Quad Squad

  Maya

  I hated more than anything on Earth crying in front of the girls and the whole rest of the world, but in a way I didn’t because what is so bad about crying, like why are we always so ashamed of it? It’s a human thing, and if Andrea doesn’t have the patience for it, I don’t think that’s my problem.

  I was completely over the whole Miles thing anyway and we were just looking for leggings for Rachel because she apparently has only one pair, and it’s not even black which is like, necessary. Which is a bit sad, maybe a lot sad because she’s so all about being smart that she doesn’t know how to be normal.

  The whole Miles thing was too much noise about one dumb boy anyway, but what really bothered me was that Andrea was being so inconsiderate. Like, from the beginning of the whole shopping extravaganza she was kind of giving me creepy looks and I didn’t like it. But it is a complete fact that she is the most conventionally attractive of all of us except possibly Sabrina, certain guys probably go for her look, but everyone goes for Andrea’s look and she knows it. What kind of pisses me off is that she knows that, but she acts like it’s not true. Like, own it. Whatever, I’m not saying I’ll be single for eternity. You just don’t have to hog all of the attention all of the time. Whatever. I’m over it.

  And finally we were off the subject of Certain Boys and then Andrea said, “My thighs are so fat” while she was looking in the mirror and first of all I don’t even know why she was trying on leggings, we were supposed to be helping Rachel. But anyway she just had to say something bad about herself so we would rush to her defense and I just kind of wanted nobody to say anything so she wouldn’t get what she wanted. But then Sabrina is such a kiss-ass even though she can actually be nice, but she said “Oh my God like shut up Andrea, I would literally kill someone to have your body.” Which when you think about it is kind of a weird thing to say to somebody, but I guess it’s pretty normal for us.

  But then I had one of those moments where your vision gets kind of shaky and red because I said, “I think those are probably not your size, just saying.” I mean I said it kind of not that big a deal, but my heart started beating really fast for some reason. I was anyway not even really looking, I was checking out this white denim jacket that would get so dirty you couldn’t wear it after two days and I’m not even sure why it was in an exercisey store, but I could feel the side of my face kind of burning where Andrea was staring me down.

  Andrea said, “Whatever, Maya, I’m not really sure why you’re here anyway.”

  And it was like I couldn’t breathe for a second because we used to be best friends and now it’s like she doesn’t even want to hang out with me anymore. Also I was invited, so that’s as fair as anyone else being here, like I happen to know that Sabrina only invited her because she wants to tag Andrea in a picture so people know they were hanging out together. Which I could have easily said, but I didn’t, is my point.

  Rachel said, “Hold on,” but I was pissed, and I said, “You know what, Andrea? I’m really sorry if I’m ruining your good time by existing.” And then Sabrina was like, “okay, come on, you guys,” but I said, “You know what? If Andrea doesn’t want me in the same mall as her, I don’t have to be here.”

  But then Andrea kind of sneakily said, “What? What is the big deal? I was just saying that I didn’t know, like why you were here, like if you were shopping for something specific or what?”

  And so then I was super pissed, but I just said, “I’m sorry everyone for crying. Sucks that I have actual human feelings. Not that everyone here would understand that.”

  And I saw Sabrina out of the corner of my eye smiling but it was okay because it was like a this is awkward smile not a Maya is so stupid I’m laughing at her smile and Sabrina’s not so bad, only judgy people like Andrea hate her but she does smoke too much, but I’m trying to get over it.

  Andrea said, “Okay you know what, Maya, I was actually being nice and I don’t know why you’re trying to attack me about it.”

  But instead of saying something like I should have, I just felt like anything I said would just make the everyone think I was being an attacker so I just didn’t know what to say, so I didn’t say anything, I kind of just went off a little bit on my own to look at shorts. There was nothing even remotely cute cause it was all running shorts, but I kept looking through them for some magical pair that would be cute and look good on me and even though I didn’t want to I kept kind of glancing over to see if the other three were going to come over at all to see if I was alright. I mean, I was alright, but it would have been nice not to be abandoned. Although, to be fair they had all been taking care of me before and I felt like okay maybe I should just take care of myself. So I decided to just get these normal exercise shorts that I could actually wear to school, 25% off, and I didn’t even have the energy to try them on and have everyone look at me and have Andrea laugh at my skinny legs. These were real fears, I think. It would have happened, I’m not just being paranoid. So I was at the checkout and the girl was chewing gum in the most annoying way possible but I didn’t say anything, and then out of absolutely nowhere Andrea came over and said, “You’re buying that?”

  And I said, “Yeah, they’re sort of cute. Why?”

  And Andrea gave a little kind of half laugh and I didn’t really know what that meant but I didn’t like it and we were then all four of us walking out and she said, “Look, I feel like friends tell friends, you know? And I don’t think you’re doing yourself any favors with those shorts. Is that okay to say?”

  And I just kind of stood there, holding my stupid bag with the stupid shorts and I was going to ask why, but then Sabrina out of nowhere said, “It does seem like kind of maybe you’re trying too hard?”

  And after that things didn’t get any better.