Midnight Lily

  "You've lost your way," came her voice. I lowered my startled gaze and found her standing next to a tree, watching me. Her hair and clothes were drenched by the rain, although she didn't seem to notice. It was as if she had been formed from a magical combination of my own desires and the night itself.

  I hesitated for a long time, just looking at her, wondering if she was a dream, letting her words sink in through my skin, right into my heart, my soul. "Yes," I whispered. "Yes, I know."

  She nodded slowly as if in complete understanding. "Come," she said. "I'll help you find your way again."

  Relief flooded my system so fiercely it made me dizzy, as I stood and walked toward her, my eyes taking in her details as I drew closer. Her hair was very dark, maybe even black, though it was difficult to tell since it was soaking wet. She had it braided, and it was hanging over one shoulder. Loose tendrils had escaped and were stuck to her cheeks. And her face, God, her face.

  She was . . . beautiful.

  For a moment, I simply stared. Was she real? Her white lace dress was plastered to her body, showing delicate curves beneath. She had on a pair of brown boots with thick socks sticking out of the top, but no jacket.

  "Aren't you cold?" I asked dumbly, a shiver wracking my body, my teeth visibly chattering.

  She smiled, her face moving from stunning to breathtaking, her beauty almost otherworldly. "No."

  I blinked at her, wondering at how she'd appeared out of the mist. "Are you a dream?" I mused aloud. "Or maybe a . . . ghost?"

  She tilted her head, her gaze intent. "I can't imagine being anyone's dream. But a ghost?" She looked thoughtful for a moment, something entering her expression that I didn't know how to read. "Maybe," she whispered. "Yes, I think I might be." And with that she turned and moved in the opposite direction I'd been walking.

  I wanted to speak to her, to ask her what she'd meant, but my teeth were chattering so violently I could barely form words, and the headache that had begun earlier was now a hammer pounding at my skull. So instead, I focused on her back and the sweet curve of her ass under her wet dress as she moved surely and swiftly through the forest, leading me out of the darkness, into the luminous glow of the moon. The rain dwindled and then stopped altogether, the night birds seeming to come alive all around us as we walked.

  "What's your name?" I finally managed as we walked through the glen I recognized from the other day—the one where I'd seen the pig—and started downhill.

  She glanced back at me, biting at her lip, seeming to be considering whether she'd answer or not. But finally she said, "Lily. My name is Lily."

  "Lily what?"

  "Just Lily."

  I caught up to her and walked beside her now that the trees were sparse and there was room for two. Her breath clouded in the air just like mine. If she was really a ghost, she was unlike any ghost I'd ever imagined. Okay, so she didn't want to tell me her full name, but I had to find out something about her. "Where do you live? I was told the nearest town is a couple hours away."

  She nodded, looking at me warily from under her lashes. "I live close by."

  "But—"

  "You shouldn't come into the woods if you don't know where you're going," she said, looking ahead again, back to where we were walking.

  I stopped moving and she stopped next to me, gazing up at me questioningly. I hadn't been prepared for her. But I definitely hadn't been prepared for her eyes in the light of the moon: wide and almond shaped, true violet, framed by lush, dark lashes. For a moment my breath hitched. I'd never seen eyes like hers. "I know. I . . . well, I was looking for you," I said distractedly, before I could consider a different answer.

  She studied me, her expression suddenly perplexed. "Me? Why?"

  I ran my hand through my wet hair, feeling more off balance than I ever had in my life. Why did I suddenly feel like an eighth grade boy at the middle school dance, trying to make conversation with a girl? "I . . . well I saw you, um, the other day . . ."

  "At the edge of the forest? Yes, I know. I thought you were going to drown in that hot tub." She cocked her head to the side.

  "Oh, uh . . . yeah, it probably looked that way. I just fell asleep. Thank you, though."

  "For what?"

  I shrugged and rubbed at the back of my neck. "For caring about me." I cleared my throat. "The thing is, Lily, I thought I saw you a few times, and I was curious about you. I wanted to . . . introduce myself." Introduce myself? Really? What the fuck is wrong with you, Holden?

  Lily swiped her tongue along her bottom lip, her brow creased, staring at somewhere just behind me. Finally her eyes met mine again. "Well, it's nice to meet you, Holden Scott, God Among Men."

  I stared at her blankly for a moment, memory finally dawning. "Oh, shit," I muttered under my breath. "Uh, about that . . . I uh—"

  She laughed suddenly, her white teeth flashing at me in the light of the moon, and then she turned. "I should apologize for spying on you." But she didn't sound sorry. "Goodbye, Holden Scott."

  I stepped after her. "Wait! Please don't go. I live right over there . . . temporarily, I mean. For now. I live there. Do you want to come in for a drink? A beverage or . . . or a meal or something?" A meal? Like she was homeless? "Not that you look hungry. Just that I'd like—" Jesus. I grimaced.

  Lily laughed softly again and I couldn't help but join her, feeling embarrassed, glancing at my feet before looking back into her eyes. "That god among men thing was obviously a gross overstatement."

  She raised one brow. "Obviously." But the smile turned her full, berry-pink lips up again, and there wasn't anything mean in her expression.

  "Do you know who I am?" I asked.

  Lily looked at me in confusion. "I just told you I know your name. Holden Scott."

  "No, I mean, not my name, but do you know who I am?"

  The look on her face was utterly confused and I let out a long exhale. "Never mind."

  "You should go warm up and get some sleep." When she began to turn again, I stepped after her once more.

  "Will you come back tomorrow?" Even I could hear the desperate note in my voice.

  Lily paused and regarded me for so long, my heart began to thrum faster with nervous hope. "Yes. Meet me right here tomorrow at sunset. She looked up at the moon and then back at me. Victory coursed through my veins. She was going to meet me again tomorrow. "I have to go."

  "Okay, Lily of the Night. Thank you."

  She turned around, walking backward as she went. "Okay, Holden, God Among Men. You're welcome." And then with a small laugh she turned and ran into the woods, disappearing into the darkness.

  I looked down, smiling at my own feet, noting the mud caking my shoes and the deep footprints of where I'd stepped in the soggy ground. My eyes kept roaming, looking for Lily's footprints next to mine, but once again, it was as if she'd never been there at all. Not a trace of her was left.

  CHAPTER SIX

  Holden

  I stood over the toilet, holding the bag of pills in my clammy, shaking hands. I hadn't taken any when I'd returned home the night before, though my body had been demanding them, and it was now daybreak. Letting out a deep groan, I threw the bag on the counter and slammed the lid of the toilet. I wasn't ready. I opened the bag hungrily and threw back two pills, cupping my hand under the faucet and swallowing big gulps of water.

  For a moment, I stood looking at myself disgustedly in the mirror. God among men. It made me laugh at myself.

  Lily. Her name is Lily. And she's beautiful.

  I needed the pills if I was going to spend any time with Lily. If I went cold turkey today, I'd need at least three or four days to detox and recover. At least. There was no way I could meet her tonight if I was in the midst of withdrawal. And I wanted so badly to meet with her again. It was the first thing I’d actually wanted in a very long time. God, I had a million questions about her. Who was she? Where did she come from? Where did she live? Why had she watched me?

  After taking a long shower and drin
king half a pot of coffee, I went down and checked out Brandon's home gym. Switching on the light, I glanced around and let out a low whistle. Mirrors covered the entirety of the far wall. Top-of-the-line workout machines and weight benches were spread throughout the impressive room. There was a large-screen TV mounted in the opposite corner with a sound system set up beneath, its speakers fastened to the walls.

  I spent half an hour on the treadmill, winded after fifteen minutes, but pushing myself to finish the full thirty. Then I spent a few minutes lifting, breaking a sweat after two reps. Fuck, I was out of shape. I'd been out for a season and a half, and I'd done nothing but party and pollute my body. And now I knew I was not only emotionally depressed, but my body was broken down, too. Feeling defeated, I flipped the lights off and left the gym.

  I was antsy for the rest of the day, checking the time over and over. I'd looked it up online and the sun was supposed to set at seven twenty-one. At six thirty, I was walking toward the woods, telling myself I didn't want her to wait for me in case she got there early. My heart was thumping steadily and anticipation filled my chest.

  It was a beautiful evening, the air crisp, but not overly cool, the sun warm on my back. I took my heavy sweatshirt off and tied it around my waist so I was just wearing a long-sleeved T-shirt. Pushing my sleeves up my arms, I entered the woods and leaned as casually as possible against a tree to wait.

  When was the last time I'd waited for a girl? I honestly couldn't recall. High school, maybe? There was something deeply satisfying about it, with an edge of nervous excitement. What if she didn't come? What if she did?

  When seven twenty-one came and went, the sky changing from soft blue to bright shades of orange, I rubbed my palms on my jeans. Would she stand me up? Disappointment filled me as I considered that I might be walking back to the lodge alone in half an hour, Lily having never shown. Maybe she had forgotten. Maybe our "date" just didn't mean much to her. Maybe something had come up. Maybe I was an idiot for expecting her to want to come at all.

  I looked up and she was standing a little ways away, watching me. Relief and happiness brought an immediate smile to my face. "You made it," I said, stepping toward her.

  She tilted her head to the side, her black braid swinging over her shoulder. "Did you think I wouldn't?"

  "I wasn't sure."

  She tilted her head backward. "Come on, I want to show you something I think you'll like."

  I followed. Again, she was wearing a dress—blue with buttons up the front. It looked as if it was from an era when women wore short, white gloves and small hats on a regular basis. Despite the old-fashioned look, the dress fit her well and I couldn't help that my eyes lingered on the feminine lines of her body. She was wearing black canvas sneakers on her feet and again, no coat. I felt my lips curve up and wondered who this girl was. A girl. A flesh and blood girl.

  We trudged through the woods, as the light around us grew dim. I couldn't see the horizon above the trees anymore and the sky was a pale shade of orange overhead. The air was fragrant with the tangy scent of pine, just covering the musky smell of the damp, rotting leaves underfoot.

  "Watch your step," Lily said, pointing to her right. "There's a snake in the grass by that dead log."

  I swiveled my head left as Lily giggled. I looked at the log and at the ground around it but didn't see a thing. "Were you kidding?" I asked.

  Lily glanced at me. "No. It won't hurt you, though. Not unless you get in its way."

  I cleared my throat doing my best not to shudder. I hadn't even thought about snakes being in these woods. I fucking hated snakes.

  I chuckled, feeling like an idiot. But when I looked over at her, she was smiling at me in a way that made me smile back.

  I watched her walk away for a moment and then jogged to catch up. "Lily, do you . . . what I mean is . . ." The area directly ahead of us was bare of trees or bushes and so I walked more quickly to move in front and turned around so I was walking backward and she was looking at me.

  "Be careful you don't step on a snake walking backward like that. It isn't smart to turn your back on what you can't trust."

  I laughed softly and turned so I was walking next to her, and she smiled in obvious amusement. "Ha ha. What I was trying to ask is, do you live in these woods?" Was that even possible?

  She shot me a strange look. "No, Holden, I don't live in these woods. I'm just familiar with them. Come on." She turned abruptly, pulling my arm so I'd follow her.

  "Well, where do you live? I don’t mean to pry, it's just I was told there was no one close by."

  "I live a little ways from here."

  I looked around, wondering what she meant by a little ways from here. It was the same answer she'd given me before. From what I could see from the deck of the lodge, there was nothing but woods for hundreds of square miles. "Oh, okay, so like in the middle of nowhere then?"

  Lily laughed. "Yes, I guess you could say that. But then again, so do you."

  I smiled. "True, but just temporarily."

  "Maybe I'm only here temporarily, too."

  "Oh, so what do you—"

  "Why so many questions?"

  "I just want—"

  "Follow me," she said as she made a sudden turn between two trees. The terrain grew slightly rockier, the forest less dense. I followed behind Lily because the trees were spaced in a way that didn't leave room for two to walk side by side. After ten minutes or so, the trees opened up even more, and I caught up to Lily. A few minutes after that, we came to the edge of a cliff, and I cautiously looked over. It wasn't very far to the ground and I released a huff of air, turning away anyway. I'd never minded heights particularly, but after Ryan . . .

  "Over here," Lily said, giving me a hand gesture to follow her. I did. She looked down. "It starts here." I joined her and saw a crude set of stairs carved right into the rock.

  "Whoa," I said, looking down. The steps went all the way to the ground below. "Who made these?"

  "I don't know," she said, taking a step down.

  "Wait, Lily, let me go first," I said.

  She looked back at me. "I've been down them before."

  "I know . . . I just . . ." They could be crumbly, you could fall. I can't let you fall. "Just humor me." I smiled. "Please."

  She hesitated, but then moved aside as I passed her. "Thanks," I said, smiling at her again.

  The color of the sky dimmed, and the moon appeared, lighting the small canyon with a muted glow. When I'd almost reached the bottom, the last two stairs fell away. I hopped down and then reached my hands up to Lily. "Here," I said, placing my hands around her waist, "let me lift you down." Something about my hands around her waist felt more intimate than I'd intended and warmth filled me as I lifted her down to the ground and she stood in front of me, looking up into my face. "Okay?" I asked. My voice sounded strange in my ears, hoarse, gravelly.

  "Yes, I'm good. But you're still . . ." She looked down to where my hands still rested. I pulled them away quickly.

  "Sorry," I breathed, shaking my head. I looked up and around. "What is this place?"

  "I'm not sure," Lily said, stepping away from me. "But here, look." She moved to a large rock at the edge of where the rocks met vegetation and pushed some leaves aside. Carved into the rock was a kind of very small room with a window, perfectly square and obviously man-made. And at the top of the window was a carving of some sort. I looked more closely.

  "Are those hands?" I asked.

  "Yes. They look like they're reaching for each other, the fingertips just barely touching."

  "Huh," I said in wonder.

  "There's a place several hours from here where ancient people built whole houses under cliffs—right into the rock. It's almost like they just barely started one here and then decided to go somewhere else instead."

  "Hmm," I hummed. "I wonder why." I ran my hand along the sill of the window before moving aside and leaning into the small opening, barely big enough for two people to lie down. When I leaned back
out, Lily was tracing the carved hands with her finger.

  "It's just so strange to think about someone standing here once upon a time carving these hands, thinking whatever he was thinking, maybe worrying about something, maybe annoyed about someone." She smiled softly as she watched her own finger moving around the carving of the hands. There was something sensual about watching her finger move that way, and I almost felt as if I could feel it on my own skin, tracing, exploring . . . I couldn't help the warm shiver that moved through my body.

  "Maybe thinking about a girl," I supplied.

  She looked at me and her smile grew. "Maybe." She looked back to the window and put her hand on the sill, tilting her head. "Seems so funny that a person, all his thoughts, all his ideas, all his feelings, can be here one minute and just . . . gone the next."

  I studied her profile as she continued to stare through the window. And I knew just what she meant. I'd thought the same thing when I'd lost my best friend. How could he be so alive, so vibrant, so filled with all those things that were only him, and then just . . . gone. Where did he go? "I know what you mean, Lily," I said. "I've thought the same thing."

  Lily's lips tilted up ever so slightly though she continued to stare ahead. "But you know what's even worse?" She looked over at me, her smile fading, her expression becoming sad. "Leaving nothing behind. No proof that you ever existed, not something like this," she moved her hand on the sill, "and no one to remind the world that you were here, even for a small moment in time. No one who might brush their fingertips against your own and know the feel of you, even in the dark."

  I blinked at her, opening my mouth to speak and then closing it again. What she'd said hit me as so very profound. For some reason I felt filled with emotion. That was my job now. My job was to keep my best friend's memory alive, the him that only I knew, the him he didn't show anyone else. His parents were gone; he didn't have any brothers or sisters. I was the only one here on earth who had known the real him. Something about that thought, the responsibility it suggested, both filled me with a sudden surge of joy, and a strange aching sadness, maybe even fear. "I . . . yes," I said, my voice cracking slightly. Lily seemed to come back to the moment, shaking her head slightly.