Without You

  “What?” she barely said.

  “I want to hear you say it, Lex, from your sweet, innocent lips. I want to hear you say it.”

  She closed her eyes, and when they opened again, I could see the moon in her eyes, and they were sparkling with lust.

  “Fuck me, Will. I want you to fuck me.”

  I pulled out of her and spun her around. We were in waist-deep water now, so it was easier to stand. I pushed her bathing suit top up, exposing her breasts.

  I kissed her neck and said, “Touch yourself, Lex.”

  She quickly brought both hands up and began playing with her nipples.

  “Shit…that is sexy as hell.”

  She dropped her head back and moaned.

  I couldn’t wait another second. “Spread your legs some, Lex, and promise me, you’ll tell me if I hurt you.”

  Her breathing became heavier, and she looked over her shoulder at me. “I-I promise.”

  “Put your hands on the rock, baby. I’m gonna fuck you from behind. I’ve been dreaming about this for weeks.”

  “Oh God, Will…yes…please now…”

  I pushed myself into her, hard and fast, and she let out a gasp.

  “Are you okay?”

  “Move! Will, move!”

  I grabbed her hips and began doing just what I’d said I was going to do. The sound of our bodies hitting in the water and Lex moaning had my dick growing harder. It was so damn hard that it almost hurt.

  “Jesus, Lex. You look so damn sexy. Does it feel good?”

  “Yes! Will, I’m going to come. Harder! Please…harder.”

  I grabbed her hips and began fucking her harder. The friction of our bodies and the sounds of splashing water were soon replaced by us calling out each other’s names at the same time.

  “I’m coming! Oh God, Will…it feels…so…good. Will…oh, Will!”

  “Yeah…right there it is…ah…Lex, I’m coming. Oh God, Lex.”

  I’d never had an orgasm like that before. It was more than intense. It was unbelievable, and it lasted for what seemed like forever. It had never felt so damn good, and for the first time, I wished I wasn’t wearing a condom, so I could just spill myself into her.

  Lex collapsed over the rock as she gasped for air. “My. God. That. Was. Incredible.”

  I quickly looked, and no one was around. I pulled off the condom and gave it a toss.

  “Lex…I’ve never felt something so…amazing.” I was trying to take in slow deep breaths.

  She turned and pulled her swim top down, covering her breasts. She walked up to me and smiled as she wrapped first her arms and then her legs around me.

  “It just keeps getting better and better, Will. I wanted to just scream out because it felt so good.”

  I gently kissed her lips. “Yes, it did. We’re gonna have to fuck more often.”

  She giggled and nodded her head. “Yeah, we are.”

  “I love you, Lex.”

  “I love you, too, Will. I always will.”

  I gently sucked her bottom lip into my mouth as she let out a small moan. I began moving us back up the river, and we drifted back to where everyone was.

  “What are y’all doing alone down here in the river at night?”

  My lips pulled away from Lex’s, and she had a look of horror on her face. We both turned to see Gunner and Jeff standing on the edge of the river.

  Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Where did I throw the condom? In the river? On the bank? Oh, holy shit, Lex doesn’t have her bottoms on.

  “Swimming, Daddy. What does it look like?”

  I swallowed hard.

  “Get off of him, Lex. Will, you know better. There could be snakes. Both of y’all get the hell out,” Gunner said.

  Lex got off of me, and she stuck her hand in the pocket of my swim trunks. I jumped back, but she glared at me. She pushed her hand in again and pulled something out.

  Her bottoms.

  As we moved farther up the stream, Gunner and Jeff walked along the edge. I pulled up my trunks and attempted to act normal.

  “What are y’all doing down here?”

  Jeff looked at me and then back at Lex, who was attempting to put her bottoms on while making it seem like she wasn’t putting her bottoms on.

  I stood up and began walking out of the river.

  Gunner looked back at the party and then back at me. “Where did y’all get the beer? And who is drinking?”

  I silently said a prayer that Colt wasn’t drinking. He had football practice the next day, and he wouldn’t want to get sick from drinking.

  “Um…Luke, me…” I turned back and looked at Lex.

  She was still trying to get dressed, but she just looked like she was sitting there. She nodded her head, and I looked back at Gunner.

  “Um…Lex had one, and Libby had one.”

  Gunner tilted his head. “Taylor here?”

  I nodded my head. “Yes, sir, but both Lauren and Taylor know they aren’t allowed to drink.”

  Jeff and Gunner both nodded their heads.

  Gunner looked back out at Lex. “Alex, what in the hell is wrong with you? Get out of the water right now.”

  I was just about to say something when she popped up out of the water…with her bottoms on.

  She got out and walked by, making her way over to her T-shirt and shorts. I watched her every move and got a slap on the back of the head…and then another slap.

  “Hey!” I shouted.

  Gunner gave me a look that honestly scared me. “Put your damn eyes back in your head.”

  Jeff laughed and shook his head. “Will, is Luke drinking?”

  I nodded my head. “Yes, sir, a lot, but I’m planning on keeping my eye on him.”

  Jeff nodded his head. “I’ll kick his ass if he tries to drive.”

  I shook my head. “No, sir. No one will be driving if they’ve had anything to drink. We took the keys, and Taylor put them in a safe place.”

  Both Gunner and Jeff nodded their heads.

  “Y’all have fun, and don’t get too crazy. No more swimming, you two.”

  Lex gave an awkward laugh and just stood there, not saying a word. I watched as Gunner and Jeff began walking back down the river trail. They both got on their horses and started to ride away.

  I let out the breath I had been holding.

  Lex grabbed my arm and said, “Oh my God! Will, we almost got caught!”

  I slowly nodded my head and whispered, “I know. I think I just saw my whole life flash before my eyes.”

  Thank you, God. I owe you so big for this one.

  Lex giggled and began skipping toward everyone. She turned around and threw her hands up in the air. “I feel amazing!”

  I laughed as I watched her run up to Grace and Libby. She said something, and Libby put her hands up to her mouth as Grace started laughing.

  When I walked up, Libby turned to me. “My ears! Oh my God, I need to wash out my ears!” She walked off as Grace and Lex started laughing.

  Grace looked at me and winked. “Fuckin’ in the river. That should be a title to a song.”

  Lex hit her. “Grace! Oh my God!”

  I smiled as I looked at Lex. She was beautiful and happy.

  She’s all mine.

  If only I could shake the uneasy feeling I had about that last statement…

  “Alex, just relax. Everything is going to be fine.”

  I paced back and forth in our kitchen as I glanced up and looked at my mother. Relax? Relax! I can’t relax.

  I was leaving for college in a little over a week. I was leaving Will.

  “I don’t know if I can do this, Mom. I don’t know if I want to do this.”

  My mother frowned and shook her head. “Nonsense. Of course you can do it, and you will do it. You’re getting your degree if I have to go and sit with you in each class for the next four years.”

  I sat down and put my head in my hands. Tears were threatening to spill at any moment. I heard the screen door open, and I i
nstantly relaxed when I smelled my great-grandmother’s perfume.

  “Are you ready to go for our walk, Alexandra?”

  I looked up at her, and she smiled her beautiful, bright smile. I stood up and walked up to her. “Yes, Grams, I’m ready.”

  We walked for what seemed like forever before she broke the silence. “What are you afraid of?”

  I shrugged my shoulders, but I instantly thought back to the other day when Daddy and I had gone for a ride.

  I saddled up Banjo and Pinto and walked both horses out of the barn. I smiled when I saw my father walking up to me. It had become a weekly thing for us to go for our father-daughter ride. I would ride Banjo nearly every day, and my heart was breaking that I was leaving him. Besides Will and my father, Banjo was the only other man in my life. He was my comfort zone. Being with my horse relaxed me, and I felt at peace.

  I had fallen asleep last night in Banjo’s stall, and I had woken up to Will whispering in my ear how much he loved me. He’d carried me all the way back up to the house and kissed me good night so tenderly.

  “You ready to go for our ride, Little Bear?”

  I smiled and nodded my head. “Yes, sir.”

  We rode for a bit in silence before Daddy started talking about how much I was going to love UT.

  “There are so many places to eat in Austin that it is unreal.”

  I giggled and looked at him. “Places to eat, Dad? That’s what you want to talk about?”

  He winked at me and looked straight ahead. “Are you getting nervous?”

  I swallowed hard. “Yes. I’m scared, nervous, angry.”

  He quickly looked back at me. “Angry?”

  I looked at him and gave him a weak smile. “I’m going to miss him, Daddy, more than you will ever know.”

  He gave me a weak smile in return. “I know you will, Alex. You just have to trust me. I know it will be hard to be away from Will, but if you’re truly meant to be together, it will work out.”

  I shook my head and let out a sigh. As Banjo rode along, I closed my eyes and listened to the birds chirping. The hot sun felt so good on my face.

  I love it here.

  My father’s voice pulled me back to reality.

  “Alex, the only thing you’ve known your whole life is Mason, this ranch, and your friends. Have you ever wondered what else could be out there?”

  “No! Why is it so hard for you to accept that I want this life, Daddy? You don’t question Colt when he says he wants to take over the ranch someday.”

  My father looked away. “Colt is different.”

  My mouth dropped open. “How? How are his wants any different than mine?”

  “Alex, I want the world for you. I want you to experience life outside of Mason, outside of Will.”

  I sucked in a breath of air. “You want me to meet someone else? Daddy, I love Will, and I’ll always love Will.”

  “Okay. Well then, why are you so angry, Alex?”

  I went to say something back, but I stopped.

  I’d had the same dream over and over again the last few weeks. It was me…kissing someone other than Will. What had scared me the most was…I was enjoying it.

  “I just want you to keep an open mind, Alex. I’m not asking you to forget about Will. Hell, visit each other on weekends. I don’t care. Just keep an open mind. That’s all I ask.”

  I nodded my head and quickly tried to push all my doubts and fears from my mind.

  “Want to race?” I asked before kicking Banjo and taking off.

  Grams stopped and looked at me. She grabbed my hand and made me stop to face her. “What are you afraid of?”

  “What if Will meets someone else?”

  She raised her eyebrow at me and gave me that all-knowing look. “You’re worried about Will meeting someone else?”

  I looked down and away as I whispered, “No.”

  “I’m sorry. What was that?”

  I looked back up at her with tears in my eyes. “I’m worried I’ll meet someone else. Grams, I don’t know what is wrong with me. I keep having this dream where I’m kissing someone else, and Daddy keeps filling my mind with how I need to experience more outside of Mason. I’m…I’m…”

  I started crying as she pulled me into her arms.

  “I’m so confused, Grams. I love Will. I love him so much.”

  “Shh…don’t cry, baby girl. Come on, let’s walk while we talk about it.”

  “What was it like for you when you had to leave Gramps?” I asked as we started walking again.

  She chuckled. “It was very hard. Remember though, Alex, you have ways of keeping in touch, unlike what Garrett and I had.”

  “Did you ever doubt your feelings for him?”

  She thought about her answer. “No and yes. I remember there was a boy…oh, what was his name? I don’t even remember.” She chuckled.

  “Did you like him?”

  She looked at me and smiled. “I liked the attention he gave me. It was different. He looked at me in a different way than Garrett did, and a small part of me enjoyed it. Would I have ever done anything with him? No. Never.”

  I looked down and smiled. My grandparents had such a strong marriage. The fact that Gramps still held Grams’s hand, kissed her on the lips, and told her how beautiful she was warmed my heart.

  “Your love with Gramps is so different, Grams.”

  She stopped walking and put her hands on her hips. “Is that so? Are your other grandparents different? What about your parents? Their love must be different, too.”

  I bit down on my lower lip. “Well…I, um…”

  She shook her head and started walking again. “Let me tell you something, Alex, and you listen closely to me. Garrett and I are no different than any other couple in love. The same goes with your other grandparents and your mother and father. It’s true love, Alex. True love is a forever love. It is tested and tried all the time. It’s sometimes broken, but it always, always heals itself. It stands strong during storms, even when it feels like it is about to fall apart. Love’s roots grow stronger and deeper after the storm. That’s true love. There are ups, and there are downs. You just weather them.”

  I nodded my head. “Did you and Gramps have a lot of downs?”

  She laughed. “We had a few. Nothing big, but yes, we had a few. There were times I wanted to knock that man senseless, but I always took a deep breath and stared at him. All he had to do was look at me with those beautiful blue eyes of his or play Nat King Cole’s ‘Send for Me,’ and I would be butter in his hands.”

  I giggled. “I remember Daddy playing that song once, and he and Mama danced in the kitchen to it. I walked in and saw how Mama looked at Daddy. I knew then, in that moment, that I wanted what they had. I want a love like that.”

  Grams laughed. “Oh, Gramps must have told your daddy about that song.”

  “What about it?”

  “Your grandfather only plays it when he’s done something to upset or anger me or when he’s feeling…romantic.”

  She winked, and I could feel the blush hit my cheeks.

  “How romantic,” I whispered.

  She nodded her head and began walking again. “Yes. Yes, it is.”

  We continued to walk in silence as I tried to figure out why I was feeling like I was.

  “Grams? Do you think I’m feeling this way because I’m just worried that Will and I will grow apart?”

  She didn’t look at me as she kept walking. “When I had to move back to Austin and leave Garrett, my whole world felt like it was over. We went for months without seeing each other, and we could only talk on the phone a few times. I’m not going to lie. It was hard, Alex, but nowadays, you kids have those phones, and you can talk to each other over video. You’re only going to be a few hours away from each other. You can visit him, and he can visit you. I will agree with your daddy on one thing. If your love is strong enough and is meant to be, you will be okay.”

  I smiled and nodded my head. “Grams, only y
ou can make me feel so sure about things.”

  She laughed. “No, darling. You feel sure about things when you finally learn to listen to your heart and not your brain.”

  I chuckled and then felt sad. “I’m going to miss our walks.”

  “So will I.”

  “I’m taking Emma to school.”

  Grams looked at me and laughed. “The doll I made you when you were little? Why?”

  “Yes! I love that doll. Emma and Banjo are the two things that make me feel happy—well, besides, Will and family. Oh! And our walks together make me feel the happiest of all.”

  “Well, I’m glad to see I came before the horse at least.”

  Grams and I both laughed as we turned around and started back for home.

  Grace and I were in the barn, taking care of Banjo when Luke walked in humming a song.

  Luke walked up and smiled at us. “Are we ready to party?”

  Grace rolled her eyes. “We’ve had way too many parties this summer, Luke.”

  “Come on, baby sister. You’re heading off to college. You’re going to the big city. Lord knows what will happen to you.”

  I laughed and shook my head. “Luke, if I remember right, you got pretty drunk last week, and Uncle Jeff and Aunt Ari had you training horses the whole next day as punishment.”

  “Hey, I don’t mind working on the land I was raised on. Shit, that reminds me of the song by Sam Hunt, ‘Raised on It.’ I was raised on it! Worked hard and played on it. Hell yeah, ladies, it’s time to play on it.”

  “Whose place? And who are we inviting?” Grace asked.

  I instantly knew where I wanted to have our last field party.

  “Will and Lib’s? How about if we make it just us and a few of our closest friends?” Luke said as he took the piece of watermelon from Grace.

  I quickly agreed and pulled out my phone. “Let me see if Maegan and Taylor can come. They just got back from Baylor.”

  “What are y’all doing in the barn anyway?” Luke asked.

  “Ugh…Alex wanted to spend some time with Banjo,” Grace said.

  “Alex, you know you can bring him to A&M. Oh, wait, you’re going to UT.”

  I gave Luke a dirty look. “Funny, asswipe.”

  My phone pinged, and I looked down at Maegan’s message. “Maegan and Taylor are down for a little get-together. She wants to know who we’re inviting.”