Letting Go, The End

  Chapter 7

  The silence in the car spoke volumes. Granger wasn’t allowed to drive for another twenty four hours so Beth was driving down the road grasping the wheel with white knuckles. Her face was pale except the rings around her eyes and her nose had a hint of red. It was apparent that she had been crying while he had been talking to the doctor. He felt a bit guilty but he still so furious he couldn’t dredge up the compassion to put her at ease.

  The woman deliberately kept my child from me. What was she thinking? She knows my past and knows that I want children.

  Granger saw Beth glance his way then immediately looked back at the road. He realized that he was snarling at her and shook his head and looked out the window. He was trying his hardest to let go of some of the anger at her. Taking deep breaths and closing his eyes, he leaned his forehead against the window pane. How was he supposed to sort this out? He loved Beth and married her but he was going to be part of Allison’s life.

  Beth pulled into the hotel parking lot stopping in front of the room. She turned off the ignition but just sat there for a moment. Granger noticed that her hands were tight on the steering wheel and she seemed to be staring off in space.

  “I know we need to talk and you want answers. I will tell you everything that I know but let’s get inside and get comfortable.” Beth said finally turning to face Granger. “How about you take a shower and I’ll go get us some snacks, that way we can talk everything over and not leave the hotel room until you decide what you want to do?” She seemed to crack up at that.

  “That sounds like a good idea. It will give me time to calm down.”

  They got out of the car carrying the things from the hospital and went into the room. Beth sat everything she had on the small table the hotel had provided and then sat on the bed for a moment with her head down.

  Granger felt some sympathy seeing her beaten down look. “I am furious with you right now so a shower and snacks will give me time to calm down. I want you to know that I married you because I love you and we will sort this out together.”

  Beth stood and walked into Granger’s embrace. She sniffled a bit and took a moment to compose herself. “Go ahead and jump into the shower and I will go get some coffee and snacks. I love you and only thought to...”

  Granger shushed her. “Wait until you get back. I love you too.”

  As Beth left the room, Granger jumped into the shower. A million thoughts ran through his head as he let the steamy water wash away the last day’s grime. He couldn’t help but to be angry with Beth but he was willing to try to see things from her perspective. She had to have a good reason. His thought shifted to Carly and he knew that she should have known that the letter wasn’t from him and he found himself getting angry at her also.

  “None of this would have happened if she wouldn’t have up and left out of the blue.” He said to the bar of soap in his hand. His thoughts turned to his deceased wife. “Oh Allison, what am I going to do? How can I fix this?”

  Of course there was no answer from her. He had loved her too and she left him feeling alone and betrayed just as Carly and now Beth is making him feel betrayed, although she had no choice in the matter. He knew this train thought was just digging him further in the dark abyss of depression in which so many couldn’t return.

  He shook his head and thought about his little girl. She was innocent from all of this and he was going to make sure she had everything she needed including a father starting today. She deserved better than a father that fell into that dark chasm.

  He turned off the shower as he heard the hotel room shut. He had forgotten clothes so he would have to step out and grab some. He wrapped a towel around his lower half and stepped into the main room. The smell of fresh pastries and coffee hit him in like an expected friend but what surprised him was the Scottish man setting there grinning at him.

  “I know you married my Beth and that made you my son but there are some things an ol’man just doesn’t need to see.” Beth’s father, Conner said with a smile.

  Granger tried not to grin as he grabbed the nearest thing, which was Beth’s frilly pink zebra print robe.

  “Forgive me for being blunt Sir, but what are you doing here?”

  “Well when my Beth called me yesterday in tears and I couldn’t get heads or tails out of it and well son, I came a running.”

  “I understand, however; we have a lot of sorting to do between us.” He glanced at Beth who was standing near the door silently with her head down. He knew he wouldn’t get any help from her.

  “Now listen here boy” Conner stood his full stocky height. He may have been shorter by today’s standard of Scottish men but he was pure muscular with arms like tree trunks. “My daughter is still mine no matter what age or marital status. I need to know what is going on. This is supposed to be your honeymoon not some damn soap opera and for God’s sake put something else on. There is no way I can take you seriously in that. You look like some fruit cake that has no business with women.” He said with a boisterous laugh.

  Granger stood his ground and tried to be serious but with one glance in the mirror he couldn’t help but to laugh. The old man was right. Pink zebra stripes and a towel did little to help his male ego. He couldn’t even take himself seriously. He grabbed some shorts and a t-shirt and ran to the bathroom to change. He overheard the now speaking Beth and her father talking.

  “Be easy on him dad. It’s not really his fault. He has every right to be angry with me. I did something I shouldn’t have.” Beth said in a soft voice.

  “Now honey, it can’t be all that bad. You called me as if someone had died and scared your old dad. I won’t let anything bad happen to you. I promised your ma that I would do everything in my power to make sure you are happy and unharmed. I keep my promises.” He said. “He won’t hurt you will he.”

  Granger heard the moment of silence and knew Beth didn’t know if he would hurt her or not. He had never hit a woman and wouldn’t start now. He walked out of the bathroom. “I heard your conversation and to answer your question, I would never physically hurt Beth. I may be angry with her but I love her and would never hurt her! Now if you don’t mind we have a lot to discuss.”

  The old man had the gall to sit down grab a cup of coffee and a cream filled donut. “Proceed.”

  Granger couldn’t believe his eyes. He took a calming breath. “With all due respect, Sir, this discussion is between my wife and me. When we get things sorted out and if we decide to include you into out near future plans then we will discuss everything with you. However; as of right now, it is none of your business. So with that being said, take you another donut or too and your coffee and go enjoy the craft fair on the beach. If you don’t have a hotel room to stay, I will personally call and get you one.”

  Conner stood up and gave Granger one of his most intimidating looks. It was no wonder that he did so well in his business. Just with that look alone he wanted to wilt but Granger stood his ground and seen what he thought to be respect flash in the old man’s eyes.

  “Granger. You can’t talk to my father that way!” Beth finally spoke up.

  “Hush now girl. The man is right.” Her father said. “I will be down on the beach not too far. If you need me just yell and I will come a running as if the hounds of hell are on my heels. You two need to sort this.” He nodded in Granger’s direction and then hugged his daughter and stepped out of this door.

  Beth stood with drooping shoulders looking at the closed door as if she were lost. Granger just cleared his throat as he filled a Styrofoam cup with the coffee. He took his time getting a plate of pastries trying to give Beth time to get her thoughts together. He heard a shuffle of clothing as she sat at the table while he sat on the bed. The dreaded discussion had come and he wanted answers but silence was what he got. He knew then that he had to initiate the conversation.

  “So, how long have you known about Allison?” Granger asked. Saying her name caused a sharp pain not only in me
mory of his deceased wife but of the years that he missed with little Allie.

  Beth kept her head down like a sullen child but replied, “I guess I have known from the beginning, well kind of. I seen the letters and just sent them back. I didn’t open them, well except for the last one. You had a new life now, you were happy, and letters from an ex-girlfriend would have put you back into that dark place. I just wanted to protect you.”

  “You have known about Allie from the beginning and didn’t think to tell me? You knew that I want children. We talked about that from the beginning!”

  If seemed that she lowered her head even further. “I know but we were just starting and needed time for ourselves. Can’t you see a child would have messed that up? Your attention would have been on her and Carly not on trying to see where our relationship went. You would have forgotten about me.” The way she said Carly’s name with a snarl clearly showed her jealousy.

  “We could have had a family, Beth. A child is a blessing not a hindrance. Yes, they may get on your nerves or even drive you completely insane but the love that is there is unquestionable even in the worst of times. You will be a great mother and when we have our own children it will just add to the happiness we have to share with them, including Allie.”

  Beth raised her head and with a scowl on her face and loudly said, “You mean stepmother. I don’t want to have to wipe some sniffling gross little person’s nose or God forbid butt. I am not made for that stuff. As for my own children, you do know what that will do to my body right? Look at me Granger!” She screamed motioning to her body, “I have an amazing body and getting pregnant will just flaw it.” She shook her head and mumbled. “Stretch marks and weight gain, I will look like a cow and forget me wearing a bikini anymore. The bodies of women who have had children are disgusting and you want that for me? Then there is Carly. You loved her and I seen how you looked at her. If I didn’t do what I did you would have left me and here I thought you love me but no you aren’t willing to let the slut and her brat go. We have a good thing but now I can tell you are second guessing everything and now after everything we shared you are going to let her waltz back into your life. She is nothing but an ugly second rate skank who probably just wants you for child support and you can’t see past… well your past.”

  Granger stared at her incredulously as he realized that this wasn’t about protecting him. She was protecting herself. She had intentionally kept his child from him because of some stereotype she had drilled into her head. Her vanity and jealousy had caused so much damage that he wasn’t sure how to proceed. “Beth, calm down. You kept her from me. I am talking about Allie not Carly. Although she is Allie’s mother and will be in our lives, she isn’t the one I am concerned with as of now. Allie is part of me, she is my child. I… no we have a responsibility to be part of her life and help her find her way. This isn’t about me leaving it’s about you being jealous and I won’t…will not be one of those fathers who abandon their children. I am not that person and you know that. As for you getting pregnant, we discussed this before we were married. You said you liked children and there is nothing more precious that seeing a pregnant woman’s glow even when she feels at her worst a pregnant woman is a phenomenon. She is God’s gift to us simple men. She shows us men the miracle of life and amazing love by carrying our children. Those things you call stretch marks are not disgusting that just goes to prove that women are like tigers and you have earned each stripe. It is a testimony of how much stronger you women are than men. We will never know what it is like to feel a child inside our bodies, to nourish them from your breast, even the connection between a mother and a child leaves us fathers out. You my dear are a miracle worker from God and you don’t even realize it. Even those women who adopt children share a connection with the child that makes us men jealous.” Granger shook his head. “When a child is sick or hurt, majority of the time they don’t want the daddy they want their mommy. The connection is magical and I can’t truly believe you want to miss out or even hide it from me to miss out on Allie’s life.”

  Beth stared him down with amazement in her eyes. “You just don’t get it do you? I don’t want children my own or from another person! They take up your time and your ability to be yourself. Everything you do has to be rotated around what that little person wants or needs. I don’t want that. I like my life without the entanglement of such ‘responsibility’. There is no way in hell that I will raise a child. I have goals and dreams for myself and they will just get in my way. If you knew what was good for you, you would just leave and not look back. Can’t you just forget about them and just be with me?” Beth pleaded with tears in her eyes.

  Granger couldn’t believe his ears. She was really saying this to him. She wanted him to choose between his daughter and her. She was putting him in a place where it was like cutting off his right leg and saying you have to do jumping jacks. “I can’t believe you just said that. Are you even hearing yourself? You are asking me to abandon all my dreams of children and my goals so you can fulfill your own. Marriage doesn’t work that way. We work together to reach our goals and we trust each other. There is no ‘I get my way and to hell with your own’. Marriage is about us not just you. Right now I am finding it hard to trust you. We don’t hide things from each other; we look at it head on and work together to solve it.”

  “So I guess that is that, huh?”

  “I don’t follow?”

  “I am sure you want a divorce now?”

  “No Beth! I don’t want a divorce. What I want is for you to at least try. I have seen you with children and you work wonderfully with them. I love you and we can work it out but you have to be willing.”

  “But…but you don’t trust me anymore.” She sniffled.

  “You are right there. You hid something very important to me and that is something we are going to have to work on. It is going to be tough on both our parts. You with learning to love a child and me learning to trust you again but we can do it as long as we face it together.” Granger said. He was still angry but she was still his wife and he owed it to both Allie and her to try to make it work. He wasn’t the giving up type and family came first. “Do you love me?”

  “You know I do.”

  Granger smiled and gathered her in his arms. He may still be angry but he kind of understood her pain. “I am still furious with you. We need to reach an agreement, alright.” He lifted her chin with his finger to look into her eyes. “No more secrets or lies.”

  “I promise.”

  “Now let’s eat a donut and figure out how we are going to go about visitation with Allie.” Granger watched her stiffen but she said nothing as she reached for an almond white chocolate scone and he reached for the chocolate glazed donut. This couldn’t be good for his heart of cholesterol but the chocolate was for a good cause. They ate in silence and sipped on coffee for a few moments.

  It was Beth that broke the silence. “I can do this.” She said more to herself. “Let’s see if we can take her to the beach tomorrow after your doctor’s visit. Of course, if he releases you to that. We could do a picnic and maybe build sand castles. I could do girl stuff with her like getting manicures or shopping. What do you think?”

  Granger stood to hug her. “I think that would be wonderful. We have to see if that is alright with Carly and see if Allie will be comfortable with just us. We may have to slow down and do something with the both of them until she gets adjusted to us.”

  The look Beth gave him when he said Carly’s name spoke of her jealousy. “Don’t worry. I love you and you are my wife. You know that. Carly was a friend and you know the rest. I never hid that from you. She will be in our lives as the mother of my… our child and we will set ground rules if that makes you feel better. However; none of that is about me and Carly, it was about Allie and her ability to adjust to us. We are strangers to her and we can’t expect her to be running up to us with open arms at first. You will see all will be well.”

  Beth hugged him ti
ghter and leaned up to kiss him. “You’re right. Do you forgive me?”

  “I forgive you but you still have to earn my trust back. This can’t just be swept under the rug but we will work it out.”

  Beth stepped back and handed him his cell phone and a card with Carly’s number on it. “Here, go ahead and call her and try to set something up. I promise to try. I’ll go let my father know what is going on if that is alright with you.”

  “Go ahead and let the old man know. After all he will be her grandfather.”

  He heard her say “step grandfather” as she stepped out the door. He hoped that she wouldn’t label them like that because if she keeps that up it will keep them at a distance. He worried if they would love Allie and treat her right? He felt that he was already in love with the little girl. His little girl. I am a father.

  Carly agreed to meeting up with Granger and Beth the next day. She agreed that they needed to let Allie adjust to them before just dropping her off with strangers. As he was about to set the phone down, the hotel room door burst open admitting Beth’s father and Beth running in behind him.

  “So it is true then? I’m a grandfather?” The hopeful expression in the old man’s eyes made Granger smile; he had worried about him for nothing. Conner clearly loved children and Granger was so happy about that.

  “Step grandfather, Da.” Beth said.

  “Oh pish, posh child. You’re this man’s wife and he has a baby. That makes me a grandfather. You can say ‘Step” all you want but as for me, I can’t wait to meet her.”

  Granger laughed. “I’m honored and little Allie will be blessed to have a man such as you for a grandfather.” That made the old man smile even bigger if that were possible. What worried Granger the most was the look Beth was giving her father and he hoped that she wasn’t already jealous of Allie.

  “Well son, when do I get to meet the lass?”

  Granger looked to Beth who sat down and started sipping her coffee. “We were about to discuss that. Go ahead and grab you some coffee and a pastry and we can all talk.”

  “Before we start on that, I have to ask. Is my girl forgiven?”

  Granger smiled. “She is forgiven but we have a lot of work to do.”

  The old man nodded as he grabbed some java.

  Granger turned his attention to Beth. “I spoke with Carly and she agreed with us both.” The surprised look on Beth’s face made him smile. “She said that she agreed that we needed to spend time with her and a beach picnic sounded great as long as the doctor agrees. She also said that we do need for her to get comfortable with us before she just lets us take her by herself but she assured me that Allie is a very grounded child and will love us both.”

  Beth looked relieved and terrified at the same time making her father laugh his boisterous laugh. “Don’t fret my girl. You will be surprised at just how fast you will find yourself comfortable with this parenting role. Now, what time tomorrow are we meeting them?”

  “Well. The thing is this will be my first time actually trying to bond with Allie and I would like for me and Beth to do that before we introduce you. We are down here for at least a week and will try to see her almost every day.”

  “Now son, that is my grandbaby you are talking about and I won’t be pushed out!”

  “Oh, no sir! I don’t want to push you out. I just want a chance to get to know my child and let Beth bond too. Give us a few days for all of us to get adjusted and we will find a special time to introduce you. How does that sound?”

  Conner just stared hard at Granger. “That sounds fair actually. However; I will spend time with the lass and it will be sooner rather than later. I am too old to worry about your hurt feelings and I want to spoil my grandbaby.”

  Granger smiled at the man. He would wait but he doubted waiting over three days wasn’t going to happen.