Just Beyond the Clouds

  After watching her work with the young adults at the center every day that week, he couldn’t deny the obvious. She was helping them. Even if a person with Down Syndrome lived at home in a safe, loving environment all his life, it wouldn’t hurt for him to know how to cook or eat correctly, how to shop on a budget or take the bus.

  Elle Dalton was dedicated to her students in a way that surprised him. He had studied her all week, trying to see past her beauty. Whatever drove her, it wasn’t a temporary incentive. She was committed to changing the lives of handicapped people, and she went about it as if that alone were the purpose of her life.

  At the end of class Thursday he found her in the break room again. Most of the students were gone, but Daisy and Carl Joseph and Gus were outside taking turns at the tetherball pole. “Mr. Gunner”—she was making copies of something, probably the bus route—“thanks for not scaring me this time.”

  “You’re welcome.” He smiled, but he was careful to keep the moment professional. “Look, Ms. Dalton—about your field trip tomorrow. I was wondering if I could join you. If it wouldn’t be too much trouble.”

  Elle stopped and put her hands on her hips. She studied him for a moment before she answered. “You’ve already made up your mind about me”—she waved to the room beyond—“about the work I’m doing here at the center.” She wasn’t angry, merely pointing out what she clearly thought was a fact. “Why come with us?”

  “Because—” He wanted to look away, but he couldn’t. She had that effect on him. “The truth is, I’m impressed by your work here. You’re giving your students skills they wouldn’t have otherwise.”

  She raised an eyebrow. “Really? I changed your mind that easily?” There was teasing in her tone.

  He smiled. “You haven’t changed my mind about putting people like Carl Joseph out in the world to fend for themselves. But”—his voice grew more serious—“your work, your passion for these people, is a great thing. A very great thing.”

  “Thank you.” She glanced down at her feet. Her cheeks grew red and she turned back to the copy machine and pressed a few buttons. When she spoke, it was hard to hear her. “You can come with us, Mr. Gunner.” She faced him once more. This time her expression was no-nonsense. “But I take these field trips very seriously, and so do the students.”

  “I know that.” He hated how she thought of him, critical and ogre-like. Maybe that’s why he needed to spend more time with her. Not so she could change his mind about the purpose of the center, but so he could change her mind about him. “The Subway thing . . . it won’t happen again.”

  She narrowed her eyes. “Do you know where we’re going tomorrow?”

  “To a dance class downtown?”

  “A dance class and then to an old church. One of the oldest in Colorado Springs. It has a midday Friday service.”

  Cody clenched the muscles in his jaw. He and God had been on a roller-coaster since Ali died. She had faith enough to move mountains, but it hadn’t helped her in the end. After her death, there were times when he wanted nothing to do with Ali’s faith, and other times when it made perfect sense, when he was thankful beyond words to Ali’s God for giving them as much time as they had.

  Even so, over the last few years he’d fallen away from even thinking about faith. It hadn’t been a part of his life before Ali, and truthfully it hadn’t helped much to believe there was a higher power, a Great Being who watched over the moves of His people and helped when He was called upon. Cody crossed his arms. “Carl Joseph has never been to church. Our family, we’ve never been churchgoers.”

  “I know that.” She no longer seemed flustered. “I talked to each of the students. Every one of them wants to go.”

  “Because prayer is a life skill.” It wasn’t a question. He had seen Elle remind them about prayer time and again during the week.

  Elle drew a long breath. “Yes, Mr. Gunner. Because prayer is a life skill.” She studied him. “Are you opposed to God in some way? Do you want to keep Carl Joseph from attending the church service?”

  “No.” He shrugged. “I guess I haven’t seen a lot of proof of God, that’s all. If you want to take your students to church, I won’t stand in the way.”

  “And you won’t mumble under your breath or give angry looks to the pastor, rolling your eyes, that sort of thing?” The hint of teasing was back in her voice.

  He was beginning to understand Elle Dalton, at least the public Elle. She hid behind a layer of professionalism and mild sarcasm. He understood that. But the time he spent with her left him no closer to knowing the real her. Not in the least. He considered her question. “I’ll sit in the back. You’ll never know I’m there.” He angled his head. “I might even learn something.”

  “All right then.” She went to a filing drawer and pulled out a single sheet of paper. “We’re meeting here an hour earlier than usual.” She handed him the paper. “Here are the details.”

  He thanked her and was headed toward the door when he stopped and faced her again. “What’s your interest, Ms. Dalton? That’s the part I can’t figure out.”

  “My interest?”

  “Yes.” He wasn’t being combative, not this time. He was simply curious. Maybe if he understood her motives, he could consider the reasons for putting someone like Carl Joseph out into the world by himself. He searched her eyes. “Why isn’t it enough for people with Down Syndrome to live at home with their parents, safe and loved and cared for?”

  “Because”—passion filled her tone—“people with Down Syndrome have dreams and hopes, Mr. Gunner. Did you know that? They look at magazines and television, and they picture themselves dressed in a suit, headed off to work. They see married couples, holding hands and kissing, and they dream of knowing love like that.”

  Cody could feel himself frown, despite his determination to stay neutral. “They want to be married?”

  “Yes.” She leaned against the counter. “Before I took this job, I interviewed a married couple with Down Syndrome. They had assistance from a twice-weekly caregiver, but they managed just fine on their own. Even with a variety of health issues.” She stared at him, her voice intense. “Do you know how long those two people waited for permission to marry?” She didn’t wait for him to answer. “Twenty years, Mr. Gunner. Because people like you and me kept denying them the right to be together.”

  “It’s like letting grade-school kids get married.”

  “No, it isn’t.” She crossed her arms. “Down Syndrome makes a person less capable cognitively. But not emotionally. They still mature at an age-appropriate rate.”

  “You mean, Carl Joseph has the feelings and desires of any other twenty-four-year-old guy?” Cody let loose a single laugh, and it expressed how ludicrous he thought the idea. He had never considered such a thing. Carl Joseph was a child; he would always be a child.

  “That’s exactly right.” In that instant, Cody could think of only one person. His precious Ali. Wasn’t that her philosophy? People had to choose life every day if they were going to really live. He blinked back her image and took another step toward the door. “We’ll be here in the morning, Ms. Dalton. Thank you.”

  He left the break room and headed across the center’s main area. He stepped outside and saw that Gus was gone. Only Carl Joseph and Daisy remained in the yard, and neither of them heard him walk out. He stood near the door and studied them.

  They were singing as loud as they could, though it took a minute for Cody to understand them. When he did, he was struck by the simplicity of the moment. Daisy was dancing in a sort of box step, and Carl Joseph was trying to follow her lead. Together they were singing, “M-I-C . . . K-E-Y . . . M-O-U-S-E!”

  Something stirred in Cody’s heart. Even now Carl Joseph was in danger. He could have a seizure at any time, though Carl Joseph hadn’t had one since Cody had been home. He was on a new medication, but the risk remained. That’s what the doctor had told his parents yesterday at Carl Joseph’s appointment. The doctor was adamant. r />
  Carl Joseph’s condition was unstable. Independent living couldn’t even be considered unless his health improved.

  Cody felt a rush of sadness as he watched his brother. Carl Joseph put his hands around Daisy’s waist and the two of them waltzed to something Daisy was humming. Whatever the future held, he hoped Carl Joseph could keep his friendship with Daisy.

  For both their sakes.

  “I LOVE DANCING with you, Daisy. ’Cause you’re the best dancer in Disneyland!” Carl Joseph smiled so big it became a laugh.

  Rain was in the forecast, and Carl Joseph kept looking up, checking the clouds. Cody felt a surge of protectiveness for his younger brother. Lately Carl Joseph had been almost obsessed with clouds, peering at them and staring at them, frowning at them, as if a tornado were in the forecast when all that floated overhead was a layer of cumulus clouds.

  It was this exact sort of thing that would make him a danger to himself if he were on his own in the world. He could be walking across a street and get distracted by the sky. That quickly he could step off a curb into the path of a bus.

  Carl Joseph and Daisy had moved on to some other play-acting. They were doing some other kind of dance step—and but for Carl Joseph’s awkward clumsiness, it almost seemed they were following a regular pattern.

  That had to be Daisy’s doing. Clearly she was as taken with Carl Joseph as he was with her. No doubt she encouraged his new interest in faith, since she’d been attending the center longer than he had.

  A gust of wind blew across the courtyard, and the first raindrops began to fall. In the distance, a low rumble of thunder echoed across the valley. Suddenly Daisy began to cry, loudly and in short bursts. She covered her face and turned in a tight circle, frantic. At the same time, Carl Joseph sprang into action. He pulled off his jacket, put it around her shoulders, and whispered something into her ear. Then he led her with fast, jerky steps to a covering of trees and a small cement bench.

  Cody watched, mesmerized. As they reached the dry area, Daisy began brushing the raindrops off her arms and legs and face, her movements quick and compulsive. If Cody didn’t know better, he’d think the raindrops were burning her skin. He moved closer, but before he could make his presence known, he saw Carl Joseph put his arm around her shoulders and gently, tenderly, rock her.

  Cody was close enough now to hear what they were saying, though they were too distracted to notice him. Carl Joseph was still rocking her. “It’s okay, Daisy. The rain won’t hurt you. Not the rain.”

  She looked up, her expression paralyzed with fear. “I could melt.”

  “No, Daisy. That was the Wicked Witch of the West. You’re not a witch and . . . and you’re not a wicked witch. You’re Minnie Mouse.”

  A slight smile appeared in her eyes. “And you’re Mickey.”

  “Right.” He laughed hard, the laugh that would tell anyone within listening range that he was not like other people. The laugh that made Cody love him more than anything in life. “Right, Daisy, I’m Mickey. Mickey Mouse.” He pointed at her, his eyes big. “And I’m writing you a letter. So I can entertain you at Disneyland.”

  For a moment Daisy’s eyes lit up, too. But the rain was falling harder and she looked out at it. As she did, terror filled her face. “But the rain . . .” She began to cry. She pressed her forehead into Carl Joseph’s shoulder. “Keep me dry, CJ. Okay? Keep me dry.”

  Cody was stunned by the scene. His throat felt thick as he watched it play out. This was why Carl Joseph had become obsessed with clouds. Because he was driven to protect Daisy from her obvious fear of the rain. His heart swelled inside him. The friendship between the two of them was painfully genuine.

  He gave a little cough so he wouldn’t startle them. “Buddy . . . it’s time to go home.”

  Carl Joseph gave him a frustrated look, the sort of look he had never given Cody in all his life. “Not yet.” He tightened his hold on Daisy’s shoulders. “Not with rain.” He pointed at the wet pavement. “Not now.”

  “Okay.” Cody wasn’t sure what to do next. Behind him he heard a sound and he turned. Elle was locking up, and as she came out she realized what was happening. “Carl Joseph, are you helping Daisy again?” She smiled at the two and headed toward them. Along the way she glanced at Cody, and her eyes told him how Carl Joseph’s display of friendship touched her as well.

  When she reached Daisy, she touched the young woman’s shoulder. “Are you okay?”

  “CJ keeps me dry.” She looked up but made no effort to move.

  “Carl Joseph has to go home with his brother.” Elle tilted her head. “I’ll make sure you don’t get wet, okay?”

  Carl Joseph lifted his eyes to Elle and then turned to Cody again. He stood, his hand still on Daisy’s back. For a moment he looked unable to express himself. That happened often with Carl Joseph, and when it did he sometimes hid his face and resorted to a slight rocking motion.

  Not now.

  With his options limited, Carl Joseph looked around and spotted the covered area near the center door. He pulled his jacket up around Daisy’s shoulders again and over her head. “Come on, Daisy. Run with me.”

  Her blank expression made it clear she didn’t know where Carl Joseph was taking her or why they were supposed to run. But she trusted him. Because she ducked her head and with quick steps, the two of them ran across the rainy yard to the covered area.

  There Carl Joseph eased his jacket down around Daisy’s shoulders. Cody could barely make out what he was saying.

  “Brother wants to go.”

  Daisy smiled at Carl Joseph, but then glared at Cody. “I want you to stay.”

  “Me, too.” He stood squarely in front of her and patted her shoulders. “You stay dry with Teacher.”

  “Okay.” Daisy ran her tongue over her lower lip. “Come tomorrow, CJ.”

  “I will.” He pulled her into a hug then, and for a moment the two held on as if they might never let go.

  Cody watched, awed. He barely noticed Elle coming up beside him. “See?” Her tone was gentle. “Carl Joseph doesn’t want you making his decisions. Can’t you feel it?”

  “Yes.” Cody kept his eyes on his brother. “I feel it.” But in that moment, he felt Elle’s nearness more. The softness in her voice and the subtle smell of her shampoo. He tried to focus. “Does Daisy have a ride?”

  “I’ll take her.”

  “Oh.” He had sensed that Elle was fonder of Daisy than some of the other students. That was fine; maybe Daisy had no other way to the center. He tipped an invisible hat. “See you tomorrow.”

  In the car on the way home, Cody looked at his brother. “Daisy’s afraid of the rain?”

  “Yes.” Carl Joseph was grumpy. His short answer was loaded with attitude.

  “Why’s she afraid?” Cody turned his attention back to the road. He tried to keep his tone upbeat, casual.

  Carl Joseph uttered a loud breath and turned impatient eyes toward Cody. “She isn’t the Wicked Witch of the West. She’s Minnie Mouse. And Minnie Mouse doesn’t melt in the rain.”

  “Oh.” Cody blinked. He made one more try. “So she’s afraid she’ll melt, Buddy? Is that it?”

  “Yes.” Carl Joseph lifted his hands and let them drop in his lap. “I keep her dry, okay?”

  “Okay.” They rode the rest of the way in silence.

  Not until they pulled into the driveway did Cody sense that Carl Joseph had cooled down some. “Are you okay now, Buddy?”

  “Yes, I’m okay.” He reached out and patted Cody’s knee. “Sorry, Brother. Sorry for being mad. We still wanted to dance, okay?”

  “You and Daisy?”

  “Yes.” He smiled, even though the look of it was still a little subdued. “Me and Minnie Mouse.”

  That night Carl Joseph couldn’t stop talking about the field trip. They were going to get a dance lesson from a real dance instructor. “So maybe I can learn the Lindy Hop,” he told their parents after dinner. He hopped around the table, laughing as he went. ?
??Hop . . . hop . . . hop!”

  Neither of his parents had spoken to Cody about the center since he started attending with Carl Joseph earlier that week. Now, though, his mother caught his eyes, and the concern in her face told Cody she’d been worrying about the situation since their last conversation. “You’re going on the field trip?”

  “Brother wants to dance!” Carl Joseph’s mood was considerably better than it had been in the car on the way home. He grinned as he danced past Cody. “Right, Brother?”

  “Dancing and church.” He raised a forkful of mashed potatoes in a mock sort of cheer. “Should be interesting.”

  Carl Joseph stopped in his tracks. His smile faded. “But you’re happy to go, right, Brother? Not mad like the Subway field trip?”

  Elle’s request ran through his mind. Remorse hit him like a truck, and he immediately changed his tone. “Yes, Buddy. I’m very happy.” He held his hand out, the sarcasm from earlier gone. Carl Joseph took hold of his fingers. “The field trip will be lots of fun.”

  Doubt lingered, but only for a moment. Then Carl Joseph smiled again, the big open-mouthed smile he was known for. He pushed his glasses back up his nose. “Goodie! Field trip day is fun!”

  The rest of that night and the next morning as they pulled up in front of the center, fear shot darts at Cody. What if Carl Joseph had a seizure today? He could fall and get hurt and . . . the worst scenarios played out in his imagination in as much time as it took him to draw a single breath. He couldn’t lose Carl Joseph, his buddy. His friend. Not after losing Ali. He wouldn’t survive it.

  He could only hope that of all days, Carl Joseph’s medication wouldn’t give out today.

  Chapter Fourteen

  Cody kept his thoughts to himself as the group waited inside the center. Once they were all together, Elle took her place at the front. “Everyone remembers the bus route?”

  Several voices began talking at once. Elle held up her hand. Her patience seemed to know no limits. “One at a time.”