Second Chances: The Power of Renewal

  He wanted to ask her to stay with him, but that was not his goal. He could never get enough of her, but if he pushed too hard, she would run away at first chance. "I'll walk you to your car, Rosie."

  Once she was in her car, he bent to give her a good night kiss. It lasted an eternity. What was wrong with him, he could not get enough of her. He was acting like a hormonal teenager.

  Rosalyn had felt so good in John's arms; she wanted to believe in the fantasy for a little bit longer. She knew it was not meant to last. She was damaged goods, and she had learned from a very young age that men wanted pure, unblemished beauty. She was none of that. In her fantasy she could be loved. She would break it off afterwards. John deserved so much better than her.

  For now, she wanted to surprise him. He had been inviting her to church. She would go, and see what happened. She knew she did not belong there, but she had this overwhelming need to make him happy.

  Sean had been talking to some parishioners before service, when he saw her come in. He excused himself and welcomed her with a hug. He held her hand and pulled her toward his family. He was so excited to see her.

  Madeline immediately took Rosalyn's hand, pulled her to her, and gave her a hug. She had Rosalyn sit next to her while her husband preached. Madelyn and Sean were so happy together it made Rosalyn's heart ache. She could have had this, if she had been a good girl.

  John saw her come in, but by the time he got to her, Sean and Madeline had already claimed her. He had no choice but to sit with them. Personally, he preferred to sit toward the back where he had a view of everyone but today was different, she had come.

  Sean began to speak, "Please rise while I read God's word from 1 John 3:19-20 ESV ‘By this we shall know that we are of the truth and reassure our heart before him; for whenever our heart condemns us, God is greater than our heart, and he knows everything.’”

  After reading the Bible verse, Sean continued with his prepared sermon, “As I was preparing for this lesson I was reflecting on God's love for us, a love that does not have a limit. No matter what we do, he loves us. If our house is clean or dirty, if our dirty socks are on the floor or the dirty clothes hamper, even if we walk away from Him, He still loves us. His love is not conditional or dependent on anything we might or might not do. So what is one reason that we do not feel His love? We, not him, have built a barrier, a wall around ourselves. The barrier has a name. We all have a different name for it, since it is different for everyone. I have a term that summarizes all of our barriers-Guilt, Regret. Guilt for something we might or might not have done. The enemy likes to have us believe that we cannot be forgiven. In other words, we want to believe that God’s love is conditional. Today I am not talking about forgiving your brother or your neighbor for offending you. Today I am talking about forgiving ourselves. I have to forgive me for whatever I might have done or failed to do. You have to forgive you. We all have issues, but until you forgive yourself, you are not going to be able to see God's love for you. In Psalm 103:12 He says that your sins are no more, He has forgotten them. They are as far as the east is from the west. If He can forgive us, and remove our sins, who are we not to.”

  Put on the whole armor of God,

  that you may be able to stand against the schemes of the devil.

  Ephesians 6:11

  Chapter 32

  In the parking lot, two men were parked in the far corner, watching for Rosalyn. They had been following her for a few weeks. They knew something was wrong. She had never gone to church before. All of the sudden, she gets caught snooping, then she comes to church, and who happens to be there as well, but the cop. Boris was going to find this information interesting.

  *******

  Boris, Kruno and Davor went over everything in Rosalyn's office. There was absolutely nothing there that she could use to incriminate them. They went through her computer, through every email, and nothing. Before they decided to eliminate her, they wanted to make sure that it was not going to cause more repercussions.

  Davor was bored with the whole situation. He had been ready to terminate their association with Boris, as he kept making stupid, careless mistakes that could cost them their freedom. “We have a Middle Eastern who wants a green eyed beauty. Why don't we sell her and save ourselves the headache. She won’t be talking to anyone, then.”

  Boris felt that the world was collapsing under his feet. He sat down, trying to think of something to stop them, but was saved by Kruno, when he said. “Having her disappear is going to make the cop more persistent to get to us. We need to keep him distracted. She is the distraction for now.”

  Davor was not happy with that, but accepted it for now. Boris was furious with what the guys had decided. She is mine, and mine alone, he thought. He had to bide his time and was not going to let another man have what belonged to him.

  So it came to be, they would give the cop a distraction, Rosalyn, and perhaps he would get bored with his investigation and leave their lucrative business alone.

  As soon as the guys left, Boris began looking at his different properties. There was no way that someone else was going to enjoy what belonged to him. She belonged to him, and no cop was going to enjoy her. He had been waiting for her since he first saw her. Now he was not waiting any longer.

  He had his fishing lodge. It was located on several acres of land, and no one knew about it. It would be perfect. He liked the idea of having outsmarted Kruno and Davor. He hated those two! He did most of the work and he received the least amount of profits.

  Rosalyn had gone to work and then home. Her life was as monotonous as always. She began thinking about Sean's message. How could she forgive herself? She had caused so much pain to everyone around her. Her parents had been so disappointed in her. She had broken their hearts. They had taught her that purity was the most important gift a woman could give her husband. She had ruined that. How could God forgive her after all the hurt she had caused? Church had not helped her at all. She knew better. She was not worthy of love.

  Her beliefs were confirmed the following week after work. The cafe was almost empty when Rosalyn spied John outside talking on the phone. His back was turned to her, so he could not see her. Every time she saw him, she could not help the smile on her face. She was so excited to see him.

  She took the time to see how the boy had become a man. He definitely was not skinny any more. He had a broad back, bulging arm muscles, a flat stomach, and that shirt he was wearing showed every one of those perfect muscles.

  It was not just his looks, but also the way he made her feel. When he looked at her with those beautiful chocolate brown eyes, it was like feeling his caresses. His look was so intense one could feel it. The way he looked at her made her feel beautiful. With him, she believed that the fairy tale could become real. She had started believing that he was her prince charming.

  She went to her manager and asked for the time off. She wanted to surprise him. She walked quietly behind him, dreaming about a happily ever after. John was talking on the phone. She froze.

  John had come early to see her. He had been pacing his apartment waiting for the right time to come see her. He felt so stupid, he was not a teenager but a man in control of his actions, and here he was acting impulsively. He just didn't care. He needed to see her, so he came earlier than expected. He was not a patient man. He would wait here for her to get off.

  As he was walking to the café his phone wrung, “White here.”

  “Hey big brother, how are you doing today? You know mom is quite upset with you. Yesterday was their anniversary and you didn't even call them.”

  John cursed under his breath, something he normally did not do. “Thanks for reminding me, how are they doing?”

  “Fine, but I understand you wanted me to call you. What's up?”

  John took a deep breath, “I am investigating this company. I have heard complaints about sexual harassment and I have proof of a white slavery ring. I need help with surveillance.”

&nbs
p; “Whom are we talking about?”

  “That is what I need help figuring out. I know the CEO is involved, but I do not have concrete proof yet.”

  “What is the company?”

  “Global International Import Export Trade.”

  “Are you sure you want our help? We’ll have to live with you.”

  "I am not paying you, so at least let me give you food and shelter and your expenses while you are here."

  "John you know that Marcus and I would do anything you ask, but are you sure you won't get in trouble if we get caught?"

  “I am doing this under the table. An employee has given me information.” As John was talking, he heard a drink splash on the ground, splashing all over his pant leg. He saw her. She was so pale, and tears were brewing in her eyes.

  “I gotta go,” he said, hanging up.

  Rosalyn looked at him, "I am not surprised. In high school you asked me out because you needed help in math, and now you are going after my boss. Stupid me, I was starting to believe in the fairy tale." With that, she ran to her car, got in, locked the doors, and backed up.

  "Rosalyn, wait. This is a misunderstanding." John tried to go after her, he even tried to snatch the door open, but it was locked, and if he had not let go he was going to lose an appendage. He knew were to find her.

  He followed her to her house, but she had been faster. By the time he got there, she was already in and refused to open the door. He would try the phone, and if she wouldn’t answer it, he would wait her out tomorrow. They were going to talk.

  John went up to his place thinking of Rosalyn and their history together. If someone had told him this was going to happen to him fifteen years ago, he would have laughed in that person’s face. Fifteen years ago, he had seen this nice girl. A girl who had dressed like a fifty year old, a girl whose social life included academic clubs and church and nothing else, a girl he wanted to help fit in better, but a girl he never saw as part of his life. He had seen her potential, but back then, he had been so shallow, he would have preferred to date one of the cheerleaders than this gorgeous woman.

  John had gone to her house in the morning. He needed to talk to her and clear this stupid misunderstanding. He had waited for her, and it had been for nothing. When she had finally come out, she had smiled, and said, “John, it is so nice to see you this morning, but I have to go. Ta-ta.” Her voice had been so sweet; it had nearly made him sick. She had gotten into her car without giving him a chance to reply, waved at him, and drove off. John did not do well with her politeness. He would rather if she scream or throw things at him. He needed to fix this.

  ********

  Rosalyn did not like where her thoughts were taking her. She got in her car and drove straight to work. She still had another hour, before she needed to be there.

  John followed her from a distance. She was running away, just like so many years ago. He was not letting her run this time. When they were younger, he had no choice. Her parents wouldn't let him in, and it would have been okay if they had taken care of the problem. But they acted as if it were dust you swept under a rug. Rosalyn had needed professional help after that night, and they had neglected that.

  He followed her to her office, and then he had come back after work and he had followed her to the cafe she worked at. He waited before going in. Once he spotted her, he sat at her station and asked for coffee.

  Rosalyn's hands were shaking so badly, she was afraid she was going to spill the coffee all over him if she did not calm down. She was going to have a panic attack. She managed to serve him the coffee. She gave him the milk and sugar and was ready to retreat, when she heard him say: “We need to talk, Rosie.”

  “I am sorry, John. But as you can tell, I am busy.”

  John looked around. The cafe was empty at the moment. He smiled before asking, “When do you get off?”

  She wanted him gone. She wasn't ready to talk to anyone. “Midnight.”

  John knew she was lying. The whole time they had been going out, she had not gotten off after ten. He simply finished his coffee, left a nice tip and walked out. Rosalyn took a deep breath when he left. She had no idea how she finished her shift, but at ten she was ready to go home. She walked to her car, and John walked up to her. “You do not take no for an answer, do you John?”

  “We need to talk, my car or yours? John asked.

  “Why? I really do not want to talk. You do not have to be nice to get information from me.” He winced. She saw in his face, she had hurt him, but regardless of that, he wasn't going to give up. She looked around and saw a few customers coming in and out. She did not want anyone talking about her. “We cannot talk here; I do not want any gossip. I know of this little cafe about a mile from here on the left. Meet me there.” She relented.

  John left, and she followed. She was tempted to go home, but she knew him enough to know that he would come back. She had to nip this in the bud. She had a drawer full of his letters, unopened letters to prove his pigheadedness. If she did not put a stop to it now, who knew how much longer it would last.

  At the cafe, they found a secluded booth away from other customers. He ordered a slice of apple pie and a cup of coffee, and she ordered water. The more he saw her, the more he realized that this conversation was going to be difficult and painful. She was so angry and hurt, he did not know where to start. Apologizing would be a good idea, he thought. He sighed; she was probably so tired of hearing him beg for her forgiveness. If he had to, he was willing to go on his knees and grovel; instead he procrastinated by filling the conversation with formalities while waiting for his dessert. “How was work today?” This was the wrong thing to say. He knew that as soon as the words came out. Idiot, idiot, idiot.

  “John let's leave the formalities for another time, unless of course, you need more information on my boss. Do you?” Her tone was so sweet and full of sarcasm that he cringed again.

  John took a deep breath, trying to figure out how to break her defenses "Rosie, I truly want to know about your day. We were getting along so well, I want to know about your day. Not your boss’ day, but yours. Please have mercy on me. I keep screwing things up, but I am a man. It is part of my nature.”

  "John, go home. You were just doing your job. Your job is important, and if you need any more information, please let me know.” She got up to leave. He grabbed her hand and pulled her back down.

  “Rosie wait! You misunderstood the conversation I had with my brother.” He paused speaking as the waitress placed the apple pie and coffee in front of him, gave him a wink, and then placed the water in front of Rosalyn. He took a bite, trying to show how relaxed and in control he was. The truth was, he was far from relaxed.

  “John, I don't care if I misunderstood or not. Just ask me if you want to know something. There is no need to be friends. You and I have nothing in common. Now I have to go.”

  John took a deep breath. "You are not going to make it easy for me, are you Rosie?" When she stared at him saying nothing, he continued. "Rosie, I want to see you again, I want to know where things might go between us. Do not close the doors on me."

  Rosalyn was going to say something, but he interrupted her when he realized that she was trying to figure out a way to push him away. "Rosie, you got hurt that night, and I am so sorry that happened, but since then you have not let anyone in. You were expecting me to screw up, so I did and I am sorry, but I truly care for you.”

  She said nothing, just got up and walked out. John dropped a twenty on the table and ran after her. She had been fast because she was already backing up. Tears were streaming down her face. He hated that he was the reason for those tears.

  He went to her window, and leaned in. “Do you work tomorrow?”

  “You are not going to give up. Are you John?”

  He smiled; “Never!” Unconsciously he rubbed his thumb over her face, drying her tears.

  “I will be there five to ten”

  "I will be there at half past nine." Smiling, he w
alked to his car.

  *********

  Boris' men had been watching. “Do you think they’ll let us have her before we eliminate her.” Said Jacobo to Trent. Trent's only response was to lick his lips and smile.

  “That would be fun,” continued Jacobo.

  At that, Trent got serious. “They never let us have any of the girls.”

  Consider my affliction and my trouble,

  and forgive all my sins.

  Psalm 25:18

  Chapter 33

  Rosalyn had gone home, straight into the shower, where she broke into tears. How could she have let this happen to her? She knew better. She could not let this happen again. In the shower, she scrubbed and scrubbed trying to wash all the filth off of her. When she finished, her body looked red and raw. She could not go through this again. She would not go through this again. She could not handle the pain that came with caring. First Sean and now John, both of them had made her feel worthy of loving. She knew was not worthy of any kind of love. She was dirty. John deserved better than her.

  She had become so dependent on having a human being there for her. She loved having someone to talk to and vent her frustrations with. John listened to her and held her just right. Since Sean and Alana, she had not had anyone to call friend. Now she had to push John away.

  John was a good man, and he did not deserve someone like her. She was damaged goods. She had been told that purity was so important. As a matter of fact, she had been told that purity was the only gift worth giving to a husband. How could she do that to him, she loved him so much. She had always loved him. Was she destined to be alone forever? She knew her daughter would one day get married and leave, and then she would be alone again.

  She could not encourage John anymore. He wanted to see where things might go. They were not going anywhere because she was putting a stop to it now. Was she going to be strong enough to handle it? She truly did not know. The kiss had felt so wonderful. She did not deserve it. She had to break it off. She would have to say no more to John, and not go to church anymore. People were good to her and she did not deserve it.