Without You

  He squeezed my hand. “I love you.”

  “I love you, too.”

  Taylor made a noise as she said, “Oh God, gag me.”

  Everyone was down in my dad’s workshop, watching a movie. My dad had put in a projector a few years back for all of us to watch movies on a big screen when we hung out.

  I had asked Lex if she wanted to go take a quick drive and see the stars while everyone was engrossed in the horror film.

  “It’s so peaceful and beautiful out here,” Lex said.

  We were lying in the back of my truck bed, looking up at the night sky.

  “Yeah, it is.”

  “I’m going to miss this.” She turned and faced me.

  I did the same. “Miss what? The stars?”

  She giggled and nodded her head. “That’s one thing I’m going to miss. Will, I’m afraid. What if we meet other people and—”

  I put my finger to her lips to stop her from talking. Ever since Lex had gone to UT for a week, she had been acting different. She was unsure of everything, including us.

  “Lex, I love you. I’m not going to lie and say it’s not going to be hard to be away from you, your touch, your heavenly smell, and your amazing smile.”

  She grinned and looked down. I placed my finger under her chin and lifted her face until her eyes met mine.

  “Lex, do you love me?”

  She sucked in a breath of air. “Yes! More than anything, Will.”

  “Then, have faith in our love.”

  Her eyes began to fill up with tears. “Promise me you won’t meet anyone, Will. Promise me.”

  I leaned her back and crawled on top of her. I pushed my body against hers. “Lex, no one will ever make me feel the way you do. No one. I promise you, it will always be just you and me.”

  “Always you and me, Will. Always.”

  I nodded my head and gently kissed her lips. “Always.”

  “Make love to me, Will.”

  Sitting up, I began taking off my T-shirt and unbuttoning my pants as Lex watched me. She was biting on her lower lip the entire time, and I couldn’t wait to make love to her, to show her how much I loved her.

  I got up and started taking off my pants as Lex sat up and began undressing. I had laid a few blankets down in the back of my truck, knowing I was going to be with her tonight. There was no way I would leave tomorrow without giving her another piece of me.

  She lay back down, and I took her body in. She was breathtaking. Her body was beyond perfect. She wasn’t stick thin at all. She had beautiful curves and toned muscles that drove me crazy mad.

  When I reached down and placed my fingers inside her, I found she was soaking wet. I closed my eyes and whispered, “Damn, Lex. You are always so wet.” I opened my eyes and looked into hers. “Do you want me, Lex?”

  She arched her back and let out a low, soft moan. “Yes. Will, I want you so much.”

  I moved my lips to her neck and then down to her breast where I sucked on one nipple before moving to the next one. I ran my tongue down her stomach to right above her clit.

  “Oh God, yes, Will.”

  I gently blew on her clit as I slipped two fingers into her and began moving in and out.

  “More…” Lex panted.

  I smiled as I leaned in closer and began sucking on her clit. It didn’t take Lex long before she was calling out my name. She bucked her hips and cried out. I pulled my fingers out and tasted my girl. I reached for a condom, quickly put it on, and positioned myself at her entrance. I slowly began to push myself into her, and we both let out a moan.

  I dropped my head and began kissing her neck. “You feel so good. God, you feel so good.”

  Her hands lightly began to move up and down my back as she whispered over and over how good it felt.

  “Will, please go slow. I don’t want this night to end.”

  My heart broke as I made love to Lex in the back of my truck under the stars where we had grown up and fallen in love.

  She will always be mine. Always.

  I felt her bearing down on my dick.

  She let out a gasp and whispered, “Will, I’m coming.”

  I leaned down and captured her moans with my lips as I began coming. I stayed inside her for a few minutes as I let my breathing and heart rate come back down.

  “I’m going to miss you so much, Will.”

  I felt the tears building in my eyes. “I’m going to miss you, too, Lex. I promise to come visit all the time, baby.”

  “Promise me, Will. Promise me.”

  “I swear, baby. I swear, I’ll come and visit as much as I can.”

  I moved and pulled myself out of her warm body.

  She whimpered and said, “I wish you hadn’t used a condom. I just want to feel you once.”

  I shook my head. “Lex, that is playing a very dangerous game, and I won’t do that to you or our future.”

  She smiled and placed her hand on the side of my face. “I love you, William Gregory Hayes.”

  I smiled. “I love you, Alexandra Eryn Mathews, more than you will ever know.”

  I leaned back against my truck and watched as Lex talked to Grams and Gramps. She was telling them good-bye, and her tears were causing me more pain than I’d ever thought imaginable.

  “Are you okay, Will?”

  I turned to see Ellie standing there. My eyes burned from attempting to hold back my tears all morning.

  “Honestly? No.”

  She smiled sweetly and leaned on the truck next to me. “It’s all going to be okay, Will.”

  I shook my head. “My brain is trying to tell me that, but my heart is putting up one hell of a fight.”

  I glanced over and saw a tear rolling down Ellie’s face. As she wiped it away, she pushed off the truck and turned to face me.

  “If it’s meant to be, it will be.” She barely smiled, and then she reached up and kissed me on the cheek.

  I nodded my head and watched as she turned and walked away.

  My mother and father had said the very same thing to me this morning before I’d left to come over here.

  I watched as Grace and Lex said their good-byes to everyone. Luke was hugging Grace for so long that Ari finally had to pull him away. I smiled as I watched Lex say good-bye to Colt. He tried to seem unaffected, but I knew he was going to miss her so much.

  When Lex turned and looked at me, she smiled that beautiful smile.

  Lex and I had spent much of the morning with Banjo. We had gone for a ride early this morning, and then we’d sat in his stall and just talked. We’d agreed that the best thing to do would be for me to see her off with everyone else.

  She walked up to me, and I held out my arms as she walked into them and began sobbing.

  “Promise me, Will.”

  I held on to her tightly as I let my own tears fall. “I promise you, Lex. I promise.”

  She pulled back and gently wiped my tears from my face. “I love you.”

  I tried my best to smile as I wiped her tears away. “I love you more than that.”

  She giggled and shook her head. “I’ll miss you.”

  I looked away and then back at her. “God, Lex, I’m gonna miss you, too, baby.”

  She reached up and kissed me. I placed my hands on her face and deepened the kiss. I didn’t care that Gunner was standing right there. I wanted to make sure that she could feel how much I loved her. When we pulled our lips from each other, she began crying again.

  “I’ll see you…soon,” Lex said in between sobs.

  I nodded my head. I could hardly talk. “Yes. I’ll see you soon.”

  She turned, walked away from me, and quickly got into her father’s truck. When Gunner looked at me, he smiled weakly. I nodded my head and got into my truck. Then, I quickly took off.

  I drove around the countryside for a little bit before finally pulling into my driveway. I just sat there. My heart grew heavier as each passing minute meant that Lex was just that much farther away from me.


  I dropped my head back against the seat. “I swear to God, Lex…I promise you, you and me always.”

  I read the text message from Will, and I couldn’t help but smile as the heat moved across my cheeks.

  Will: I can’t wait to see you this weekend. I’m going to bury my face between your legs first. Then, I’ll bury myself so deep inside you that you’ll feel me for days.

  The moment my body slammed into someone else, I felt like an idiot. Upon impact, I dropped the books I had been carrying, and I quickly bent down to pick them up while I shoved my phone in my back pocket.

  “Shit! I’m so sorry!” I reached for my books at the same time another hand reached out as well. I quickly looked up. “It’s you.”

  “Hey, Alex. How are you?”

  I swallowed hard. “You know my name?”

  Dark-haired hot guy laughed as he quickly scooped up my books and stood up.

  I stood up and rolled my eyes. Good God, Alex. Really?

  “Of course I do. How could I forget the most beautiful freshman on campus?”

  I bit down on my lip and shook my head as I let out a small laugh. “I don’t remember us ever exchanging names. I’m sorry. I don’t know your name.”

  His eyes were a beautiful green. The light from the sun was almost making them sparkle.

  “We didn’t exchange names. I asked Rod, the other tour guide, what your name was, and he gave it to me.”

  My stomach dropped. “Oh.”

  “Are you coming to eat or just to study?” He lifted up my books and smiled.

  I couldn’t talk. All I heard was my father’s voice over and over in my head.

  Meet new people, Alex. Make new friends. Have fun and experience new things.

  “Both. I have a huge test in calculus and another in chemistry.”

  When he smiled, I found myself smiling back. He opened the door to the Littlefield Patio Café and motioned for me to go inside. I did, and he followed behind me.

  “You’re in luck. I aced both classes last year, and I’m hungry.”

  I laughed. “Well, would you like to join me for lunch then?”

  He winked. “I thought you’d never ask.”

  We made our way over to a corner table.

  I went to sit down. “Wait—I still don’t even know your name.”

  The way his eyes moved across my body made me both nervous and excited. He set my books down and held out his hand. I reached for it, and he shook it.

  “Blake Turner.”

  “It’s a pleasure to meet you, Blake Turner. Alex Mathews.”

  He pulled my hand up and kissed the back of it. “The pleasure is all mine.”

  His eyes danced with passion, and I knew I should immediately tell him about Will. Instead, I pulled my hand away and sat down.

  The waitress came over and glared at me before she turned to Blake. “Hey, Blake. How are you?”

  Blake looked up and smiled. “Hey, Chrissie. I’m doing good. How are you?”

  She glanced over to me quickly before looking back at Blake. “Just got here for my shift and already looking forward to getting off.”

  Blake smiled and nodded his head. “Alex, you know what you’d like?”

  I grinned and said, “I’ll take a grilled chicken salad and Diet Coke, please.”

  “I’ll have a grilled chicken wrap and iced tea, Chrissie.”

  Chrissie winked at Blake. “Sure thing. I’ll go get your drinks.”

  He looked back at me. “How are you liking UT?”

  I shrugged. “It’s okay. Kind of big for this small-town country girl.”

  “Where are you from?”

  “Mason.”

  I smiled up at Chrissie as she set my Diet Coke and Blake’s tea down.

  “You need anything else, Blake?” she asked.

  The way she was eye-fucking him was unreal. I smiled and looked at Blake.

  He smiled at her and said, “No, thanks.”

  I bit down on my lower lip as I looked at his lips. They looked so soft.

  I bet he’s a good kisser.

  Oh. My. God. Alexandra, stop this now!

  “You, um…free this evening, Blake?” Chrissie asked.

  I snapped my head at her.

  How does she know we aren’t on a date or something? How rude.

  Blake looked at me and then back to her. “Sorry, Chrissie, I’m not free.”

  She nodded her head and turned to leave. Blake watched her walk away and then looked back at me.

  I busted out laughing. “Wow.”

  “I’m sorry. We went out a few times last year.”

  I held up my hands. “Please, you don’t owe me any explanations. If she had done that to my boyfriend though, I would have been pissed.”

  Blake’s smile faded some. “You have a boyfriend, huh?”

  Well, I guess I just took care of letting Blake know about Will.

  I smiled. “I do. His name is Will. He goes to A&M.”

  Blake smiled slightly. “Why did you not go to A&M with him?”

  I began chewing on my bottom lip. “Well, um…”

  He reached across the table and pulled my lower lip from my teeth. My body instantly came to attention. His touch didn’t affect me like Will’s, but it certainly did something.

  “That is a bad habit, Alex. Now, what were you saying?”

  Shit. What was I saying?

  He smiled bigger. He knew he had just flustered me with his touch, and he was enjoying watching me struggle. I didn’t know if I should be pissed off or not. The only thing I knew was that I was incredibly turned-on right now.

  I shook my head and felt my phone go off.

  Will’s text. I’m just all hot and bothered by it, and that’s why I’m behaving like this.

  “My father went to UT. He wanted me to follow in his footsteps, experience life in the big city, meet new people, blah, blah, blah.”

  Blake started laughing, and I smiled. I pulled out my phone and saw that I had a new text from Will. I couldn’t help but let a smile grow across my face. I missed him so much.

  “Excuse me just one moment. I have to answer this text.”

  Blake nodded. “Have at it.”

  Will: Hey, did you get my last text? You went MIA on me.

  Me: Sorry. I ran into someone I met at freshman orientation. Eating a quick lunch while studying for calculus.

  Will: Okay, baby. I’ll let you go. I have to meet Luke for a workout anyway. I’ll see you Friday. I made hotel reservations for us.

  Me: Counting down the days. Have a good workout.

  Will: I will. Have fun studying. I love you, Lex.

  I was instantly filled with guilt. I stared at my phone. An uneasy feeling moved through my body. I hated that Will hung out with Luke, especially with Luke’s player ways.

  Stop being so jealous of nothing, Alex.

  Should I tell Will I’m with a guy?

  What good would that do? He’d just worry.

  Me: It won’t be fun. I love you, too, Will.

  I put my phone into my back pocket again and looked at Blake. He was reading something on his phone and smiling. I didn’t want to like his smile, but I did.

  I pushed my thoughts aside. “Sorry. Will is making plans to come visit this weekend.”

  Blake nodded his head and looked down at my books. “So, calculus, huh?”

  I moaned and rolled my eyes. I opened the book, and before I knew it, we were neck high in all things calculus and chemistry.

  Three hours later, I was taking a sip of coffee as Blake helped explain the last problem to me.

  “Gosh, Blake, I don’t know how to thank you enough. You’ve really helped me a ton.”

  He smiled as he reached across the table and pushed a piece of hair behind my ear. “You, um…you had a piece of hair fall out of your ponytail.”

  I smiled and nodded my head. “Well, I guess I’d better get back to my room. Grace is probably wondering where I am.” I started gathering up all m
y books and then stood up. I reached across the table and shook Blake’s hand.

  “Should we exchange numbers?” Blake asked as he stood up.

  My stomach took a fast dive. “Why?”

  He laughed. “I’m in a study group. We meet a few times a week. If you need help again, you’re more than welcome to join us. Grace, too, if she wants.”

  It seemed innocent enough, and he’d even invited Grace.

  “Okay, sure.”

  I gave him my cell number, and he immediately sent me a text.

  “Now, you have mine. Good luck on the tests, Alex.”

  I smiled. “Thank you, Blake. I really appreciate all your help.”

  He placed his hand on the small of my back and led me to the door.

  Once we got outside, he leaned down and put his mouth to my ear. “The pleasure was all mine, Alex.”

  He turned and began walking away, leaving me standing there. I felt utterly confused and in desperate need of…something. I just didn’t know what that something was.

  “Motherfucker, this is not happening.” I pushed my hands through my hair and stared down at my truck’s engine. I pulled out my cell phone again and texted Luke.

  Me: Dude, where in the hell are you? My truck broke down, and I’m supposed to be in Austin in an hour.

  I didn’t get a response, so I hit Libby’s number.

  “Hello?”

  “Lib, do you have any idea where Luke is?”

  “No. Why would I?” Her voice was laced with anger.

  “Um…I just thought you might have talked to him. Damn it, Lib, why didn’t you bring your car?”

  She laughed. “’Cause you and Luke both have trucks, and I knew I wouldn’t be going anywhere this semester. Why? What’s up?”

  I let out a sigh. “I made plans to spend the weekend in Austin with Lex. My truck won’t start, and Luke isn’t texting me back.” My phone pinged, and I pulled it away to see a text from Luke. “Hold on. Luke just texted me.”

  Luke: I’m with Abigail.

  Me: My truck broke down. I need to get to Austin.

  Luke: Sorry, dude. We are in Port Aransas at her parents’ condo.

  Me: Isn’t Abigail just your fuck buddy? Why are you out of town with her?