Charlie Ford Meets Secret Agent Man

  "Look out," he groaned, shoved past me, and then did the unthinkable and snapped the guy's neck. Two-feet in front of me, the man died, another South African taken out by the buffoon. I sat down hard in the bushes.

  "Did you have to do that?"

  "Yes."

  He was a man of action and very few words. Which I appreciated at that point, because nothing he could have said would have made any of that any easier on my nerves.

  We returned to the cool lake for one more dip while Duane confiscated the Jeep and dumped the dead guys into the bushes. All of them looked the same, tall, blonde white guys wearing Polo shirts and khaki shorts.

  "Does this have anything to do with us?" I wanted to know that right off. I didn't suspect that it did, but after all, Bella's grandfather was still in hiding and he had pissed someone off at the highest level.

  "What do you mean?" he said and lifted Bella into the backseat. "If you are asking if those guys would have killed you then, yes. They would have killed us all."

  "No, that's not what I mean. Do you know who Bella is?"

  He looked into the rearview mirror, did a wonderful impression of a poker player and then looked at me. "No." He took off around the lake.

  I felt so much better since I was clean and fresh, now if I could just get home, alive.

  After what seemed like about an hour, he turned behind a large tree and stopped, cut the ignition and slumped forward over the steering wheel.

  "What?" I asked.

  "I can't take you with me."

  "What do you mean?"

  "Get out," he demanded and I, obviously, wasn't about to budge. I was unlucky, but not stupid. Never stupid. "Now. Please." He looked over his shoulder at Bella who started wailing. I slapped him hard in the chest for being such an insensitive jerk. "Now. I mean it, Charlie. I can't do this with you two tagging along."

  Mercenary, my ass. He had to be an assassin. That's what he was and he must have lost his information on his mark, or his high-powered rifle pen that shoots poisonous darts. I'm a huge Bond fan. Can you tell?

  "You are not ditching us in the middle of Africa to go off and do whatever it is you do. Are you insane? She's a child for Christ's sake."

  "And you're a very doting nanny," he grinned and pulled his gun out.

  Damn, I hated it when he did that.

  He leveled the barrel on my chest and said to Bella nicely, "Bella, please get out of the vehicle and tell your nanny to do the same."

  "Fuck you," Bella screamed and got out.

  Duane and I exchanged a wide-eyed expression…and I got out.

  "You're a…." Again, I just couldn't think of a good line, "…dick." I shouted, but I doubt he heard me over the roar of the Jeep engine. "I'm so sorry," I held Bella tightly. "I know you miss your dad and we shouldn't be here right now, but we'll be okay. I know we will." I lied through my teeth, looked down at my feet and saw a gun and a canteen.

  I picked them both up, but he was still a dick.

  Bella and I chose to walk around the under side of the plateau, that way one of us could walk backward, one of us could walk forward and we only had to worry about being jumped from one side because a tall rock wall was to our right.

  "Do you really think this has something to do with Grandpa Claude?" Bella asked, and then switched places with me so that I could walk backward for a while. "I know that something has happened and my grandmother and my dad won't tell me. Do you think he's in trouble?"

  "Honestly, sweetie, I don't really know. It's either that, or something totally random and we just were in the wrong place at the wrong time." I tried to think of something comforting to say. "Why don't you tell me what is going on. We'll make a game of it and pretend that we are screenwriters and this is just a movie. What would happen next?" I was actually excited about this game and she seemed amused too.

  "Okay," she started smiling again. "If this were my movie, Duane would be a secret agent and he would come back and rescue us from the dinosaurs that a madman had been building in the Congo. He would fight the T-Rex, sweep you into his arms and kiss you."

  I laughed.

  I think I might have had the same fantasy, without the dinosaurs and without clothes. I had no idea how I could be so physically attracted to such a bad, bad man. A man who killed without mercy and dumped us in the Serengeti to fend for ourselves.

  Okay, my turn," I said, and switched places with her because I was somehow getting motion sick from walking backward. "Your grandfather is being held captive in an ancient tomb and Duane is an archeologist trying to find Noah's Ark, but he ran across your grandfather instead. Then he had to escape because of booby traps and then lost the map to where the Ark was hidden. Your grandfather offered to help find the Ark if he agreed to keep you safe wherever you go. Then Duane goes back for his treasure, calls your dad and they send a helicopter to pick us up right before we get trampled by a herd of elephants. No kissing occurs at the end of my story because Duane dies in a fiery death while being blasted with poisonous darts and eaten alive by piranhas who feast on his flesh until he's just a skeleton. Then someone takes his bones and rolls over them with a steamroller until they are piles of rubble and then they get incinerated and his ashes are tossed into the ocean for hungry sharks to feed on." I finally took a breath and slapped my hands together in righteous glee.

  "You like him," Bella grinned. "Don't you?"

  I think I blushed, or at least it felt like I blushed.

  ***

  We picked dates and figs, hung out in the tall grass, and watched the antelope jump up and down. I saw a giraffe for the first time in my life and I saw many bugs the size of my fist.

  Bella really seemed to be enjoying herself despite our situation and she finally opened up to me about her parents' split, her life, and the boy she liked at school, but she wasn't sure if he really liked her or if he just wanted to hang out because he might get to see her father. She confided in me that she wished she had a normal dad.

  I told her that even normal dads have their problems and that my dad's a doctor and he managed to screw me up, so she should think about talking to a counselor at school, or a friend, or even me. After all, I hoped to be around for another eight months at least so I could finish my degree and have that much more money for a house and the car of my dreams. I had it all drawn out. A black Ford Expedition with running boards, fog lamps and a rack on the front and back for the kids' bikes and camping equipment. Bella liked hearing about my dream and my plan, and I told her that it's good to have a plan because it keeps you focused, and it is okay if the plan doesn't work out exactly as planned; just as long as you are happy.

  I think it did some good for Bella to hear what I had done with my life. It's not every day that a confused girl like me picks herself up, dusts herself off and stays on track in pursuit of what she wants most.

  I loved listening to Bella's stories too, because it made me feel like a kid again. You know, to have that butterfly feeling in your stomach when a cute boy looks at you; the feeling of innocence and wonder about the great big, unknown world. The big world filled with strange creatures that I still have yet to figure out. Men were still the greatest mystery to me. I just never got close enough to my father or my brothers to get a handle on how they tick. I just knew that men were fun to look at and I hoped that one day I would find a good one to marry.

  ***

  I stared at the fire and wondered why no one had rescued us yet. Clearly, our plane never made its destination and certainly Roald had to be overwrought with worry, fretting for his daughter. No one would be fretting over me because I didn't even tell anyone I was going to Africa. I was sure my father would somehow blame me for getting myself eaten by a lion when he heard news of my death. I was sure in his head it would all be about what I did wrong and he'd concentrate on the negative versus the plus side.

  I really couldn't see a plus side to me being Leo's dinner, so I tossed the thought from my mind and concentrated on the mating sounds of
the Mandrills. At least I hoped they were mating calls and not some prelude to seizing the dates and figs that we had foraged. Mandrills never looked friendly, no matter how I looked at them. They always just looked pissed off. I guess if my white ass were hanging out there for the world to see, I'd be pretty pissed off too.

  At least I ate well during our time alone without Duane the assassin. Bella had filled us up with every kind of fruit we could find and the seared rabbit was divine. Thank God, dick left us a gun. We even had peanuts for desert, although I would have preferred sprinkling them on top of an ice cream sundae while sitting on the couch and watching "Star Wars" for the hundredth time. But they were a nice treat and yes, God, I did appreciate them.

  I tried to keep focused on the fire and all the amazing colors it made after Bella finally nodded off to sleep. I could feel the hair on the back of my neck standing on end every time I heard a wild animal, which was every second, because I was in Africa, after all.

  Bella looked calm and content as she slept, despite the fact that a burly looking spider had just crawled onto her leg. I did what any doting nanny would do, scraped it off with a stick, and flung its fury body into the fire. It actually exploded like a tiny bomb going off.

  It seemed that I had only just closed my eyes when I felt a tapping on my shoulder. I flung around with gun in hand and Duane once again knocked me to the ground.

  "You stupid sonuvabitch," I shouted again because he not only left us alone, he just scared the piss out of me on top of it all. "Damn it, you stupid pri…."

  I tried to say prick, I really did but his mouth covered mine in a mind-bending kiss that made my toes curl. His hand was hot on my breast and I wanted him…dead!

  "Get off me, you buffoon," I hissed quietly, so as to not wake the child. I spit into the dirt a couple of times to let him know that he had no sexual effect on me what so ever. My pointy nipples told a different story, but it was dark. Maybe he couldn't see them.

  "Asshole."

  "You have quite a mouth on you for a nanny." He grinned and seemed much more relaxed. He had probably killed a lot more people. "Are you really a nanny?"

  "Yes," I said haughtily, and took my seat once again.

  "And you are…a contract killer?"

  "Boy, you aren't going to give it up are you?"

  "No." I looked around behind me. "No Jeep?"

  "It's over there. I didn't want you to shoot me by mistake." He pointed and helped himself to a candy bar.

  My eyes dropped from his pointing hand to the chocolate in his other hand. I moistened my lips and panted.

  "You want some of this?" he grinned and put it to his lips. "Come and get it."

  I glared. I didn't want it that bad.

  Okay, so I did. I wouldn't have minded kissing him again, but I was pissed off beyond belief and wondered why was he being so damned smug and happy all of a sudden. What could have possibly changed?

  "Charlie?" he mocked, and moved closer with the piece of chocolate dangling from his lips.

  "Duane," I mocked right back. "What kind of a name is Duane Johnston anyway? It sounds nerdy."

  "Hey," he bit down on the chocolate, taking half of the chunk into his mouth. I drooled as I watched him enjoying it. Then the piece was only half as big, damn him. "The Rock's name is Dwayne Johnson."

  "Yeah, and that's why he renamed himself The Rock," I retorted snottily. "Duane is the dweebiest name I have ever heard and it doesn't even fit you. You should be a ..." He moved closer, so close that I could smell the chocolate.

  "Dick. That should be your name."

  "It's actually Vince." He bit off another chunk and chewed it slowly. "It's almost gone, Charlie."

  My God, he is the devil.

  "Vince?" I narrowed my eyes. "Vince what?"

  "Just Vince," he smiled. "You know, like Cher or Madonna."

  Yep, contract killer. I once saw a movie about a professional assassin and he only had one name.

  Whatever his name was, moved closer to me and I could feel his knee between my thighs. His butt had to have been on fire because he was that close to the flames. He must have really trusted me.

  "You left me and a child alone in the desert with lions and elephants and snakes. You're a sociopath."

  "Hey," he scowled, "I'm trying to offer you some chocolate as an apology."

  Yeah, chocolate and his tongue. Which would be fine under ordinary circumstances, but I still wanted him dead.

  "I wasn't going to leave you out here forever."

  "Kiss my ass," I said haughtily and moved backward, so far back that I fell off the stump I was sitting on and right into the dirt. He followed and was precariously perched over my lips again, but the chocolate was gone. Double damn.

  "You need to learn a little thing, like when to shut up and cherish what you have when you have it."

  "Who the hell are you, Confucius?"

  He laughed and helped me up. "Seriously, Charlie, where did you learn to use a weapon? You look like such a nice girl."

  I batted my eyelashes, sent him an enigmatic smile and yawned. "Can you stay awake?"

  "Ha, ha very funny," he groaned.

  "Vince," I said.

  "Yeah."

  "Did you happen to call someone and let them know where we were?"

  "No radio, sweetheart. But don't worry; I know where we are now."

  Why did that not help me sleep any better?

  Chapter Six

  The howls at the moon woke me up in the early twilight hours and I wanted to roll over and look up at that stars but Duane…I mean Vince, had an arm perched over my shoulder, so I was afraid to move. I was actually enjoying the comfort and warmth of his body wrapped around me and although I wasn't awake when he got that way, I was certainly not go to put up a fight now. I rolled carefully with my eyes closed under the pretense of still being asleep and lightly slapped my hand across his chest. I burrowed in beside him, staring over his chest as it moved up and down with every breath.

  The stars were the most magnificent that I have ever seen them. Each one lit up like a bright beacon in the sky. I watched for a good few minutes before closing my eyes again.

  If anything, Vince made a good pillow.

  When I woke up later that morning, Vince had his hand up my shirt and he was smiling.

  "Buffoon," I groaned and slipped away from his grasp before the girl woke up. "Are we finally going to get the hell out of here today?" I adjusted my bra and hoped my nipples wouldn't stay in that erect state all day. I didn't quite want him thinking that this was ever going to happen again. "So, where are we?" I looked around and saw Africa. Africa was vast.

  "Coffee," he groaned and scratched his scruffy chin.

  "And Advil."

  "I have Midol," I offered humorously.

  "Ah," he moaned throatily. "I get it now." The smirk on his face really needed to be slapped off and I was just the woman to do it.

  "Excuse me?"

  "You're on the rag. That's why you didn't want any hanky panky."

  Ooooh, I think my face reddened to the deepest shade of crimson. "I didn't want any hanky panky," I used my fingers as quotation marks in the air, "because I don't happen to be attracted to you."

  "Ha!"

  Bella saved him from a broken nose when she opened her eyes and sat straight up. "Are we going home today?"

  "Soon, sweetie." I glared at Vince. "Vince here was just about to tell me where the heck we are."

  "Vince?" She stretched and rubbed her eyes. "Who's Vince?"

  I pointed at Duane and he bowed.

  "Let's go."

  Man-of-few-words had done it again. We packed up, headed for the Jeep and within minutes, we stopped along a deep ravine. Vince jumped out and began digging in the dirt. He came back with a dusty duffle bag and kept it concealed in his lap except for the laptop computer that he handed to me.

  "What's all this?"

  Maps and geological markings were already lighting up the screen. It was like
no other laptop that I had ever seen. So, I was probably wrong about the fact that he was a contract killer. I was now thinking CIA, FBI, DEA, NSA, but I ruled out the KGB. I don't think that the KGB exists anymore and Vince was one hundred percent American male, or so I assumed.

  I waited a long time for an explanation that I was never going to get, so I stared at the screen until it all made sense. It was some sort of global tracking device and a beacon just ahead, but more than a few miles away was blinking rapidly. It was far more advanced than anything we had used during our special ops in the Army.

  "What's that?" I pointed. I wasn't about to give up, and, I was sort of enjoying myself. This was exactly the kind of thing I used to do in the Army: heavy surveillance, some infiltration and extraction, but mostly recon work.

  My adrenaline surged, and I forgot how much I had missed that.

  The most my adrenaline had surged in my last four years of being a nanny was when the Thompson girls locked me out of the house and then tried to make lunch. Both the daughters of Earl and Rita Thompson were as spoiled as they came, and one afternoon they thought it would be funny to lock me out, so they pushed me outside when I accepted a Fed-Ex package, and then ran around and locked every single door. There were probably ten doors, but there were two of them and only one of me.

  I stayed close to the windows so I could see through and I watched them. With bated breath, I watched them and had fantasies about shaving their heads while they slept. The girls were only seven and five, but I could see that they were already well on their way to becoming the next Hilton sisters. To make a long story short, I watched Stacy, the five-year- old, pop a Pop Tart into the toaster, and then try to extract the pastry with a long serrated knife, while it was still toasting. That made my adrenaline surge to the point of tossing a lawn chair through the window and tackling her when the first spark flew.

  They fired me for breaking the window and knocking the wind out of that little brat. It didn't matter that I saved her life, it just mattered that two little girls had had me and once again, I had said, "but your kids…."

  "That is where I'm going." Vince's deep voice brought me back from feeling sorry for myself. He flipped open his duffle and handed me a compass, a couple of dried food packets and a knife. "You can keep the gun."