Untamed

  Ryler’s eyes blaze with passion. “I know that, but it’s—you’re worth the risk.”

  “I shouldn’t be.” My head tips forward so my hair is hiding the shame in my expression. “Not until you know the whole truth about me. That I’m just as dangerous as he is.”

  Ryler tangles his fingers through my hair, and tucks a few stray strands behind my ear. “Why do you say that?”

  “Because,” I whisper, shutting my eyes.

  Don’t speak, or I will cut off your tongue.

  I’m so tired of being silent, though.

  So tired.

  Besides, if he knew I was crazy, then maybe he’d run.

  Or maybe he wouldn’t.

  He did almost kill someone himself.

  “I killed someone once,” I admit.

  Whether I can trust Ryler or not, it’s too late. I’ve already divulged too much, and there’s no going back.

  I stare at my hands and flex my fingers, unable to look him in the eye. “It was in self-defense… But still, I have blood on my hands.”

  It grows so silent you can hear the rain splashing against the windows. Ryler cranks on the windshield wipers, but still doesn’t drive forward.

  “What did the man do to you?” he signs when I dare meet his gaze again. Astonishingly, he appears more curious than horrified. I wasn’t expecting that kind of reaction.

  “The guy I killed… He was raping a girl,” I say, my voice unsteady. “His name was Defertoan. At least, that was his nickname. He was with that bodyguard Evan has, Taggers, the big guy with the hairy knuckles. They were both raping this girl, and then they came after me. Something snapped inside me and instead of giving up, I fought back and ended up bashing a rock against Defertoan’s head… He died.”

  Ryler’s forehead creases. “Of course you wouldn’t give up. Why would you say that?”

  I lift my shoulders and shrug. “That’s what I was taught to do. At least, when it comes to my father’s world. Never fight, talk back, or do anything other than obey. Of course, out in real world…” I bite down on my tongue. That’s the second time I’ve almost let Ralingford slip out. Uttering the town’s name would be the biggest mistake I’ve ever made, one I’m unsure I want to make yet. “You seem so surprised by the things I say. Just how far have you gone into Donny Elderman’s world?”

  He shakes his head, irritated. “Apparently not that far.” He pauses, his puzzlement deepening. “What did they do to do you? I mean, after you killed Defertoan, how were you punished?”

  I think about lying, but I’ve already gone headlong into this mess, so far submersed in the truth that before I know it, I’ll probably be drowning. Literally. When my father finds out—because he always finds out—he’ll drop me into the center of the lake with a weight strapped to my ankle and watch me drown.

  I sweep my hair to the side and turn my back toward Ryler. With a trembling hand, I lift up the hem of my green velvet shirt. “He took a piece of me.”

  Ryler’s breath catches in his throat. Moments later, his fingers brush across my side. His hand is shaking, and his uneasiness makes me warm inside. That might make me sound like a complete lunatic, but his shocked reaction means he’s more human than most of Donny Elderman’s men.

  My heart beats five times before I lower my shirt and twist back around.

  “What exactly did he do to you?” The anger blazing from Ryler’s eyes startles me.

  “He… He took my kidney.” I close my eyes, remembering what it felt like when it happened. I was sedated, but awake, so I was aware of what was happening but couldn’t feel anything.

  Story of my life.

  “Why would he do that? Just to punish you?”

  “That, and my mother needed one. There was something wrong with hers, they were shutting down or something. The town doctor came and did surgery… gave her mine. The thing is, I probably would have agreed to do it if they’d asked.” Maybe. Sometimes I wonder if I love my mother that much, which makes me a horrible person.

  “I’m sorry that happened to you… the pain you must have gone through…” Ryler’s jaw tightens as he absentmindedly brushes a finger across the scar on his throat. “God, Emery, how could anyone do this to you?”

  “Well, I did kill someone.”

  “In self-defense.”

  “But I wanted to kill him. I wanted to make him pay for hurting that girl and trying to hurt me” The truth is almost too much. “I think I might be like my father. I think killing came too naturally.”

  “No, I don’t believe that at all. You’re nothing like your father. At all. You’re good and sweet and pure. You just haven’t had a chance to be that person yet.”

  “I tried… When I came to Laramie, I was trying to be that person, but my old life followed me.” The madness I ran from chased me down and seized hold of me again.

  Ryler’s lips part, but the vibration of a phone cuts him off. He offers me an apologetic look before reaching into his boot and retrieving his phone. His fingers move across the buttons, the screen illuminating through the darkness. It’s just enough light to give me a glimpse of who he’s texting.

  My father.

  I focus on the rain falling from the sky and drizzling down the windshield.

  Truth and trust, they coincide. I’ve put a lot of trust in Ryler, spilled secrets people would kill me for.

  Either it’ll eventually set me free—he’ll set me free.

  Or it’ll end up killing me

  In the end, the choice is his.

  Chapter 14

  Deeper into the Rabbit Hole I Sink

  Emery

  We make the rest of the short drive to Evan’s house in silence. Ryler doesn’t tell me what my father texted him about, nor does he continue trying to get me to open up to him. He seems rather agitated, distracted, and remorseful. It has me concerned that perhaps he realized what a huge mistake it was prying me open like that.

  Doesn’t matter. What’s done is done. And now I have to pay.

  My heart aches inside my chest, though, and my body feels completely numb. I care about Ryler more than I’ve realized.

  By the time we make it to Evan’s, Ryler’s demeanor changes from agitated to calm and composed. Ever since I found out Ryler works for my father, I’ve tried to figure out how I could have missed it. Seeing him interact with Evan, I’m starting to understand how I didn’t know. Ryler is very good at being whoever he needs to be, and I worry that’s exactly what he’s done with me.

  We’re in the garage of the large house Evan has rented. Inside the home, there are a group of men who work with my father. They are stacking and counting packages of cocaine, and the scene reminds me of all the drugs I’d seen the night in Ralingford when I snuck out late that night. So many drugs and dealers, but that was only the tip of the iceberg. Inside the warehouse is where the experiments go on—where the drugs are tested. And, like the warehouses in Ralingford, Evan’s home is set up with hundreds of alarms.

  The garage must be the safety zone since we’re free to move around. The space is bigger than my entire place, yet he doesn’t have a single car parked inside. The concrete is stained with blood and oil. God knows what Evan’s been doing in here.

  Earlier today, he tried to convince me to move in with him again. I said no, but Evan has never been one to take no for an answer. Yes, yes, yes is all he’ll accept. Anything less is unacceptable.

  “You’re going to do it, Emery,” he said while his body was over mine. He’d been sticking his tongue down my throat until I denied his murmuring request to move in with him. “You and I are going to be together. Everyone wants this to happen.”

  Of course everyone wants it to happen. Your father and mine have wanted to merge our families since I was born, I wanted to say. Instead, I uttered, “I don’t know if I’m ready for such a big, life-changing event.”

  “Well, you better get ready.” His fingers pressed forcefully into my wrists, and I could actually feel my skin bruising.
“I’m not going to wait around forever. And you know what your father will do if you refuse me.”

  My heart was thrashing so violently inside my chest that I thought I was going to have a panic attack and pass out right there in front of him, which would have been an irreversible mistake. Thankfully, he released me and left my apartment before that happened.

  “This package is important.” Evan’s voice rips me from my thoughts. He’s been pretending I don’t exist. Some form of punishment for denying him, I’m sure. Really, it’s a reward. “You know you’re not supposed to open it,” Evan reminds Ryler as he hands a small, square box to his bodyguard, Tagger, so he can give it to Ryler.

  I’m sure the unnecessary exchange is because Evan thinks he’s too good to make the exchange himself.

  The three of them are completely different. Tagger is big, sturdy, and menacing. Evan looks like a walking poster of a lead singer in a boy band; blond hair, blue eyes, solid muscles, the perfect height. Dressed in black, facial piercings and tattoos, with messy black hair, Ryler is the opposite.

  A mess because I ran my fingers through it. God, I hope Evan can’t see on my face how attracted I am to Ryler. He’ll kill him.

  Obviously, Ryler mouths to Evan as he takes the small package and tucks it into his pocket.

  “I was just making sure you understood.” Evan’s gaze glides to my wrist before settling on my eyes. “Emery, you look more beautiful than ever today. Flushed by my presence, I’m sure.”

  Arrogant bastard.

  The more time I spend with him, the more it feels like Evan is my jail sentence, my punishment for my sins. For killing. For being insane. For everything that I am.

  When a sly grin spreads across Evan’s face, my lip instinctively curls. Images of earlier today cut me like glass. How he pinned me to the bed and stuck his tongue down my throat, bit my lip hard as he rubbed against me. It’s not the first time he’s been that rough with me, and with the way things are going, I’m sure it won’t be the last time either.

  After being with Ryler, knowing what it’s like to want a kiss, I feel more disgusted and used by Evan than I normally do. That disgust festers inside me, and I have the most overwhelming compulsion to claw Evan’s eyes out.

  The truth will set me free.

  Maybe I’ll just do it—claw his eyes out and let the truth kill me.

  “What? No thank you?” The arch of his brow dares me to say something.

  “Thank you,” I mutter, balling my hands into fists. My fingernails pierce the flesh, split the skin open, and warm blood trickles inside my palm.

  Ryler stiffens, his jaw ticks, and his face reddens with anger. I half expect him to lunge forward and punch Evan.

  “We should go,” Ryler signs to me, even though it looks like it’s killing him to say it.

  I nod, my rage matching his.

  “We have to go,” I pass Ryler’s message along to Evan.

  Evan glances back and forth between Ryler and me. Then without warning, he whisks forward, wraps an arm around my waist, and jerks my mouth to his. He tastes like onions and whiskey. So disgusting, just like his tongue in my mouth and the feel of his body against mine.

  When he pulls away, he flashes me a grin. “I’ll be stopping by tomorrow to talk more about you moving in.” He starts to back away toward the door that leads to the inside of the house. “You better have an answer for me this time, Emery. I’m not a patient person, and you were raised to be the kind of girl who doesn’t force me to be impatient. Your father put a lot of time and effort into making you the perfect person for me.”

  Ryler inches forward as his hands circle in the air. “She’s not going to be home tomorrow. Doc’s having me take her out of town.”

  Relief washes over me. That’s news to me. But good news.

  Evan pauses near the doorway. “What did he just say?” he asks me. “This is so ridiculous. I don’t know why your father insists on letting a mute work for him.”

  Ryler cracks his knuckles and pops his neck. I can tell it’s taking all of his restraint not to tackle Evan and beat him up. Part of me wants to remain silent and see if he’ll end up giving in. Just like with the man I killed, part of me wants to see Evan suffer for his sins, even if it’s at the cost of Ryler.

  But the good side of me wins. The side that doesn’t want to see anything bad happen to Ryler.

  “He said I’m not going to be home tomorrow,” I tell Evan then force a frown. “Sorry.”

  Evan’s eyelids lower as he scowls at me. “That’s not acceptable.”

  “My father’s the one who told him,” I say to Evan with a shrug. “So take it up with him.”

  Huffing in fury, Evan spins for the door with Tagger following at his heels. Seconds later, the door slams shut, and suddenly Ryler and I are alone in the garage.

  We stare at each other for a few beats before Ryler sighs heavily and elevates his hands, “I lied about your father saying that.”

  My forehead creases. “You lied? Why?”

  “Because you looked like you didn’t want to meet him. And… And because he hurt you.” He shrugs then reaches to tuck a strand of my hair behind my shoulder. “Emery, I care about you. I want you to know that.”

  I shiver from his touch, the good kind of shiver, the kind of shiver I hope means I can trust him. “Still, why would you do that? You know who Evan is, so I’m guessing you realize that he’ll hurt you if he finds out. My father will be angry, too.” I angle my chin downward and stare at the ground. “He wants this thing between Evan and me to happen more than anything else.”

  Ryler hooks a finger under my chin and angles my head back up. “I know.”

  I wet my chapped lips with my tongue. “Then why did you do it?”

  “Because… I don’t want to see you hurt anymore. And I’m going to do everything in my power to stop it.”

  “Well, thank you,” I say, fully meaning it. The pressure on my chest cracks and shatters. Maybe this will turn out okay after all. “You didn’t have to do that.”

  For a brief instant, everything feels perfect. Perfection does exist. Ryler is everything he says he is. Then the door to the house swings open, shattering the moment into a thousand pieces. Reality painfully seeps in as Evan comes storming back into the garage with a smirk on his face and two of his largest bodyguards at his heels.

  “Just got a message from your father,” he says, striding across the room toward me with even strides. His fingers are curled around an object, and I instantly shuffle back, not wanting to find out what he’s holding.

  Ryler steps in front of me and blocks me from Evan, but the bodyguards shove him back and grab him by the arms. He fights to get his arms free, but they push him against the wall while Evan snatches ahold of my arm.

  His fingers roughly press against my skin, making the bruises on my flesh sting. “You’ve been telling our secrets, Emery, haven’t you?”

  “Of course not.” I twist my arm, attempting to escape, but Evan tightens his grip.

  “Thou shall not speak of the stuff inside Ralingford,” he breathes hotly against my face. “Your father tried to warn you. Tried to scare you into going home. You should have listened to the notes, Emery, because now you’re in this on your own.”

  “I knew the notes were from him,” I hiss, losing all my self-control. “I fucking knew he was doing that to try to get me out of my place.”

  Evan flinches, stunned by my outburst. His shock swiftly vanishes, though, and rage possesses his face.

  “You. Will. Not. Speak. To. Me. That. Way.” With his free hand, he strikes me across the face, so hard my ears ring.

  Ryler head-butts one of the bodyguards and ends up getting punched in the stomach. He grunts and collapses to his knees with the two large men still restraining him by the arms. They drag him back into the corner and start punching him.

  “Stop hurting him!” I cry, my voice and words echoing around us.

  I’ve said this before, in the same manner,
been in almost the same position. Only instead of Ryler, it was Ellis. I couldn’t see him, but his cries filled the house as my father punished him. And all I did was watch. Watched him suffer because I was afraid.

  But no more.

  I’m going to be free.

  It’s time.

  Time to run away.

  “You had no right to tell him who I am,” Evan growls, jerking me closer to him. Our faces are so close our foreheads touch, and his breath is hot against my cheek. “And speaking ill of your father like that, to betray the man who raised you… What kind of a daughter are you?”