Suspicious Minds (Fate #3)

  “I like it,” he said, smiling. “It’s cute and sexy at the same time. Suits you.”

  “Thanks,” she said, and he could almost picture her sweet smile.

  “What’s Emi short for?”

  “Emilia,” she said, and again he could practically see her smile proudly. “But she’s the baby, so she’s always just been Emi to all of us.”

  He nodded immediately, deciding he’d stick to Liv or Livi from here on, but he wasn’t so sure about calling her sister Emi. She wasn’t his baby sister. She might think it creepy.

  “So back to your story about why you moved here so suddenly,” he said, sitting back and making himself comfortable.

  “Oh, well, I was just saying it was weird that, just when it felt like our world was falling apart, we got here and all of a sudden everything fell into place. The San Diego County Fire Department, which Isaiah had already applied to, was testing. He took the test, passed, and got in. I was already doing some grooming in Texas but had never been formally trained, so with the money my dad left, I got the training I needed.” She paused for a moment before going on. “My sister is probably the only one of all of us with aspirations of attending college, so since I’d used part of the money for my training, I decided to get a loan to start up the business and get the van, instead of draining the funds my father had left us.”

  She went on to explain how her second-to-oldest sibling, Nathan, had also gone through the explorer academy and was in the process of trying to get into the fire department as well. She also told him a little more about her youngest brother, AJ, and how he’d always excelled in sports from the time he was a boy but baseball and being a catcher were where his talents stood out.

  “Well, I guess that confirms the saying is true, right?” Lorenzo asked. “Everything really does happen for a reason. At least it sounds like it did for you guys.”

  “Yeah,” she agreed. “I mean at first the thought of such a huge move, leaving everything I’d ever known behind and starting all over again in another state, was terrifying. But it was a no-brainer.”

  “Is that why you and your ex broke up?” Lorenzo asked, glad for the perfect opportunity to ask. “Because you were moving?”

  “Ultimately, yes,” she said, and he heard her take a deep breath. “But it’d been coming to a painfully slow end for a while. Technically, we were never even a formal couple. We’d been back and forth for years and friends for even longer. Months before my dad had died and we’d talked about moving, I’d made the decision to walk away from the relationship. It was unhealthy and I’d known it for years. My brothers never liked him to begin with.”

  Hearing that her brothers didn’t like her ex made him feel better about it. But he was even more curious about the guy now. “Unhealthy like how?”

  The pause she took without saying anything was a bit long—telling. Lorenzo wondered now if maybe she’d regretted saying too much, but then she went on.

  “We’d been friends all along from the time we were kids. He was one of the neighborhood kids and a little older than I. He had a troubled home life, and so as we got older, he started to lash out and get into trouble: running with the wrong crowd and ditching school. His older brother . . . They were both bad news, but his brother was into some really shady stuff. For the most part, Jay tried to stay away from the illegal stuff, but it’s kind of hard when your whole family is dysfunctional. Rumor had it that one girl tried to accuse him of rape. Though it never amounted to anything and she moved away. But it gave him a real bad rap anyway. We were still good friends, and I thought I knew the real him. I was convinced that it was just the bad situation at home that made him act out and that he was a good guy deep inside. He said the girl who accused him had been with him willingly and was just pissed when she heard about him with someone else. I believed him.” She went quiet for a moment, and Lorenzo waited, even more curious. “My brothers and my mom didn’t even approve of him and me as friends, so I knew they’d be completely opposed to anything more happening between us. But I was young and stubborn. I allowed our relationship to grow into more anyway—behind their backs, of course. I told Jay we had to keep it on the down low. No way could my brothers know. He agreed. Then things got heavier until I decided to give him my virginity.

  “I could’ve probably convinced my mom to let me hang out with him in a romantic way and that he wasn’t as bad as everyone said he was. I almost did try to until I found out he’d slept with someone else. He said he did it because he’d gone on an angry drinking binge. He was angry because he felt I was ashamed of him. Though we were never actually a formal couple, I thought we had an understanding, so I broke things off. I wouldn’t have dreamed of sleeping with anyone else, and I stupidly assumed it went both ways, especially because he was so insanely jealous of any guy I even mentioned talking to. Long story short when he found out I was going to the prom with someone he’d accused me of being attracted to in the past, he went out and got drunk and slept with someone else again.” She took a deep breath then exhaled a bit exasperated. “In hindsight, I know I was stupid, but he was my first everything. I’m pretty sure I was even a little obsessed at that point. His being forbidden and all made the relationship that much more exciting. So after prom when he cornered me and begged me on his hands and knees to forgive him and take him back, even if we had to continue keeping it on the down low, I did.”

  Someone was in her room again, and Liv asked Lorenzo to hold when she was asked something. A girl this time—Emilia. Lorenzo waited, thinking about everything she’d just told him. He could already tell he, too, would feel insanely jealous when it came to Liv, not just because of his experience with Linda, but because like everything else he felt for this girl so far, he already knew the jealousy would be just as overwhelming. Just listening to her say she’d been obsessed with this guy was beyond irritating.

  “Sorry,” Liv said when she was done talking to her sister. “She just needed to borrow something of mine.”

  “You can call me back,” he offered, “if you need more time with her.”

  “No, she’s gone now. I’m good. Where was I?”

  “You took him back,” Lorenzo said, remembering exactly where she’d left off.

  “Oh, yeah,” she said, exhaling again. “In many ways, he was far less mature than I was. Obviously, the bad choices he made and his impulsiveness were clear signs of that, but he was older. He had far more experience than I did in a lot of things. And because we’d known each other for so long, even before he gained the reputation of a bad boy, he knew me intimately. He knew how to work me; he took advantage of the fact that he was my first everything, and I was insensibly obsessed with him. I’d actually begun to work up the nerve to talk to my mom about my relationship with him. Then he and his idiot friends went and got arrested crashing and nearly ruining a neighborhood backyard quinceañera party. By the disgusted way my brothers reacted to that alone, I knew they’d never agree to let me see him. I was so mad at him, but he always had a way of convincing me he was sorry and that he’d make up for it. Then he slept with someone else again because he heard rumors of me sleeping with my prom date. He claimed my date was spreading them. Lorenzo, if you knew my brothers the way my prom date knew my brothers—the way everyone knows my brothers—he’d never even insinuate something like that about me, not if he valued his life anyway.”

  Lorenzo chuckled. “I don’t know your brothers very well yet, but if they’re anything like your cousin Romero, I can only imagine.”

  Liv didn’t comment on that but went on. “Jay’s doing something stupid or sleeping with someone else then begging me back went on for too long probably. But months before we talked about leaving the state, I’d told him I was done. I know he didn’t think I’d stick to my guns. He loved playing head games—toying with me. I’d tried breaking things off before, but he’d always lure me back in. That worked for a long time too, but I was over him that last time, and then the move happened. It was perfect timing. I
got a clean break and never looked back. We even started texting and talking on the phone again, but didn’t talk of anything romantic between us. We’d gone back to being just friends like in the very beginning, and I had no intention of ever going there with him again, but I did enjoy being able to talk to him. He was a wonderful friend to me before anything romantic happened between us.”

  Just when Lorenzo had begun to grind his teeth, wondering if it were possible to hate someone he’d never even met, she added something else.

  “It’s crazy,” she whispered. “Here I thought I was so obsessed with him that my feelings for him were unmatchable, and now I just . . .”

  She went quiet again, and this time he had to ask. “I just what?”

  “Nothing. Never mind.”

  Oh hell no. “No way, Liv. You can’t leave me hanging like that. Just say it. You just what?”

  “This is gonna sound ridiculous, considering everything I just told you about him but . . . I feel mean.”

  “To who?” he asked, confused.

  “To Jay.”

  Lorenzo went quiet, sitting up a little straighter—stiffer—as he let what she’d just said sink in. “You feel mean?”

  “Yes,” she said. “I’ll just put it as nicely as I can because I don’t mean to put him or anything I had with him down. While we did have our intense moments, I learned a lot about myself, and our good moments were amazing. He was going through a lot himself with his dysfunctional family. I’d known about it since we were younger, and it’s probably why I understood him better than anyone else. So while the romantic relationship we had was purely toxic, our friendship, even after I moved, was a good one. The bad stuff was also a learning experience. All that time we went back and forth, all the things that happened while I was involved with him, I went along with it willingly. No one forced me to. As warped as the relationship got at times, I actually believed that was love. It’s just that . . . in all the years we went back and forth, even with all the intensity, I don’t remember ever feeling for him what I’m already feeling for you.” She went quiet before adding almost in a whisper. “It’s insane.”

  “It is insane,” he agreed immediately. “But you’re not alone. I promise you I’m feeling it too. And I’ve been in relationships before also.” Scooting down in his bed now, Lorenzo felt the tension drain from his body slowly. But he was still curious about something. “So you said you still talked to him when you moved. How come you two aren’t speaking anymore?” Not that he’d be okay with it if she still was.

  Not even occasionally.

  He’d never go down that road again, but he wanted her explanation of it, especially since she’d just told him they were friends for so long.

  He heard her groan. “He’s engaged to my best friend, Margie, who I keep referring to as my ex best friend now. And you know I’m actually beginning to think maybe I should just be happy for them. I have no desire or intention of ever getting back together with him anyway. The last time I spoke to Margie she swore nothing had ever happened between them before I’d left. They fell in love after I moved and were only trying to keep each other company in my absence. It just feels so weird. It was why . . .” She didn’t finish again, and Lorenzo sucked in a frustrated deep breath but waited. “It’s why I went out that night I met you. I’d found out about the engagement that week and just felt so betrayed. Not so much by him but by her. The whole time Jay and I had snuck around she was the only one I’d ever talked to about it, and . . .”

  Lorenzo squeezed his eyes shut, wondering if this was a habit of hers he was going to have to tolerate. It wasn’t so much that he was that short on patience. He had a feeling he’d have more than enough patience when it came to Liv about most things. He knew the lack of that virtue right now had everything to do with the fact that she was in the middle of telling him about the ex she’d once been obsessed with. Despite her saying what she had about not ever feeling for the guy what she already felt for Lorenzo, it was still galling. Any sign of hesitation made him wonder if that was also a sign of uncertainty.

  “Since Jay,” she finally continued, “was my first everything and I hadn’t made time for any relationships in the last two years, he isn’t just the last guy I’d slept with—he’s the only guy I’d ever slept with. So I guess knowing that all this time he’d been sleeping with my best friend while technically I’d remained loyal to him, I just . . . I don’t know how to explain the stupid state of mind I worked myself into that week, but I didn’t want him to be the only one anymore. I felt like he didn’t deserve that distinction in my life anymore. I know, I know,” she added quickly. “He should’ve stopped deserving that the moment he went out and slept with someone else the first time. But I think this time, because it was with my best friend, it felt so much worse.”

  Lorenzo let that simmer for a moment before responding. He liked that he was her first in almost two years. Only her second ever. But something from that first night with her and what she’d just told him had his heart racing suddenly. He distinctly remembered the very thing that had drawn him to her. Something in her poignant eyes had spoken to him. Like him, he knew without asking she was dealing with something profound, and she was now admitting that her ex, the one she assured him she was over, was the reason why she’d gone out that night to do something she’d never done. Did this make Lorenzo her rebound guy?

  “Let me ask you something,” he said calmly, trying not to panic that maybe he’d made a huge mistake jumping into this so fast. “When you say you’d remained loyal to him all this time, what do you mean exactly? You mentioned earlier that you didn’t make time for a relationship in the past two years. Based on your looks alone, I find it extremely hard to believe you wouldn’t have been asked out at least a few times. Were you intentionally remaining loyal to him all this time?”

  “No,” she said immediately. “Getting this business going was no easy feat. Between training and trying to get as much experience as possible then working free on ride-alongs with people who owned the mobile groomers to help me decide if this would be for me, it really did consume my life. I never said I hadn’t gone out with anyone in the past two years. I just hadn’t had the time for anything serious that would lead to sleeping with anyone. Even now I’m wondering if maybe my schedule won’t interfere with us. I work most Saturdays too, and I can’t afford to cut down on clients. I’m trying real hard to get this van paid off and—”

  “Don’t worry about us,” he said, wanting to get back to his original question. “I’ll take whatever time you can squeeze me into your life. I’ve already been mentally rearranging my schedule to make sure I get as much time with you as possible. I just need to know I’m not your rebound guy, Liv. I need to know that, if this guy ever reaches out to you, I don’t have to worry that you’ll go back on what you said today. I won’t deal with his ass in your life in any way. This is not something I’m willing to negotiate.”

  Lorenzo knew his being such a hard ass about this was a risk. He knew his uncompromising attitude might piss her off, even come across as a turn off, but he meant every word of it. If he so much as caught wind that she was even communicating in any way with this guy again, he’d walk. He refused to deal with that shit in his life again.

  He should’ve known with Linda her ex being the father of her only child was significant. But he’d wanted to be the understanding, caring, and trusting boyfriend—fiancé. And what did that get him?

  As much as Liv was trying to water down the significance of her relationship with this guy, he was her first ever, a longtime friend, the first and only guy she’d ever slept with before the night Lorenzo had fucked her so coldly and then gotten the hell out of there the moment he was done with her. He’d likely left her feeling like shit that night, so making love to her ex was still the only positive experience she had in that department.

  The fact that her ex was dating her best friend and Liv was now making comments like “She should just be happy for them” didn’
t sit well with Lorenzo either. That could mean eventually giving in to reconnecting with both of them. Considering how even she admitted to being obsessed with the guy once upon a time, that wasn’t happening. Hard ass or not, Lorenzo needed to get this shit straight now before he was in too deep.

  “I don’t know much about rebound guys,” she said and if Lorenzo didn’t know any better his attitude about this had annoyed her. “All I know from what I’ve read and heard is it’s usually the next guy you date after being dumped or after a bitter breakup. My break up with Jay was neither. It was gradual, and I’m actually the one who broke things off with him. He claims that in the end I broke his heart and he’d always known that would happen. If anything, I’ve wondered and even worried that maybe Margie might be his rebound girl because before I left he really pushed for us to at least try the long-distance relationship thing. I told you I knew long before the move I was over with him and that unhealthy relationship. I just used moving as my main excuse to try and make it less painful for him because he’d started begging again. We’d always said we loved each other, and despite all the times he hurt me, I knew it was because of all the issues he had. So I didn’t want to hurt him by telling him I’d fallen out of love. At that point, I wasn’t even sure I’d ever loved him the way he claimed to have loved me.

  It’s been two years, Lorenzo. So I can assure you, you are not my rebound guy and I have zero intentions of rekindling any type of relationship with him and possibly even with Margie. As much as I miss her, it’d just be too damn weird. But let me ask you something. You’re truly passionate about not wanting any other guys in my life because obviously what happened to you in your last relationship is still incredibly raw. Are you over your ex? Should I be worried that perhaps I’m your rebound girl?”