Forgiveness and Permission

  I snuck into the bathroom. I bathed, dressed. I twisted my hair, clipping it back while it was still wet. I tiptoed down the stairs. The sun still wasn’t quite up but it was starting to nudge the tree line.

  I checked the fridge, hoping to find something to make us for breakfast.

  “Couldn’t sleep?” Kota’s voice drifted to me.

  I turned, half spooked. I let the fridge close itself behind me.

  He leaned against the kitchen counter, his arms crossed over his chest. He still wore the dark gray pajama pants and the green T-shirt he’d worn to bed. His calm smile lit up, soothing. “Morning, sunshine.”

  I couldn’t help but smile in return. “Good morning.”

  His head tilted and he touched a forefinger to the bridge of his glasses, sliding them up further along his nose. “What would you like to do today?”

  My lips parted. He was asking my opinion? It threw me off. “What?”

  “Things have been kind of crazy lately,” he said. He pushed himself away from the counter, stepping closer to me. “I thought it might be a good idea to take the day off.”

  “We get days off?”

  He laughed. “Did you think we work all the time?”

  Yes. “It seems like it.”

  He stepped closer, until he was tilting his head down to look into my face. “Let me prove you wrong. What do you want to do today?”

  My mind blanked out. I had no idea. Here he was, offering me something I’d wondered about. What happens if I wanted to do something? Would they listen? Now I had the opportunity to let him know what I wanted and I didn’t have an answer. I did, but the answer was stupid. Because I did it every day. “I wouldn’t mind just hanging out with everyone.”

  “Where?”

  I had a choice of that, too? Even then, I didn’t have an answer. It didn’t matter. “Here’s fine, if they want.”

  ♥♥♥

  Like magic, by that afternoon North, Silas, Luke, Nathan and Kota were playing basketball. It took until noon for North and Luke to appear, because they’d been working at the diner, but they eventually showed up.

  I was playing basketball with them, too, but failing badly. Mostly I was standing around as others weaved and dodged around me to throw the basketball. My knee felt better. My ankle was sore. My muscles were tense but I managed to warm them up and they felt better. The boys were easy on my sore body, but not easy on doing their best to win. Cheating wasn’t working.

  I also felt something missing.

  Answering my unspoken wish, a familiar gray BMW pulled into the driveway. I stepped out of the way of the flurry of moving bodies racing toward the basket, drawn to the car’s arrival.

  Out stepped Victor and Gabriel. Gabriel flashed a smile at me, waving, wearing a pair of dark blue jeans and a neon orange tank top. Victor wore his usual Armani white shirt and dark slacks. He smiled, too, though a little more subdued.

  Gabriel leapt ahead of Victor, nearly tripping as he half jogged forward. I raced toward him, meeting him half way. Gabriel caught me around the middle, spun me once and drew me close for a tight hug. His arms closed in around my shoulders, and he lifted me, stumbling a few steps as he carried me like that.

  “Hey there, Trouble,” he said.

  “Meanie,” I replied.

  He put me down and smirked. “Heard you missed me.”

  I beamed, unsure of what to say.

  “Me, too, right?” Victor asked, coming up beside Gabriel.

  Gabriel backed up and Victor collected me. His hug was softer. His fingers traced across the ribs along my back.

  “Hi, Princess,” he said.

  The basketball rolled past our legs. Gabriel crouched to pick it up. He hollered and tossed it back, running after it and joining in on the game.

  Victor held on to my hand, and we stood together. I realized despite seeing him yesterday, it felt like eons since I saw him outside of school. I felt uniquely shy with him now. I stared off into the game, unsure.

  His thumb traced over the back of my hand. “You don’t have plans next weekend, do you?”

  I didn’t have a schedule that I knew of. I was at the mercy of Kota and the others. “Not as far as I know.”

  He tilted his head toward me. “I believe I owe you a date, don’t I?”

  I bit my lip shyly, wanting to ask him about the other girls Silas had told me about. Karen’s suggestion to get to know them one at a time came back to me. I should take my time with each of them, I confirmed. Only then would I know for sure.

  “I’d like that,” I said, being completely honest. I liked Victor. I enjoyed being near him.

  “I’ll plan something special.”

  “What?”

  His fire eyes blazed. “You’ll see.”

  Silas struck out at the basketball being held up by North. His fist smashed against the ball, sending it sailing. The ball flew across the drive, striking at the roll up door of the shed, leaving a slight dent.

  “Shit,” North said, breathing heavily and putting his hands on his hips.

  “We can fix that,” Silas said.

  “It’s fine,” I said, not really concerned with a small dent in the door.

  No one listened to me. The seven of them clustered together around the shed.

  “It still rolls up, doesn’t it?” Nathan asked, brushing his fingers through his hair.

  Kota stooped, hooking his fingers through the handle and yanked up. The door rolled up noisily, revealing the box filled, messy space inside. The bikes Derrick had fixed up before were in front. The rest was still as I’d left it.

  The others gazed inside, curious.

  “What’s in here?” Kota asked, looking back at me.

  I shrugged. “I don’t know. Old things. Junk, I guess. My mother had told me not to touch it before.”

  They all exchanged glances.

  Kota sighed. “Someone grab those bikes. Let’s get started.”

  “What? No!” I said. “Wait, you don’t have to.”

  Gabriel laughed, hooking an arm around my neck and pulled me in until his forehead was touching mine. “Don’t you ever learn? You can’t show us something like this and expect us not to do something.”

  I groaned. Academy boys. Never a day off. Here was a brand new project and their curious eyes were already sparking, calculating on what to do with it all. Family first.

  Gabriel pulled me out of the way as Nathan and Luke started dragging the bikes away. North and Silas picking up the bigger wardrobe boxes, shoving them aside to examine further into the space.

  “I forgot about all of this,” Silas said. “I saw it before but it slipped my mind.”

  “Me, too,” Nathan said.

  “We’ve been busy,” Kota said. He caught the edge of tape at the top of the wardrobe boxes and yanked it. He unfolded the top, peering in.

  I pushed a finger to my lower lip. Having been told not to go through all of this, even after what my mother had done to me, made me nervous. I appreciated the thought behind what they were doing, but wasn’t sure what to say.

  “Hey,” a voice called from up the road.

  We all turned. Derrick was walking up the drive.

  “What’s he doing here?” Nathan asked, although low enough only we would hear. I looked over at him. He flashed his eyes at me, asking.

  I shrugged, but blushed. Was he still angry?

  “What’s going on?” Derrick asked, eyes going to the bikes on the ground outside off the shed.

  “Cleaning up,” Kota said. “Want to lend a hand?”

  “Are you okay with us doing this?” He looked at me for confirmation.

  My heart thundered. He was the only one who seemed concerned enough to ask me first. “It’s no big deal,” I said, standing on the fence and not wanting to insult the others. I knew they meant well but I wasn’t sure I wanted to spend the rest of the afternoon cleaning out a shed. “It’s just junk. We don’t have to do it today.”

  “Might as well,” Nor
th said.

  I swallowed a protest, feeling the encroachment of them but unsure how to tell them.

  “Should we check with Marie?” Derrick asked. “It’s her stuff, too.”

  They all paused, as if this thought hadn’t crossed their minds. Kota rubbed a hand over the back of his neck. “Is she even here?”

  “I came over to see,” Derrick said. He nodded toward the house. “I’ll go check.”

  “Whoa,” Gabriel said as Derrick disappeared into the side garage door. “Does Derrick have a crush on your sister or what?”

  I, and six other guys around us, turned to Gabriel, gawking in confusion.

  Gabriel laughed. “Didn’t you see him? What the fuck? Tell me you saw that. He’s into her. Who would have thought.”

  Nathan’s intense gaze soften. “I thought he liked Sang.”

  Gabriel shook his head. “He doesn't want her. She hangs out with us. He’s only hangs out with her if Marie isn’t around.”

  Derrick returned, reporting that Marie didn’t care one way or the other what happened to the stuff in the shed. I relaxed my resolve a little at hearing this. Marie giving permission made it seem like a better idea now.

  Kota started directing the others into working. Broken and couldn’t be repaired furniture got moved to the side of the road to be hauled away. Repairable furniture got put into a pile. When it came to the boxes, Kota started sorting them by size because there wasn’t a way to tell what was inside of them. He didn’t want to open them all at once.

  I tried to help, mostly because I felt obligated to answer questions about what things were, but with seven others around, it became crowded as they started splitting up boxes.

  After an hour, Gabriel wiped his brow. “Sang, let’s go jump on the trampoline for a minute. It’s too hot in this shed.”

  Derrick grunted, dropping a box on the concrete. “I agree. I need a break.”

  “It’s a good idea,” Kota said. “There’s a lot more stuff in here than I thought. We need to organize better.” He started pointing at the others. “Luke, Nathan, and Victor, come over to my house with me and help me get some things situated. I’ve got extra boxes and materials we can use in here. The rest of you hang out here until we get back.”

  “Yes, sir,” I said, half grinning through my panting.

  He smirked at me and beeped my nose. “Don’t worry. We’ll be back.”

  That wasn’t really what I was concerned about. I, again, had taken a perfectly good day and ruined it and I hadn’t meant to. How could I be mad about it though? To them, compared to strategizing security at the school or other Academy work, this was probably something simple and fun.

  Kota and Nathan started a half jog toward Kota's house. Luke and Victor followed, but at a slow walk and talking to each other.

  Silas reclaimed the basketball. North shoved a few boxes out of the way and they started a round of trading the ball to make baskets.

  Gabriel tugged me around the shed toward the trampoline. He climbed up first and hauled me up next to him.

  His face hovered close to mine. At first I thought he was going to whisper something like most of the guys did when they were that close. His lips parted by my cheek, and his tongue dragged against my skin.

  "Ack!" I squealed.

  He laughed and dropped down onto the black mat to yank his shoes off. I was already barefoot so started bouncing around him.

  “God damn,” he said, tossing his shoes to the grass. “I haven’t had a day off in forever.”

  “This is a day off?” I asked. “Cleaning out my shed?”

  “Trouble, your shed is easier to deal with.” He got up on his feet, pulling the top hem of his jeans higher on his lean hips. “I’ll clean the shed. I’ll organize your room. Later we’ll go through your clothes. I’m gonna take full advantage of this.”

  Derrick came around from the shed, he stood on the grass by the edge of the trampoline. “Show him how you can do the front flip.”

  Gabriel’s eyes widened. “Holy fuck. You flip?”

  “I can’t do it that well,” I said, trying to tuck the locks of hair falling into my face behind my ear. I couldn't get them to stay. “I end up on my knees.”

  “Show me.”

  I held up a hand to get him to back up. He sat down on the metal bar. I blushed, more nervous now that I was doing this in front of him and not just Derrick.

  I started bouncing around to pick up momentum and when I felt comfortable, I pushed forward and flipped. I tilted a little but twisted enough to land on my knees like before.

  Gabriel shoved a hand against his chest, laughing. “Aw, little Trouble’s a fucking ninja.” He jumped up again. “Let me try this.”

  Derrick got up on the bar, and launched himself up onto the black mat. “Let’s do one at the same time.”

  “Aw shit, yeah,” Gabriel said. He bounced hard. “Get back, Sang. I don’t want you to get hurt.”

  I stepped back, sitting on the bar like Gabriel had done.

  In a flash, they were bouncing hard. It was enough to make me clutch the trampoline ridge, thinking I’d get thrown off by how much they shook it. Gabriel’s blond and russet hair flew around his face.

  With a couple of heavy jumps, they counted off. They bounced, flipped, and both landed feet first, but the momentum they had going on the black mat had them both bouncing backwards. They ended up on their backs.

  Gabriel and Derrick were laughing, loud and heavy. I was giggling to myself, trying to catch my breath when I heard the first call of a hooting, sounding something like a squealing pig with a crow in the distance.

  When I heard the sound, I stopped short, unsure of what I was really hearing. I swallowed, holding my breath and listened.

  The second time, I heard it clearer. “Suuuweeee.”

  The boys were still laughing and started up, bouncing around again.

  “Derrick,” I said, unsure of what to do. I wasn’t supposed to let the guys know about the signal, but it was an emergency call. I was sure of it.

  Derrick was still giggling, but focused on me. I motioned to where the hooting had come from and then held my hand against my ear to signal the need to listen.

  Gabriel was still bouncing around, facing the other way.

  The next signal came, a little clearer this time, and with a heightened sense of priority. Someone was in trouble.

  Derrick’s face set firm. He got up, set off across the mat and leapt from the metal bar to the grass.

  I wasn’t going to let him do it alone. I raced after him, leapt up from the trampoline, landing hard on the grass where he had landed. I tumbled forward, my ankle radiating with a wave of pain. I’d forgotten to be careful with my ankle. I wobbled forward, stumbling.

  “Where are you going, Trouble?” Gabriel asked, still jumping and laughing, but slowing.

  “Be right back,” I said, scrambling after Derrick toward the shed. I bit back the pain, I didn’t have time for it.

  When we got to the driveway, the signal sounded again. North was under the basket, looking after Silas, who had run off after the basketball that had ended up rolling underneath Victor’s car.

  Derrick motioned to the two bikes and took one look at me. It was all I needed. Follow him.

  I picked up the bike before North, turned on us. “What are you two doing?” he asked, a half curious almost smile on his face.

  “We’re going to go get Micah and Tom,” Derrick said. He ran with the bike to give it a push start before jumping on, standing on the pedals.

  I did the same, jumping up, trying to avoid North’s eyes. I was excited to be able to help although I didn’t like lying to North about what was going on. Technically it was true of course, we were going to get whoever was calling for us, but since it was the emergency call, it meant one of the boys were lost or hurt. I made a promise though. I wasn’t going to betray that trust.

  Only as another hooting sounded, I reacted to it, looking out into the distance at where i
t was coming from. This time, the tone was sharper, the ending squeal sounding desperate to me.

  North turned toward it, too, looking confused. I started pedaling.

  “No, wait,” North said, turning back quickly. His hands splayed out as if he wanted to stop the bike but I was far out of reach before he got close.

  I pedaled past him, zooming down the drive after Derrick. There wasn’t time to waste.

  “Silas! Stop her!”

  Silas stood up, looking confused. He spotted me coming down the drive, held out his hands looking unsure. “Where are you going?”

  “Have to go,” I said, with my heart in my throat. I knew I couldn’t stop. Something was wrong, and I didn’t have time to explain this. They would make me if I hesitated now.

  “Don’t let her go,” North bellowed at him.

  I swerved the bike, trying to avoid hitting Silas. Derrick was already at the road, lingering slightly to wait for me.

  Silas side stepped, following my move to get in the way.

  My heart thundered. If he didn’t move, I was going to crash into him. “Silas, we have to go,” I yelled at him, afraid he wouldn’t understand. “Trust me.”

  His eyes flashed. He grunted. At the last moment, when I was about to pull up short and stop, possibly falling over, he dodged out of the way.

  “God damn it, Silas! I said stop her.”

  “She was going to crash into me. I was going to hurt her.”

  I zoomed out of the drive. Derrick took the lead. The calls were coming from the woods behind Kota’s house, although I wasn’t sure exactly where. Derrick seemed to have an idea though.

  We raced down the road together. I felt rather than saw North, Silas and Gabriel all running after us. They were still no match for the bikes.

  We drove through Kota’s driveway. I was going to stop short and walk through the woods, but Derrick didn’t, so I didn’t. We cut through his lawn, with Max barking after us from the house. Crap. Kota was going to see me.

  Derrick zoomed through his back yard. He ducked when we got close to the twin palm trees that made a sort of archway toward the wood path. I followed.

  The grass on the other side of the tree line behind Kota’s house was thicker than I remembered, but it was also laying over on top of itself. Derrick blazed the trail, and I followed right behind him. I was standing on the pedals now, pushing hard to get through the rough. What kept us moving was the ground was relatively even, and the grass bent easily.