Pursued

  “Great. And I’ve got plenty of pregnant-lady snacks,” Sophie said, leading the way out of the viewing room and down the long corridor.

  “Pregnant-lady snacks?” Lauren frowned at Liv. “What is it now? Are you still eating seaweed sandwiches?”

  “Of course not.” Liv made a dismissive gesture. “Seaweed is so last quadmester. I’m into stuffed mushrooms now.”

  Lauren smiled. “Well, that doesn’t sound so bad.”

  Kat made a face. “You should hear what she stuffs them with!”

  “I’m almost afraid to find out.” Lauren laughed and shook her head. Though she was still worried about her problems with Xairn, she suddenly felt lighter. Just being around her girlfriends seemed to lift her mood. She told herself that her questions could wait—at least until after their girl time was over. Then, as soon as Kat and Sophia left, she would take Olivia aside and get all the information she could.

  * * * * *

  "Okay, I can tell you're hanging around here after everyone else has gone for a reason. So come on, spill," Olivia demanded.

  Lauren sighed and ran her hands through her hair. How to begin? She’d been trying for days to get her cousin alone and now she was almost too embarrassed to talk about the problem. But she had to—she needed some answers, now.

  “It’s about Xairn,” she began at last, in a low voice.

  “He won’t touch you, right?” Olivia raised one blonde eyebrow. “You guys probably haven’t made love in weeks—ever since you found out you were pregnant.”

  “Exactly.” Lauren blew out a breath. “I know I told you and the other girls some of that already, but how did you know it’s been so long?”

  “You have that edgy look—hungry. Unsatisfied.” Olivia frowned. “I don’t know about you, but being preggers has made me so damn, well…horny—for want of a better word. It’s almost like another appetite I have to feed and Lord knows I spend enough of my day eating already!”

  “I know exactly what you mean,” Lauren exclaimed. “It’s making me crazy. But Xairn won’t come near me and I even thought, well…” She cleared her throat. “I thought maybe being pregnant had changed my scent or something. I mean, the Kindred and the Scourge both seem to have such a sensitive sense of smell…”

  Olivia nodded thoughtfully. “Yeah, Baird has told me that being pregnant has changed my scent a little. But he said it made me smell sweeter—even more desirable. So I don’t think that’s the source of your problem.”

  “What is, then?” Lauren burst out. She hopped up from the couch and started pacing. “What’s wrong with him? He’s acting exactly like he did before we finally bonded. When he was so afraid he was going to lose control and hurt me.”

  “Maybe that’s it—he’s afraid he’ll hurt the baby if you guys, uh…” Olivia coughed. “Engage in your normal form of sex.”

  Lauren laughed. “We’re not that kinky, cuz. It’s not like he’s beating me with whips and chains or anything. It’s more about, you know, submission.” She blushed. “With a little bit of spanking from time to time.”

  “Rrrrow,” Olivia purred, grinning. “You’re making me want to go find Baird right now to play a few discipline games. Sounds like fun.”

  “It is,” Lauren admitted. “But at this point I’d settle for plain old missionary position sex. Anything to take the edge off.”

  Liv raised an eyebrow at her. “Are you still eating the bonding fruit on a regular basis?”

  Lauren sighed. “I’ve had to cut back some—it was too much to handle, especially when Xairn won’t come near me.”

  “Well maybe you should point that out to him,” Olivia said. “In fact, have you tried talking to him at all? To get to the root of the problem?”

  Lauren ran a hand through her hair in frustration. “Every time I try, he puts me off or runs away on some errand he swears can’t wait. I’ve even tried wearing my sexiest outfit to seduce him but, well…” She shrugged sadly. “No effect.”

  Olivia frowned. “I bet you had a much bigger effect on him than you know, Lauren. It’s just that for some reason, Xairn is afraid to show it.” She pushed the bowl of popcorn out of the way. “No more pussy-footing around—you have to make him tell you. Lock him in your suite or tie him up or something but don’t let him go until he talks.”

  Lauren felt a surge of determination. “You’re right. I’ve been trying to avoid a direct confrontation, but I guess that’s the only way I’ll ever find out what’s going on.” She sighed. “I’ve just been feeling so vulnerable lately. My biological father left my mom when she was pregnant with me, you know? I guess I was afraid if I forced Xairn to talk to me, if I pushed him too hard…” She made a helpless gesture with one hand.

  Olivia nodded sympathetically. “I get why you’re worried, but you shouldn’t be. Xairn’s not going to leave you—you’ve had bonding sex, remember? Kindred mate for life, and Xairn has enough Kindred blood in him for that to apply to him too.”

  “You know…you’re right.” Lauren murmured as the truth of her cousin’s words sank in. Tears of relief came to her eyes and she tried to blink them away. “God, why didn’t I think of that? I think these pregnancy hormones are making me crazy or stupid or both.” Going back to the couch, she gave Olivia a big hug. “Thank you, Liv. You’ve made me feel so much better.”

  Liv hugged her back. "That's what cousins are for. So go for it, Lauren—make him talk and don't take no for an answer."

  "I will," Lauren promised, and she meant it. She was going to get to the bottom of this problem with Xairn if it was the last thing she did.

  Chapter Twenty-two

  Lissa didn’t know how long she’d been wandering, naked and without food or water, but it must have been a long while—she was beginning to see visions.

  At first it was just colored lights flashing before her eyes, which might have been just the pale green sun of First World glinting off the rainbow colored sands of the desert. But when she began to hear voices, Lissa knew something wasn’t right. Especially when the voices started talking about her—talking about her hair.

  “Greeny hair, greeny hair, Lissa has the greeny hair,” they chanted in her ears.

  “No…no I don’t,” Lissa protested, putting a hand to her hair protectively. It was pale blonde with deep jade-green streaks that matched her jade-green eyes —a sign that she was one of the rare Kindred females. She was relieved to find it was still long, flowing down to tickle the small of her back as she moved. But I’m supposed to cut it, she thought, feeling dazed. As a sign of respect—I’m supposed to cut it all off.

  That had been the plan, anyway.

  She had a knife in her other hand, a long, curving blade used to harvest grain in the small, rocky gardens of the holy mountain. It was the only thing she’d taken with her on her pilgrimage. Her plan, she remembered now, had been to walk to the middle of the desert and use the knife to chop her long hair short—as short as possible.

  But the path was long and winding and the desert was hot. Luckily, Lissa knew of a few places where water came to the surface around the mountain. She’d made use of her knowledge to keep herself hydrated on the first part of her journey, just as she used her power to keep a thin layer of sand suspended above her head to act as a sun-shade. As she got deeper into the desert and further from the holy mountain of the Goddess however, her powers began to lessen and water was harder to find. Now she was barely able to keep the sand above her head aloft and she couldn’t remember the last time she’d had a drink of cool, life-giving water.

  Just have to keep going, she told herself doggedly. There was an oasis right in the dead center of the rainbow desert. There she could rest and refresh herself and cut her hair as the ritual of mourning a high priestess demanded.

  “Greeny hair, greeny hair,” chanted the voices again and this time Lissa saw the chanters. A ring of children suddenly appeared before her, wavering in the desert heat. She blinked in surprise because she recognized them—her old class
mates from school.

  “It’s so ugly,” Chainee, the leader of the popular clique said. “And my mame' says it’s an unnatural color. All yellow with green streaks—like snot! Yuck!”

  There was a chorus of mean laughter from the rest of the group and Chainee tossed her own hair, which was the proper color—deep brown. All the other children had hair and eyes the exact same shade—all but Lissa.

  “Leave me alone,” she told the children, staggering a little as the sands shifted under her feet. “My hair is fine. It’s just different. My mame’ says it’s all right to be different.”

  “You mean your mame’ who got killed?” Yancee, another of the popular girls taunted. “Along with your pape’ and little brother? Were they weird too—is that why the pirates killed them?”

  “Don’t talk about my family like that!” Tears filled Lissa’s eyes, or would have if she hadn’t been so dehydrated. The pain of her loss was still vivid and fresh—like a wound that wouldn’t heal. She missed them desperately, missed being aboard their small ship as they went from station to station, trading. And to think she used to feel bored and wish for a normal life down on the home planet, away from her pesky little brother, Dak. Well now she had a normal life—or as normal a life as an orphan could have, anyway—and she hated it. She would have given anything to be away from this awful place, to see her parents’ and brother’s faces one more time. But I can’t, she thought. I can’t. They’re dead…dead…never coming back.

  “Where did you even get that greeny snot hair anyway?” taunted Chainee. “My mame’ says the rest of your family looked normal. She says it means your mame’ was a slut—she must have slept with some alien while you were out trying to get people on the stations to buy your junk. And that’s why you have such weird hair and eyes.”

  “That’s not true!” Lissa cried. “It’s because my father’s a Kindred and I’m a girl. Kindred almost never have girls but when they do, they look like me.” She wished desperately there were more Kindred among the first families of her clan but although their numbers were growing, it was a slow process. And anyway, females resulting from Kindred unions were so scarce it was doubtful she would ever be considered normal—at least on Tarsia.

  “It doesn’t matter how she got it,” Yancee said. “The point is, it’s ugly.”

  “Yeah—she should cut it off.” Chainee grinned at her nastily and began to chant. “Cut it off…cut it off…cut it off…”

  Soon all the children had taken up the chant. They crowded around Lissa, forcing her to back up. She stumbled, clutching her hair protectively in one hand and the knife in the other. The sands shifted under her feet, making it hard to walk. “No, leave me alone!” she cried. “Please, just leave me alone!”

  “Leave her alone,” a deep, quiet voice echoed just behind her.

  Lissa whipped her head around and saw Saber standing there, a frown on his handsome face. She looked at him, astonished. What is he doing here? And why is he defending me?

  Saber was the Over Chief’s son, and now that Lissa had been adopted into his family, he was technically her big brother. But though she’d been living there for several months, he’d scarcely said a word to her. Of course, being four years older, he had other things to occupy his time than a misfit orphan girl who just happened to live under his roof.

  Besides, he was so handsome and popular—the team leader in all the sports, the male considered most likely to succeed, not to mention the heir to the Over Chief—there was little wonder he paid no attention to her. Well, maybe not no attention. Lissa had caught him looking at her strangely from time to time and once, when she was having a really bad nightmare, reliving the death of her parents, he’d woken her with a silent shake on the arm. But there was nothing in his past behavior to indicate he would stand up for her and be her champion against the cruelty of her classmates.

  “I know your parents adopted her but she’s so ugly. With those snot-green streaks in her hair and those weird eyes, she looks exactly like a tseeba.” Chainee pouted up at Saber in a way she no doubt thought was fetching.

  “What’s ugly is the way you’re acting. All of you.” Saber gave Lissa’s tormentors a look of disgust. “You don’t know the pain Lissa has been through—the agony of losing her entire family at once—and you should pray to the Goddess you never do.”

  Lissa was even more surprised. Her situation wasn’t discussed much at her new family’s home—her adopted mother considered it distasteful. But to hear Saber talk, he’d thought about it—thought about it a lot. Her eyes burned—obviously he pitied her, the same way he would pity an animal that had been wounded and caught in a trap. That was why he had come to her rescue. That was why he stared at her sometimes, when he thought she wasn’t looking.

  Suddenly it was all too much for Lissa. She was tired of being despised for her difference and pitied for the horrible fate that had befallen her family. Tired of being so alone. And she missed her parents and little Dak and her old way of life terribly. She felt a sob rising in her throat and tried to choke it back down. She couldn’t break down in front of Chainee and Yancee and the rest—that would only prove to them how weak she was. But she couldn’t hold back the tears much longer.

  Turning, she ran past Saber, ran away from the taunts and jeers and hatred. She heard ugly laughter from the others, and then Saber called her name, but she ignored him. In a way, his compassion was almost as bad as the cruelty of the others. It made her feel singled out…different…ugly. As ugly as her long blonde hair with its jade-green streaks.

  Cut it off. I have to…cut it off,” she finished aloud, finally coming back to herself. Goddess, what was wrong with her? Why was she naked in the desert and having flashbacks of her miserable childhood? Lissa stared dully at the rainbow sands at her feet, trying to make sense of it all. Minverna, she remembered at last. She killed herself, but not before speaking truth to me. A truth I need to do penance for.

  She thought again of her vision of Saber, standing so straight and tall before her. Thought of his broad shoulders and thick, dark hair which was short, but always a little messy from his habit of running his fingers through it. His hands, so large and capable and yet so gentle, too. He wasn’t cruel like the others. He defended her, protected her…

  “Moch Daer,” she whispered brokenly. “Oh, how I miss you.”

  But there was no use wishing for the past. Squaring her shoulders, Lissa set herself once more to the task of finding the oasis in the middle of the desert. Only there could she cleanse herself of her shameful lusts and fantasies. Only there could she cut her hair and show her true penance for the sins Minverna had pointed out before she died.

  Help me make it, Goddess, she thought as she trudged on wearily. It’s so hot and I’m so tired and thirsty. Please help me find it soon…before it’s too late.

  Chapter Twenty-three

  “So this is the Deep Blue.” Elise broke the long silence between them at last. “It’s…amazing.”

  Merrick tried to look at the scene through her eyes and truly, it was. It looked as though someone had drawn a line down the middle of the foliage. A clear demarcation where the dusty, blue-gray jungle suddenly ended and another, deeper, wilder place began. The plants of the Deep Blue were an indigo so pure it almost hurt the eyes to look at it them. Here and there were splashes of deep green or vivid orange or bright yellow—like colored jewels on a blue velvet background—but for the most part it was solid, uninterrupted blue.

  “It’s gorgeous,” Elise murmured, sounding awed.

  Merrick grunted. “Yeah, and fucking dangerous.” He put down his pack and crouched by the side of the small purple stream they’d been following. Conveniently, it stuck pretty close to the scent trail. “This is where we camp for the night,” he decided. There was no way he was going into the Deep Blue just as the sun was setting. Dusk was the time when the Ancient Ones were most active—far better to start fresh in the morning and hope to get in and out without a problem.

>   “All right.” Elise looked stiff. Her muscles were probably aching from the long hike, not to mention the strenuous exercise of helping kill the xenox. Merrick was sure she was ready for a rest. She cast him a sidelong glance, maybe wondering if he was still mad at her, but didn’t say anything else.

  Merrick showed no signs that he knew she was watching him. He was taking things out of his backpack, getting ready to settle for the night. He heard Elise sigh and then she peeled off her soft blue leather boots and put her feet in the stream. The water fizzed slightly around her bare feet and she smiled, as though enjoying the ticklish sensation.

  The smile softened the worry lines on her face, making her so beautiful his heart ached. “Something funny?” he murmured, coming up behind her.

  Elise jumped away as though he’d burned her. “Oh, uh…” She turned to look at him, her eyes wide and startled. “You scared me,” she said, as though trying to explain her sudden get-away.

  What else is new? Merrick thought. Aloud he said, “Right. You hungry?”

  Elise looked at him, as though trying to figure out which meaning of the word he was using. Merrick could feel her anxiety through the bond. Wanting to put her at ease, he held up a dried protein strip.

  A look of relief and understanding crossed her face. “Yes. Thanks.” She took the strip from him and looked down at it. “Um, is it okay to wash in the stream? I’m all hot and sticky.”

  “Hot and sticky, huh?” Merrick’s voice sounded slightly strangled in his own ears. He couldn’t help himself—her innocent words had evoked a whole set of images he’d been trying to repress. The memory of her spread out on his lap, her thighs open, her head thrown back as he fingered her sweet pussy to orgasm came flooding back, making him hard. Making him want her.

  Elise looked at him curiously, no doubt hearing the strain in his voice. When their eyes met, Merrick could feel her body reacting to his. The hunger inside her surged to life, turning almost immediately to lust. Her nipples peaked and he could tell from the shift in her scent that her little cunt was suddenly creamy and hot and ready. Ready for him to touch her, to taste her…