Fear and Honor

  “This is Bryne,” I announced.

  “Miss Dawkins, there's a young man down here who says that he needs to speak with you.”

  My stomach flipped. I only knew of one young man who might want to talk to me, but I wasn't sure I wanted to talk with him. I knew I should though, if for no other reason than to not be the petty person that a refusal would paint me to be.

  “It's okay. Send him up.”

  I considered running to my room and throwing on some clothes, then decided against it. I wasn't sitting around eating ice cream and weeping. I was having a night in while planning for my future, and there was no dress code for that. I wasn't going to let Dax dictate my appearance.

  I stayed near the door and refused the urge to try to do something more with my hair than the braid it was currently in. When he knocked, I took a slow breath, counted to ten, and then opened the door.

  The expression on Dax's face told me that he wasn't here to apologize. A part of me wanted to take a step backward, but I gripped the doorframe and held my ground.

  “It's bad enough you had to be a clingy little bitch but getting me fired is going too far.”

  I blinked, unsure of which part of his accusation I wanted to address first. “What are you talking about?”

  His eyes were dark, but not the way they had been the night we slept together. No, this was pure fury glaring down at me. “Don't play dumb. I might not have gone to some rich boarding school like you did, but I'm not stupid.”

  I straightened and folded my arms, biting back the smart replies I wanted to give. I'd let him say whatever he wanted and then tell him how far off-base he was. If he wanted to make a scene, it would be his reputation that got trashed, not mine.

  “I told you I wasn't looking for a relationship. Then, when I don't call you after I go back to your hotel like you begged me to, you come to my work and get all upset when I don't kiss your ass. That's bad enough.”

  It was on the tip of my tongue to tell him that he was full of himself, but I didn't.

  “Then you had to go crying to your uncle and get me fired.”

  Gavin fired him? I hadn't told Gavin anything about what happened between Dax and me. “I didn't–”

  “You're a real bitch, you know that?” Dax cut me off. “I'm not like you. I work my ass off at two jobs so I can take care of my mom. Gavin and Carrie helped me with her, but now that you had to open your big mouth and lie about me, all that's changed.”

  My self-control reached its limit. “Shut. The fuck. Up.”

  Surprise flashed across his face, then disappeared. He opened his mouth, but I wasn't interested in listening anymore.

  “You had your turn. It's mine now.” I glared up at him. “First of all, I didn't come to the shop to try to get you in bed again or because I wanted to be your girlfriend, you’re dead wrong about that. Since I was new here, I thought I'd take a chance that you were actually a decent guy I could be friends with. I never would've had sex with you if I'd known you were a lecherous asshole.”

  He stared at me, those eyes blazing into mine before falling to my lips. He shook his head, as if trying to clear it, and ran a hand through his hair before scrubbing both hands over his face. “Whatever the reason, it still doesn't give you the right to get your uncle to fire me.”

  I held up my hand. “I'm not done.” I poked him in the chest, and his hand shot up, capturing my fingers in his grasp. “You don't know me or much of anything about me, so let me make this perfectly clear. I didn't tell my uncle anything. He knows we slept together because I had your wallet, but that was just him figuring it out. I didn't tell him I went to talk to you, or that you were an utter bastard. I don't know why he fired you, and I really don't care. If you want to know so badly, grow a pair and talk to Gavin yourself.”

  I tried to yank my hand away, but his vice like grip only tightened. His face twisted with an emotion that resembled pain, but was gone so quickly I could have imagined it.

  He finally let go of my hand and I slammed the door shut.

  “Bryne!”

  “Go away, Dax!” I shouted through the door. “Don't make me call security!”

  When I didn't hear anything else, I walked over to the couch, my legs feeling like lead. I sat down and put my head in my hands. If Dax had come in to apologize for his behavior, explaining it as him being an ass because of his friends, I might've forgiven him, maybe even still wanted to be friends with him. If he'd told me before about working two jobs so he could take care of his mother, I would've been impressed.

  None of that matter now though. He'd shown himself for who he truly was. A temperamental child who cared only about what people could do for him. It was funny how people usually thought of spoiled brats as coming from rich, indulgent families, and I'd known enough of those to know there was a grain of truth in that stereotype. The thing most people didn't know or didn't want to admit was that it was less about money and more about entitlement. Clearly, the chip on Dax's shoulder told him that the world owed him something, and he didn't like it when things didn't go his way.

  Fuck him.

  I'd had enough. If I thought I'd waver on my no men resolution, Dax had reinforced just how important that was. From here on out, I would focus on work and the new members of my family. I'd chalk Dax up as a mistake to learn from, and move on.

  Chapter 9

  Going off on Dax made me feel better funny enough. I finished writing out my long-term goals, as well as what steps I needed to take to reach those goals. I'd always been the sort of person who, if I vented about what was bothering me, I could put it to the back of my mind. I didn't stew about things, and I tried not to hold on to them. I much rather preferred to forget about things I couldn't fix, problems I couldn't solve. Life was too short to spend worrying about what I couldn't control.

  I slept better than I had since I moved, and when I woke up, I was ready to start on my list. My stomach growled. After I had some breakfast. It smelled like someone was making bacon.

  “Hey, Bryne,” Carrie said as I entered the kitchen. “How'd you sleep?”

  “Good,” I said as I retrieved a plate from the cabinet beside the stove. I leaned against the counter. “Did you say anything to Gavin about me being upset with Dax?”

  Okay, so maybe I hadn't completely forgotten about it, but I told myself that it was natural to be curious about what happened with Dax's job. He may have been a jerk to me, but I didn't like the idea of him losing his job because my uncle was being overprotective.

  Carrie's cheeks went pink. “Um, no.”

  My eyes narrowed as a thought occurred to me. Dax hadn't actually said that Gavin had personally fired him. Gavin was the boss, so it was natural to assume that he'd been the one calling the shots.

  “Did you fire Dax because of what I told you?”

  When she finally looked at me, there was a stubborn set to her jaw. “Yes.”

  I sighed. “Really? Gavin doing it, I guess I could see, but you, Carrie? I didn't think you were that overprotective.”

  “I'm not.” She went back to pushing bacon around with her spatula. “Don't get me wrong, I wanted to cut off his balls for the way he talked to you, but I'd never make a business decision based on personal feelings.”

  I raised an eyebrow. “Then why'd you fire him?”

  “I never told you how Dax got hired, did I?” She glanced at me, and I shook my head. “I mostly work on human trafficking cases, but sometimes I take on other cases that spark my interest. A year ago, a former client referred a case to me where a woman was injured at work, and her company fired her.”

  I recalled a comment Dax had made last night. “Dax's mom.”

  Carrie nodded. “Annabeth didn't deserve what happened to her. I've been working on her case, but the company was trying to drag things out rather than settle. Gavin and I offered Dax a job so he could help his mother.”

  “But you fired him.” I was completely confused now.

  “I did,” Carrie said.
“And it was because of what he said to you, though not for the reason you think.”

  I snatched a piece of bacon and ate it while she continued.

  “Most people look at Club Privé as a sordid place where people go to have kinky sex.” She gave me a partial grin. “While I suppose that's technically true, the club is more than that. It's a place where people with common interests can come and not worry about what other people think about them. We rely on trust and respect.” Her expression grew serious. “Someone who would behave so disrespectfully to a woman he'd had sex with can't be trusted to maintain the sort of discretion and respect needed to work in that sort of setting. That is why I fired him.”

  My respect for Carrie went up even more. Before I could say anything though, my phone rang.

  “Hello?”

  “May I speak with Bryne Dawkins?” The woman's voice was pleasant, but she pronounced my name wrong, making the y sound like a long i rather than a short one.

  I didn't bother to correct her. “Speaking.”

  “This is Jacqueline Jamison, the casting director for Collide.”

  My heart felt like it lodged in my throat.

  “We'd like you to come in for a second reading for the part of Gretchen.”

  Gretchen. The romantic lead.

  “Th-that would be great.” I found the closest chair and sat down. “When do you want me to come in?”

  “Would it be possible for you to come in this afternoon? Four o'clock?”

  “Yes, I can be there.”

  “Great. We'll see you then.”

  I stared at my phone for a solid minute, unable to believe what just happened.

  “Bryne?” Carrie touched my hand.

  “I have a callback.” Hearing it still didn't make it feel any more real.

  Carrie threw her arms around me. “That's wonderful! Tell me all about it!”

  The fact that I'd gotten a callback on my first New York audition should have meant I'd be more relaxed going in for a second audition but, if anything, I was even more anxious. I wasn't expecting to get the part. Rejections were a part of wanting to be an actor. I'd prepared for that. Even if I didn't get the role, I hadn't prepared to get this far so fast.

  It was stupid, I knew, to be so thrown by something good, but that didn't do anything to keep my pulse from racing and my mouth from going dry. I took a quick swig from my bottle of water and then told myself that if I wanted to be an actress, this was a good place to start. If I couldn't convince them that I wasn't nervous, then I didn't deserve the job.

  “Miss Dawkins.” Jacqueline smiled at me when I entered the room. “Today, you'll be reading with Todd Emery. He'll be playing the lead character, Christopher Halloway.”

  I hadn't noticed the new person in the room until now. About six feet tall, unruly strawberry blond hair, and a gorgeous pair of smokey gray eyes, Todd was perfect for the role of the broody romantic lead. He smiled at me and stepped forward, stretching out his hand.

  “Bryne Dawkins,” I said with a smile.

  “All right, Miss Dawkins,” Jacqueline said. “We'll have you and Mr. Emery read a scene, see what the chemistry is between the two of you.”

  I nodded and accepted the page the director handed me.

  Twenty minutes later, Todd took me in his arms and bent his head to give me a scorching kiss. It was a good kiss, the kind that would read well onstage but wasn't too intrusive. The perfect way to end the scene.

  When we both turned to the table, all three faces were beaming at us.

  “That was great,” Jacqueline said. “Seriously, Bryne, the best we've seen.”

  She said my name correctly this time. I hoped that, plus the praise, meant good things.

  “What do you think, Todd?” The director looked at the man standing next to me.

  “She's my choice,” he said without hesitating.

  “Mine too,” Jacqueline added.

  All eyes turned to the third person at the table, the one who hadn't spoken yet. She nodded as well.

  “Technically, we have to go over some things before we can make an official announcement.” The director stood, a smile on his face. “But I think, unofficially, we can agree that you're our choice.”

  “Congratulations.” Jacqueline came around to shake my hand, but I could barely process what she was saying or doing. My head was buzzing.

  I shook her hand, then the other two as well. I was barely aware of them leaving, and then I was alone with Todd.

  “Did that really happen?” I asked, looking up at him. “Did that seriously just happen?”

  He grinned at me, a brilliant smile that made him look even more handsome. “I'm guessing this is your first gig.”

  I nodded, then shook my head. “Not exactly. It's my first one here in New York. I did some stuff back in DC, but this is...different.”

  He chuckled, a nice, warm sound. “Tell me about it. I grew up doing theater in Boise.”

  “How long have you been here?” I asked.

  “Eight years this spring. And I wouldn't go back for the world. It's not always easy, and sometimes we have to deal with some shit people, but if you love it, really love it, it's worth it.”

  I smiled, the tension in me finally easing. Here was someone who got it, who really understood what it meant to want to be a part of something like this. I'd been wrong to go looking for a friend in Dax. We had nothing in common. Here was where I'd find like-minded people, people I could be friends with.

  I wasn't stupid. I knew there'd be backstabbing and jealousy, people who'd be petty and cruel. But there'd also be those who knew what it was like to work long, grueling hours while outsiders talked about how nice it must be not to really have to work for a living. People who understood having to work shit jobs to pay the bills, then going to rehearsals and performances. Getting by on only a couple hours of sleep. Forcing a smile or laugh when every inch hurt.

  “We should do something,” Todd said. “It's the first leading role for both of us. We should celebrate before we have to fill every waking hour with practices and performances.”

  I looked up into those kind eyes of his and thought about that kiss. There hadn't been a spark with him, no real heat. Sure, it'd been for an audition, but I didn't really feel anything now either, looking at him. Admiration, yes. Even a bit of physical attraction, but no real desire. I didn't care if he touched me or not. I had no real opinion about whether or not he kissed me.

  “What do you think?” He reached out and twisted a loose curl around his finger. “Dinner. Maybe a drink.”

  I took half a step back. “Right now?”

  Todd smiled at me. “We can go later if you have someone you want to invite. My boyfriend's visiting his parents in Miami, or I'd invite him along too.”

  Boyfriend.

  Todd was gay. Well, maybe bisexual, but at the very least, he was taken. I didn't have to worry about him hitting on me or taking things the wrong way. I could just hang out with him, spend time with him. We could do things together, and I'd never have to worry about it becoming weird and awkward.

  I smiled at him. “That sounds great. I'm starving.”

  Chapter 10

  “This place is amazing. How'd you find out about it?” I couldn't stop looking around, not even when the waiter placed the most amazing smelling pasta in front of me.

  “Hiram's cousin owns the place,” Todd said as he speared another piece of zucchini. “She's one of my favorite people.”

  Hiram was Todd's boyfriend of three and a half years. According to Todd, Hiram was the whole package. A gorgeous, accomplished architect, he was also in his mid-fifties and had two daughters around Todd's age. Apparently, he'd been married for twelve years before finally coming out. He and his ex-wife were still friends, and his daughters absolutely loved Todd. Once a year, they all took a vacation to the Catskills together.

  By the time we'd ordered our main courses, I knew more about Hiram than I did my own father. Todd loved to talk, and his
favorite topic of conversation was his boyfriend. I didn't mind though. I was more than happy to take the time to listen while I enjoyed my meal.

  “So, Bryne Dawkins,” Todd said after he finished a story about the first time he'd met Hiram's youngest daughter. “How do you like the Big Apple so far?”

  I shrugged. “It's different than DC, especially without my mom here.”

  “Do you have any family here at all?”

  I laughed, and Todd gave me a puzzled look. “That's a crazy story.”

  He pointed his fork at me. “Spill. I live for crazy stories.”

  “Okay, so the short version is that my mother found out just a couple of months ago that she has a younger half-brother. She never knew her father, but we found this letter from him talking about how he went to Sweden and met this woman. They got married and had a son, but he never told them about my mother. When it turned out that my uncle lived in New York, I decided that I'd come here to pursue acting and meet him.”

  “You just showed up on this guy's doorstep like 'hey, I'm your niece?'”

  “Pretty much.” I sipped at the wine Todd had ordered. “Though it was stranger than that how I even ended up meeting him. When I first got here, I met this guy who told me to come see him at work, and he works security at this club.”

  Dax's face popped up in my mind. Not the angry, cruel version of him I'd seen, but the way he'd looked the first night, and the night we slept together. A real smile on his face, eyes sparkling, then dark with desire.

  I pushed those thoughts away. Dwelling on the past wouldn't do anyone any good.

  I continued my story, focusing on the part with Gavin rather than Dax. “While I'm at the club, this guy mentions the name of his boss. I was a little tipsy, so I didn't really register it until the next morning. It turns out that my uncle owns the club I was at.”

  “Which club?”

  I hesitated. I knew that Carrie had said that they were discreet, but I wasn't sure how far that went. They'd have to advertise somehow. Then again, if the only way to get in was through a member, maybe they relied on word of mouth.