Fire Inside

  She started giggling and I did it right along with her.

  She sobered and caught my eye. “You okay with all this?”

  I looked back down to the mushrooms I was slicing. “Yeah.” I pressed my lips together then turned to her and said softly, “Especially the AA part.”

  “You think she means it?” Tyra asked.

  “I think she’s never, not once, not even back in the day when Lis told them she didn’t want to speak to either of them until Mom sorted herself out, admitted she had a problem. They say admitting it is a not only the first step but the most important one so, yeah. I think she means it.”

  “Happy for you,” she told me.

  “Me too,” I replied and watched her eyes slide to the living room and back to me.

  “How happy should I be for you?”

  I understood what she was asking so I gave it to her.

  “He’s gentle. He’s understanding. He’s proved over and over he has my back. He’s mellow, which is good to come home to when my mind is a mess and work is crazy. His kids are great, they like me, and I love watching him with them. He sang ‘You’ll Accomp’ny Me’ to me at a biker bar. And he loves me.”

  Her eyes shot up at Hop singing to me and she breathed, “No joke? He sang to you?”

  I shook my head. “No joke.”

  “Tack told me he used to be in a band. Is he good?”

  I smiled. “He’s a rock star.”

  “I mean, is he good when you aren’t looking through love glasses,” she teased and I locked eyes with her.

  “He should never have given it up. He’s phenomenal,” I stated firmly.

  “Wow,” she whispered.

  “You don’t know wow until you’ve seen Hopper onstage with a microphone and a guitar. Then you’ll know wow.”

  Tyra grinned.

  I went back to slicing mushrooms.

  “ ‘You’ll Accomp’ny Me?’ ” she asked quietly.

  I looked back at her. “It was the best moment of my life until he said last night, ‘Do you have any fuckin’ clue how much I love you?’ ”

  Her eyes got big.

  “Wow,” she repeated.

  “Yes. Now that was wow.” I pulled in a deep breath and turned to her. “He’s mine. I’m terrified. Love hasn’t gone real well for me. He gets that. He’s patient. We fight. It hurts. But somehow, after each fight, we come out stronger.”

  “If it’s right, that’s how it works,” Tyra shared.

  “I’m getting that now.”

  “I wish you would have told me,” she said carefully and I shook my head.

  “I don’t know how it happened, Ty-Ty. I don’t know what I saw that led me to him but I’m glad I followed my gut and my heart because it was Hop I needed to guide me through letting the past go. It couldn’t be you. I was blaming myself for you getting hurt. It had to be someone else and there isn’t anyone in my life, even my sister, who could do it with the tenderness and understanding Hop gave me.”

  Her eyes got bright but her lips smiled and she again said, “Wow.”

  “Absolutely,” I replied. “Wow.”

  My phone rang.

  Rider shouted, “Mom! Cut poked me in the eye!”

  I grabbed my phone as Tack called, “Boy, get your butt over here. You know, the rare happens and your mother’s in the kitchen, you don’t disturb her.”

  Tyra rolled her eyes at me and headed to the living room.

  I put my phone to my ear. “Hey.”

  “You’re banging a biker?”

  It was Elvira.

  “Elvira—” I began only to be cut off.

  “Okay, I been around those hot boys and I got me a fine piece of goodness in my bed but that don’t mean I don’t notice the goodness all around me when I’m on Chaos. So I get you, goin’ there with a brother. What I don’t get is your two sisters sat there, eatin’ up tasty morsels about your man, and you just stood there like a deer caught in headlights and didn’t say shit?”

  “Elvira—” I tried but failed.

  “Tyra called me, told me she got the wrong end of the stick and shared Hop was on a break with his ex-bitch when he was doin’ the nasty with a biker groupie. Still, girl, what the fuck?”

  “Well—”

  “I knew he was a good guy. I can sniff ’em out. The assholes. He didn’t smell like no asshole. So it threw me for a loop, thinkin’ he was a cheater. Thought my radar had gone screwy. Good to know I still got it goin’ on.”

  “I’m glad that—”

  “But you standin’ there, not sayin’ a word? Girl, you crazy?”

  “Actually, yes,” I got out.

  “Yeah, you are. Always knew that. Don’t know why I’m askin’,” she took a breath then changed subjects. “Chaos bonded out your mom?”

  “Yeah. She’s good.”

  “Sistah,” she drew this word out, “you’ve had a helluva day,” she declared and she was not wrong. I heard her shout, “What?” Then nothing, then, “Be right there, baby.” She came back to me. “Date night. Movie, dinner and a little somethin’ somethin’. Pray for me that work doesn’t call him in the middle of our entrée. That happens a lot and it never fails to shit me but what am I gonna do? My man serves and protects. It’s my sacrifice for the population of Denver.”

  I grinned at my phone. “I’m praying.”

  “Good,” she stated, then, “You happy?”

  “Yeah, Elvira, I’m happy.”

  “Good,” she whispered. “Finally.”

  She was right about that.

  Then I heard her shout, “Keep your pants on!” And back to me, “Gotta go. I’m pourin’ martinis in you sometime next week. I want it all but only the PG=rated parts. I do not want to know what that ’tache feels like on your skin.”

  Even if she did, I wouldn’t share that.

  That was all for me.

  She continued, “It’ll give me ideas, and it’ll mean I can’t come over for dinner with you and Hop the week after next ’cause I won’t be able to look him in the eye if I know what that ’tache feels like on my skin. I’ll text you with a night Malik and I can make it. I’m ordering your fried chicken and pecan pie so be prepared.”

  I guessed Hop and I were entertaining Elvira and Malik.

  That worked for me. I just hope it worked for Hop.

  “Right. I’ll wait for your text.”

  “Lanie?” she called.

  “Right here, sweetie.”

  “Keep hold of happy. You deserve it. It’s found you. Don’t let go,” she ordered.

  I really loved Elvira.

  “I’ll keep hold, honey.”

  “Good,” she stated then, “Later, girl.”

  “Later.”

  She disconnected and I looked through the kitchen to the living room.

  Tyra was bent at the waist, Cutter in front of her, and she was talking in his ear.

  Tack was lounged back on my couch, motorcycle boots on my coffee table, arm thrown wide, bottle of beer in his hand, Rider on his knees beside his dad, leaning in but his hands were wrapped around a video game that he was resting on his dad’s chest.

  But Tack’s eyes were aimed at his woman and he had that look in them.

  The look of love.

  My gaze drifted to Hop. He was seated almost exactly like Tack except his neck was twisted to look over the back of the couch, his eyes on me.

  He had the same look in his eyes as Tack.

  But it was all for me.

  I felt my face get soft and I smiled.

  I watched his face get soft and he smiled back.

  Keep hold of happy… It’s found you. Don’t let go.

  Finally, I understood.

  I was wrong and Hopper was right.

  You didn’t avoid having something beautiful because you were terrified of losing it.

  You fought to keep it.

  And when you got it, you kept hold.

  I was going to keep hold.

  Always.

/>   Chapter Eighteen

  At My Mercy

  Five months later…

  I was done, coming down from my climax and grinding into Hop. He had his hands on my hips, fingers digging into my flesh, grinding me down harder when he groaned into my chest.

  I was astride him, he was sitting up, my fingers were in his hair and, as he came, I wrapped my arms around his shoulders.

  When he was done, he slid his hands up my back and glided his lips and mustache up my chest to my neck where his mouth worked.

  I let the sweet feeling of Hop’s mouth moving on my skin sink in and decided it was time. Friday night. The weekend. Hop was mellow. He’d just come. I’d just come. I’d known for a week. He had to know.

  I had to do it now.

  “Uh… honey?” I called.

  “Right here, lady,” he murmured into my neck.

  “How are you, um… feeling?” I asked, seeking confirmation he was in a good place before I laid it out.

  His head tipped back and I saw his lips tipped up.

  “You seriously askin’ that shit?”

  It was, perhaps, a stupid question.

  Then again, my news was huge and it could bring on a variety of responses and I wanted a good one.

  “Well—” I started.

  He wrapped his arms around me as he answered. “My dick is buried in my woman’s wet tight cunt and I just came. How you think I’m feelin’?”

  Okay, it was a stupid question.

  “I need to tell you something,” I shared.

  He registered the look on my face and stopped smiling. “What?”

  Here we go.

  “Well, remember when I started having those headaches and we thought it was about me going to counseling and dealing with all that stuff, but you made me go to the doctor and he did some tests and told me to try going off the pill for a while and then, after that, there were those two times things got, uh… heated and we didn’t exactly—”

  I didn’t finish because Hop pulled me off his cock, flung me onto his waterbed and covered me with his body. Before I got my breath back, he framed my head with both his hands and dipped his face close.

  “You tellin’ me you’re havin’ my baby?” he asked on a growl.

  “Uh… yeah?” I answered but it came out like a question just in case this wasn’t happy news. I couldn’t tell by the growl or the body throw. I also rushed on, “I know this is soon. We haven’t been together long but I’m sure about us and I’m, like, really happy about this baby and—”

  I didn’t finish again because Hopper rolled us and he did this twice, testing the waveless capacity of his waterbed, so we ended up across the bed and I was again on my back with Hop’s weight pinning me down. He reached out an arm, pulled open the drawer to his nightstand, rummaged around and suddenly my hand was up and he was sliding a classic, stunning, diamond solitaire set in a simple, slim white gold band on my finger.

  I stared at the ring and stopped breathing.

  “At Christmas, got Cherry to bullshit you about buyin’ you jewelry and got your ring size. Then I got that. Waited for a good time. Now sure as fuck is that good time,” he declared while I deep breathed.

  But he wasn’t done.

  “You’re movin’ in. Your house is nice, babe, but it’s nice for entertaining. You don’t raise a family in a house like that. You raise one in a house like this. So we’re raisin’ our family in this house. You’re also movin’ in and doin’ it now. Like, this weekend. And you best put your girls to work. You’re gonna have my name before you push out my daughter and they got work to do, they wanna get the wedding planned in time.”

  There was a lot there but I started at the end.

  “Your daughter?”

  “God loves me. Proved it with Molly, Cody, and you. No way, your beauty, He’d give me a boy when you can give that to a girl and I can look at both of you the rest of my life.”

  Oh my God.

  That was so beautiful!

  “Hopper,” I whispered.

  “So she’s a girl,” he declared.

  Oh dear. He was being unbelievably sweet and I had to say what I had to say.

  But this was Hop. He’d spent months proving he understood so I knew he’d understand.

  “Hop, honey,” I put my hand to his cheek and smiled a shaky smile. “I love the ring. It’s gorgeous. I’ll move in. I’m fine with that. Happy, no… thrilled, actually. That’s all good. But we can’t get married.”

  His eyebrows snapped together and he asked, “Come again?”

  “We can’t get married,” I answered carefully.

  “Lady, you want to keep your name for business, do it. Don’t give a fuck. But everybody who lives under this roof has the name Kincaid. We’re a unit in every way we can be, starting with our name.”

  God!

  That was beautiful too.

  He wasn’t making this easy.

  “Hop,” I took in a breath then told him, “That’s not it.”

  His eyes moved over my face for a second. I knew he again registered my look so he invited gently, “Tell me what it is.”

  “I don’t really want this moment spoiled but, I had the ring, the gown, the whole big thing planned with Elliott and—”

  “Okay.”

  I blinked.

  “What?”

  “Okay,” he repeated.

  Was he giving in?

  “You’re okay with us not being married?” I asked hesitantly.

  “You gonna live the rest of your life with me?”

  My heart warmed, my body softened under his, and I felt tears sting my eyes. “Absolutely.”

  “You’re happy about our baby?”

  Oh yes, but happy was an understatement.

  “Over the moon,” I whispered, though I didn’t tell him then I wanted a boy.

  A boy that looked like him.

  His mouth went soft and he dropped his forehead to mine.

  “Then okay, lady.”

  He was giving in.

  “Okay, Hop.”

  “Now kiss me.”

  I lifted my head and kissed him.

  After some time, he broke the kiss, his lips moving over my cheek to my ear as he lifted his hand up, palm cupping my cheek, thumb dragging at my lips.

  “She’s havin’ my baby,” he murmured in my ear and my arms, already around him, squeezed.

  “Yeah.”

  “Makes me happy, Lanie.”

  “Good.”

  “You make me happy, lady.”

  A tear rolled out of my eye and my voice broke on my repeated, “Good.”

  He lifted his head and looked down at me. “Have it all now, I made a baby outta love.”

  He was killing me.

  “Stop making me cry and kiss me.”

  Hop grinned.

  It was the most beautiful thing I’d ever seen.

  Then he did as ordered.

  * * *

  The next morning, way too early, I found myself with a bed head in the clothes I picked up from the floor, and in Hop’s Ram on my way to get donuts with my man.

  I had no idea why I had to go. If Hop wanted donuts, he was perfectly capable of going alone and he well knew by now my order and backups if they didn’t have what I wanted, seeing as every weekend when his kids were at his house, Saturday morning we had LaMar’s donuts.

  I also had no idea why I had to get up so freaking early to go. It was Saturday and anyway, LaMar’s kept stocked all day every day, especially Saturday.

  Hop was insistent so I hauled myself out of bed, got dressed and there we were.

  I was groggily staring out the window, sipping at a travel mug of coffee Hop planted in my hand on the way out of his house, and I watched LaMar’s coming closer.

  Then I blinked as we passed.

  “You passed it, honey,” I informed him, looking over my shoulder and watching LaMar’s get smaller in the distance.

  “Give me your hand,” he said. Unthinking, I gav
e him my hand and looked at him.

  “Are you going to a different LaMar’s or did you find another bakery?” I asked, hoping he was going to a different LaMar’s. If he was going to drag me out of the house to try a different bakery, I feared we’d have words.

  Things with Hop remained good, great, the best, but that didn’t mean we didn’t fight and LaMar’s was definitely worth fighting for. If it was that early and I was out in the world with bed head in clothes I’d worn the day before, I wasn’t taking chances on any old bakery.

  “Got up early, went out, got donuts. They’re in the back,” he stated and I blinked again.

  Then I heard the ratchet of a handcuff. My head jerked down and I saw the bracelet on me and watched as Hop steered with his knee while he ratcheted the other bracelet on his own wrist.

  My head jerked back up and I cried, “What are you doing?”

  “Kidnapping my woman, takin’ her to Vegas, and getting married.”

  My mouth dropped open.

  I snapped it shut to ask, “What?”

  He glanced at me then back at the road. “Babe, learnin’.”

  That didn’t answer my question. That didn’t even make sense!

  “Hopper, what are you talking about? We can’t go to Vegas!”

  “Yeah, we can.”

  My eyes narrowed on him. “I thought you were okay with us not getting married.”

  “Never said that.”

  “Yes you did.”

  “You asked, ‘You’re okay with us not being married?’ I asked, ‘You gonna live the rest of your life with me?’ You said, ‘Absolutely.’ Never said I was okay with it ’cause I’m not. So we’re gettin’ married in Vegas.”

  I stared at him then yanked my wrist, shouting, “You’re crazy.”

  “Headin’ drama off at the pass and doin’ it using drama,” he retorted.

  “What?” I shrieked and got another glance.

  “Babe, knew, I fought it out with you then, we’d hit a drama. I love your drama, you know it, but just found out you have my baby inside you, just put a ring on your finger which, by the way, you didn’t take off.”

  I didn’t.

  I still had it on.

  Gah!

  “Didn’t want to spoil the moment,” he continued. “You passed out after our baby celebration last night. While you were sleepin’, I decided to fight off drama with drama. Commence kidnapping which, over the next few hours, will go over state lines. Twice.”