Peace and War

  One curved horizon appeared, and then, on the opposite side of the screen, another. They inched toward one another until, after fifteen or twenty minutes, the planet was a huge ball, visibly shrinking.

  Marygay had tottered down the stairs and was sitting next to me. 'Goodbye, goodbye,' she whispered, and I echoed her. But I think she was mostly saying goodbye to our son. I was saying goodbye to the planet and the time.

  As it shrank away I felt an odd epiphany, born of science and mathematics. I knew that it would be a month – 34.7 days – before we reached a tenth of the speed of light, and officially I entered the realm of relativity. And it would be months later before the effect of it would be visible, looking out at the stars.

  But we were actually there already. The huge force that made the ship's deck feel like a floor was already bending space and time. Our minds and bodies were not subtle enough to directly sense it yet. But that acceleration was slowly pulling us away from the mundane illusion we called reality.

  Most of the matter and energy in the universe live in the land of relativity, because of extreme mass or speed. We would be joining them soon.

  Fourteen

  We kept the image of Middle Finger centered on the screen for a couple of days, as it shrank to a dot, and then a bright star, and then was lost in the hot glow of Mizar. By the end of the first day, we didn't even have to filter Mizar's glare; it was just the brightest star in the sky.

  People started going about their business. They knew that much of what they did was make-work; the ship, by necessity, could run itself. Even the agriculture, being integral to the life-support system, was closely monitored by the ship.

  Sometimes it bothered me to know that the ship was intelligent and self-aware. It could greatly simplify its existence by turning off life support.

  We, in turn, could override the ship. Marygay's captaincy, now largely symbolic, would suddenly become a real and huge burden. The Time Warp could be run without its brain, but it would be a daunting enterprise.

  The fifteen children aboard did need parents and teachers, which gave some of us real work. I taught physical science and still had 'father' in my job description, though most of my job there was keeping out of Sara's way.

  Everybody who didn't have children had some other ongoing project. A lot of them, of course, were engaged in creating and dissecting scenarios about what we were going to do forty thousand years from now. I couldn't get up much enthusiasm for that, myself. It seemed to me the only model worth planning about was the tabula rasa one, where we came back to find nothing left of humanity. Otherwise, we were Neanderthals speculating about starflight.

  (The sheriff was in favor of a scenario where not much would change over forty thousand years, except increasing mastery over the physical universe. Why would Man want to change? I was more in favor of the one where Man, refusing to allow change, declines into gibbering savagery, in obedience to the Law of Increasing Entropy.)

  There were several people writing histories of our voyage, whom I could visualize waiting hungrily for something bad to happen. No news is bad news for historians. Others were studying the social dynamics of our little group, which did seem worthwhile. Sociology with a uniquely reduced set of variables.

  Others were writing compositions or novels, or otherwise engaged in the arts. Casi was already whittling away at his log, and on the second day out, Alysa Bertram announced she was holding auditions for a play that was in progress; the actors to collaborate on the script. Sara was one of the first to show up, and she was chosen. She wanted me to try out, but the idea of memorizing pages of dialogue always had sounded like mind-numbing torture to me.

  Of course I did have my position on the council to keep me out of trouble. But we had a lot less to do, now that the voyage had begun.

  With 'gravity,' the ship was a totally different place. In orbit, the floors were just nuisances, obstacles you had to swim around, and you thought of the ship in a sort of horizontal way, bow to stern, like a water ship. But now forward was up and aft was down. Less than an hour into the flight, Diana had to treat her first broken bone, when Ami – who had lived for months in zero-gee – instinctively tried to float down a staircase.

  When that happened, I realized we didn't have anyone who was a safety inspector. So I gave myself the job, but wanted an assistant trained in civil engineering. One of the three people qualified was Cat. I guess I chose her so as not to appear to be avoiding her.

  I didn't dislike Cat, though I'd never felt completely comfortable around her. Of course, she'd been born, if you can call it that, nine hundred years after me, into a world where heterosexuality was an affliction so rare most people never even encountered it. But the same was true of Charlie and Diana, our best friends.

  Some were more hetero than others, though; Charlie'd had at least one fling with a guy. I wondered about Cat, who had left her husband behind. (Though at the time I'd been relieved; he was kind of worthless except for chess and go.)

  Cat accepted the offer with enthusiasm. Most of her work was not really going to start for another ten years, when and if we had to roll up our sleeves and start building a new world.

  We decided to work from top to bottom. There wasn't much to be concerned about on the top floor, just cargo and control. Nobody would be going there regularly except for Marygay and her assistants, Jerrod Weston and Puül Ten. The five escape ships weren't locked, and I supposed people might sneak into them for privacy, so we checked them with that in mind.

  There was not much inside them but acceleration couches and the suspended-animation pods. The couches looked safe enough, all padding, and I didn't think anyone would venture into the pods, unless they wanted to have sex in a dark coffin full of machinery. Cat said I lacked imagination.

  The fourth floor was where most of the aquaculture was, so there was theoretical danger of drowning. All the tanks were shallow enough for adults to stand in with their heads above water, but most of the children were small enough for it to be a potential hazard. All the families with children lived on the first floor, but of course the kids would be roaming everywhere. The DON'T FEED THE FISH sign gave me an idea. I found Waldo Everest, who confirmed that the fish were fed a measured amount each day, and he agreed to go along with my plan: make the children responsible for actually scattering the feed. So the aquaculture pools would be their workplace, rather than a forbidden 'attractive nuisance.'

  I'd never heard of that phrase until Cat used it. Describes some people well.

  There were three shallow rice paddies which also were home to thousands of crayfish, not quite big enough for the menu yet. About half the floor area was given over to fast-growing grains, fish food. This floor smelled best to me, a whiff of the sea along with green growing things.

  Not many safety hazards other than the fish ponds and some of the harvesting machinery. This was the stairwell where Ami fell and broke her arm, but it wasn't uniquely dangerous.

  The elevator was right across from the stairs, 120 meters away, but you couldn't just walk across. The narrow path between the various hydroponic fields zigged and zagged. So we just walked around the sidewalk in front of the living quarters, which on this floor made up half a circumference of apartments, identical in size but with slightly different layouts.

  The apartment where Marygay and I lived was right next to the elevator, a privilege of rank that was also a necessary convenience: the control room was directly overhead. I invited Cat in for tea. One apartment was as good as any other, to look over for safety hazards.

  Compared to military quarters, the apartments were large. The ship was originally configured to hold 205 people, each one having one room four meters square. So our 150 were well spread out. Twenty-eight couples planned on having one or two children during the voyage, but even so, it wouldn't be especially crowded.

  It did feel claustrophobic after our big house in Paxton, with the windows looking out on forest on one side and the broad lake behind. I put holo w
indows of the lake on the wall of our bedroom, but was thinking we ought to reset them. It looked real but felt false.

  'Fire hazard,' I said, putting the kettle on for tea. 'Burn hazard, anyhow.' The two burners were induction heaters, so you'd have to be really trying, to injure yourself.

  'You have knives and things,' Cat said. By choice, she didn't have a cooking area in her own place. Marygay and I had brought along enough kitchenware to cook and serve a meal for six, and a cabinet of precious spices and herbs. Up to a certain hour, by our tentative rules, you could go to the kitchen and get a meal's worth of raw materials, rather than show up for chow and have what everyone else was having.

  'They say the bathroom's the most dangerous room in the house,' she said. 'Not much to worry about there.' We had a toilet and small sink. Each floor had a shower room and a schedule, and there was a shower by the pool on the common floor.

  The teapot chimed and I poured us each a cup, and sat next to her on the couch. I looked around the room critically. Not much to worry about anywhere. You think about accidents at home – falls, cuts, burns, exposure to dangerous substances – and most of them involve things we don't have here.'

  She nodded. 'Balanced by dangers we don't have at home. Like meteorites and life-support failures and the idea of standing on top of tonnes of antimatter.'

  'I'll make a note.' We sipped in silence for an awkward minute. 'Did you come along just to … just because of Marygay?'

  She stared at me for a moment. 'Partly. Partly because I knew Aldo wouldn't. It was an unembarrassing way to end the marriage.' She set down her cup. 'I also like the idea of running away, finding a new world. We weren't drafted, you know, in my time. I joined up to see new worlds. Middle Finger was getting pretty small.' She made a wry smile. 'Aldo really liked that. He fell in love with the farm.'

  'You're farming here, part time.'

  'Exercise. And I do know my root vegetables.'

  'I'm glad you came.'

  'You are.' It was a question. 'Aldo thought I was chasing after Marygay. Did he talk to you about that?'

  'Not in so many words.' But a lot of unsubtle innuendo.

  'We do … I do love her.' Cat was trying to keep a tremble out of her voice. 'But I've been, we've been, sixteen years this way. Just neighbors, close neighbors. I'm content with that.'

  'I understand.'

  'I don't think you do. I don't think men can.' She picked up her cup with both hands, as if to warm them. 'Maybe that's not fair. I never met a het man until I was on Heaven, my mid-twenties. But the normal men and boys I grew up with always had to do each other. It wasn't serious if you weren't doing. Girls and women, it was different. You loved someone or you didn't. Whether you did each other was not a big deal.'

  'Yeah, I guess we were different. It's not het versus home. Women were more sexually aggressive in my time, too. But you were born, what, nine hundred years after I was?'

  She nodded. 'I think it was 2880, your style.'

  'I don't want to sound like a jealous husband,' I said. 'I know you and Marygay still love each other. It's obvious to anyone who cares.'

  'Then let's not worry about it. The lack of Aldo in my life is not going to drive me into her arms. Somebody's, maybe. But I'm as het as you are, remember?'

  'Sure.' I did wonder about that – how effective or permanent Man's technique actually was. I trusted Cat but did wonder. 'More tea?'

  'No, we ought to move along.' She smiled. 'People will start talking about us.'

  The third floor, the commons, did have safety problems that hadn't been obvious in zero gee. The carpeting in the cafeteria was old and loose, inviting people with their hands full to trip. There was nothing to replace it with, of course. We pried up a corner and decided the metal deck would be preferable; the dried adhesive was easy to peel off. I'd assemble a work crew in a few days.

  We tested most of the apparatus in the fitness room, weight machines and stationary rowing, skiing, and pedaling ones. We looked at the rings and ropes and parallel bars and decided someone else could be the first to have an injury on them.

  There were a lot of people already in the pool, including nine of the children. I knew the ship was watching that all day and night. The only people who lived on the commons floor were Lucio and Elena Monet, both expert swimmers with an apartment that overlooked the pool. One of them was always there, and could get to the pool in seconds if the ship sounded an alarm.

  The first and second floors were drier versions of the fourth: 95 percent farm, ringed by apartments. The only water hazard was an oyster bed, so shallow you could only drown there in a prone position. (I had resisted activating the bed, which took six months to produce a crop, but was overridden by people who can actually look at an oyster without feeling ill.) Unlike the fourth floor, all of the apartments were one-story, so we didn't even have stairs to worry about.

  The area under the first floor was the most dangerous part of the ship, but it was beyond the jurisdiction of the safety inspector and his trusty civil engineer. Seven tonnes of antiprotons seethed there in a glowing ball, held in place by a huge pressor field. If anything happened to the pressors, we would all have about one nanosecond to prepare ourselves for a new existence as highly energetic gamma rays.

  Cat volunteered to take charge of the carpet demolition project, and I let her lead it, though I'd become accustomed to the role myself. For ten months, I'd been at the center of everything – arguing, coordinating, deciding – and now I was just another passenger. With a title and an amorphous job, but not in charge anymore. I had to get used to watching other people do it.

  Fifteen

  Marygay was theoretically on duty all the time, but in fact she only spent one eight-hour shift each day actually in the control room. Jerrod and Puiil took the other two shifts.

  Their physical presence in the control room was more a psychological, or social, need than an actual one. The ship always knew where all three were – and if there was a need for a quick decision, the ship would make it without consulting the humans. Human thought was too slow for emergencies, anyhow. Most of us passengers knew this, but it was comforting to have humans up there anyhow.

  She liked studying the controls, a complex maze of readouts, buttons, dials, and so forth, arrayed along a four-meter panel with two two-meter wings. She knew what everything was and did through her ALSC training, the way I knew how to fly a shuttle, but it was good to reinforce that crammed-in expertise with experience and observation in real time.

  (One evening I asked her how many bells and whistles she thought there were on those eight meters of control board. She closed her eyes for about five minutes and then said, 'One thousand two hundred thirty-eight.')

  She chose to be on from 0400 to 1200, so we always met for lunch when she got off. We'd usually throw something together at our place, rather than go down to the 'zoo,' the cafeteria. Sometimes we'd have company. Back on MF we always had lunch with Charlie and Diana on Tuesdays, and saw no reason to change that ritual.

  The second week out, I made potato and leek soup, for the first but not the last time – we'd be limited, for several months, to the vegetables Teresa and her crew had been able to grow in zero gee. So no tomatoes or lettuce for a few months.

  Charlie showed up first, and we sat down to our ongoing chess game. One move apiece, and Marygay and Diana came in together.

  Marygay looked at the board. 'You ought to dust that every now and then.'

  I gave Diana a kiss. 'How's the doctor business?'

  'God, you don't want to know. I spent most of the morning exploring the rectum of one of your favorite people.'

  'Eloy?' I knew he had a problem.

  She wagged a finger. 'Confidentiality. I noticed a lot of vowels in his name, though.'

  Eloy Macabee was a strange abrasive man who called me almost every afternoon with some complaint or suggestion. He was the keeper of the chickens, though, so you had to give him some leeway. (Fish and chickens were the only an
imals we'd had aboard in zero gee. Fish can't tell the difference and chickens are too dumb to care.)

  'Actually, you should know. Both of you,' she said to Marygay as they both sat down at the table. 'We have a small epidemic on our hands.'

  I turned up the heat on the soup and stirred it. 'A virus?'

  'I wish. A virus would be easy.' Marygay poured coffee. 'Thanks. It's depression. I've treated twenty-some people the last three days.'

  'That is an epidemic,' Charlie said.

  'Well, people do catch it from each other. And it can be deadly; suicide.'

  'But we expected it. Allowed for it,' Marygay said.

  'Not so soon, though, nor so many.' She shrugged. 'I'm not worried about it yet. Just puzzled.'

  I ladled the soup into bowls. 'Do the victims have anything in common?'

  'Unsurprisingly, it's mostly people who don't have real jobs, who aren't involved in the day-to-day running of things.' She took a notebook out of her pocket and tapped a few numbers. 'Just occurred to me … none of them are veterans, either.'

  'Not too surprising either,' Charlie said. 'At least we know what it's like, being cooped up together for years at a time.'

  'Yeah,' I said, 'but not ten years. You'll be seeing some of us before long.'

  'Good soup,' Marygay said. 'I don't know. I'm feeling more and more comfortable, now that I'm used to…'

  'Bill,' I said.

  'Yes. Shipboard wasn't the worst part of the war. This is like "old home week," as we used to say. But without Taurans to worry about.'

  'One,' Diana said. 'But it's really no problem, not yet.'

  'Keeps to itself.' I hadn't seen it five times.

  'It must be lonely,' Marygay said. 'Separated from its group mind.'

  'Who knows what goes through their heads.'

  'Throats,' Diana said.

  I knew that. 'Just an expression.' I made the kissing sound for the ship. 'Continue Mozart.' Soft strains of a lute being chased by woodwinds.