Both Ways

  “Well, you know him better than I do. I just think it’s strange that I’ve seen a car like that around here. It’s probably different than his, I guess. I don’t see it right now.”

  “I think he’s having a harder time with this pregnancy than I am,” Jill said, lifting her cool cup of tea and sitting back in her chair. “Listen, let’s meet one week here, then one week at my place. That way I can pick your brain about decorating the nursery. Deal?”

  “Sounds good.”

  The ladies ended their tea by sharing a verse each had read from their daily Bible readings and praying together. Dawn prayed out loud for the first time in public, even though public in this case included only Jill and herself. It was still a big accomplishment.

  “Dear Lord, I thank You for my friends, especially Jill Enright. Lord, I’ve been through a lot, but now I understand it is nothing like what you went through. So when I feel like I’m all alone, or that no one understands, I can always remember you understand, because you’ve been there, uh, here. And Lord, I know Jill understands, too. Please bless her, and bless baby Dawna Jane, keep her safe and healthy. Amen.”

  Jill said “Amen” and wiped away tears. “Dawn, you are an amazing woman, do you know that?” With that they stood and embraced. “I’m sorry. I’m just an emotional basket-case these days. The slightest thing sets off the waterworks.”

  Dawn walked Jill to the loaner Sentra and watched her drive out of sight. She yawned and stretched her hands high into the air, reaching for the sky, her t-shirt pulled from its tucked position during her stretch exposing four or five inches of midriff in an unconsciously sexual movement.

  Steve Franz watched her as she turned and walked back toward her apartment. He understood how a man would be drawn to such beauty - but a religious man? If Dawn Neilson was the woman at the Marriott, then Pastor Enright was, what, coming out to her place for round two? It seemed like they would meet at a discreet location, not her apartment. “Especially, if Dawn had a relationship with his sister/wife,” he thought, “the risk was too great.” Maybe he didn’t know the sister/wife would be here. Maybe he didn’t know the sister/wife and Ms. Neilson were friends. Too many variables for now. And then there was Ms. Turnbull of Galveston, TX. Maybe she was a factor, or maybe Franz had invented that possibility based on the circumstantial evidence of a perfect smile and bright red lipstick. He might need to a little look closer at Ms. Turnbull. Then the thought crossed his mind that there may be two women, and, if two, then why not three. He drove back to the city to type some notes.

  Chapter 64

  “Madison. I need to talk to you.” Jill said after a family dinner on Thursday of the following week.

  “Sure, honey.”

  “Maybe while Billy’s in karate. Can you ride along?”

  “Sure, yeah.”

  They dropped Billy off at Darrell Fong’s Tae Kwon Do Studio, and he ran in to meet his friends. He always looked forward to knocking heads on karate night. The class was forty-five minutes long, which, Jill thought, gave her some time to download her burden.

  “So, honey, what is it? Are you okay? Is the baby all right?”

  “I’m fine. The baby’s fine. But, Mad, I can’t stop thinking about you showing up at Dawn’s apartment the other day. That was so strange.”

  Madison had anticipated this conversation and had rehearsed a response. “I told you, sweetheart, I was looking for you, and I was worried about you.”

  “I know, I know. But it doesn’t make sense, Mad. How did you know where I was? You said you called, but I didn’t miss any calls. And the dealer didn’t know where I was - they just had my cell number.”

  “They said you were going to Madras, didn’t you tell them that? That’s what they told me. I figured Dawn Neilson and Terry Page were the only people you knew there, and there was no one home at the Page house. I went there first.”

  “I don’t remember telling them I was going to Madras.”

  “I don’t know what to tell you, honey. I wouldn’t have driven all the way out there to find you if they hadn’t said that.”

  “But if you knew my car was in the shop, then why worry that I was driving around in an unsafe vehicle?”

  “I guess I didn’t think about that part,” he said, as one part of his alibi began to unravel. He tried a different tactic. “There is so much happening right now. I guess I just need to know that one part of my life is secure, you know? I need you right now more than ever. I need you with me more.”

  She liked to hear that she was needed, but that brought up another issue. “I know it’s crazy for you right now, Mad. Really I do. But that brings up another thing - at church the other week, you wouldn’t make eye contact with me the whole time you were preaching.”

  “I didn’t realize that,” he lied.

  “It broke my heart. That is my part. I felt like I wasn’t needed.”

  “Oh, Jill. I’m sorry. Your nerves are on edge, and I’m not doing anything to help. I’m an idiot.”

  “Honey, I just need to know you are okay - that all this stuff going on isn’t affecting you - affecting us, in a bad way. Are you okay, really?”

  “I’m under a lot of stress, I guess. But, yes, I’m all right. If I can just have you stay closer by me, stand with me, I’ll be fine.”

  “Well, I can’t always be there, you know, I’m kind of busy with my own issues right now.” She put her hands on her growing tummy and rubbed it gingerly. Dawn’s comment about seeing the car parked outside before had completely slipped her mind for the moment as she made good with her husband. She would regret forgetting later, but for now things felt a little better.

  “I just need to know we are okay. I couldn’t do any of this without you - you’ve got to know that,” he said, sincerely. What made Madison so convincing was that he really believed every word of what he was telling his beloved. He needed her and would do nothing to hurt her. While he was talking to her, the dark room in the back of his mind was closed and locked and nearly every image locked tightly away. Just a fleeting picture or two, those he’d studied more intently, darted across his minds eye now and then, reminding him that he was still holding some secrets, and there were a few experiences too fresh to go to the archives. He was strong enough to bury the small mistakes he had made in past weeks. Bury them and forget them, he could do that. If full disclosure were to ever surface, he was confident that no one would understand - especially not Jill Enright.

  “We’ll be together as much as possible, and I’ll start working from home more, at least until the baby comes.” He leaned over and hugged her for a long time. He kissed her neck and laid his head on her shoulder.

  She began to cry softly. “I’m sorry I doubted you Mad, I’m just a wreck these days. This pregnancy is really different than the first one. I think I was still walking three miles a day and working at the church part-time at this stage with Billy.”

  “Do you think everything is, you know, okay with the baby?

  “Mhmm, yeah, it’s just me. My age, maybe. I wasn’t really in shape for this, or expecting it, emotionally.”

  “That makes two of us.”

  She wiped her nose and smiled, “Want to know a secret?”

  “We don’t keep secrets,” he said, ironically.

  “It’s a girl.”

  “Jill.” He sat up and looked at her, then leaned back over and hugged her again, “A girl. A little girl. That’s amazing. She’ll look just like her mother. I’m gonna have a daughter.” They smiled and laughed, and he threw out some names for her consideration, none of which passed muster. She kept her choice to herself for now, “Spring it on him when the time is right,” she thought.

  Billy returned to the Range Rover after class and hurled himself into the back seat, his long yellow belt barely making it all the way into the car as he slammed the door shut. “Did you see me? I kicked Sensei Fong in the knee and just about chopped his leg clean in half. I’m gonna be a black belt in a few days, probab
ly.”

  “You be careful with those kicks, young man. Your Sensei will knock you into next week if you make an illegal strike,” his daddy said. But Billy was too busy watching the other boys exit the building, waving and giggling as they gyrated towards their own transportation.

  “Hey, little man, we’ve got something to celebrate tonight,” Madison said.

  “What?”

  “Mommy told me you are getting a little sister.”

  “Huh-uh!”

  “You sure are. The baby in Mommy’s tummy is a girl.”

  “Gross. How do you know?”

  “The doctor took a picture of her,” Jill said, “and I could see that she is a girl.” They drove to Dairy Queen for a Blizzard while their son vibrated on the back seat, oblivious to the reason for the celebration and curious about how they take a picture of the inside of his mother’s tummy.

  Chapter 65

  The date she chose was December 25th. Shani unveiled the date to everyone, including her fiance, at her parents’ house on October 8th while seated around the family table after her mother’s famous pot roast. She had leaked the date to her father, whom she took into confidence, knowing that he would have some obvious questions about the need to rush a wedding date. She didn’t need for this scene to end with him chasing Dave from the house with a shot gun.

  “Get out here now, and sit down, we’ll get to this in a few minutes,” Her dad jokingly ordered his wife. What he lacked in tact was made up with love as his wife hustled to the table and sat down in the chair he’d pulled out for her.

  “I have something to announce - it is very important and very terrifying,” Shani said.

  “What is it, dear?” her mother said, concerned, yet thrown off by Shani’s excitement.

  “Dave and I have decided to be married sooner rather than later. We both feel that since we are older, and we have both waited for the right person, and we are both so confident that God has brought us together, we want to be married as soon as possible.”

  She had her mother’s full attention now. Her father was feigning concern and actually a smile was noticeably present on his face, a nuance lost on his wife who was studying her daughter like a textbook.

  “What do you mean, dear? How soon is soon?”.

  Without mincing words, Shani said, “December.”

  “My word,” her mother gasped. “This December?”

  “Yes, this December, and Dave asked me to pick the actual date.” She looked at him and took his hand, “And I have chosen...”

  “Wait a minute,” her mother interjected. “David doesn’t even know the date?”

  “Nope, that was the deal. He picks the month, and I pick the day. Right, Dave?”

  “That’s right. But why do I feel like I’ve bitten off more than I can chew?”

  Shani’s dad laughed, “Son, I could have told you that the first time I met you.”

  “We are getting married on - December 25th.” Looks of shock were traded between Shani’s parents, as Dave cocked his head with a curious look, while Franny never looked up from her carrots.

  “That’s Christmas Day,” Mrs. Andrews reminded everyone just in case they’d forgotten. “It’s the day of Christ’s birth for goodness sake.”

  “This is the curve ball I wasn’t expecting, Shani Andrews,” Dave said. Then, for everyone’s benefit, he added, “Please explain.”

  Shani had been rehearsing her explanation for days since she decided on a Christmas wedding. She actually felt as if God had given her the date in the same way He’d given her the husband. When Dave picked December, she realized what she wanted to do almost immediately. “Okay,” she smiled and made sure she had everyone’s attention, which she didn’t need to do. “Christmas represents God’s greatest gift to the world, Jesus Christ. And every Christmas we exchange gifts, and, in giving and receiving, we are reminded of God’s gift. The best I have to give David is my heart. So, each Christmas will be an opportunity to renew our vows and give ourselves to one another again. It will remind us of God’s love for us.”

  Her mother was crying, and her dad was trying to figure how this was going to impact Christmas Day football games in coming years, but Dave was intrigued and touched by the thoughtful sentiment.

  “Yeah,” he said, “Absolutely... I get it. I like it.” He stood and scooped up Franny Andrews mid-carrot, “Franny’s going to get a daddy for Christmas!” he declared. Shani stood and joined them in a three-piece hug, while her mother and father just looked at each other with eyes that said, “Don’t look at me, she’s your daughter.”

  Chapter 66

  Dave and Shani were meeting with Madison at 3:00 p.m. Tuesday to talk about the wedding. They hadn’t told him the date yet, but figured that he would expect such craziness coming from Dave. What would surprise him would be finding out it had been Shani’s idea. Madison had Mrs. Thompson call Dave’s cell earlier in the morning to see if he could come in alone before the appointment at 2:00 pm. Dave walked into the outer office at 1:55 p.m.

  Madison had been nervous about talking to Dave all day. He needed to confide in someone, the church council was out, and Jill wasn’t an option. Short of going to the Denominational office to talk, which could get back to Jill’s father, he was kind of stuck. He knew he needed to keep the subject vague, and he wasn’t sure how to do that. But, this way, he would at least have someone praying for him, specifically about this issue.

  “Hey, thanks for coming a little early man, have a seat,” Madison said as he welcomed Dave into the office and closed the door. “We haven’t got to spend any time since the cabin. Been missing you.”

  “Yeah. Things have gotten a little crazy. Hey, great job on the special series, by the way. I think it’s going to be a slam dunk in Dallas.”

  “Thanks. I hope so. That’s kind of what I wanted to talk to you about. Jill and I had a heart-to-heart the other day, and I knew I needed to pull you in and talk about some stuff.”

  “Well, okay. Old Doc Culbert told me that was one of the reasons God brought me here, so I’m all yours.”

  “What’d Dr. Ray tell you?”

  “Said you were at a very pivotal season of ministry, and that I should just help you any way I could.”

  “Well, thanks man. There are a few things I wanted to talk with you about.”

  “Something I can take off your plate?”

  The men talked for forty minutes about stress and schedule and the distraction of having a pregnant wife. Madison had been as forthcoming as he felt like he could be, and Dave had felt that his friend had held back the salient issues that were bothering him. With fifteen minutes left until Shani was scheduled to join them Dave leaned forward in his chair and interrupted his friend. “Mad, you’re not telling me everything.”

  “I don’t know what might be left, I’m bearing my soul here.”

  “Think about it, Mad. Everything you’ve told me so far is the stuff that makes you tick; stress, public speaking, giant auditoriums full of people, articles in the Chronicle, growing family. Come on, that stuff is your life blood. It’s what you’ve always been aiming towards. Granted, a lot of people, myself included, would freak out under that kind of pressure, but you were born for it. So what gives? What are you leaving out?”

  Madison told Dave an abbreviated story about how his father left the family, which Dave already knew. Then he shared the abridged version of stealing porno magazines from the back seat of the ’65 Valiant.

  “Dave, I guess I’m just realizing how totally unworthy I am to be elevated to a position of authority and leadership. I mean, when Satan reminds me of that experience back when I was thirteen, locked away in my bedroom paging through those magazines again and again, I just get sick. I’m a no-good sinner, and I have no right to be leading a congregation of this size, or any size, for that matter.” Madison looked down at his desk, then up at his friend who was looking at him through slightly squinted eyes, as if he were pondering a deep thought.

/>   “Buddy, if teenage lust disqualifies a person as a servant of God, then I’m pretty sure the disciples, and everybody else, would have been passed over in Christ’s selection process. That’s what repentance is about. God forgives those childish ways, then gives you the armor to protect yourself from further damage. The key issue is what’s happening today. Your moral and ethical fiber, the foundation of your life - is it sand or rock, you know. That’s what you have to ask yourself. But let me ask you this, and don’t answer me, just think about it. Have you been completely honest with me? And, if not, why not? Because if you haven’t, then the issue isn’t a past sin, it’s a current issue that you’re avoiding. Now, it’s none of my business, necessarily, but Madison, you can’t hide from God - you know that. He is the one you have to deal with. I mean, I’ve got no room to talk when it comes to good choices. I hope I’m making some now, but in the past,” he shook his head, “no way. So I repented from those old ways, and God heard me, I know He did. What matters is now, Mad. What is going on in your life now?”

  The men sat quietly, looking at each other for an eternal three or four seconds before the sound of Mrs. Thompson’s familiar knock at the door broke the silence. She opened the door slightly. “The future Mrs. Bean is here, gentlemen.”

  “Thanks, Mrs. Thompson,” Madison said, getting up from his chair. “Saved by the bell,” he thought.

  “Thank you Dave. I mean it. This has really helped.”

  “You worry me a little, big guy.”

  “No worries. I’m good.”

  “You didn’t answer my last question.”

  “We could probably talk all day, and that wouldn’t make the future Mrs. Bean too happy, now would it? But listen, what you said makes a lot of sense. I might have you preach that some day.” Madison said in a somewhat evasive manner.

  Chapter 67

  Dave let Shani drop the Christmas bombshell on Madison who immediately called Jill and got her on speaker to re-live the announcement.

  “Jill, I’m here with Green and Shani - I’m putting you on speaker, okay? Hold on.” Madison pushed a button on the phone and set the receiver back in its cradle. “Can you hear me?”