Mom, I'm Gay
Chapter 7
When Jonathan came back with the bread, he and Patrick talked, but I could tell it was somewhat strained. I wished I could leave to give them some time alone, but I was running out of time and still had to make the salad. After seeing how uncomfortable he was feeling with Patrick, I was happy to give Jonathan an easy way out for the evening, especially after hearing Patrick’s forecast for him meeting Marshall and Bob. I decided not to beat around the bush, but just came out and told him the situation.
“Jonathan, I think you are going to change your mind about having dinner with us tonight, and I completely understand. Lily will be joining us for dinner.”
“Lily?” Jonathan looked at me with complete dismay. “Why would you invite her?”
“Um, she’s called several times and tried to make amends over your ordeal. And I realized that I had three men coming for dinner tonight with just me, so I thought….”
“You invited three men? Mom, that’s pretty weird. I thought you said you invited some clients from work.”
“They are clients, Jon…two young men, and then Patrick called…” I started to explain, but Jonathan already had it figured out.
“The other two men wouldn’t happen to be gay, would they, Mom?” he raised his voice ever so slightly as he asked. He looked me right in the eyes, and he knew the answer. I never even answered him.
“Oh, my God! I can’t believe you…” He was really upset, and I was so glad Patrick was here because in my desire to be supportive, I had made quite a mess of things.
The more I tried to talk to Jonathan, the worse I made things. Finally, Patrick motioned for me to leave the room, and I heard them go into the family room. I knew Patrick was trying to reason with Jonathan as I began to set the dining room table. I was feeling miserable and briefly thought about canceling the dinner. I knew it was too late to do that, and still in the back of my mind, I knew I needed my own support group. I thought I might have found it in Marshall and Bob. It was becoming all too clear that I wasn’t doing a very good job on my own. Of course, they didn’t know anything about it, but I had the feeling since the first time I met them they would be up to the task of helping me in my quest to be the supportive parent Jonathan deserved. In fact, I felt God had put them in my life for that reason.
At the moment, though, I wanted Jonathan to calm down, and I didn’t even know where to begin. Silently, I thanked God that Patrick was here right now. As I listened to him talk to Jonathan, I wondered how he had become so talented with speaking with teenagers – the little I could distinguish made me realize that the words Patrick was saying were not off the top of his head. He really knew what to say. I heard things like, “She was thinking of a way to help you, not hurt you,” “You’re not the first gay kid in this state, you know” and such. It was obviously helping because Jonathan was calming down. His voice was sounding less agitated as the conversation went on.
After twenty minutes, I heard the front door close, and I knew Jonathan had left. I had finished setting the table and was back to the kitchen to get everything ready when Patrick came in. I wanted to sit down and cry, but instead, Patrick gave me a little squeeze and said, “He’ll be all right, but I’m sure glad that I came today. I don’t really know what he would have done if your friends came and he figured it out – which would have happened mighty quickly since he did it without ever laying eyes on them.”
“They aren’t even my friends yet, Patrick. I liked them the first time I met them, and I was just hoping we could form a friendship. I know I need lots of support to be the right kind of parent for Jonathan...” I stopped talking as I reflected on what had just happened. “This was a really bad idea, wasn’t it? I’m guessing you’re going to tell me I had better cancel the subscription to the gay magazine I got him for graduation?”
“Mara, you really didn’t…” he started to ask but he could tell I really had. He gave me a patronizing smile, but at least he didn’t laugh at me this time. “Yes, you should cancel it. Or let it be from me, if it’s a decent magazine. We’ll talk about it later.” He giggled and said, “You’ve got a lot to learn, old girl, but I know you’re going to be fine. I’m glad you are having this dinner. I can guarantee there will be some awkward moments tonight, but if we get through them, maybe you’ll gain some perspective to help you know when your ideas aren’t so hot. You are a wonderful parent, Mara, and you’re going to handle this latest challenge just like you’ve handled all the rest – the best you can. I can honestly tell you that having a gay son is probably going to present no more challenges than a straight son, but there will be some different challenges…Parenting doesn’t come with an owner’s manual, you know.”
“Do I ever! How do you know so much about teenagers, Patrick? From the little I could overhear, you were such a natural talking with Jonathan!”
“Actually, I’m not a natural,” he answered modestly. “I have attended hours of classes and seminars and the like, learning how to counsel gay teens. I didn’t exactly get a warm reception from my parents when I came out, and it’s my hope that I can help some young people through that kind of thing. I really enjoy volunteering at the center in Boston when time permits.”
This was news to me. I was proud to hear Patrick was doing that and I said so.
“You know, Mara,” he said to me, “there are support groups…”
I told him I’d been looking into that as a possibility; so far, I was more comfortable reading some articles and trying to form my own “support group.” I didn’t know how to tell him I wasn’t really comfortable with how many categories were included in the groups. I hadn’t even figured out why the words ‘bisexual’ and ‘transgender’ were hard for me to accept, so I left that unsaid. Patrick nodded and said he knew I’d figure out what was right for me.
“Patrick, there are so many things I want to talk about with Jonathan. I just don’t know how…I want to know if he’s dated, because I don’t even know that, and if he has, who…”
“You want to know all the same things about Jonathan that every parent wants to know about their teenagers, straight or gay. But Mara, those are tough subjects for all teens. Dating is private, kind of a necessary rite of passage.” He went on to give me sound advice about these worrisome topics, and kept reiterating that it wasn’t just because Jonathan was gay. He reminded me of some of the trials I had endured with Gabby when she was in high school.
“You haven’t forgotten when Gabby was asked out by that forty year old right after she turned eighteen, have you?”
No, I hadn’t forgotten that! It was so clearly a bad idea, but the more I tried to make her see that, the more inclined she seemed to go, until a friend confided the same man had asked her out, also right after her eighteenth birthday. Then she saw the light.
Patrick was such a wonderful person, and I was so glad he was here, at this very moment. I gave him a hug and thanked him. Then he abruptly changed the subject away from the difficulties of parenting teenagers, straight or gay, back to our imminent dinner.
“Now Mara, I’m thinking tonight might have a few rocky spots. Do you have enough wine? A little extra wine can always help smooth over things…”
“You’re causing me to feel more concerned than I already am about tonight! Let me show you what I have, and if it’s not enough we still have time to make a quick run to the store. By the way, where did Jonathan go, and when will he be back?”
Patrick checked on the wine and decided we definitely needed more, which was not very comforting to me, and he told me that Jonathan was going to see if Janey, Megan or one of the others wanted to do something, since he definitely did not want to stick around the house to see Lily or meet Marshall and Bob. He didn’t think I needed to worry about where Jonathan was that night, as he told me Jonathan just needed some time and space. By the time we got home from buying more wine, there was just enough time for me to change and take one last look around the house before t
hey arrived. Patrick was staying in the Gabby’s room, and he went to shower and change, too.
I went into the dining room first. We rarely used it but it really was a great room, and with the table set and ready for guests, it looked inviting. I had inherited my grandmother’s entire dining room set. It was in excellent condition, made in the 1920s of mahogany in the Chippendale style. The dining room was large, with plenty of room for the pedestal table, two captain’s chairs and six more side chairs. The seats of the chairs were covered with a striped upholstery fabric that matched the 1920s style. There was also a china cabinet, a buffet and two smaller chairs on either side of a small side table. The chandelier somehow brought out the best in the table, which had enough shine to reflect the small lights. I had moved two of the side chairs and one captain’s chair away from the table and put them along the wall to make the table look more intimate. It was set for five and I couldn’t help but admire it myself. I always wondered if Dick and I had bought this house because the dining room was just perfect for the set, or if it really was the rest of the house, which was what we had tried to convince ourselves.
The house was old, nearly 150 years old, but it had so much charm and was built so well that it didn’t need a great deal of maintenance the way many older homes do. Some of the brick on the outside had needed repair, but the plaster walls were crack-free and the windows had been replaced just before we bought the place. The roof was the first big project we took on. It was very expensive, but we had it re-tiled in the original style with slate, and it was a perfect complement to the brick exterior. Of course the yard was quite large; therefore there was endless work to do in the yard, but that had always been a source of relaxation for me. We had finished remodeling the kitchen shortly before Dick had died, and working in the yard had given me solace while I worked through my loss after his death. I did far more work outside than we had ever planned. When the kids were young, long before Dick died, each time I had sold a house, I always put a little of the commission aside for my “yard fund.” For two years after Dick died, I had sold record numbers of houses (I always wondered if the extra business was because people felt sorry for me) and then things calmed back down to normal. The “yard fund” was sizeable, and I used every bit of it. Working hard with plants and soil like that had helped me get through the initial shock and kept me busy during the long hours the kids were in school that I wasn’t working. When things settled down, I spent time reflecting on life while I worked out there with my hands. It wasn’t easy work, but doing it calmed my mind and filled many hours.
Because of that work, the outside of this house was now something of a showpiece, but lately I was beginning to realize I might not be staying in the house much longer. With both kids away at college, I just couldn’t imagine the emptiness of the house, and I realized I should be looking for something smaller soon. I also no longer “needed” to spend the time working in the yard, and was hoping to start finding some more sociable activities to occupy my time. Telling Jonathan that was my plan with tonight’s dinner hadn’t just been a cover-up.
I walked through all the rooms on the first floor, and felt pleased that the house looked all right. I looked at myself one last time in the hall mirror and saw plain Jane me looking back. I had on a simple black and white dress and a white bow in my pulled back hair, with a plain gold chain around my neck and small, gold hoops in my ears. A little make up but not much completed the look – I hadn’t put on any shoes yet, but I thought I might stay barefoot…Of course, I knew I would look extra plain and ordinary next to Lily…
Lily…what on earth had I done? Did I really trust her enough not to ruin the evening? I was thinking these thoughts when the doorbell rang. Of course, Bob and Marshall were standing at the door…but they weren’t ready to come inside.