Behind His Eyes: Truth

  “Why, Anton, it was in your box of confessions.”

  What the hell was she talking about? His voice gained strength with each syllable. “I assure you, I have no idea what you’re saying.”

  “The information you sent me in prison.”

  Before they could continue, a waiter appeared beside their table with menus. Placing the binders in front of them, he asked if they were interested in hearing about the specials. Concurrently, they answered, “No.” The waiter apologized for the interruption and meekly backed away from the table. Tony worked to process her words. Box. Confession. Prison. He squeezed the menu tighter.

  Claire’s voice pulled him from the whirlwind of questions. If she knew that, what else did she know? “Are you saying you didn’t send me a box of information?”

  Looking her in the eye, he confirmed, “I can assure you, I did not send you anything while you were in prison, and speaking of prison, congratulations on your early release.” He made no attempt to suppress the sarcasm that saturated his final statement; he was too busy processing.

  “Thank you, I promise that I was as surprised as you must have been.”

  Tony harrumphed as he took another drink of his wine, wishing it were bourbon. Once, he emptied the glass he poured another. After a hearty drink of the second glass, the calming effects began to settle his nerves and he replied, “That, my dear, is debatable.”

  He concentrated on the menu as Claire mentioned entrees that she’d enjoyed. Slowly, the tension began to subside as they superficially chatted about the options. Tony worked to control his thoughts and actions and salvage their reunion dinner. Her information, knowledge, and depth of that knowledge would all need to be assessed. Of course, he hadn’t sent her information in prison. But if not him—who? That wasn’t even the question; Tony knew whom. The question was why?

  As he ordered their meals in French, he noticed Claire smile. He’d meant to surprise her with her entrée for it was the one she’d mentioned; however, it was obvious that she understood everything he and the waiter had said. Once they were alone, he tested his theory. Speaking in French, he said, “I see that you’ve broadened your language portfolio.”

  Also in French, she replied, “Yes, I decided to capitalize on my gift of time.”

  He smiled. How could he not? She was talking casually about prison, as if it had been a vacation. He leaned forward. “Claire, how’s your headache?”

  Taking a sip from her glass, she smiled. “I believe the wine is helping.”

  “That’s good. Tell me about San Antonio.”

  If he expected her to be surprised by his knowledge of her activity, she disappointed him. Then again, he suspected that she knew he was watching her. Claire didn’t miss a beat. She immediately began talking about sunshine, books, and relaxation. They fell into easy conversation. He remembered the Red Wing and talking with her for the first time. Even then, she’d impressed him with her confidence and knowledge. Her strength hadn’t waned over the last year and a half. It emanated from every pore of her being, like an aura that pulled him nearer. She possessed knowledge, of language and of him. It intrigued, as well as frightened him. What would she do with her new power? Could he stop it? Did he want to? As the dinner progressed, her smile became less forced and her tone rang with the occasional laugh or giggle. It was music to his ears, and he didn’t want the evening to end.

  Neither one of them mentioned his birth name or the box again. The subject had been closed—temporarily. Tonight was about reconnecting. Maybe it was about something else. Tony wanted her to see that he was still in control; after all, he’d manipulated her plans. However, there was no doubt that her revelation created a shift in their game.

  He couldn’t wait to continue the play!

  This POV was originally written at the request of my amazing readers and appeared in the Goodreads Group: The Consequences Series Group Reads, Therapy, and Hugs. That version has been tweaked and edited for Behind His Eyes Truth. The “Dream” scene in Truth has been interpreted in various ways. My initial intention was to show that from Tony’s POV it wasn’t what many have claimed it to be; however, like the rest of my story, his intent is still your decision.

  Thank you for joining me on this dark and insightful journey.

  ~Aleatha

  A dream you dream alone is only a dream. A dream you dream together is a reality.

  —Yoko Ono

  The luxury of the upscale condominium escaped Tony’s notice. Nothing mattered, other than making his way to Claire. Since their dinner the night before, he’d been unable to concentrate on anything or anyone else. As the elevator moved upward toward the fourth floor, Tony closed his eyes and envisioned his ex-wife. He remembered the white dress, the way his hand touched the skin of her back, and the slight whiff of perfume as his lips neared her long neck. He recalled the fire in her eyes as she called him Anton. Though he had tried to hide his reaction, Tony knew he’d failed. Claire saw him as others never could. She knew that her declaration affected him, and she knew when a subject was closed.

  The woman he’d shared a meal with last night was more like the Claire Nichols he’d watched from afar—the one before his acquisition. Sometime during his refining process, she’d muted qualities that he now longed to explore. She was different. He could see it in the pictures, but more vividly in person. For the first time, he wanted to know the real Claire Nichols—the one who could stare him down, and the one who would attempt to manipulate their dinner plans. Tony didn’t just want to converse with that woman: he wanted to know her intimately. The woman he created knew his wants and needs; did he truly know hers?

  As he neared the door of her condominium, he pushed away his carnal thoughts. Tony wouldn’t do what he’d done before. He’d had his reasons, but they were done. She’d paid her price, or rather her family’s price, for their past sins. Now it was time to move on. Tony needed to help Claire see that for herself.

  After they’d parted ways last night, Tony started to call Catherine—he almost did—but he decided he needed more information. Perhaps the contents of that box would help him understand why Catherine sent it. Then, during the night, the revelation hit him: Claire’s new knowledge was the stepping-stone he needed. That box would facilitate a path to her understanding. First, he needed to know what Claire knew. He also needed to emphasize that her newly acquired knowledge was private. Their roles may be evolving, but some rules would never change. Private information could not be divulged.

  Tony went to her condominium to learn and to experience. Besides learning her level of knowledge, he couldn’t go back to Iowa without spending more time in her presence. He hoped that a more private setting would bring out the woman with the fire in her eyes. He wanted to see those flames, feel the heat, and inhale her smoky aroma.

  Before knocking on her door, his surroundings registered. He’d definitely waited too long. Claire was becoming established in Palo Alto. It was a double-edged sword. Negatively, she was making a life without him; however, the positive aspect was that she wouldn’t likely disappear from him again. Phillip Roach’s watchful eye guaranteed that. The private investigator was how Tony knew that Claire was currently home and her roommate was out of town.

  With his knuckle ready to strike, Tony took a deep breath. What if Claire refused to talk to him? A rush of anxiety flowed through him. Why hadn’t he thought of that before? She could refuse him entry. No, he reasoned, Claire wouldn’t do that. Exhaling, he allowed his hand to rap on the door.

  The voice from within rang with unabashed glee as the door opened. “Did you forget your key?”

  Her happy, carefree expression morphed before his eyes. The dazzling smile disappeared and her neck straightened. He watched as his presence registered. The fire he loved in her emerald eyes ignited, as she worked to contain her swirling emotions. Watching that spark, seeing it before him, filled every empty space of his existence. The last fifteen months had been pure hell. He wanted that spark back in his l
ife. Tony would move heaven and earth to make Claire understand that she belonged to him.

  Reining in his desire to pull her into his arms and elicit another type of spark, Tony replied, “I don’t have a key, but I’d be glad to get one. Just tell me where to sign up.”

  Her stance straightened and her tone hardened. “How did you get up here? You can’t be on this floor without a key.”

  Trying to keep the conversation light, he requested entrance. “Perhaps you could invite me in and we can discuss it?”

  “Tony, why are you here?”

  He smirked, “If we’re playing one hundred questions, I admit defeat. May I come in?”

  After a prolonged silence, during which her eyes never left his, Claire took a step back and nodded. He tried to contain his relief as he walked into her foyer and glanced around. “My, Claire, you’re living much better than I expected. When I first learned of your release, I pictured you destitute.”

  “I’m sure you enjoyed that scenario. I’m sorry to disappoint.”

  He snickered. “Disappoint? On the contrary, your ingenuity is to be praised.” Although he hadn’t foreseen an alliance between Claire and Amber McCoy, Amber was obviously helping Claire make a life—without him. His heartbeat quickened. Without him was not acceptable.

  Her words brought him back to reality. “Tony, I’ll repeat myself at the risk of being redundant. Why are you here, and how did you access my floor?”

  “I gained access by the security guard on the first floor. He tried to call you, but you didn’t answer. I explained that we’re old friends, I’m leaving town, and since I had recently talked with you, I knew you were home and expecting me—”

  The ringing of her phone interrupted his explanation. After glancing at the screen, she said, “This is security. I’ll tell them I don’t want you here, unless you quickly tell me why you’re here.” The phone rang again.

  He didn’t hesitate. He was inside her new home and didn’t want to leave—not yet. “I want to know more about your prison delivery.”

  She didn’t respond, at least not to him; instead, she answered the phone and decided his fate. With each word his body eased—she told the security guard that he could stay. While she spoke, he drank in the woman before him: casual and comfortable, with her dark hair pulled back, wearing soft slacks and a big shirt. There was a wide neckline that exposed a shoulder revealing the strap of a camisole. It was a stark contrast to the woman in the white dress, yet equally as sexy.

  When she finally turned back to him, he noticed the determination in her voice. “I have plans today. Please make this quick.”

  His cheeks rose and his breath quickened. The aroma of shampoo and jasmine filled his senses. “Yes, I see you’re dressed for business. What do they call that, business casual?” While she debated her response, he lowered his voice and added, “I’m not complaining. I always found the casual Claire as sexy as the one who rocked designer dresses.”

  Claire crossed her arms over her chest and exhaled. “Please, I have lunch plans, and I’d like to change. Question what you want and go.”

  Lunch plans? With whom? He’d seen pictures of her with Harrison Baldwin. Could that be whom she was planning on seeing? While these questions and many more ran through his head, he managed to ask, “Do you only entertain in the entry, or may we sit?”

  “We may sit,” she replied, and began walking toward the living room. As they sat, her next sentence caught him completely off guard. “I know you enjoy coffee. I’d offer you some, but the last time I got you coffee, it didn’t work out so well for me.”

  To his amazement, he found her brazenness titillating. “God, Claire you’re something else. I can’t imagine anyone else joking about that.”

  “Well, see, you misinterpreted. I wasn’t joking. I’m actually still pissed as hell.”

  “Good for you.” He leaned toward her. She didn’t look away. He loved her tenacity! “Your ability to admit your displeasure is refreshing. It encourages me to be honest, too.”

  “Honesty? That would be an invigorating change.”

  He worked to maintain his expression and keep his tone soft. “You should know that I’m sorry.”

  The battle once again raged behind her eyes. Would she voice her thoughts or stay quiet as she had when they were married? He waited. Her volume raised exponentially with each phrase “What? You’re sorry?” It was as if she filled the room with her presence. “Well, Tony, I believe I need a little clarification. Tell me what exactly you’re sorry about. I’ll gladly give you a few options.”

  She suddenly stood and paced about the living room, her chest heaving with each exaggerated breath. When she neared the large windows, the sunlight muted her features. Tony much preferred having her close to watch her emotions unravel, and at the same time he yearned to calm her, seize her shoulders, and make her forget what she was about to say. He couldn’t; she deserved to tell him exactly what she thought. He prayed that after she was done, they could move forward.

  Finally, she spoke, “First, you’re sorry for invading my privacy for years, years before I even knew you existed. Second, you’re sorry for kidnapping me, isolating me, controlling me, and manipulating me. Third, you’re sorry for lying to me, pretending you cared, and, oh yeah, marrying me. Fourth, listen carefully, Tony, this is a big one. You’re sorry for framing me for attempted murder, resulting in incarceration in a federal penitentiary.” She sat back down and once again crossed her arms over her heaving breasts.

  One doesn’t deal with people as successfully as Anthony Rawlings without understanding confrontation. If he chose to retaliate, this scene would escalate to a place he didn’t want to go. As he fought to allow her this release, she added, “I would prefer the words, but you are welcome to say one through four, if that’s easier for you.”

  Tony leaned closer. Avoiding his stare, she looked down at her trembling hands. Had her speech caused her hands to shake, or was it him? His fight for control evaporated into a need to reassure. From the very beginning of his acquisition, hadn’t he asked for honesty? Though her words were painful to hear, they were her version of the truth and she’d delivered. When her green eyes finally peered at him from below veiled lids, he watched the tension fade.

  Tony gently reached for her hand and spoke softly, “I am deeply sorry for one and four.” He rubbed her hand with his thumb. “I did provide you with an alternative destination for number four.”

  Claire exhaled audibly.

  “I’m not proud of two, but three would never have happened without it.” His tone deepened and slowed. “I am not, and never will be, sorry for three, and for the record, I never lied about loving you, or pretended to love you. I didn’t realize it at first, but I have loved you since before you knew my name.” He bowed his head, kissed the soft skin atop of her hand, and continued, “And you forgot our divorce. I’m sincerely sorry for that. Had I known you would be released so soon… we could still be married.” Placing her hand once again on her knee, he touched the fourth finger of her left hand. “You could still officially be mine.”

  Her wedding rings came to mind. This wasn’t the time to bring up that she’d sold them. While he waited for her to respond, his gaze went to the table. Laying on the shiny surface were two phones. Before Tony could comment, Claire reached for the smaller phone and slid it into her camisole between her breasts. He closed his eyes and gently shook his head. “If I didn’t want to see that phone before, I sure as hell do now.”

  “It’s my work phone,” she answered too quickly.

  “Oh, I was unaware of your employment.”

  “Really? I guess I forgot to inform you or your spies.”

  “Claire, I want to show you that I can change. Have as many damn phones as you want. Two seem excessive, but go for it.”

  “Thank you for your permission. I don’t need it. I can have fifty phones if I want.”

  Tony nodded. Her spunk seemed to be without bounds. Why had he not allowed it t
o shine before?

  Claire continued, “It’s documented, when people are forbidden something, once it’s made available, they tend to overindulge.”

  His tone turned sultry. “Before it is made available, a person may dream of it, long for it, and fantasize about it. Especially if he once had it and knows how amazing it is.”

  “I don’t recall availability being an issue for you.”

  His pulse quickened. If she only knew how close he was to being that person again. Not because he desired to harm her. On the contrary, his desires were totally and completely centered on pleasure—his and more importantly hers. Tony warned, “Be careful, Claire. That could be interpreted as an invitation.”

  She stood. “Then once again, you would be misinterpreting.”

  He stood and stepped toward her, yet she didn’t move. Was it self-control or unabashed determination? Whatever she possessed flooded his system like no chemical aphrodisiac ever could. Though their bodies didn’t touch, electricity sparked between them. The inches of separation were but a conductor for the energy that couldn’t be contained. If he moved nearer, would they be burnt? His words came from somewhere deep in his throat. “I believe you want what I want, as much as I do.”

  “If you’re suggesting I want you to leave, you’re absolutely correct. If you’re suggesting anything else, it couldn’t be farther from the truth.”

  His head bowed slightly. Her words said one thing, but every ounce of her being said something else. Perhaps it was a subtle scent, the way her cheeks reddened, or the hardening of her nipples under the light shirt. He wasn’t exactly sure, but Tony knew his desires were shared.

  He wanted to kiss her and take her newfound boldness to the next level. How would it translate to their bed? Then he reminded himself that they no longer shared a bed or a life. As she lifted her chin and her lips neared his, Tony summoned all of his restraint to not bend and taste what was right in front of him. Instead of a kiss, he reached for her chin and bathed her cheeks in his warm, sensual breath. “You, my dear, have never been a good liar.”