Carry On! A Story of the Fight for Bagdad

  CHAPTER IV

  THE SHAVING OF BURCKHARDT

  Major Cornelius Burckhardt was quartered in an old house not far fromFirouz Ali's shop. He occupied two rooms on the ground floor, thebedroom opening from the sitting-room. It was into the latter that thebarber and Yusuf his apprentice, having been admitted to the outercourtyard by the doorkeeper, were ushered by the major's servant, whobade them wait there, and disappeared into the room beyond.

  Burnet looked around with curiosity and amusement. The appointments ofthe room bespoke a blend of archaeologist and military officer. In thecentre stood a roll-top desk, open, and strewn with maps and papers:Major Burckhardt, although unshaved, had already been at work.Military accoutrements, hanging from pegs on the wall, dangled above atable strewn with potsherds, fragments of tiles, tablets, and otherobjects unearthed from Babylonian ruins. Images, large and small, allvery much damaged, were ranged on the floor around the walls. Acrossone corner was a stone screen nearly six feet high, strangely carved,and chipped at the edges.

  The servant having left the bedroom door half open, his announcement ofthe barber's arrival was clearly heard in the outer room. A huskyvoice, speaking Arabic with a strong guttural accent, bade him show theman in. Firouz Ali, closely followed by Burnet carrying his utensils,entered, bowing low, and giving the customary salutation, "Salaamaleikam!" to which the German suitably responded.

  "My barber is sick," he went on. "I sent for you, knowing you to beskilful with the razor."

  "May your excellency----" began Firouz Ali.

  "Yes, yes; but no man lives for ever," said the German, cutting shortthe formula. "I was about to say that I cannot shave myself. I haveworn a beard for twenty years, but naturally I had to discard it onresuming my career in our German army. I explain this, because it isforeign to my nature to be dependent. I prefer to do everythingmyself. Also my beard grows strong: therefore is it necessary thatyour razor should be particularly keen. And now proceed."

  Burnet had some difficulty in repressing a smile. Major Burckhardt wasa tubby little man, with an immense dome-like head, rather bald, andspectacled. His brown moustache was brushed up at the ends. He wore along camel's-hair dressing-gown that accentuated his rotundity. Burnetvividly remembered his last sight of the little man, then heavilybearded. He was being rushed down the slope of a _tell_ by Burnet'sfather, who had seized him by the scruff of the neck, the Germanfrantically calling upon his Arab followers to assist him against theEnglish interloper. Prudently, the Arabs had stood by, gravelywatching the scene.

  "Yusuf, spread the napkin," said the barber. "Your excellency willhave no cause to regret the misfortune that has befallen your barber.In all Bagdad, nay, in all the realm of the Padishah there is no razorequal to this, whether for keenness or for the velvet softness of itstouch. Your excellency will be soothed and----"

  "Yes, yes," the major interrupted; "get to work. I want my breakfast,and I am already later than my usual hour."

  Firouz Ali, like all loquacious people--even though his loquacity wasdesigned--disliked the spoiling of his sentences. He pressed his lipstogether, and vigorously stropped his razor, signing to Burnet tolather the officer.

  While Burnet was preparing the lather, Major Burckhardt, his thick neckswathed with a snowy napkin, looked up at the ceiling, and discoursedof many things.

  "There are great days coming for this city of yours, barber. When ourKaiser establishes a protectorate over the country, Bagdad will regainsomething of its old renown--nay, it will become even more illustriousthan it was in its palmiest days. And we have not long to wait." HereBurnet began to lather; but the major, having started on the pleasantpastime of hearing himself speak, continued, in spite of the brush thatwas travelling over his cheeks and chin. "The English are beatingtheir heads vainly against the impregnable fortresses down the river,erected by German genius. Soon they will be swept away into the seathey claim as their own; that race of boastful braggarts, robbers,hypocrites, scoundrels, scum----"

  How far the major's vocabulary of abuse would have extended will not beknown, for at this moment Burnet dabbed the shaving-brush, thick withthe whitest and creamiest of lathers, into the German's half-openmouth. The little man jumped up, spluttering with froth and fury.Firouz Ali instantly feigned an explosion of rage. Seizing the brush,he flung Burnet aside and shouted:

  "Away with you, you clumsy fool, last of a generation of apes! Woe isme that I should call you kin! Would you shame me before the very faceof his excellency? Would you take away my good name, and cause it tobe spread abroad throughout the world that Firouz Ali is the uncle ofan ass? I pray your excellency to pardon me, the least of hisservants, and not to turn away the light of his countenance from mebecause of the iniquities of this poor fool, who is but lately comefrom a mean village that I may sharpen his wits and better his manners.Stand here, poor witless lout, and hold me the basin: 'tis all you arefit for."

  A MOUTHFUL OF SOAP]

  The German allowed himself to be appeased; he wanted his breakfast.Firouz Ali, alternately abusing his apprentice and flattering theofficer, finished his task, and coaxed out an admission that, barringthe awkwardness of the young man, it had been a very comfortable shave.The major then dismissed him, telling him to wait in the next room andthe servant would bring his fee.

  The barber bowed himself out, and harshly bade Burnet follow him, andclose the door. They heard the major ring for his servant, who gainedthe bedroom by another entrance. There was some delay, and Burnetcatching sight of a marked map spread out on the desk, and rememberinghis mission, moved across the room to examine it. Before he had takenmore than a cursory glance, however, there was a sound of personsapproaching the outer door. Instinctively he slipped behind the stonescreen at his elbow, next moment feeling annoyed with himself, forthere might have been time to rejoin Firouz Ali. The door opened, andthere entered a tall man in the uniform of a German general, with aTurkish aide-de-camp at his heels, Major Burckhardt's servantfollowing. The latter crossed at once to the door of the bedroom, halfopened it, and announced that General Eisenstein had called onimportant business. Major Burckhardt, still in his dressing-gown, cameout hurriedly, with proper apologies for his appearance. He signed toFirouz Ali to go, and the barber was followed out by the servant, whohanded him his fee, receiving a portion of it as commission, inaccordance with oriental custom.

  "Where is your apprentice?" he asked.

  "Where is that ass-head, that worker of iniquity!" cried the barber."By the Beard, it were fitting he should drown himself. Did you notsee him pass out, rubbing his pumpkin pate?"

  "He did not pass me."

  "Then peradventure he slunk out at the back while you were admittingyour master's high-born visitor. Truly he would shrink from showinghis foolish face even to you, friend."

  He spoke in a very loud tone of voice, in order to be heard both by thedoorkeeper across the courtyard, and by Burnet within the house. Whenthe servant had closed the door, Firouz Ali stood for a moment or twodebating with himself what he had better do. He was seriouslyperturbed. For years past he had lived on the edge of circumstance, asecret revolutionary, owing his safety solely to his quickness,resource, and address. He had never felt so helpless as in the presentpredicament, due to Burnet's impulsive action. Deciding that to loiterin the neighbourhood could do no good, and might do harm, he returnedto his shop, convinced that he would see his benefactor's son no more.

  Meanwhile Burnet, crouching back in the corner behind the screen, andfeeling that he deserved all the abuse lately showered upon him by hisfriend, had perforce listened to the conversation between the Germanofficers. The opening sentences, spoken in German, he did notunderstand. General Eisenstein had in fact begun by apologising fordisturbing Major Burckhardt at what was clearly an unseasonable hour.

  "As you know," he remarked, "I am myself up and about before dawn."

  Burckhardt caught the implied reproach, and answered in something of afluster. r />
  "I have already been at work, Herr General," he said, "but my barberfell sick, and----"

  "Quite so, but speak in Arabic, if you please. Major Rustum Bey doesnot understand German. I have come to you for information about a partof the country with which I understand you are familiar. Major RustumBey has had some difficulty in getting exact particulars."

  Burnet pricked up his cars. From this point on the conversation wasconducted in Arabic.

  "The chief Halil," General Eisenstein went on, "who has hitherto shownhimself friendly and proved to be of some use (although one can trustthese Arabs no farther than one can see them), has come in to ask forassistance. It appears that a certain tribe with which he has beenlong at war (they call it war!) has crossed the Euphrates andestablished itself in a fastness among the swamps. The tribe is knownto be disaffected towards his Ottoman Majesty: if it is not rooted outit will become a nucleus of hostile activity, attracting other rebelArabs, and may seriously threaten our communications on the river. Thesituation of the fastness is described as a long march south of the_tell_ of--what is the name, major?"

  "The _tell_ of Tukulti-Ninip, Excellenz," said the Turkish officer.

  "Now, Major Burckhardt, in the first place do you know this _tell_of--ach!----"

  "Tukulti-Ninip," said Burckhardt. "Certainly: I know it well. Only afew years ago it was the scene of a brisk little action between myselfand a brutal Englishman who was poaching on my ground. The Englishmanhad cause to repent his insolence."

  "Good, Major Burckhardt. You will soon have further opportunities, nodoubt, of action of a still more stirring character. Now, as to thisfastness--you have a map? Yes, I see you have. Point out to me thelocality of this _tell_ of----"

  "Tukulti-Ninip. Here it is, Herr General." He laid a fat forefingeron the spot. "It is covered with the ruins of a temple erected bySamsi-Addu to the god Anu, and was----"

  "We are discussing military matters, not antiquities, my dear major.Let us proceed. The fastness in question is described as an island inthe marshes, and has ruins of some kind, giving good cover. It isapproached by a causeway nearly a thousand metres long. Do you knowsuch a place?"

  "That, too, Herr General, I know as well as I know my own nativevillage of Obervogelgesang: better, indeed, for I once spent six monthsdigging in the ruins you mention, and the museums of Dresden and Munichcount my finds among their choicest treasures. I had the good fortuneto discover a tablet commemorating the expedition of Tukulti-Ninip tothe Sebbeneh-Su----"

  "My good major, confine yourself to our present business, if youplease. You know the place well. Then we shall not be dependent onthe Arabs for our information. Where would you locate it on the map?"

  Burckhardt took a pencil, and after some consideration marked the spot,saying:

  "It is here, as nearly as possible. The wady, once a canal (datingfrom the time of Assur-Uballit) that irrigated the whole surroundingcountry, is now the cause of the marshes. It carries the flood waterof the Euphrates over a hundred square kilometres, and is now a scourgewhere it was once a source of prosperity. I discovered in myresearches that Pudi-ilu----"

  "Enough!" cried the general, his patience giving out. He turned to theTurk. "A company of infantry with a machine-gun, assisted by Halil'shorde, will no doubt suffice?"

  Though in form a question, there was so little real enquiry in theremark that Major Rustum Bey hastily agreed.

  "Certainly, Excellenz. It will be quite sufficient."

  "Then I will arrange that you undertake the little expedition,associated with Major Burckhardt, whose peculiar local knowledge shouldbe of much value. Shall we say a month from to-day? Halil will haveto return to his tribe and make his arrangements, and procrastinationis such a vice with the Arabs that we must give him plenty of time.Tell him to be ready in a fortnight, and we may be reasonably certainthat he will be ready in a month. That is all, then, Major Burckhardt.Ah! it occurs to me to remind you that this is a military expedition,not a hunt for old stones."

  The visitors took their leave, Burckhardt accompanying them to the door.