Just Beyond the Clouds

Cody took the piece of paper and a pen from the counter. The questionnaire was simple and straightforward. Name of club member, condition of club member, any health or allergy problems, any behavioral problems, any triggers. Cody answered as quickly as he could.

  “Teacher says I should write the words,” Carl Joseph mumbled under his breath. The man at the counter took a phone call and didn’t notice.

  Cody stopped writing and looked at his brother. “The man asked me to fill it out, Buddy.” Cody returned to the paper.

  At the bottom of the sheet was a contact list, where Cody provided their home number, his cell phone number, and his parents’ cell phone numbers. The man was off the phone by then, and he smiled as he took the paper from Cody. He studied it and nodded. “Looks good.” He reached out his hand to Carl Joseph. “Welcome to Club!”

  Cody held his breath and willed his brother to respond the way he should. Carl Joseph was the kindest person Cody knew. He wasn’t used to this new depressed, sulking Carl Joseph. Cody did a nervous laugh to ease the tension of the moment.

  The internal struggle Carl Joseph was going through played out on his face. With his arms still folded tightly in front of him, his scowl became a mild frown, and then more of a fearful look. Finally he relaxed his shoulders and his arms released to his sides. He found a tentative smile for the old man. Then he took the man’s hand and shook it.

  “Good.” Relief filled Cody’s voice. He gave the man a grateful look. “Thank you.” He put his hand on Carl Joseph’s back and guided him around the corner. “Come on, Buddy. It’s this way.”

  In the next room, art supplies were set up at a number of tables. Molding clay took up one, paints and paper another, and yarn and felt another. Moving around the room and between the tables were maybe fifteen Down Syndrome people, all ages and sizes.

  Sitting at a desk near the back of the room was a woman who looked familiar. Cody led Carl Joseph to her desk, and as he came closer she looked up. In a rush he remembered where he’d seen her before. She was his mother’s friend, a woman who used to work at the bank near his parents’ house. Her name was Kelley Gaylor, and she and Cody’s mom had done volunteer work together over the past few years.

  “Mrs. Gaylor . . .” Cody reached out and shook her hand. “My brother’s joining the club for today.”

  “Cody! My goodness. Your mother said you were taking a break from the rodeo circuit. I keep wishing we could hire you to help run our family’s thoroughbred farm.” She stood and a smile brightened her eyes. She looked at Carl Joseph and came around her desk to greet him. “Carl Joseph, I’m glad you’re here.”

  Cody tried to remember what his mother had said about her friend. She was much younger than his mom, maybe in her late thirties, and very pretty. She was married with three kids, and very involved in charities for children.

  And now she was here helping with handicapped adults.

  “Did you leave the bank?”

  “Yes.” She leaned on the edge of her desk. Her blue eyes were filled with a warmth that put Cody at ease. “I’m doing some accounting work for my parents, and spending more time with my kids, and volunteering. Actually this is only my second day working with the club. I was going to tell your mother about it, but . . .” She hesitated. Clearly she didn’t want to talk about Carl Joseph with him standing there. She motioned to him. “Why don’t you follow me, Carl Joseph? Let’s start you off at the painting table.”

  Cody looked at her desk. There were framed photos of her and her husband, and another of a daughter and two young boys. On the other side of the desk were two framed pictures of beautiful horses. He had finally found the perfect place, led by someone he knew and was comfortable with. What could be better?

  He turned his attention to Kelley and Carl Joseph, making their way to the paint table. Things had been rocky until now, but this place, this club, was exactly what Carl Joseph needed. Maybe his parents were right. Tuesdays here would give him a safe way to be creative and social.

  Carl Joseph didn’t resist. Maybe because of the woman’s gentle approach or because of her compassionate voice. He followed her to the table where the paints were, and she introduced him to another young man who was deciding on a color. Carl Joseph’s expression was blank, but he took a piece of paper and a small jar of red paint. Then he sat at a nearby table and began to work. For a long moment, Kelley stayed with him, helping him and making him feel comfortable.

  Kelley waited until Carl Joseph was working on his own, then she came back to Cody. She kept her voice low. “Your mother told me Carl Joseph was working with the ILC, heading toward his Goal Day.” She looked concerned. “Did something happen?”

  Events from the past few months flashed in Cody’s mind. Cody explained about the accident and the doctor’s suggestion—that Carl Joseph be kept at home where he would be safer in light of his epilepsy.

  Kelley was quiet for a moment, but her eyes never left his. “What about Carl Joseph? Does he like being home?”

  “He misses the center.” Cody’s answer was thoughtful. “He’s always been the happiest kid. But now he knows about life away from home.” He narrowed his eyes and looked at his brother. “The risks are just too great.”

  Kelley smiled. “All of life is a risk, Cody. Bull riding and loving a sick barrel racer. Giving up one of your lungs.” She paused. “You, of all people, should know that.”

  Her words cut him deep. It took a few seconds for him to catch his breath, and when he did, he no longer wanted to talk. He had figured Kelley would be on his parents’ side, but instead she sounded just like Elle Dalton. The way maybe he should’ve sounded if he’d tried harder to convince his parents that Carl Joseph still needed the center. Cody exhaled. He felt as if he’d aged a decade in the past week. “The club meeting is three hours?”

  “It is.” She touched his arm. “You can come back then. Don’t be upset by what I said. Whatever you and your family decide for Carl Joseph, I’m sure you’ll all be fine.” She angled her head and looked at the club members. “This sort of outing is the answer for many of them. But for some”—she met Cody’s eyes again—“independent living is a very real possibility.”

  He hesitated. “Thanks.”

  Cody wasn’t sure how he made it out to the parking lot and climbed into his car. He didn’t remember any of it. All he could think about was what Kelley Gaylor had said. Cody, of all people, should know that life took risk. So why wasn’t he trying harder to be his buddy’s advocate? The way Elle Dalton would be if she had a voice in the matter. He started his engine and headed to the mall. He needed a pair of jeans, and he wanted to pick up a few CDs for Carl Joseph. Even when all he wanted to do was get his brother back in the car and head to the center. Because Buddy was going crazy missing the people there.

  And just maybe Cody was, too.

  Chapter Eighteen

  Cody was pulling into a parking spot at the Citadel Mall when his cell phone rang. He checked the Caller ID. Park and Rec Dept, it read. His heart skipped a beat. Carl Joseph was fine when he left, but maybe he was having a meltdown, weeping for his friends at the center. He flipped open his phone. “Hello?”

  “Cody, it’s Kelley.” She sounded frantic, breathless. “Carl Joseph’s disappeared.”

  “What?” Cody shouted the word. He felt the blood leave his face. “How could that happen? Have you searched the building?”

  “Everywhere. I’ve called the police. They’re on the way.” She let out a single sob. “Cody, I’m so sorry. He painted a picture of Minnie Mouse, and he wrote the name Daisy at the top.” Her words were choppy, mixed with panic. “Then he asked if he could go outside and look at the park. We have a special yard for our disabled club members. Normally the gate’s locked, but today . . . today the maintenance man left it open.”

  “So he’s gone? No one saw what direction he went?” Cody’s heart tripped into a crazy fast rhythm. He started his truck and backed out of the parking space. In a frenzy he headed back the way he’
d come. “Where have you looked?”

  “Around the perimeter of the park.” She moaned. “I can’t believe this. When he didn’t come back after a few minutes, I followed him. The gate was open. How far could he have gotten?”

  Suddenly Cody felt an awful possibility explode in his mind. “Is there a bus stop near the park?”

  “Yes, of course. Right out—” She gasped. “You don’t think . . .”

  “Just a minute.” Cody jerked the car into the nearest gas station parking lot and did a U-turn. There was only one person who would know the bus routes Carl Joseph might take. He tried to concentrate. “Carl Joseph had his wallet with him. I’m sure he had his bus pass and probably ten dollars.”

  “What should I tell the police?” Kelley’s words came fast, filled with fear.

  “Tell them Carl Joseph probably took the bus. I’m heading toward the ILC. Carl Joseph was probably trying to get back to the center.”

  “How would he know which bus to take?”

  Cody forced his head to stop spinning long enough so he could think straight. “His former teacher would know.”

  “Anything else? I want to get this to the police right away.”

  “Yes.” Cody felt the first tears. His brother was lost somewhere on a city bus. What if he got off and ran into traffic again? Or had a seizure? He pinched the bridge of his nose. “Please, Kelley. Pray for Carl Joseph.”

  When the call ended, Cody reached the center in record time. They never should’ve pulled Buddy from his friends. Never. Whatever the consequences of this ordeal, they’d have to sort through them later. In the meantime, Cody was grateful for one very good thing.

  There wasn’t a cloud in the sky.

  He hurried inside, but before he reached the door, he stopped himself. He couldn’t disrupt Elle’s class. Not after all the damage he’d already caused them. Despite his racing heart, he forced himself to exhale. He opened the door slowly, and immediately his eyes found Elle’s. Almost on cue, the students turned their attention to him. Shock filled their faces. Two of them cheered out loud and clapped.

  Gus pointed at him. “Carl Joseph’s brother!” He grinned big and looked at the others. “Hey, everyone—Carl Joseph’s brother! That means Carl Joseph is coming in next!”

  “No.” Cody kept his tone as gentle as he could. Panic was making it hard to draw a breath. Carl Joseph was missing; he couldn’t think of anything else. “Sorry, guys. Carl Joseph isn’t here.” He shot a desperate look at Elle. “Please . . . can I talk with you outside?”

  Elle didn’t look pleased, but she must’ve sensed the urgency in Cody. She motioned to her aide, and the older woman came to the front of the room. The students were talking all at once, guessing where Carl Joseph might be hiding and whether he was still hurt and why Cody would come without his brother.

  “Listen.” Elle held up her hand. “I need your attention up here. I’ll speak to Mr. Gunner and I’ll be right back.”

  She followed Cody outside the classroom. When the door was shut she turned to him, her expression a mix of confusion and concern. “My students have only today stopped asking every ten minutes about your brother. I’ve asked if you would call before—”

  “Elle, I need your help!” Cody’s mouth was dry. His mind was racing, picturing his brother catching a bus to Denver or getting mugged. “Carl Joseph’s missing. I took him to the park, to a club meeting, and he left.” He paused, horrified. “I think he took the bus.”

  Her eyes grew wide. “Dear God, no . . .” She took a step back. “Wait here.”

  Cody stayed outside, but he watched through the window. Elle pulled her aide aside and whispered something.

  The moment she was outside, Cody caught her hand and ran with her back to his truck. He tried not to think about how her hand felt in his. All that mattered was his buddy. “You know the bus routes, the ones Carl Joseph knows.”

  “Yes.” She waited until he opened the passenger door. “Get in and drive to Adler Street.”

  Cody raced around the front of the truck, and as he jumped into the driver’s seat he felt a sense of relief. Elle would help him. They’d find Carl Joseph. They had to find him.

  Before the unthinkable happened.

  CARL JOSEPH FELT bad about what he’d done.

  The nice lady, Kelley, was his mom’s friend. Carl Joseph remembered her coming to the house. But no one said he had to stay. Cody would come back in three hours. Kelley told him that. Three hours was enough time for a field trip. Teacher said so.

  When Carl Joseph went into the yard and out the gate, the bus was just coming. He remembered his wallet. “Every time you go out, Carl Joseph, make sure you have two things with you,” Teacher had said. “Your bus pass and ten dollars.” So that morning he remembered.

  He walked over, and when the bus stopped, he climbed on. All by himself. And the driver was friendly. He asked where Carl Joseph wanted to go. There was no line of people, and no one was pushing him to move along, move along. He licked his lips and pulled his wallet from his jeans pocket. He showed his pass, and then something else. He showed the card from Elle Dalton. The one from the center.

  “Here.” He pointed at the card. “I want to go to the center.”

  The man was still friendly. He said to take the bus four stops and then he would say what to do next. Carl Joseph sat down near a window. ’Cause window seats showed the whole world outside. That’s what Gus said every time they had a field trip.

  But when Carl Joseph sat down, he felt scared and sad. ’Cause maybe he should ask the driver to call his mom or call Brother. The bus was a big place without any other students. And no Teacher, too. And no Daisy, who knew the bus routes better than all the students put together.

  He pushed himself close to the window and tapped his feet. Maybe he would call his mom when he got to the center. She could tell the nice Kelley that Carl Joseph was sorry for leaving. Sorry for not saying good-bye. He pressed his forehead against the glass. It felt hot, so he pulled back.

  Then he remembered about the life skill. He closed his eyes. “Dear God, I don’t like this.” He whispered the prayer. But maybe it was loud because the driver looked back at him.

  “You okay, pal?”

  “Yes, pal.” Carl Joseph sat up straighter. “I’m okay.” His heart was pounding hard. “D-A-I-S-Y . . . D-A-I-S-Y.” He spelled her name a few times. Very quietly. Then he talked to God once more. “Help me, God. Help me now.”

  They reached four stops, because the driver stopped the bus. Then he stood up and came back. Carl Joseph was the only person on the bus. “This is your stop.”

  Carl Joseph stood, but his legs felt shaky. Like after he rode Ace. He swallowed and pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose. “What now?”

  “Follow me.” The driver led him slowly down the middle aisle and slowly onto the steps. On the sidewalk, the driver pointed across the street. “Cross at the light and walk one block. There’s a blue bench. Take that bus five stops and you’ll be right at the center.”

  Carl Joseph smiled. See? He could do this. He could take a bus and go see Daisy. He should’ve done it sooner. Then Brother wouldn’t have to work with him so much. It was better when he and Brother were friends. Now Brother was trying to change him. ’Cause he wanted to change him.

  Carl Joseph shook the bus driver’s hand. “Thank you, pal.”

  “You’re welcome.” He hesitated. “You sure you’re okay?”

  “A-okay.” He felt less wobbly. A-okay was what Tammy said. It sounded professional. “Yes, very a-okay.”

  The bus driver climbed back up the steps of the big bus. Then he closed the door and drove away. Carl Joseph walked six steps, ’cause he counted them. ’Cause counting was a life skill, too. Then he stopped and looked around. Was he supposed to cross straight ahead? Or straight across? He took two steps straight ahead. His heart started to beat faster again.

  Then he turned and took three steps toward the other light. He blinked four times.
Which way was it? He covered his face with his hands and turned around and around. First one direction, then the other. The bus driver called him Pal. Then what? Which way was he supposed to go?

  “Life skills, Carl Joseph,” he told himself. “Think of life skills.” He parted his fingers and peered out. Two people passing by looked at him. They had scared faces. “Life skills,” he told them. “Time for life skills.”

  The people kept walking. Carl Joseph couldn’t hear. His heart was beating too hard, ’cause he didn’t like this. He was alone and he was about to cry. But the first life skill was praying, ’cause praying made you remember that . . . that you were never alone! Carl Joseph dropped his hands to his sides and looked up at the sky. Straight up. It was bright blue, no rain at all. “God, I want to go to the center. I forget which way.”

  He was about to look at the lights again, walk up to each crossing line and decide what to do, when he felt a hand on his shoulder. Maybe it was Brother or his mom. He turned around and right away he covered his face again.

  ’Cause policemen only came when there was trouble. Big, big trouble.

  And right there his eyes started shaking back and forth. Back and forth and back and forth. And his mouth came open and he couldn’t say anything. ’Cause his legs and arms were shaking and then he was falling.

  And everything, everywhere turned the blackest of black.

  Chapter Nineteen

  Nearly an hour had passed since Carl Joseph’s disappearance, and Elle was out of options. Beside her, Cody was desperate, his eyes wide, terror written into the worried lines on his forehead.

  Elle pointed to the stoplight just ahead. “Turn right, there’s another bus stop just down the street.” Her heart pounded, and she felt sick to her stomach. No matter how hard she prayed, Carl Joseph wasn’t turning up. They’d driven three times by every bus stop familiar to Carl Joseph, but there was no sign of him.

  “He could be almost to Denver by now.” Cody made the turn, and the muscles in his right forearm flexed from the death grip he had on the steering wheel. A raspy sigh slid through his teeth. “It’s my fault. I should’ve stayed with him. Of course he’d try to find a way back to the—”