de Treville's whereit surprised us all; and the fourth time at a cabaret, where it fell tomy lot, and where I lost a hundred louis and a supper on it."

  "Then Monsieur takes his horse back again," said the Englishman.

  "Certainly," said d'Artagnan.

  "Then there is no revenge?"

  "Our conditions said, 'No revenge,' you will please to recollect."

  "That is true; the horse shall be restored to your lackey, monsieur."

  "A moment," said Athos; "with your permission, monsieur, I wish to speaka word with my friend."

  "Say on."

  Athos drew d'Artagnan aside.

  "Well, Tempter, what more do you want with me?" said d'Artagnan. "Youwant me to throw again, do you not?"

  "No, I would wish you to reflect."

  "On what?"

  "You mean to take your horse?"

  "Without doubt."

  "You are wrong, then. I would take the hundred pistoles. You know youhave staked the harnesses against the horse or a hundred pistoles, atyour choice."

  "Yes."

  "Well, then, I repeat, you are wrong. What is the use of one horse forus two? I could not ride behind. We should look like the two sons ofAnmon, who had lost their brother. You cannot think of humiliating me byprancing along by my side on that magnificent charger. For my part, Ishould not hesitate a moment; I should take the hundred pistoles. Wewant money for our return to Paris."

  "I am much attached to that horse, Athos."

  "And there again you are wrong. A horse slips and injures a joint; ahorse stumbles and breaks his knees to the bone; a horse eats out of amanger in which a glandered horse has eaten. There is a horse, while onthe contrary, the hundred pistoles feed their master."

  "But how shall we get back?"

  "Upon our lackey's horses, PARDIEU. Anybody may see by our bearing thatwe are people of condition."

  "Pretty figures we shall cut on ponies while Aramis and Porthos caracoleon their steeds."

  "Aramis! Porthos!" cried Athos, and laughed aloud.

  "What is it?" asked d'Artagnan, who did not at all comprehend thehilarity of his friend.

  "Nothing, nothing! Go on!"

  "Your advice, then?"

  "To take the hundred pistoles, d'Artagnan. With the hundred pistoles wecan live well to the end of the month. We have undergone a great deal offatigue, remember, and a little rest will do no harm."

  "I rest? Oh, no, Athos. Once in Paris, I shall prosecute my search forthat unfortunate woman!"

  "Well, you may be assured that your horse will not be half soserviceable to you for that purpose as good golden louis. Take thehundred pistoles, my friend; take the hundred pistoles!"

  D'Artagnan only required one reason to be satisfied. This last reasonappeared convincing. Besides, he feared that by resisting longer heshould appear selfish in the eyes of Athos. He acquiesced, therefore,and chose the hundred pistoles, which the Englishman paid down on thespot.

  They then determined to depart. Peace with the landlord, in addition toAthos's old horse, cost six pistoles. D'Artagnan and Athos took the nagsof Planchet and Grimaud, and the two lackeys started on foot, carryingthe saddles on their heads.

  However ill our two friends were mounted, they were soon far in advanceof their servants, and arrived at Creveccoeur. From a distance theyperceived Aramis, seated in a melancholy manner at his window, lookingout, like Sister Anne, at the dust in the horizon.

  "HOLA, Aramis! What the devil are you doing there?" cried the twofriends.

  "Ah, is that you, d'Artagnan, and you, Athos?" said the young man. "Iwas reflecting upon the rapidity with which the blessings of this worldleave us. My English horse, which has just disappeared amid a cloud ofdust, has furnished me with a living image of the fragility of thethings of the earth. Life itself may be resolved into three words: ERAT,EST, FUIT."

  "Which means--" said d'Artagnan, who beg
an to suspect the truth.

  "Which means that I have just been duped-sixty louis for a horse whichby the manner of his gait can do at least five leagues an hour."

  D'Artagnan and Athos laughed aloud.

  "My dear d'Artagnan," said Aramis, "don't be too angry with me, I beg.Necessity has no law; besides, I am the person punished, as thatrascally horsedealer has robbed me of fifty louis, at least. Ah, youfellows are good managers! You ride on our lackey's horses, and haveyour own gallant steeds led along carefully by hand, at short stages."

  At the same instant a market cart, which some minutes before hadappeared upon the Amiens road, pulled up at the inn, and Planchet andGrimaud came out of it with the saddles on their heads. The cart wasreturning empty to Paris, and the two lackeys had agreed, for theirtransport, to slake the wagoner's thirst along the route.

  "What is this?" said Aramis, on seeing them arrive. "Nothing butsaddles?"

  "Now do you understand?" said Athos.

  "My friends, that's exactly like me! I retained my harness by instinct.HOLA, Bazin! Bring my new saddle and carry it along with those of thesegentlemen."

  "And what have you done with your ecclesiastics?" asked d'Artagnan.

  "My dear fellow, I invited them to a dinner the next day," repliedAramis. "They have some capital wine here--please to observe that inpassing. I did my best to make them drunk. Then the curate forbade me toquit my uniform, and the Jesuit entreated me to get him made aMusketeer."

  "Without a thesis?" cried d'Artagnan, "without a thesis? I demand thesuppression of the thesis."

  "Since then," continued Aramis, "I have lived very agreeably. I havebegun a poem in verses of one syllable. That is rather difficult, butthe merit in all things consists in the difficulty. The matter isgallant. I will read you the first canto. It has four hundred lines, andlasts a minute."

  "My faith, my dear Aramis," said d'Artagnan, who detested verses almostas much as he did Latin, "add to the merit of the difficulty that of thebrevity, and you are sure that your poem will at least have two merits."

  "You will see," continued Aramis, "that it breathes irreproachablepassion. And so, my friends, we return to Paris? Bravo! I am ready. Weare going to rejoin that good fellow, Porthos. So much the better. Youcan't think how I have missed him, the great simpleton. To see him soself-satisfied reconciles me with myself. He would not sell his horse;not for a kingdom! I think I can see him now, mounted upon his superbanimal and seated in his handsome saddle. I am sure he will look likethe Great Mogul!"

  They made a halt for an hour to refresh their horses. Aramis dischargedhis bill, placed Bazin in the cart with his comrades, and they setforward to join Porthos.

  They found him up, less pale than when d'Artagnan left him after hisfirst visit, and seated at a table on which, though he was alone, wasspread enough for four persons. This dinner consisted of meats nicelydressed, choice wines, and superb fruit.

  "Ah, PARDIEU!" said he, rising, "you come in the nick of time,gentlemen. I was just beginning the soup, and you will dine with me."

  "Oh, oh!" said d'Artagnan, "Mousqueton has not caught these bottles withhis lasso. Besides, here is a piquant FRICANDEAU and a fillet of beef."

  "I am recruiting myself," said Porthos, "I am recruiting myself. Nothingweakens a man more than these devilish strains. Did you ever suffer froma strain, Athos?"

  "Never! Though I remember, in our affair of the Rue Ferou, I received asword wound which at the end of fifteen or eighteen days produced thesame effect."

  "But this dinner was not intended for you alone, Porthos?" said Aramis.

  "No," said Porthos, "I expected some gentlemen of the neighborhood, whohave just sent me word they could not come. You will take their placesand I shall not lose by the exchange. HOLA, Mousqueton, seats, and orderdouble the bottles!"

  "Do you know what we are eating here?" said Athos, at the end of tenminutes.

  "PARDIEU!" replied d'Artagnan, "for my part, I am eating veal garnishedwith shrimps and vegetables."

  "And I some lamb chops," said Porthos.

  "And I a plain chicken," said Aramis.

  "You are all mistaken, gentlemen," answered Athos, gravely; "you areeating horse."

  "Eating what?" said d'Artagnan.

  "Horse!" said Aramis, with a grimace of disgust.

  Porthos alone made no reply.

  "Yes, horse. Are we not eating a horse, Porthos? And perhaps his saddle,therewith."

  "No, gentlemen, I have kept the harness," said Porthos.

  "My faith," said Aramis, "we are all alike. One would think we hadtipped the wink."

  "What could I do?" said Porthos. "This horse made my visitors ashamed oftheirs, and I don't like to humiliate people."

  "Then your duchess is still at the waters?" asked d'Artagnan.

  "Still," replied Porthos. "And, my faith, the governor of theprovince--one of the gentlemen I expected today--seemed to have such awish for him, that I gave him to him."

  "Gave him?" cried d'Artagnan.

  "My God, yes, GAVE, that is the word," said Porthos; "for the animal wasworth at least a hundred and fifty louis, and the stingy fellow wouldonly give me eighty."

  "Without the saddle?" said Aramis.

  "Yes, without the saddle."

  "You will observe, gentlemen," said Athos, "that Porthos has made thebest bargain of any of us."

  And then commenced a roar of laughter in which they all joined, to theastonishment of poor Porthos; but when he was informed of the cause oftheir hilarity, he shared it vociferously according to his custom.

  "There is one comfort, we are all in cash," said d'Artagnan.

  "Well, for my part," said Athos, "I found Aramis's Spanish wine so goodthat I sent on a hamper of sixty bottles of it in the wagon with thelackeys. That has weakened my purse."

  "And I," said Aramis, "imagined that I had given almost my last sou tothe church of Montdidier and the Jesuits of Amiens, with whom I had madeengagements which I ought to have kept. I have ordered Masses formyself, and for you, gentlemen, which will be said, gentlemen, for whichI have not the least doubt you will be marvelously benefited."

  "And I," said Porthos, "do you think my strain cost me nothing?--withoutreckoning Mousqueton's wound, for which I had to have the surgeon twicea day, and who charged me double on account of that foolish Mousquetonhaving allowed himself a ball in a part which people generally only showto an apothecary; so I advised him to try never to get wounded there anymore."

  "Ay, ay!" said Athos, exchanging a smile with d'Artagnan and Aramis, "itis very clear you acted nobly with regard to the poor lad; that is likea good master."

  "In short," said Porthos, "when all my expenses are paid, I shall have,at most, thirty crowns left."

  "And I about ten pistoles," said Aramis.

  "Well, then it appears that we are the Croesuses of the society. Howmuch have you left of your hundred pistoles, d'Artagnan?"

  "Of my hundred pistoles? Why, in the first place I gave you fifty."

  "You think so?"

  "PARDIEU!" "Ah, that is true. I recollect."

  "Then I paid the host six."

  "What a brute of a host! Why did you give him six pistoles?"

  "You told me to give them to him."

  "It is true; I am too good-natured. In brief, how much remains?"

  "Twenty-five pistoles," said d'Artagnan.

  "And I," said Athos, taking some small change from his pocket, "I--"

  "You? Nothing!"

  "My faith! So little that it is not worth reckoning with the generalstock."

  "Now, then, let us calculate how much we posses in all."

  "Porthos?"

  "Thirty crowns."

  "Aramis?"

  "Ten pistoles."

  "And you, d'Artagnan?"

  "Twenty-five."

  "That makes in all?" said Athos.

  "Four hundred and seventy-five livres," said d'Artagnan, who reckonedlike Archimedes.

  "On our arrival in Paris, we shall s
till have four hundred, besides theharnesses," said Porthos.

  "But our troop horses?" said Aramis.

  "Well, of the four horses of our lackeys we will make two for themasters, for which we will draw lots. With the four hundred livres wewill make the half of one for one of the unmounted, and then we willgive the turnings out of our pockets to d'Artagnan, who has a steadyhand, and will go and play in the first gaming house we come to. There!"

  "Let us dine, then," said Porthos; "it is getting cold."

  The friends, at ease with regard to the future, did honor to the repast,the remains of which were abandoned to Mousqueton, Bazin, Planchet, andGrimaud.

  On arriving in Paris, d'Artagnan found a letter from M. de Treville,which informed him that, at his request, the king had promised that heshould enter the company of the Musketeers.

  As this was the height of d'Artagnan's worldly ambition--apart, be itwell understood, from his desire of finding Mme. Bonacieux--he ran, fullof joy, to seek his comrades, whom he had left only half an hour before,but whom he found very sad and deeply preoccupied. They were assembledin council at the residence of Athos, which always indicated an event ofsome gravity. M. de Treville had intimated to them his Majesty's fixedintention to open the campaign on the first of May, and they mustimmediately prepare their outfits.

  The four philosophers looked at one another in a state of bewilderment.M. de Treville never jested in matters relating to discipline.

  "And what do you reckon your outfit will cost?" said d'Artagnan.

  "Oh, we can scarcely say. We have made our calculations with Spartaneconomy, and we each require fifteen hundred livres."

  "Four times fifteen makes sixty--six thousand livres," said Athos.

  "It seems to me," said d'Artagnan, "with a thousand livres each--I donot speak as a Spartan, but as a procurator--"

  This word PROCURATOR roused Porthos. "Stop," said he, "I have an idea."

  "Well, that's something, for I have not the shadow of one," said Athoscoolly; "but as to d'Artagnan, gentlemen, the idea of belonging to OURShas driven him out of his senses. A thousand livres! For my part, Ideclare I want two thousand."

  "Four times two makes eight," then said Aramis; "it is eight thousandthat we want to complete our outfits, toward which, it is true, we havealready the saddles."

  "Besides," said Athos, waiting till d'Artagnan, who went to thankMonsieur de Treville, had shut the door, "besides, there is thatbeautiful ring which beams from the finger of our friend. What thedevil! D'Artagnan is too good a comrade to leave his brothers inembarrassment while he wears the ransom of a king on his finger."