What the Heart Desires
“No. You’re. Not… We’re still alive.”
He shut his eyes once more and slumped his shoulders. They rose and fell with each breath he took as he submitted to his guilt. If he didn’t lose the negativity, they’d never escape.
Inhaling a deep breath, she parted her lips to respond but decided not to. No matter what she said, he wouldn’t listen. The best she could do for both of them is to let him wallow in the guilt and search the room herself.
As she eased back, she caught a glimpse of his chest. A plum colored line stretched across the skin, near his heart. It wasn’t the first time she’d seen the scar the arrow left, but seeing it now made her chest tighten.
Without giving it another thought, she touched her fingers to the scar, feeling the smooth, raised surface. She was the reason he had it, would also be the reason he lost his life if they didn’t escape. The world’s destruction would be her fault, not his.
She made another sweep over the scar, but just before she moved away, a faint light illuminated from her fingers. One more pass over the scar and it happened again, but this time, the light had a golden glow. It warmed her fingers, making them tingle.
Layne exhaled. His eyes opened and aimed toward his chest, as if he’d felt the same tingle. When he gazed at her, the fire in his soul flickered.
“Did you feel that?”
“Yes,” she nodded, touching the scar once more. “Your fire is reigniting.”
“Does that mean I’m healing?”
The question lingered between them. If his fire was regaining strength, it meant that he was healing. They would be able to leave if they found a way out.
At the same time, she feared how he’d react. She didn’t doubt he would get them both to safety. It’s what would happen after that kept the answer on the tip of her tongue. He’d push her away, like he’d done for the last few months. And even though she knew it would be best, part of her couldn’t bear the thought. The part of her that loved him, the part that needed him as much he needed her.
But it didn’t give her the right to keep the truth from him.
“Yes, Layne. You’re healing. I knew you would, if you gave yourself some time.”
“It’s more than that, Heaven. The pain was increasing until you touched me. My skin started tingling and then it warmed. What’s going on?”
She shook her head, unable to answer him, but not because of what he asked. Her silence stemmed from something more. Realization.
“It’s part of the healing process.”
“What do you mean?”
The soft sound of his voice, the way it pulled at her, convinced her that her thoughts were right. “You’re weak because your energy is depleted. I’m your source, Layne. I have to reenergize you. It will speed up your healing process, like it did when you were shot.”
His chin dimpled as he pursed his lips to the side. “Sounds easy enough. How do you do it?”
“Through touch.”
She moved her hand over his chest. The heat building in his skin warmed her palm. It increased the longer she touched him. She couldn’t imagine how hot he would feel if their bodies were pressed together.
The thought had her stepping closer. Her hand swept to his abs and the grooves between each rock-hard muscle. They flinched in response to her touch. Satisfaction filled her, satisfaction of knowing she affected him the way he affected her. Curiosity got the best of her and she trailed her fingers lower, to the waist of his jeans.
Then he captured her wrist…
A gasp escaped her lips when he applied pressure. Not enough to hurt her, but to grab her attention. And he had her attention. The raw intensity in his eyes held her in place. He shook his head with great restraint, as though each twist of his neck brought him a significant amount of pain. Yet his fire showed no mercy.
Her breath grew labored when he spun her around, forcing her against the wall. “You can’t do this, Heaven.” He held her at arms length and studied her lips. “You can’t touch me again.”
And so it started—the distance he wanted to place between them. She refused to allow it to happen. “What’s your problem, Layne? Why can’t I touch you?”
All the fire within him showed in his eyes when they met hers once more. Then his lips parted, and every word that followed enticed her soul. “Because I won’t…I won’t be able to stop myself from taking things further.”
CHAPTER 15
It wasn’t the look in Layne’s eyes that froze Heaven in place, nor was it the words he said. It was the vibration of his energy. How his conflicting emotions waged war on his soul. The longer he stared at her, the more intense that war became.
She didn’t go unaffected. A battle raged in her too. A battle identical to the one he faced because their issues were the same. There were boundaries between them, boundaries they couldn’t cross.
If he thought this was easier on her, he was mistaken. No matter how many times she reminded herself of those boundaries, her heart refused to listen, and so the war continued. The more they argued, the more time they wasted.
“Layne, please. Let me help you.”
“No.” He shook his head, keeping her at a safe distance. “I don’t need your help. I’m feeling better. I feel the fire in me.”
“It’s because of me, Layne. I’m your source. You’re tapping into my energy. The second you walk away from me, you’ll be weak again, but if you let me heal you—”
He pushed away from her—from the wall he held her against—and crept backwards. The minute he did, she shivered. She’d forgotten how cool the room was. All the heat burning in him had been more than a relief. It had been a welcomed sensation, one she didn’t want to lose. If he didn’t listen to her, she’d lose more than his warmth…
A few more steps put enough space between them to ease his mind, but it didn’t ease the ache. He looked fine. Even shot a taunting brow toward the ceiling. Yet his next move had him grimacing. He hesitated going further, couldn’t have even if he tried. The way his body wavered said as much. He grew weaker the longer he stood there.
And then he stumbled forward.
She bolted toward him and wrapped her arms around his weakened body, fighting to keep them both from falling. The struggle became too much. Her feet slid against the floor, then the weight of his body fell into hers.
The wall broke their fall, landing them in the same position as before. Almost. Instead of pinning her with his hand, his body held her in place.
“You should have let me fall.”
“Why are you making such a big deal out of this? Are you afraid you might kiss me again?”
He leaned his head back. Then she saw his pain—pain that she caused—pain she wanted to end. “It’s about more than kissing you.” His voice fell to a whisper as he caressed her face. “Things have changed, Heaven. I’m in love with you. Admitting that made it real. It made it definite. If you touch me—”
“But we touch all the time.”
“Not like this.”
His fingers slid down her neck, across her shoulder, to the length of her arm. They left a scorching sensation in their wake. She couldn’t hide the reaction it caused. The way her lips parted and skin prickled said it all.
A smile hinted at the corner of his mouth. He swept upward. The heat of his hand met the skin under her breast. She sucked in a deep breath, partially out of fear that his fire would suffocate her. Partially because she had to know where this was going.
The coarse heat moved down her side, stopping just past her waist. He gripped her hips and jerked them forward. They pressed to his, leaving no space between them. She could feel him, all of him, pulsing against her.
He leaned closer. His lips hovered a few inches from hers. “Is this what you want, Heaven? Me touching you? Me craving you? Because if you keep pursuing this… I have no willpower when it comes to you. Do you want me to lose control?”
She swallowed hard, nearly choking on the dryness in her throat. “I, uh—” Air bur
ned her lungs as she inhaled. “I don’t know.”
“Trust me. You don’t.” He eased his head back but kept her body close to his. Every inch of her radiated with heat. His heat. His desire. “You don’t know how hard it is to be this close to you, to feel your skin against mine, and not be able to do a damn thing about it. All I get are dreams.”
“What do you mean?”
“Have you forgotten about our dream, or have you convinced yourself that it wasn’t real?” He waited for her to answer. She couldn’t. “You think the connection between us is nothing more than a link to your safety, but it’s much more than that. The affinity we share… It’s like I’m a marionette, and you’re my manipulator. You bring me to life with one touch. I can’t control what it does to me. You do, Heaven. You control me.”
The weight of his words made her cheeks heat beyond comfort. Passion vibrated in him, passion fueling his need yet aiding his resistance—resistance that quickly waned.
He wanted to do right by her, by his lifelong friend, but their connection made it impossible. And it wasn’t just him. As their bodies pressed together, she found it more difficult to resist the pull between them.
“I haven’t forgotten about our dream, Layne. How could I when it awakened something inside me? Do you think having you this close is any easier on me?”
“It isn’t the same, Heaven. Your connection with Dylan is stronger. There’s no way you could be feeling what I’m feeling.”
Cupping his face, she drew him in closer. He closed his eyes but folded his hand over hers. His resolve was crumbling. If she wanted to convince him of anything, now was the time.
“We can argue about who cares more at another time when we’re both safe. Right now, you need to be healed. Please don’t fight me on this.”
He didn’t reopen his eyes. Instead, his shoulders slumped. The lack of restraint filled her with hope, especially when he leaned his cheek against her shoulder.
“This isn’t going to work.” Each word he spoke warmed her neck. “You may be able to heal me, physically, but nothing will ease this ache in my soul. I’m always going to be damaged.”
“It’s the damaged part of you that I care about, Layne. It’s the part that cares about me, about my safety. It’s the part that says you’re human, that you make mistakes, just like the rest of us. I don’t want you to be perfect. I don’t want you to be the man who’s so tough he pushes away everyone he loves.”
“Just get it over with, Heaven. Do it as fast as possible.”
She said nothing else in fear of him changing his mind. His fluctuating emotions said he could if she hesitated. Then they’d repeat this same song and dance.
Focusing on his internal injuries, she swept her hands over his skin. Most of the damage was in his torso, except for his knee. She’d save it for last. His cracked ribs needed more healing than a bruised kneecap.
As she lowered her hands, he raised his arms and pressed his hands to the wall. They began to twitch from exertion, but he kept them over her shoulders and out of her way. The moment she stopped at his sides, he tensed. Their connection guided her to the right spot. She sensed the ache in him and concentrated on the bones beneath her palm.
The fire inside him increased. A portion gathered around her hands, like it had earlier when she tried to heal his wounds. The golden light reformed. It not only emitted from her fingers, it encompassed her hand.
Layne grunted against her shoulder. His muscles corded as he squirmed from the pain. She did her best to ignore the sound, to ignore the way it made her heart thump. Each jerk of his body proved it was impossible. She worked her hands over him, spreading her energy to the areas that needed to be healed the most. His neck. His chest. His stomach…
Once she moved them to his lower back, he fisted her hair. He hadn’t stopped withering from the pain of his body healing or the pleasure of being close to her. In fact, his grunts switched to groans. They muffled as he buried his face against her neck. The heat of his breath dampened her skin. Then his lips did the same, leaving a tingling path of kisses to her ear. One phrase echoed a second later.
“You gotta stop…”
“It’s working, Layne. I feel you regaining strength.”
“I know, but…”
She leaned back and met his gaze. “But what?”
No words came from his lips. He worked his hips against hers, as if doing so would relieve the ache. It only made it worse. Heat lashed around her, teasing her to the core. His jeans would prevent a full display of his affection. Yet the longer they stared at each other, the more she wanted the full display. She’d had a brief one in Jamaica.
As the thought heated her cheeks, he leaned in closer, drawing her attention to his lips. “I told you this wouldn’t work, that I wouldn’t be able to control myself. I can’t fight this, Heaven. I can’t fight against wanting you.”
Heat burned her thighs when his hands slipped under her dress. He worked them upward, raking his fingers across her skin. When they hooked around the thin straps at her hips, he glanced up, as though he wanted her to order him to stop.
She couldn’t. Their connection wouldn’t let her.
The pulse of his energy shifted. It burned hotter as he held on to the straps. He tugged her panties lower, forcing the material away. Cotton slid down her legs. The instant they hit her feet, she stepped out of them. Then he froze.
“I sense your struggle, Layne. Maybe we shouldn’t fight what’s happening. You need my energy, and you need a lot of it. Our souls know the best way to accomplish that. If it takes this type of connection—”
“Stop, Heaven.” His voice cracked. “Please, stop doing this. You don’t realize what you’re asking for. You don’t mean it.”
“I wouldn’t say it if I didn’t mean it. I can’t pull away from you anymore than you can pull away from me. If you think you can, then do it.”
He wanted to argue, wanted to do as she challenged and walk away, but he neither spoke nor moved. The warmth of his hands remained on her hips. His lips brushed against hers, sending another wave of goose bumps over her body. He did a second sweep, though he never pressed harder, just enough to tease her and himself.
“Heaven…” The word came out in a whisper, one full of want, of painful restraint, restraint that was wearing thin. “I can’t fight it anymore.”
What part of her wasn’t consumed with heat disappeared in the inferno building between them. The next brush of his lips grew rougher. He drew back once more, meeting her gaze. Each breath he took labored, and then his eyes closed.
Flames of desire engulfed her when his mouth covered hers. She’d kissed him before, but not like this. Not with her guard down. Not with the passion he provided. It was raw, unyielding, something she would normally fear. But each pass of his lips increased her need for him, his need for her.
She knew it was wrong, knew that she could lose Dylan if this went any further. At the same time, her soul urged her to go on. It had never led her wrong before. She prayed it wasn’t now.
Layne’s soul tugged hers. The force was so strong that she would have fallen to her knees if he wasn’t holding her. The urgent vibration refused to be ignored. His mouth worked over hers, pressing, teasing, nipping her lips. She parted them in anticipation for more, and he delivered. His tongue rolled with hers a second later.
A soft moan escaped her throat. She barely noticed, but he had. It made the fire within him rise, and that fire consumed them both. Even when he removed his hands from under her dress and broke their kiss.
Had the reality of what was happening finally hit him?
She should open her eyes and look at him, see what caused him to pull away, find out what caused the sudden thumping sound. When she found the courage to do so, his lips warmed hers once more.
Her eyes reclosed as her tongue swirled with his. The need in him grew insatiable. Every fire-filled pulse overwhelmed her. He worked her dress up to her hips. His hands slid to her lower back, further
down until he cupped her bare bottom. She gasped at the scorching sensation they induced.
The sound unnerved Layne. He drew her against him just as he rocked his hips. Heat shot through her. Feeling his full erection, she understood why he’d said what he had in Jamaica. It was a beast. She’d definitely awakened the animal inside him, and that animal hungered for her touch, her kiss, and her wet warmth.
No barrier existed between them. No barrier to keep them from crossing the forbidden line. How could something that helped him be forbidden? The more they touched, the stronger he became.
What started out as a way to heal him had turned into something more. It was about expressing her love for him. No matter who approved, she loved him. Why did she have to be cursed with this connection? Why couldn’t she have a normal life?
The heat of Layne’s hands scorched her again. He gripped her bottom, lifting her body higher. The wall shifted behind her as her feet left the floor. He used his hips to part her legs and slip between them. Fire climbed her inner thighs.
She waited to feel him enter her. Yet the heat of his body remained mere inches from where her ache began. She wiggled against him, wanting those inches to disappear.
He showed restraint as she hovered above his hardness. The tip brushed her entrance. One quick thrust and he would be inside her. But he stood there, holding her to the wall, an internal conflict raging inside him. His face creased. Then he swallowed.
“This doesn’t have to go any further, Heaven. I don’t want you to live with regret. If you want me to stop—”
His voice faded when she placed her finger to his lips and pressed softly. The light brown eyes that melted her soul stared into hers. She wrapped her arms around his neck and teased his lips with soft sweeps. Then she whispered a last request—a request that would change their relationship forever—a request that would increase their affinity.