A Thousand Tomorrows / Just Beyond the Clouds

  At night he no longer stopped by for an hour. He slept on the sofa with Ali ten feet away in her room. She was surprised at the boundaries he kept for them. When their kissing stirred new and unspeakable passions in her, he would quietly pull away and bid her good night, even if it left them both trembling.

  “I’ve done this my way before,” he told her once. “You’re different, Ali. I’d wait forever for you.”

  They set a date for their wedding—the third Saturday in May. There were no rodeos that weekend, and so they’d have most of the season to focus on gaining the lead in their respective rankings. The wedding would be small. A simple ceremony outdoors, atop a grassy bluff on her parents’ ranch. Her mom and dad would attend, of course, but she wanted his parents to be there, too.

  “Cody, you need to tell them.” She’d bring it up every few days, but he shut down whenever she asked about it.

  It wasn’t until a California rodeo in mid-April that Ali saw for herself how angry he was with his parents. The arena was outdoors that week, and Ali was in the stands talking to her mother, the sunshine beating down on them, when a woman walked up and introduced herself.

  “Ali Daniels?” The woman fidgeted, casting an anxious look over her shoulder. Behind her stood a young man with Down syndrome.

  Ali smiled. “Yes?” She was approached by fans at every rodeo; especially now that she and Cody were an item. Half the time people wanted her to give him a message or have him sign something. But the woman didn’t have the look of a fan, and something in her blue eyes was familiar.

  “Ali, I’m Mary Gunner, Cody’s mother.” She held out her hand and gave Ali a nervous look. “I’m not sure my son would want me talking to you.”

  The boy behind her, the one with Down syndrome, was that Cody’s brother, Carl Joseph? The one he had talked about? Her head spun and she struggled to find her voice. Why hadn’t Cody ever said anything about his brother’s disability? Ali felt an immediate warmth for Mary Gunner.

  “Please”—Ali slid over—“sit down.” She took her own mother’s hand. “Mama, this is Mary Gunner, Cody’s mother.”

  “Nice to meet you.” Mary gave them a partial smile. She turned and motioned for the young man with her to take a seat. “This is Carl Joseph, Cody’s brother.”

  “I’ve heard about him.” Ali looked around Mary to the young man and waved. He had Cody’s dark hair, but that was all. Carl Joseph’s eyes were brown and deep set. He was thicker, stouter than Cody. “Hi, I’m Ali.”

  Carl Joseph raised his hand quickly and dropped it again. He struggled with eye contact, shy and grinning. “Hi, Ali. You’re pretty.”

  “Thanks.”

  Mary patted her younger son’s knee. Then she looked at Ali. “I got a call from someone in rodeo.” She hesitated. “You and my son are engaged, is that right?”

  “Yes, ma’am.” Ali’s heart went out to the woman. She wanted to hug her and apologize for the way Cody had shut her out. “We’re getting married in May. I keep pushing Cody to call and invite you.”

  Mary folded her hands and let out a tired breath. “It isn’t me he’s mad at; it’s his father.” She hesitated. “We’re back together now; we remarried over the Christmas break. But Cody can’t think of his daddy without thinking about how he walked away. He won’t return my calls, won’t talk to either of us.” Her eyes grew damp. “Mike Gunner’s a different man now.”

  “Is he?” Ali had wondered about Cody’s father. Whatever the man had done, Cody rarely got specific with the details.

  “Oh, yes.” Mary’s smile reached all the way to her eyes. “He’s wonderful, Ali. If Cody only knew…”

  “Mary…” Ali’s mother leaned forward so the two could see each other. “Ali has cystic fibrosis. I wasn’t sure if you knew that or not.”

  Cody’s mother froze, her mouth open. The news took a few seconds to sink in, but as it did, her shoulders slumped some. Clearly she understood the ramifications of cystic fibrosis better than Cody had. Mary shifted her eyes to Ali, and placed her hand on Ali’s knee. “I’m sorry; I had no idea.”

  “We’ve kept it a secret, but not for much longer.” Ali’s mother was stronger now, more accepting of the situation. “Ali has to have a lung transplant. We’re planning the operation for December.”

  The pain in Mary’s eyes was genuine, and Ali felt for her. After all the hurt the Gunners had experienced as a family, now this. Her son was marrying someone with a terminal illness. Next to her, Carl Joseph was blissfully unaware of the conversation. He cheered on the team ropers, caught up in the excitement of the arena.

  Ali’s mother wasn’t finished. “There’s more, Mary.”

  “More?” Heartache rang in her quiet voice.

  “She needs a lung from two people, and I’m not a match. So… one will come from her father. The other… Cody wants to give her one of his.”

  Mary drew back a few inches, shocked. “Cody?”

  “We tried to talk him out of it, but his mind’s made up. He’s been cleared by the doctor; he’s giving one of his lungs to Ali.”

  A soft gasp came from the woman, and she looked from Ali to her mother. “Then… then that’s the answer.”

  “The answer?” Ali’s mother had tenderness in her voice. The situation was hard for all of them.

  “For years I’ve wanted to believe that… that one day Cody would learn to love and now…” Her words caught in her throat. “I’m sorry. This is amazing.”

  Something caught Ali’s attention and she looked up. Cody was coming toward them, staring at his mother, his eyes blazing. Ali stood. Maybe if she headed him off before he reached her, maybe then they could avoid a scene. “Cody…”

  He stopped and waited, breathing hard, his eyes on the place where their mothers were talking. Carl Joseph remained focused on the arena. At that instant, the women both noticed him, and Mary started to stand. But before she could, Ali put a hand on her shoulder.

  “I’ll talk to him.” The announcer was saying something about hot dogs being half price and Ali could barely hear herself. She raised her voice as she met Mary’s eyes. “Thank you for introducing yourself. I… I hope one day we can work all this out.”

  She gave her mother a glance that said she’d be back. Then she went to Cody. He had his hands on his hips, his faded white cowboy hat dipped low. When she reached him, she took his hand. “Can we talk?”

  “What’s she doing here?” he hissed, his voice low.

  “Follow me.” She headed up the stairs and then down onto the dusty track that surrounded the arena. People were watching them, so she moved fast, leading him past the busy concession stands through the competitors’ gate, to a quiet sun-splashed corner where they could be alone.

  The whole time she could feel Cody fuming beside her.

  She faced him now, her heart pounding. “What is it, Cody? Why do you hate her?”

  His eyes narrowed. “You don’t know everything, okay?” He seethed with each word, his anger reaching a level she’d never seen in him before.

  But it wasn’t enough to stop her.

  She’d never pushed when it came to his parents, never dug deep enough to find out why his feelings ran so cold against them. She felt her own frustration building. “I might not know everything, Cody, but your mother loves you.” She pushed her finger at his chest. “She loves you, Cody!” Her voice was louder than she intended, but she was too worked up to stop. “I saw that the minute she came up and said hello.”

  “Is that right?” He stood and glared at her. “Well, let me tell you something you didn’t see.” He was still furious, but he wasn’t shouting. Other riders were looking their way. “You didn’t see your father throw his suitcase into a taxicab and drive off without looking back. You didn’t scream for him to stop, and run down the street after him. And you didn’t stand on the corner watching that yellow cab disappear and never come back.”

  His chest was heaving, and anger wasn’t the only thing in his tone. He had the
eyes of a young boy, hurt to the core by the things he was sharing. Ali reached out and tried to take his hand. “Cody…”

  “No!” He jerked away. “I’m not finished!” He turned away from her, took two steps, and faced her again. His cheeks blazed from the intensity of his emotions. “You know about Carl Joseph now, right?”

  “You should’ve told me he was—”

  “No.” He dropped the brim of his hat another inch. “I didn’t tell you because to me he doesn’t have Down syndrome. He never had it. He’s just a big kid with a big heart, but you know what my father said about him?” His words were fast, a string of bullets. “He said he couldn’t be a father to a kid like Carl Joseph.” Cody’s eyes were damp, but he clenched his jaw, too angry to cry. “You wanna know why I’m mad? Why I can’t run back home and pretend everything’s okay? My dad left us because he couldn’t love the most loving kid in the world, Ali. That’s why.”

  Tears poked pins in her eyes, too. Her chest was tight, her airways too narrow, the way they got when she was upset. But she didn’t want to move, didn’t want to interrupt the moment by grabbing the inhaler from her boot. She didn’t want to do anything but let him finish.

  “Ali, you have no idea.” He moaned and looked straight up at the sky, then just as fast his eyes found hers again. “You know what I never understood? The thing that drove me onto the back of all those bulls week after week after lousy week? I could see why someone shallow might not love Carl Joseph. Carl wasn’t the perfect boy child, he wasn’t the sort of kid a former NFL star could be proud of.” He pounded his chest with his open palm. “But what about me, Ali? What was wrong that he couldn’t love me?”

  Cody dropped down slow onto his heels, and stared at the ground.

  “There was nothing wrong with you.” Ali coughed three times and then willed herself to wait. He deserved her full attention. She took hold of his shoulder; this time he didn’t pull away. Three more coughs shook her chest. “It was your father, Cody. Something was wrong with him.” She hesitated. “But maybe he’s better now; maybe he’s changed.”

  Cody jerked his shoulder from her reach. He lifted his head and glared at her. “Never mind.” Disgust rattled his tone. His eyes were ice cold, the hurt from a moment earlier replaced by walls thick and immovable. He stood, gave her one last look, and turned around. Without saying another word he headed hard toward the stock area, his boot heels kicking up a small dust cloud with every step.

  “Cody, wait…” A series of coughs seized her, but she was on her feet anyway. She ran a few steps. “Cody…”

  He stopped sharp and turned around. “Don’t follow me.” He spat the words, unconcerned with the way people stared and took paths around them. “You don’t understand.” He tossed his hands in the air. “No one’ll ever understand.”

  “Hey…” She took another step closer, close enough to see the way his hands trembled. Panic took the tightness in her throat to a new level. She didn’t have long. An asthma attack was coming. But right now the pain in her lungs was nothing to the ache in her heart. “That’s not fair.”

  “But it’s true.” He spat the last few words at her. Then he turned and continued making his way toward the pens.

  She coughed twice and watched him leave. There was no point following him, not if he wouldn’t listen to her. She reached into her boot for her inhaler. What was he thinking? She was the only one who knew what drove him to ride. She’d spotted his anger before they had a single conversation. Of course she understood him.

  One breath at a time she sucked in the medication, and eventually she felt her airways respond. She needed another session with her compression vest, but she was running out of time. The first round in the barrel racing was less than an hour off, and Ace wasn’t warm yet. She turned and walked in the opposite direction, out to where Ace was tied up in a pen.

  She tightened his saddle and checked his bridle. Then for the next half hour she loped with him across a field at the back of the parking lot. Ace was such a good horse, dependable and strong. Always there for her.

  But what about Cody? Why couldn’t he see that she was on his side? If he didn’t make peace with his parents, the rift would always come between them. Family was family. It was wrong to go through life hating the people you were supposed to love most.

  The air was humid that day, humid and thick. The pollen must’ve been high, as well, because Ali could almost feel herself breathing more than air. Usually the medication brought at least some relief. But this time her lungs were tight, stiff and unresponsive. The trouble was, she couldn’t use the inhaler again, not for four hours.

  “Okay, Ace, that’s all,” she cooed near his ears, resting her head on his. “Let’s slow it down.”

  She walked with him a few minutes longer and then headed for the arena. Her race was sixth that afternoon; it was time to report to the judges. This rodeo was a big one for her and Cody. They both needed wins to head into the summer season in the lead.

  Her chest hurt, and she drew a breath that didn’t come close to filling her lungs. Warnings sounded in her mind. What if the race pushed her past the point of bouncing back? How would she get her mama’s attention if she needed help? Ali checked her watch. Maybe she had enough time. She could go back to the trailer, use one of the vapor mist medications, maybe that would help.

  Across the field she heard the announcer.

  “Now’s your time to get some popcorn, ladies and gentlemen, because we’ve got a treat up for you next. Some of the finest barrel racers in the business, including—”

  Ali had heard enough, and in that moment she made up her mind. There wasn’t time to go back. Her airways weren’t in great shape, but she could get through the ride. Hold her breath and tear around the cloverleaf pattern. Then go back to her trailer and use the compression vest. Everything would be fine. In fact, as she rode Ace to the check-in point, as she readied herself for the race, she wasn’t worried about herself at all.

  She was worried about Cody.

  Chapter Fifteen

  He was an idiot.

  No matter how angry he was at his parents, he had no right to take it out on her. What he’d said was right; Ali didn’t understand. But that wasn’t her fault. She hadn’t lived a lifetime wondering why her father didn’t love her. If she and her parents had ever disagreed or been mad at one another, they would’ve worked it out by the next day. Of course she would want him to patch everything up.

  So why’d he have to get mad at her? How could he have yelled at her, Ali Daniels, a girl who’d never fought with anyone? He was an idiot. Cowboy pride, that’s what it was. Stubborn cowboy pride.

  He should’ve turned around and run after her, taken her in his arms and told her he was sorry. Instead he’d let her go off, coughing and sputtering. Now he’d have to wait until after her race to talk to her.

  The stands were almost full, but he found a spot on the top row and kept his hat low so he wouldn’t be recognized. From there he could see his mother and Carl Joseph, still sitting next to Ali’s mother. He forced himself to watch the barrel racers instead.

  Times for the first five riders were all decent. She would need a great ride to put herself at the top. Come on, Ali… I’m up here, pulling for you. Give it your best.

  The announcer introduced her just as she tore into the arena. Her blonde ponytail flew behind her like pale silk, her trademark black hat and black jeans standing out in stark contrast to her palomino horse.

  “Look at her go!” The announcer was excited, keeping the crowd on the edge of their seats. “If she gets this last barrel she could have herself a record-breaker, folks.”

  Ali flew around the final barrel and blazed back through the gate, but something was wrong. She didn’t look right; something in her eyes and the gray color of her skin. Cody stood up, adrenaline flooding his veins. She looked faint, beyond sick. The whole arena had to see that.

  “She did it!” The announcer hooted out loud. “Ali Daniels has the n
ew record, ladies and gentlemen!”

  The crowd was on its feet, clapping and cheering for Ali, but Cody climbed on top of the bench and peered over them. He had to see her, needed to know that she was okay. Cody squinted hard, scanning the area where the barrel racers were gathered until he saw her. She was still on Ace, still making her way from the arena. She came to an abrupt stop and then, in a sickening sort of flop, she fell onto the ground.

  “Ali!” He tore down the steps, his eyes glued to the place where she lay, motionless. It was his fault; he’d upset her before the race, and now she couldn’t breathe. He cursed himself as he took the stairs two at a time. Every step was a frantic plea. No, not now… not yet… help her, please. Help her breathe.

  Even from across the stadium he could see people snapping to action around her. Two riders moved in at her side, and a couple of cowboys ran into the arena waving their arms. “Get an ambulance! Hurry!”

  A hush fell over the crowd, all eyes trained on the place where Ali had fallen. Cody picked up his pace. Behind him he heard steps and turned to see Ali’s mother, her face pale, eyes wide. “Run, Cody… don’t wait for me!”

  He took off, tearing around the fence toward the competitors’ area. Rodeos kept an ambulance on hand. By the time Cody reached the small crowd that had gathered around Ali, the ambulance was just a few yards away.

  “Ali!” His voice was lost in the chaos. Emergency personnel were at the center, but there were too many barrel racers and other competitors in the way for him to see what they were doing, whether she was conscious or not.

  “Move!” he shouted, and a few people cleared a path. If she needed her inhaler, why hadn’t she taken it? What could’ve made her collapse like that? And why wasn’t she getting up?

  He had to part his way through the crowd to get to her. By the time he reached the inner circle, they were loading her limp, beautiful body onto a stretcher. Someone was holding an oxygen mask over her face, and through it he saw her blink. She was awake!