Fade

  “That makes sense,” Janie says sheepishly.

  “What have you done so far, Captain?” Cabel asks. “And,” he says more cautiously, “what are you hoping we can do?” His voice, for the first time, sounds edgy. Janie glances sidelong at him with mild surprise. She didn’t expect to see him so uncomfortable about an assignment.

  “We’ve done complete background checks on all the teachers. Everyone comes up squeaky clean. And now we’re stuck. Cabe, Janie, this is why I had you at the all-nighter. I’m looking for any information you can give me about Fieldridge teachers who might be sexual predators in their spare time. Are you up for the challenge? This one could be a bit dangerous. Hannagan, chances are, the predator is male. If we can determine who we’re after, we may need to use you as bait so we can nail him. Think about it and get back to me on how you feel about it. If you don’t want to do this assignment, you’re off the hook. No pressure.”

  Cabel sits up, even more concerned. “Bait? You’re going to put her out there for the creep to prey on?”

  “Only if she wants to.”

  “No way,” Cabel says. “Janie, no. It’s too dangerous.”

  Janie blinks and glares at Cabel. “Mom? Is that you?” She laughs nervously, not enjoying the confrontation. “What do you mean it’s too dangerous?”

  Captain interjects. “We’ll have your back at all times, Janie. Besides, we don’t know what’s going on yet. It may be nothing. I’m hoping you can get at least some of the information we need through dreams.”

  Cabel shakes his head at Janie. “I don’t like this.”

  Janie raises an eyebrow. “Right. Only you are allowed to do something dangerous. Jeez, Cabe. It’s really not your decision.”

  Cabel looks at Captain for help.

  Captain pointedly ignores him and looks at Janie.

  “I don’t need to think about it, sir. Count me in,” Janie says.

  “Good.”

  Cabel frowns.

  Captain spends the next thirty minutes coaching them on the art of obtaining information. It’s a refresher course for Cabel, who’s been a narc for a year now (although Janie knows better than to call him that) and was responsible for the most recent Fieldridge drug bust of Shay Wilder’s father, who had a gold mine of cocaine hidden on his boat. It was Janie who figured out the location of the cake when Mr. Wilder fell asleep in jail. She and Cabel make a good team.

  And Captain knows it.

  It’s why she puts up with their shit—now and then.

  Captain reiterates the assignment and encourages the two seniors to keep plugging away. “If we are dealing with a sexual predator, we need to nail the bastard before he hurts another Fieldridge student.”

  “Yes, sir,” Janie says.

  Cabel folds his arms over his chest and shakes his head, defeated. Finally says, “Yes, sir.”

  Captain nods and rises from her chair. Instinctively Cabel and Janie rise too. The meeting is over. But before they leave the office, Captain says, “Janie? I need to speak with you alone. Cabe, you may go.”

  Cabe doesn’t hesitate. He’s gone, without so much as a glance at Janie. Janie can’t help puzzling over why Cabel’s acting like he is.

  Captain walks to a file cabinet and pulls out several thick files.

  Janie stands in silence. Watching.

  Wondering.

  Captain still scares her some.

  Because Janie’s pretty new at this.

  Finally, Captain returns to the desk with the stack of files and loose papers. Puts them in a box. Sits down. Looks at Janie.

  “New topic. This is classified,” Captain says. “You get what that means?”

  Janie nods.

  “Not even Cabe, right? You understand?”

  Janie nods somberly. “Yes, sir,” she adds.

  Captain studies Janie for a moment, and then shoves the stack of files and papers toward Janie. “The reports. Twenty-two years worth of reports and notes. Written by Martha Stubin.”

  Janie’s eyes grow wide. Fill with tears, despite her attempt to hold them back.

  “You knew her, didn’t you,” Captain says, almost accusingly. “Why didn’t you mention it? You had to know I’d do a full background check on you.”

  Janie doesn’t know the answer Captain wants to hear. She only knows her own reasons. She hesitates, but then speaks. “Miss Stubin is . . . was . . . the only person who understood this—this stupid dream curse, and I didn’t even know it until after she died,” she says. She looks down at her lap. “I’m so bummed that I didn’t have a chance to talk to her about it. And now all I have of her is an occasional cameo when she decides to show up in someone’s dream, to show me how to do things.” Janie swallows the lump in her throat. “She hasn’t been around lately.”

  Captain Komisky is rarely at a loss for words. But she’s showing signs of it now.

  Finally she says, “Martha never mentioned you. She was searching. Hard. For her replacement. There were others like her, years ago, but they are gone now too. She must have only discovered you recently.”

  Janie nods. “I fell into one of her dreams at the nursing home. She talked to me in her dream, but I didn’t understand that it was different with her—that she was testing me, teaching me. Not until after she died.”

  Then Captain says, “I think the only reason she lived as long as she did was because she was determined to find the next catcher. You.”

  There is a moment of warmth in the room.

  And then it is back to business.

  Captain clears her throat loudly and says, “Well. I expect there’s some interesting stuff in here. Some of it might be tough. Take a month or so to read through it. And if you find anything you don’t understand or are worried about, you’ll come talk to me. Is that clear?”

  Janie looks at her. She has no idea what to expect from the files. But she does know what Captain expects to hear. “Sir, yes, sir,” she says. With a confidence she doesn’t feel.

  Captain straightens the papers on her desk, indicating that the meeting is over. Janie stands up abruptly and takes the stack of files. “Thank you, sir,” Janie says, and heads out the door.

  She doesn’t see Captain Fran Komisky watching her go, thoughtfully tapping her chin with a pen, after Janie closes the door behind her.

  Janie drives home, happy to see the few rays of sunshine forcing their way through the gray clouds on this cold January afternoon. But she’s feeling an ominous presence emanating from the pile of materials Captain gave her, and an unsettled feeling about Cabel’s strange reaction to the assignment. She stops at her house, makes quick eye contact with her mother, and dumps the literature on her bed.

  She’ll deal with it later.

  But now, she’s dying to spend her last vacation day with Cabel.

  Before they have to go back to the real world of school.

  And pretend they’re not in love.

  4:11 p.m.

  Janie sprints through the yards, taking a different path to Cabel’s this time. She can’t be seen by anyone connected to her high school. But the good thing is that almost nobody who matters at Fieldridge High lives anywhere near the poor side of town.

  Still, Janie doesn’t leave her car at Cabel’s. Just in case Shay Wilder drives by.

  Because Shay’s still hot for Cabe.

  And Shay has no clue that Cabel busted her dad for drugs.

  It’s sort of funny.

  But not really.

  Janie comes in through the back door now, to be safe. She has a key. In case Cabel goes to bed before she can get there. But lately, since she quit her job at Heather Nursing Home, she has more time than ever to spend with Cabel.

  They have an unusual relationship.

  And when things are good, it’s magic.

  She closes the door behind her, taking off her shoes. Wonders where he is. Tiptoes around, in case he’s grabbing a nap, but he’s nowhere on the tiny main floor. Opens the door to the basement and sees the light
is flicked on. She pads down the stairs, and pauses on the bottom step, watching him. Admiring him.

  She whips off her sweatshirt and tosses it on the step. Presses up against the metal support beam, stretching her arms, her back, her legs. Wanting to be strong and sexy, too. She lets her hair fall forward over her face as she concentrates on stretching.

  He sees her and sets the weight bar in its cradle. Stands up. His muscles ripple under the spread of nubbly burn scars on his stomach and chest. He’s narrow and gangly and muscular. Not beefy. Just right. And Janie’s really happy that he doesn’t seem uncomfortable without a shirt on in her presence anymore.

  Janie has an urge to attack him right there on the weight bench. But after all they’d been through together in such a short time, neither of them wants to mess up the relationship on the sex end of things. And Cabel, conscious enough of his many burn scars, isn’t quite ready to show off the ones below the belt. So Janie admires him from five feet away instead. And hopes he’s gotten over his issues about Janie helping with this case.

  “Your eyes are bright again,” he says. “It’s good to see you rested. And your scar is wicked sexy.” He picks up his towel and wipes the sweat off his face, then rubs the towel over his honey-brown hair. A few damp strands travel down his neck. He walks up to her and moves her hair away from her face, getting a good look at the inch-long scar under her eyebrow that is now healing nicely. “God,” he murmurs. “You’re gorgeous.” He plants a gentle kiss on her lips, and then he towels off his chest and back, and slips on his T-shirt.

  Janie blinks. “Are you high?” She laughs, self-conscious. She’s still not accustomed to attention, much less compliments.

  He leans in and runs a finger lightly from her ear, across her jaw line, down her neck. Her heart pounds and she closes her eyes inadvertently, sucking in a breath. He takes advantage of her distraction and begins to nibble on her neck. He smells like Axe and fresh sweat, and it’s making her crazy. She reaches for him. Pulls him close. Feels the heat from his skin blasting through his shirt.

  It’s the touching they both long for.

  The holding.

  Spent their whole lives, each without any. Figure it’s time to make up for it.

  Cabel hands her the weight bar.

  “So . . . ,” Janie says carefully. “You feeling better about me doing this, uh, bait thing?”

  “Not really.”

  “Oh.” She lowers the bar to her chest and presses upward.

  “I don’t want you doing it.”

  Janie concentrates and presses again. “Why? What’s your problem?” she huffs.

  “I just . . . don’t like it. You could get hurt. Raped. My God . . . ” he trails off. His jaw is set. “I can’t let you do it. Say no.”

  Janie sets the bar in the cradle and sits up, her eyes flashing. “It’s not your decision, Cabe.”

  Cabel sighs deeply and rakes his fingers through his hair. “Janie—”

  “What? You think I can’t handle the job? You can go out and mess with dangerous drug dealers and spend nights in jail, but I can’t get involved in anything dangerous? What kind of a double standard is that?” She stands up and faces him.

  Looks him in the eye.

  His brown silky eyes plead back at hers. “This is different,” he says weakly.

  “Because you can’t control it?”

  Cabel sputters. “No—It’s just—”

  Janie grins. “You are so busted. Better get used to the idea. I’m in for the ride on this one.”

  Cabel looks at her a minute more. Closes his eyes and slowly hangs his head. Sighs. “I still don’t like it. I can’t stand the thought of any sicko teacher anywhere near you.”

  Janie wraps her arms around his neck. Rests her head against his shoulder. “I’ll be careful,” she whispers.

  Cabel is silent.

  He presses his lips into her hair and squeezes his eyes shut. “Why can’t you just be the one safe thing in my life?” he whispers.

  Janie pulls away and looks up at him.

  Smiles sympathetically.

  “Because safe equals boring, Cabe.”

  Janie spends almost an hour lifting weights. Three weeks, Cabel says, and she’ll start to see the changes. All she knows is that her glutes are killing her.

  6:19 p.m.

  Janie and Cabel step on each other’s feet in the small kitchen as they broil fish in the oven and fix a mountain of veggies. Cabel is a healthy eater. And he insists Janie eats that way too. Now that she’s lost so much weight. Now that he realizes what she’s in for, for the rest of her life. “It makes me crazy, seeing you so thin like that, you know,” he murmurs as he checks the salmon. “And not in a good way.”

  At night, on the nights she stays over, he massages her aching fingers and toes before she drifts off to sleep. Falling into one nasty nightmare will do that to her—leave her fingers numb and aching for hours after. Cabel, having learned recently to control his dreams to some extent, has made dream control into a religion. He spends an hour a day in meditation, talking himself into calm, sweet dreams, working his way to his ideal—no dreams at all. At least when Janie’s over. So he can keep her nearby. He’s managed to prevent himself from dreaming one entire night now—with Janie as his witness. She woke up so refreshed, he hardly knew her.

  That’s another reason why this new assignment is putting him on edge. He knows the dreams will make this harder on her than on him.

  Physically, anyway.

  Mentally? Emotionally? It’ll be harder on him.

  Because this love thing is foreign to Cabel. And now that he has found Janie, he’s becoming increasingly protective of her. There is no man in the universe he wants to have to share her with. Especially a creep.

  Even if it unearths a scandal.

  Of greatest proportions.

  The biggest scandal Fieldridge High has ever seen.

  10:49 p.m.

  Janie stays over.

  “Are we okay?” she asks softly.

  After a silence, Cabel whispers, “We’re okay.”

  He wraps his arms around her in bed, and they talk quietly, like usual.

  Janie brings it up first. “So, spill it. All As, right?”

  He squeezes her. Closes his eyes. “Yeah.”

  “I got a B+ in math,” she finally says.

  He’s quiet. Not quite sure what she wants to hear. Maybe she just wants to say it and be done. Get it out there, so it can float away and not be so painful.

  He waits a moment. And then murmurs, “I love you, Janie Hannagan. I can’t get enough of you. I wake up in the morning and all I want to do is be with you.” He props himself up on his elbow. “Do you have any idea how unusual, how important that is to me? Compared to some stupid test you took under extreme duress, twice?”

  He said it.

  It’s the first time he said it out loud.

  Janie swallows. Hard.

  Understands what he means, completely.

  Wants to tell him how she feels about him.

  Problem is, Janie can’t remember saying “I love you” to anyone. Ever.

  She burrows closer into him. How could she have gone so many years without touching people? Hugs? Arms wrapped loosely in slumber, like a tired Christmas package whose ribbon hangs on, even until the last moment.

  They confirm their plans for tomorrow under the covers. Opposite schedules unlike last semester, because they need to make a broader canvas through the school. All different teachers, too. This time Cabel set up his schedule with Principal Abernethy after Janie got hers, without Abernethy knowing why he picked the classes, teachers, and times that he chose. Principal Abernethy knows about Cabel’s job. But he doesn’t know about Janie’s, and Captain wants to keep it that way.

  Cabel agreed with the schedule setup, except for one thing. His only insistence with Captain was to have study hall at the same time as Janie. So he can cover for her, in case anybody ever sees what happens to her in there. Captain
agreed.

  Last semester, Janie and Cabel had identical schedules. Which Cabel insists was a fluke.

  Janie doesn’t believe him.

  Or maybe she wants to believe that he found her on purpose. Even Janie can have her dreams.

  They drift off to sleep. And when Cabel starts to dream, she startles awake, fights it off, and slides away from him, closes his door, and finishes her night’s rest on the couch.

  January 3, 2006, 6:50 a.m.

  She wakes up to the smell of bacon and coffee. Her stomach growls, but it’s normal hunger, not the famished, about-to-pass-out feeling she sometimes has after a night of falling into others’ nightmares.

  Janie doesn’t want to open her eyes, and then he’s there, on top of her and her blankets, kissing her ear. “Next time, kick me out of the bed,” he whispers. The weight of him feels amazing on her body.

  Maybe it’s because she’s numb so often.

  Or because she was so numb inside, before she let him in.

  She opens her eyes slowly. It takes her a moment to adjust to the bright kitchen light, shining in her eyes. “Can we rearrange the furniture this weekend?” she asks sleepily. “So when I sleep out here, you don’t shine all of Satan’s fiery hell lights in my eyes first thing in the morning?”

  “Awww. Don’t be grumpy. We’re going into the best time of our lives. Be excited!”

  He’s joking.

  Everyone who is heading to college knows that the best semester comes in four more years. Although this one will probably be easier.

  Awake now, she shoves him off her, even though she’d rather lie like this all day. “Shower,” she mumbles, shuffling off in that direction. Her muscles ache from working out. But it’s a good ache.

  When she emerges, breakfast is on the table.

  She’s finally gotten used to eating here, at this table.

  After Cabel’s nightmare about the knives and all.

  And then she has to go.

  Back to her house to check on her mother and get her car.

  She clings to him.

  She doesn’t understand why.

  Except it makes her happy.

  He kisses her.

  She kisses him.

  They kiss.

  And then she goes.

  Out the door, crunching through the crust on eighteen inches of Michigan snow. Runs into her house. Makes sure her mother has food in the fridge. And grabs money for lunch.