Midnight Lily

  "Lily?" I yelled loudly, not truly believing she'd be inside this deserted place but finding a strange comfort in hearing her name echo through the empty halls. I walked through corridor after corridor calling Lily's name.

  As I walked past one of the large windows, I caught movement. Far away, at the edge of the forest, Lily was on her knees doing something on the ground in front of her. Lily! My heart sped up and I turned and walked as quickly as possible through all the debris on the floor toward the front door. I was able to open it from the inside and I took the stairs two at a time, running back down the long driveway and out the front gate toward Lily.

  "Lily," I said breathlessly as I finally came up behind her. She jerked slightly and turned, tears streaming down her cheeks. "Hey, what's wrong?" That's when I saw an owl on the ground in front of her and I went down on my knees beside her. "Oh shit, is he okay?"

  Lily shook her head. "No, he's . . . dead." She heaved in a shuddery breath and used both hands to wipe at her tears. She shook her head. "I just found him out here, lying on the ground. He must have just . . . died of old age. There doesn't seem to be anything wrong with him." She sniffled.

  "I'm so sorry."

  She nodded and used a sweater that was tied around her waist to scoop him up. "I don't think owls have very long life spans. I have to bury him."

  "I'll help. Do you have a shovel?"

  She shook her head. "No, I'll have to use a stick or something. The ground is very soft in certain parts of the forest. It should be okay." I walked a little ways into the woods with her, and as she held the owl, I dug the small grave in the soft earth of the forest floor. We didn't speak, which made me aware of all the sounds around me: the birds twittering in the trees, foliage swishing in the breeze, and Lily's occasional sniffles. When I was done, she lowered him into the ground, the sweater wrapped around him, and stood as I covered him up, another tear rolling down her cheek.

  "You must think I'm so silly crying over an owl," she said. "It's just that he used to come sit on the fence over there, every day, and I kind of got used to him." She shrugged. "Whenever I passed by and saw him, I came to think of him as good luck, a sort of wise sentry who might show you the way if you were lost and afraid." She tilted her head, looking sad but thoughtful.

  "I don't think you're silly." I think you're the most beautiful, tenderhearted girl I've ever known.

  She nodded, finally looking at me.

  "Once when I was younger, I found a baby owl on the edge of our property. I was angry with my mother and I'd run outside and had lain on the ground under a fir tree. I was crying, and suddenly I heard this tiny sound like something very small hitting the ground next to me. I looked over and there was this helpless baby bird that had just fallen out of his nest, thankfully onto a bed of pine needles and leaves. He was so fuzzy and so tiny. I picked him up and tried to see the nest he'd fallen from, but it must have been so high up, and so hidden, I couldn't spot it. I didn't have a way to climb the fir tree, so I took him home with me."

  "Home . . ." I murmured. "Is it close by?"

  She smiled. "Not far." We began walking. "Anyway, I didn't think he'd live. But he did. He lived and he got strong, and eventually I released him back to the forest. I guess I kind of imagined this owl might be the same one."

  I smiled. "Maybe it was. Maybe he recognized you. Why were you mad at your mother?"

  "Hmm?"

  "You said you ran outside because you were angry with your mother."

  "Oh." She furrowed her brow. "I wanted to go to a party, and she wouldn't let me. Just a silly party . . ." She smiled, looking at me sideways, her smile fading. She looked down at her feet as she stepped over a fallen branch, biting her lip, obviously considering something. Finally, she asked, "What are you doing out here, Holden?"

  I sighed. "I was trying to find you."

  She stopped, looking straight at me. "Why?"

  "Because I wanted to make sure you understood about the other night . . . that you were okay . . ."

  "Oh," she said, biting her lip. "I see."

  "Lily," I said, grabbing both her hands in mine. "I'm so sorry about that. I swear to you I had no idea Taylor was coming to visit. If I had, I would have told her not to come. I got rid of her. She's gone."

  "Why? Not because of me. Because—"

  "No, not because of you. Not entirely. I would have told her not to come because I'm not interested in spending time with her. But I do want to spend time with you. I meant what I said."

  Lily licked her lips, her eyes on the ground as if she was thinking. "You were naked, and she was . . ."

  I grimaced. "I know. God, I'm so sorry. It wasn't what it looked like. She surprised me, and I wasn't at my best." Jesus, the understatement of the century. "I didn't know she was coming. Please trust me. Please give me a second chance. I've spent the last three days wandering through the woods looking for you. I'll make the three-hour walk out here every day if I have to. Or to your house if you'll let me. I'll come to you, so you don't have to walk all the way to me, especially now that I know how far it is. I'll do anything you ask me to do. Just please don't tell me you don't want to see me anymore."

  She let out a big breath, pulling her hands from mine. "It's just not a good idea, Holden. I thought—"

  "That can't be true. It can't be wrong to want to spend time together. I know there are things I'm . . . dealing with, and I know you don't trust me enough to share your life with me yet. And I know the whole Taylor thing hardly helped that." I rubbed the back of my neck. "But I'm hoping you will. I'm hoping you'll let me earn that. Please don't tell me to go." I put my hands in my pockets, swallowing, feeling intensely vulnerable in front of her. Why would she want you? Why would she give you a second chance? Why?

  "Oh, Holden . . ." She looked away for a minute, and I held my breath. After a tense minute, she sighed and gave the smallest nod of her head, practically imperceptible. My heart soared.

  "Was that a yes?"

  Her lip quirked up. "A half yes."

  "What should I do to earn a full yes?" I bent slightly to look up into her lowered eyes, her dark lashes fanning across her cheeks.

  Her lip quirked a bit higher, and her eyes met mine. "I'll let you know when I think of something." I couldn't help smiling, couldn't help marveling that she had given me another chance. A half chance. And I'd take it. I'd take whatever she would give me.

  "How'd you find me out here anyway?" she asked after a moment.

  "Truthfully, I didn't know you'd be here. I just hoped. I came to check out Whittington."

  Lily looked over her shoulder at the abandoned hospital. Turning back to me, she said, "Creepy, isn't it? Terrible things happened there."

  "I know. I read about it online."

  She nodded, her brow furrowing slightly. "It was open until somewhat recently, but in the last several decades lack of private donations and state funding turned it into what it is." She waved her hand toward it. "A crumbling mess. It's eerie." She looked thoughtful for a moment. "Something good should be done inside, don't you think? Something to prove that humans care about one another." She glanced back quickly again. "If locations hold pain, maybe love and kindness set it free." She looked thoughtful as she bit at her lip.

  My eyes washed over her troubled expression. She's so compassionate. "That's a nice thought. I think you might be right. What would you do with it?"

  A ghost of a smile moved across her face. "I'd help those who can't help themselves."

  "Like who?"

  She shrugged. "There's always someone society chooses not to see. There's always someone who is invisible through no fault of their own."

  I nodded. "Mental health care is a lot different now than it was back then. A lot more understood."

  "Yes. For the most part, I think. Do you want to walk with me?"

  As we began walking, she said, "There were two different patient escapes at Whittington. One happened during the coldest winter on record. A young girl, sixteen
at the time, climbed out a window and somehow made it through the gate and into the woods. It was determined that she'd been highly medicated and simply wandered away. A search party was sent out, but she wasn't found. It was assumed she perished somewhere in this," she waved her arm around, "vast wilderness. Experts said there was no way she could have survived the temperatures."

  "That's awful," I murmured. "Only sixteen? Jesus. I didn't realize teens had been there, too."

  "Oh yes. Children and teens were there from the time it opened." We were both quiet for a moment, me pondering the terror a child must have felt in a place like that. "Sometimes I wonder if I might come upon her remains out here," she said, shooting me a glance. "Is that totally macabre?"

  I managed a small smile. "Yes. But I guess it really is possible. Might be nice for her family anyway—to be able to bury her."

  "That's what I thought, too."

  I frowned. "What other escape was there?"

  "Six years ago, on a July night, there was a summer storm that caused a power failure at Whittington. All the lights went out for several hours. During that time, many of the patients escaped to these woods. They wandered until morning when a search party was sent out, and all but one was rounded up."

  "Who wasn't found?" I asked.

  Lily was quiet for a moment. "A nineteen-year-old man, the son of a rich executive from Connecticut. The subsequent search parties didn't find him either. He survived out here," she waved her hand around again, "for over five months before he snuck back to Whittington probably intending to steal food. As it happened, it was a visiting day. While the families of the patients were inside, the escaped patient climbed into the trunk of a car. The family unknowingly transported him to their estate, where their teenage daughter discovered him later hiding in their stables."

  "How do you know this?" I asked, intrigued.

  "I found the stories in old newspaper clippings," she said, looking ahead.

  "Where? Inside?"

  She glanced over at me and nodded. She'd been curious, too. I wondered if I should tell her it wasn't safe to be wandering through abandoned buildings, but I didn't know how to word it so it didn't sound condescending. Especially since I'd just been inside myself.

  "What happened when the girl discovered the escaped patient in her stables?"

  "They fell in love," she said simply.

  "The patient and the daughter fell in love? Wow. How'd that happen?"

  Lily shrugged. "He was handsome and kind. Very, very troubled, but very, very kind. She harbored him. She fed him, and clothed him, kept him warm, and eventually, she gave him her heart."

  I looked over at her. The expression on her face was wistful. She looked at me. "I imagine," she said and gave me a slight smile. "Maybe that's me romanticizing it, but that's how I picture it happening." She shrugged.

  "What happened after that?" I asked.

  "He ended up back at Whittington eventually." She shrugged again. "These things never end well, I suppose."

  "Don't they?" I asked. "Maybe he got better. Maybe he found the right treatment, and found her again. Maybe they ended up together after all."

  She tilted her head. "Why, Holden Scott, I do believe you're a romantic, too."

  I chuckled. "Now that's something I've never been accused of before."

  She smiled. "No?"

  I shook my head, taking her hand in mine. She looked down at our joined hands and smiled softly. "I missed you," I said.

  She glanced at me. "For three days?"

  "Yes. Didn't you miss me?"

  She paused before answering. "Yes."

  "Do you think he's the one who collected the arrowheads?" I asked after a moment, suddenly remembering them.

  "I wondered that, too," she said. "I like to think so. I like to think he found ways to keep his mind occupied. Maybe he even liked it out here." She smiled. "I do."

  "I think he'd be lonely, though. Maybe that's the reason he went back. Maybe it wasn't for food. After all, the forest could provide for a man if he knew what he was doing. Maybe he decided he'd rather be locked up than be lonely."

  "Would you?" she asked.

  "Rather be locked up than be lonely? It's hard to say. I've never been locked up before. But based on what I read online, I'd probably choose loneliness. It sounded like being locked up was the least of the torments that patients experienced at Whittington, at least in the older days. And maybe he was even lonely while he was locked up. I guess out here at least he had freedom."

  Lily was quiet for a moment. "Yes. Freedom." She paused. "I suppose we'll never know what he was thinking exactly."

  "No, I guess not."

  Lily looked up at the sky. "It looks like it might rain. I hate to think of you walking all the way back in bad weather."

  "I made it here. I think I can make it back."

  She raised her eyebrows, looking dubious. "How about we wait it out for a little bit, Boy Scout?" She pulled my hand and we ducked beneath some low tree branches.

  The rain was only sprinkling at the moment, and the thick canopy of branches provided complete shelter as we sat down on a dry patch of ground, me leaning against the tree trunk. The air was cool, but I was wearing my sweatshirt. I took it off and wrapped it around Lily's shoulders, putting one arm around her and pulling her close. She laid her head on my shoulder and we sat there for a few minutes, just listening to the rainfall on the leaves overhead.

  I barely knew anything about this girl. I only knew that when I was with her, the entire world felt different. It was like this forest was our own secret land, and here, we could be anything we wanted to be. Anything at all.

  "Feels like a different world here," I said, voicing my thought.

  She hummed. "I know." She tilted her head and looked up at me. "Are you lonely out here, Holden? In that house all by yourself, I mean."

  "I feel like I've been lonely for a very long time, Lily. It's not so much the location . . . it's just . . . me, I guess." I put my lips to her forehead. "I don't feel lonely when I'm with you, though," I murmured, brushing my lips over her cool skin, feathering kisses against her as lightly as if she were made of moonlight.

  She raised her face so that her lips were almost touching mine. "I don't feel lonely when I'm with you either," she whispered, raising her mouth and pressing her lips against mine. Desire arced down the center of my chest, and I turned so I could bring my hands to her face and claim her mouth completely. Our tongues met and tangled and Lily moaned, climbing over me so she was straddling my lap as we kissed. "I've missed you so much," she said, between kisses. "So much it scared me." The sweatshirt fell off her shoulders, exposing us both to the mist, but I didn't think it mattered. My own body was so overheated by her sitting on my lap, I thought I might suddenly self-combust.

  "I'm sorry," I said. Because it was my fault we'd spent the last few days apart. My stupid life that had found me, even all the way out here, and had come between Lily and me. I felt ashamed. I had so much to feel ashamed about. Lily kissed the corner of my mouth, her lips sliding down my jaw and around to my ear. A muffled groan escaped my lips as her tongue traced the outer shell.

  "Is this okay?" she whispered, her breath hot against my skin.

  "God, yes," I panted, the entire forest disappearing around me. It was only her. Only her fresh scent, the feel of her weight on top of me, her hands, her skin, her lips. Only her.

  The rain picked up, the sound of it beating more steadily on the leaves above, the air growing more humid around us, a cool drop of rain or two finding its way between the branches to splatter on our skin. My heart beat frantically, my excitement growing by the second. I wanted Lily so much it hurt.

  "Show me what to do," she said. "Show me what you like."

  "There's nothing you can do that I won't like. I promise you. Oh, God," I moaned as she bit lightly on my earlobe. My erection throbbed.

  She kissed along my jaw again. "You make me want things I shouldn't want," she said.

&nbs
p; "Why shouldn't you want them?"

  "Because," she said, bringing her mouth to mine and kissing me again, "this is just temporary. It has to be, Holden. Eventually you'll go back to where you belong."

  I could hardly remember where I belonged. Lately, it seemed like I didn't belong anywhere at all. "We can figure something out. We can be together. It's up to us. There's always a way . . ."

  She smiled against my lips. "Just kiss me." I did, my mind emptying again as I focused on the sensations she was creating in my body. She leaned her head back as I kissed down the silken skin of her throat, darting my tongue out to taste her there. I wanted to taste her everywhere, learn the taste that was her and nobody else.

  "Lily . . ." I reached for her dress. A few buttons and the top slid down her shoulders, the creamy swell of her breasts rising and falling above her white bra. I reached behind her and unhooked it, her breasts spilling free, the deep pink nipples already tight and hard. I took a shuddery breath and leaned forward, kissing the space between her breasts, breathing in her scent, hot and concentrated in that spot. All Lily. The effect she had on me was new and familiar all at once—as if we really had known each other in another lifetime—and my soul held the mere hint of a memory, even if my mind and flesh were just learning her now. I felt woozy with the mixture of deep emotion and powerful lust.

  Lily gasped and brought her hands to my head as my mouth closed over one sweet nipple. I swirled my tongue around, pulling gently and then moved to the other one. Lily ground down on my erection, and I hissed in a breath, stopping momentarily to get hold of myself. "Oh, don't stop," she gasped, pushing her damp breast into my mouth. I smiled against her skin, taking the nipple into my mouth again and sucking lightly.