Demons Don't Dream

  The snake slithered behind a screen, carrying the woman's piled clothing in its mouth. In a moment the human form reappeared from behind the screen, decorously dressed. "But if you come into Xanth, then magic will work. If I went to Mundania, I would not be able to change form; I'd be just a little helpless snake." She frowned. "I know; it happened once. But here we follow our rules. So when you can manage to believe, then you will experience magic."

  "When I believe that, I’ll be crazy," he said sourly.

  "No, you will just be in another realm. But you don't have to believe, to play the game. Just remember that our rules govern here."

  "I'll do that" Dug said, surprised by her responsiveness. It really seemed as if she were a real person, communicating through the barrier of his disbelief. "How do I play this game?"

  She smiled again. The glade lighted when she did that, it really did become brighter, as if a slow flashbulb had gone off. So it was a foolish technical effect; he still liked it She was just such a beautiful woman that he could bask all day in her smiles.

  'Take my hand," Nada said, "and I will lead you into it." She extended her lovely hand to him.

  Dug reached for the screen, then caught himself. He typed I TAKE YOUR HAND.

  The scene expanded. Now he seemed to be in the glade, and Nada stood beside him, about half a head shorter than he. She turned to him, her bosom gently heaving, her brown-gray eyes complementing her gray-brown tresses. Suddenly brown-gray was Dug's favorite color. "Thank you, Dug; it is so nice to have you here."

  "It's so nice to be here," he said, discovering that disbelief was getting easier to suspend, at least in this context. He knew he would never get close to a woman like this in real life, so he might as well do it this way. Certainly the way the scene had come to life was amazing.

  "Now, this glade is a safe haven," Nada said. "But the moment we go out of it, we're playing the game proper, and there will be challenge and trouble. So while I don't want to bore you with too many explanations—"

  "You aren't boring me," Dug said quickly. She could have been delivering the world's dullest lecture on Shakespeare's most boring historical play (which was a fair description of a normal English class session), and still have fascinated him. He was satisfied just to remain in this glade and watch her talk. Because she seemed to be genuinely interested in him. That was surely the fakery of the game programming, but it was excellent fakery. He remembered a challenge that was ongoing: companies were trying to build a computer that could maintain a dialogue with a person so effectively that the person would not know it was a computer. The computer would be in a sealed-off room, so the person couldn't see, and would have to guess whether there was a computer or a person in there. So far no computer had fooled the experts, but it was getting close. Nada Naga, as an animated projection for such a computer program, was awfully close. She seemed so alive, and not just because of her appearance.

  She smiled again, as he had hoped she would. “Thank you, Dug. I need to be sure you understand what is happening, because it is my job to take you as far through the game as possible, and if you fail to win the prize, it won't be through any fault of mine. But my ability is limited, and in any event the decisions are yours; I can only answer your questions and advise you. I myself don't know the winning course. But I do know Xanth, and so I will be able to guide you away from most of its dangers." She paused, glancing at him. "Are you familiar with Xanth?"

  "Never heard of it," he said cheerfully. "I'm not a fantasy reader. I gather it's a hoked-up fantasy setting, with beautiful princesses, ugly goblins, walking skeletons, and smoky demonesses." He had picked that up from the list of alternate Companions. "I presume I'll have to cross mountains and chasms and raging rivers, and fight off fire-breathing dragons, and find special magic amulets to enable me to get into magically sealed vaults where the treasure lies. And that there are so many threats lined up that the chances are I'll be wiped out early, and then I'll have to start over, knowing a little more about what to avoid. Frankly, I'd rather just stay here and talk with you." His glance fell to her bosom, and bounced away, because when he was standing this close to her he could see right down inside. He loved the sight, but didn't want her to catch him staring. She might put on a jacket, ruining the view.

  "You do seem to have a good notion of the game," she agreed. She inhaled, and he almost bit his tongue. "But you can't win it by staying here. So soon we shall have to «start the trek. Normally the best first step is to go to ask the Good Magician Humfrey for advice. Unfortunately he Charges a year's service for a single Answer to a Question. Since that isn't feasible for you—"

  "Right. No point in going there. Let's talk. Do you ever date Mundanes?”

  "Date? Do you mean one of the Seeds of Thyme? We might find one of those if we go to the right garden."

  He laughed. "I mean, do you ever go out with Mundanes?”

  "I am about to go out into Xanth with you, to show you the best route to—"

  "I mean like doing something together. Seeing a show, having a meal, talking. Having fun."

  Her lovely brow almost furrowed. "We shall be pursuing the quest together, and we shall see what Xanth has to show along the way. We shall talk as much as we need. I hope this is not unpleasant for you."

  She just wasn't getting it So he tried once more. "Like maybe dancing together, and kissing."

  Nada gazed at him, a peculiar expression crossing her face. She was finally getting it! "I think not. I am here to be your Companion. I am not your romance. Please do not try to kiss me."

  Dug laughed again, but it was to cover up embarrassment She had told him no plainly enough. If he tried to kiss her, she would turn into a serpent and chomp him. "I was just asking. So what else do I need to know about the game?" Because if he had to play the game to keep her with him, it was worth it

  Then he had to laugh at himself. Nada was a game figure on his computer screen! He couldn't kiss her anyway. Yet here he had gotten all interested, in the faint hope mat she might agree to do it He really was getting into this. But wouldn't it be great if it were possible, and she were willing! She was so much better than the girlfriend he had just lost to his friend. So foolish as it was, he was going to try to please her, in the hope that eventually she would agree to kiss him, even if it could be in name only. Nada got down to business. "It is almost impossible to win the prize directly, because we don't even know where to look for it So we shall have to go see the Good Magician, and hope that you can make some kind of deal with him for his advice. I know the way there, so will guide you. However, the path is dangerous in places, and we don't know what might happen, so we shall have to be very careful. There are enchanted paths, but those are for the regular folk of Xanth. We shall have to go crosscountry." She glanced up, smiling briefly. "That means we will encounter those mountains, chasms, rivers, and dragons you described, and may not even get as far as the Good Magician's castle."

  "If we don't and I'm out of the game, may I ask for you again, the next time I play?"

  "You may do so, but I will not be able to help you any better than the first time, because the threats will be changed. So you may be better off choosing another Companion, who may work better for you.”

  "Will you remember me, in the next game?"

  "Yes. But it may be difficult for me, because I may have seen you get eaten by a dragon. That would be traumatic for me."

  “

  Then I'll try not to get eaten," he said gallantly. "Is there any good way to discourage dragons?"

  That depends on the dragon. I will be able to back off a small one. But a large one—it is better simply to hide."

  "Aren't mere any repellents, or weapons, or whatever? So I could travel prepared?"

  There may be, if you are clever enough to find them. This is one of my liabilities: I do not know very much about human weapons, or how to use them. If you wish to exchange me for a Companion who does, such as Horace Centaur—"

  "No thanks. I'll try t
o make do on my own." Dug looked around. "Is there a town nearby, where we might get weapons or supplies? That might be our first stop."

  “There is Isthmus Village. I could take you there. But the people are not friendly to strangers. It might be better to avoid it. There are fruit and nut trees, and egg rolls, and pie plants, so food will be no problem, and perhaps you could prepare a staff or cudgel for your defense."

  Bat Dug was feeling ornery. "No, let's try Isthmus Village first That's a funny name; why is it called that?" Nada bent down to sketch a map in the dirt in the center of the glade. Dug caught a compelling glimpse down her front, and wisely gave no sign, though he feared his eyeballs were about to bulge out of their sockets. Talk of three-dimensional effects! "This is the general outline of Xanth," she said. "This is where we are, at the edge of the isthmus. Here is the village a little farther along. It derives its name from its location."

  Dug tore his errant eyes away from her d6colletage long enough to glance at the map. "Why, that's the state of Florida!" he said, surprised, "You mean we're in the Florida panhandle?"

  "If that is what you call it. It is the main route to and from Mundania, which is why we meet Mundanes here. But this is not your Mundane state. This is Xanth, and you must remember that, because there are things here you are unlikely to find in Mundania."

  He had been glimpsing some of them, but of course he couldn't admit it "Good enough. Let's get moving."

  She straightened up, nodding. She stared to walk to the edge of the glade, and it was evident that he was walking with her, because the scene shifted with his motion. This should be interesting, if only because of its realism. He didn't care about the prize; he just wanted to stay in the scene.

  Chapter 2

  OGRE FEN

  Jenny Elf waited nervously in the chamber reserved for the prospective Companions. Sammy Cat, unconcerned, snoozed in her lap. She had to serve a year for the Good Magician Humfrey, because she had asked him a Question and gotten an Answer. But he had sent her to the Demon Professor Grossclout instead, and now she was part of this weird game for Mundanes. Why the demons wanted to run a game for Mundanes only the demons knew, but she was obliged to play her part.

  Nada Naga had just left, being chosen as a Companion by a Mundane Player. That left the Demoness Metria, the skeleton Marrow Bones, the zombie Horace Centaur, and the polite Goody Goblin. In a moment a new person arrived, to fill the vacated space hi the roster. She was a woman just about as beautiful and well endowed as Nada. She wore a gown as brown as the bark of a tree, and her hair was as green as foliage.

  "Hello," the woman said. "Is this the Companions’ den?” The others sent glances around, but none of them connected. Jenny realized that it was up to her to answer.

  "Yes it is. Come and join us. I'm Jenny Elf, here to serve out my service for the Good Magician."

  The woman stepped inside. "I am Vida Vila, a nature nymph. I owed Professor Grossclout a favor." She took a seat.

  "Vida Vila," the skeleton exclaimed. "We have met before. I am Marrow Bones. I brought Prince Dolph through your region several years ago."

  Vida nodded. "I thought you looked familiar. But I am not good with skeletons; they all look alike to me. That prince must be about grown by now."

  "Yes. He married Electra, and they have twins."

  "Oh, pooh!" Vida said, dispirited. That was impressive, because for that instant she became a growly bear. But she quickly reverted. "I hoped to marry him myself, when he got old enough. Princes don't grow on trees, you know, or I would have grown my own."

  NOW HEAR THIS, a disembodied voice blared. IT IS TIME FOR THE SELECTION OF THE FALSE COMPANION.

  "But we already had that selection," Jenny protested. She had been relieved when the lot had not fallen on her, because she did not want to be false to any person.

  TRY NOT TO LET THE MUSH IN YOUR HEAD SHOW, the voice said sternly. It was Professor Grossclout, of course, the demon in charge. A NEW FALSE COMPANION MUST BE SELECTED BEFORE EACH PLAYER CHOOSES HIS COMPANION, SO AS TO PRESERVE THE ODDS. REMEMBER: ONLY THE CHOSEN ONE WILL RECEIVE THE INDICATION. THAT ONE MUST CONCEAL THE STATUS FROM ALL OTHERS. NO ONE MUST KNOW, UNTIL IT IS REVEALED IN THE COURSE OF THE GAME.

  "Oh, get on with it, Clout," Metria muttered.

  DID I HEAR A MUTTER? the voice demanded dangerously. Metria's mouth zipped shut. In fact, a zipper appeared across it. She was a demoness, but she knew whom not to aggravate. The Professor was said to be a creature who had been wheeled from Hell, or something.

  THE SELECTION IS— NOW.

  Jenny kept herself perfectly still. No indication came. She had escaped selection, again. What a relief!

  After a moment, she looked around at the others — and found them looking around too. Each was trying to discover who had been selected, but none of them could tell. It could be any of the seven of them, because Grundy Golem was also a potential Companion. Maybe the lot had fallen on him.

  "Look out — here comes a Player," Metria said, peering out the window.

  Immediately they all sat still in their seats, so that their images would be ready when the Player asked to see the prospective Companions. They could see the Player in the one-way window, but he could not see them until he asked to.

  He? She. It was a girl. She looked sort of ordinary, but that was typical of all Mundanes. Her hands hovered over the keyboard, which was the clumsy way Mundanes had to access magic, and her eyes were fastened to her side of the window.

  Grundy Golem was the master of ceremonies, and he was good at it. "Hi! I'm Grundy Golem. I'm from the Land of—"

  "Why, hello, Grundy!" the girl exclaimed. "I'm so glad to see you. How is Rapunzel?"

  That set even the loud-mouthed golem back. "She's fine. She's home because she's expecting a delivery by the — " He paused. "Do you mind telling me how old you are?"

  "Sixteen," the girl said brightly. "I know all about the Adult Conspiracy. I attend a progressive school."

  "Uh, yes," Grundy said, still somewhat at a loss. "So have come to play our Companions of Xanth Game…”

  “Kim, I won a talent contest, and this was the prize. To get the first copy of the new Xanth computer game. I love Xanth. So here I am."

  "Urn, there may have been a mistake. You're actually the second to play."

  “The second? Oh, darn! Who's first?"

  "A boy named Dug. We didn't realize that the first had been promised to you."

  "Well, it wasn't exactly promised. But the game's not officially on the market yet, so I figured—well, never mind. I'm used to being second." She looked sad.

  Jenny was getting to like this girl, for some reason. Maybe it was because she looked so ordinary, but had so much personality. The boy. Dug, had been handsome, but more like a blank in character, and Jenny was glad he hadn't chosen her to be his Companion. Of course he had chosen Nada; any male human being would. But this girl Kim was different, hi a number of ways.

  "So you know about Xanth," Grundy said, trying to get reorganized, now that this introductory spiel had been broken up. "But do you know about this game?"

  "Oh, sure. All I need to, anyway. I have to choose a Companion, and she'll tell me everything else."

  "You can choose a male Companion, if you wish," Grundy said. "I happen to be available."

  "Gee, Grundy, you'd be great! You can talk to anything. But maybe I'd better at least check the others, just in case." The window became two-way. Now Kim could see the six available Companions.

  "Oh, there's Jenny Elf!" Kim exclaimed, delighted. "And Sammy Cat! Hey, Jenny, I wrote you a letter!" Jenny felt a thrill of pleasure at the recognition. "But I didn't get an answer." Jenny squirmed. "But I know how it is. You have a whole lot of other stuff to do, like getting better. The Mundane Jenny, I mean; of course I couldn't get a letter from Xanth."

  Kim turned to Grundy. "I'm sorry, Grundy. I like you, really I do. But Jenny Elf’s my favorite, and Sammy can find anything except home. I've got to go with her."

>   "That's all right,” Grundy said graciously. There was nothing else he could do. He walked out of the glade.

  Jenny stood and stepped through the window, into the main scene, carrying Sammy. She was really glad to be chosen, because Kim seemed like a nice girl, who already knew about Xanth. Jenny was also doubly glad now that she was not the False Companion. It no longer mattered who else had been selected, because the Player had chosen, and would deal only with Jenny.

  "Hello, Kim," Jenny said. "Thank you for choosing me. I will try to be a good Companion for you."

  "Oh, I know you will!" Kim said enthusiastically. "I wish this could be real, instead of just an old game. But I don't guess you can't tell me how to step into the real Xanth."

  "Well, not quite,” Jenny said apologetically. "But I can tell you two steps that will bring you a lot closer. First you have to refocus your eyes. Do you see those two dots?"

  "I see them." In a moment, following Jenny's instructions the girl had succeeded in bringing the third dimension. Instead of being a flat image beyond the screen, she became a rounded one, and the screen seemed more like a window. It was almost as if they were in the glade together. "Oh, this is wonderful!" Kim exclaimed.

  "The other thing is harder. You have to suspend your disbelief. If you can do that, then you will seem to be right here in Xanth, because you'll believe it"

  “Oh, I want to believe it!" Kim exclaimed. "I'd give anything to be in Xanth for real! But deep down inside, I’ll always know this is a game, and not real." Jenny was saddened to near that. How could she convince the girl that it was Mundania that wasn't quite real? That, that was why this was the harder challenge; people just couldn't make themselves believe what they didn't believe.

  "Well, we can play the game anyway," Jenny said. "As the visual magic is working. Now, I don't know what the prize is, or where to find it, so I think you will have to go to ask the Good Magician Humfrey, if you don't mind."