Love is...Blind

  When Maria Esperanza had gone in to check on her, she had not seen the gooey mess and stepped on it. She had slipped and fallen. She had tried to gain her balance by grabbing on to the towel rack, but had succeeded only in pulling it out of the wall. She bumped her head on the side of the sink and she just knew that she had a mild concussion, but could not go to the hospital because she had four kids to take care of, and one was the reason for all the chaos. When was Josie going to come and get her child? There was only so much she could handle. 

 

  **********************

  Josie had run about two blocks and then found a house with holly bushes. She thought that it would make the perfect hiding place. She was small enough to fit under the bushes and no one would think that she was dumb enough to hide there. She soon understood why. She was not as small as she thought. Every time she took a deep breath, she got scratched and it was becoming quite painful. Her blouse had already been torn and she would never be able to wear the pants again. Not only were they permanently mud and grass stained, but the bushes had dug several holes into them as well. 

  She had no idea what to do. She knew that she had to get her daughter, but had no idea how. She had tried calling Maria Esperanza, but there was no answer. She was the only person she knew who would come and rescue her without asking too many questions. 

  The problem was that she was not answering the phone, which caused Josie to worry more. Was her daughter okay? She had to be. There was no way they could be having a worse day than she was. As she did earlier, she began to pray. You are my daughter's protector. You are my daughter's shield. And You know what I can handle. 

  Her prayer always gave her peace. Knowing that there was someone who loved her no matter what, always calmed her down in the times the world was caving in all around her. God had this. God had her, God had her daughter, and God had her mother. Now that she was calm enough, she needed to figure out what to do. She would not worry about her daughter, as Maria Esperanza was great with kids. 

  The problem was that at this moment Josie did not have anyone else she could call and if her friend was not available then she had no choice but to get her car. How was she going to do that without getting caught? That idiot cop was really messing everything up for her. She knew she could steal her own car. Would it really be stealing it if it was hers? While in high school one of her boyfriends had taught her how to hot wire a car. She just needed to be invisible. She had done it before and she could do it again. She had to risk it. She would act as if she belonged there, and no one would notice her. She looked at herself. How was she going to accomplish that looking as she did. This was such a crazy idea.

  Josie closed her eyes to say a little prayer, but at the moment, even after praying, she felt as if God had deserted her. If he had turned his back on her what good would it do to pray? She had to remind herself that God never abandoned her. Bad things did happen, but He used everything. All of her life had been one wrong move after another, but God had blessed her with a beautiful daughter. She had to recognize, that even though her mother was bossy and domineering, she was a caring mother. That was also a blessing. 

  She still did not understand how talking to a neighbor had gotten so out of hand, but it had. She might understand it later. 

  Oh mother, I don't know where you are, but I know you are not dead. I would feel it all the way to my core if you were; besides, I don't know how I would survive with the guilt. 

  It was already five o’clock and she had not accomplished anything she so needed to do. Enough time had passed and she needed to act. She dug herself out of her hiding place. She was cold, wet, and bloody. She wanted to get out of there. She wanted to get her sweet daughter and go home. She wanted to take a hot bath and go to sleep until tomorrow. She wanted to forget this horrible nightmare. 

  As she walked back to her mother’s place to get her car she prayed that nobody noticed her. She was trying to blend into the bushes and be invisible. 

  ****************

  Agent Parker was wrong. He had driven the neighborhood several times and he had not found her. Then he waited, but the thirty minutes had come and gone and the woman had not appeared. Now he had failed, and if something happened to her it would be his fault. He had to find her. 

  He stormed out of the house one more time and drove around the neighborhood slowly, looking for anything that might look like a hiding place. It had been over an hour; she could be anywhere and his frustration increased. 

  He drove on every street possible in the neighborhood. He was getting ready to move to the next neighborhood when he got an idea. He had her purse and he had her school bag. He had not searched it. What was wrong with him? He was not one of the agents with the most stats just by accident. He was methodical to the point that people accused him of being obsessive compulsive, and perhaps he was overly neat and wanted things done in a particular way, but he lived a normal life. This had never prevented him from doing what was necessary to complete the job. He was just efficient and neat, but this case was making him act like a disorganized rookie.

  If his boss had heard him today, he would have removed him from the case. He had asked the same questions several times looking for different answers. He wanted her to trip and give herself up if she was guilty, but every time she gave the same answer. He was sure of her innocence, but if she was innocent why did she run?

  He parked his car on a side street and grabbed her purse. He began pulling things out one at a time: ear buds, lipstick, hairbrush, eyeliner, tampons, wallet and nothing else. No cell phone, no notepad, no phonebook, no anything that will let him know where she could have gone from here. He opened the wallet and it had only two things, her driver's license and a credit card. That was it. His sisters would have had so much junk in there, he would have had no trouble following their trail. 

  He leaned his head against the back of the seat and began to think. If he were a criminal where would he hide? And if he were not a criminal, where would he hide? As he was coming up with nothing, he opened his eyes and there she was…walking slowly. She looked as if someone had beat her up or worse; she looked as if a group of cats had used her as a scratching post. What in the world? She had cuts everywhere. He was going to kill someone. 

  Agent Parker jumped out of the car and as carefully as he could, he helped her into the truck. She had tears in her eyes and it broke his heart. There was something about this woman that he could not explain, but it touched his heart. He wanted to protect her. He was acting stupid. She was a suspect and he needed to remember that. 

  **********************

  “What happened to you? Who did this to you?”

  She looked at Agent Parker, as he spoke, but for a second she could not process his words. His concern was something she could not handle and her strong facade broke all of a sudden. She could not speak as her eyes filled with tears that gently began rolling down her face. “I tried so hard but I failed. Nothing I do turns out okay, no matter how hard I try.” Then her silent cry became loud and uncontrollable sobs. She wanted it to stop but did not have the strength. “I don't want to hurt.”

  “Sweetheart, trust me to take care of you.”

  “I've heard it all before. Never mind, I don't know what I am talking about. Are you taking me to jail?”

  She was just so tired. It would be so much easier to just give up. It seemed that no matter how hard she tried to do things right, she always did them wrong. It seemed to her that she was caught in a whirlpool; every time she thought she could break free she was pulled under one more time. She just wanted to give up. Then she remembered Vicky and she remembered that no matter how hard life had been for her in the past, God had never left her.

  During those difficult moments when she had woken up in a puddle of blood with bruises on her inner thighs after her date with a guy she thought her mother would approve of had been one of the most difficult times of her life. This awful time had only been topped by the m
oment when she realized that she was pregnant. She had never been so scared in her life, only to be hit one more time in the gut when she realized she had no one. Even through it all God had still been there. She had lost count of how many times she prayed before coming to her mother. Every night she had bargained with God for a solution to her problem. The only solution she found was to come true and confess almost everything to her mother. Her mother never learned of Vicky's conception, but it did not matter. Vicky was and is the biggest blessing of all. She had wanted to get along with her mother, and thanks to Vicky, their relationship changed. They became friends afterwards. “Oh! God, help me.”

 

  Jerome was silently praying. He did not know how to handle this young woman next to him, but her cry for help tore at his heart and he felt responsible for her. That was ridiculous of course as he had not met her until today, and once they caught the killer, he would be done with her. 

 

  Josie took a deep breath. Was this cop taking her to jail? She couldn't go there. She was the only person her daughter had and she had not done anything wrong. Ever since she became pregnant, she had tried to make better choices. She had changed her ways at school. Not only had she graduated from high school, but she had graduated from college. 

  She knew what needed to be done. She was a survivalist. She opened her eyes, ready to defend herself and argue her point, but then he was right there. All she could read in those deep brown eyes was concern. Knowing nothing about people, she feared that his concern was just an illusion. For all she knew the concern she saw could just be the normal way he looked when he was going to arrest someone. She wanted to ask him, but knew she could not speak. She took another deep breath, and then another attempt to calm herself. “Are you going to arrest me now? Please say something.”

  He had no answer for her as he should arrest her immediately. Only guilty people run. Then all of the sudden the crying he had assumed had ceased, started again. He hated tears. 

  “Ma’am you are acting hysterical; do you need some water?” 

  “You are a moron buffoon.”

  “Excuse me?”

  “You do not ask someone of the female gender if she is going hysterical or if she needs water.”

  “Really? What am I supposed to do if I see you acting hysterical? I could just have you committed you know. You are an unpredictable basket case.”

  “No, don't do that please. I need to get my daughter; she has no one but me or my mother.”

  “Here, have some water. Sorry, this is the only bottle I have, but I promise I am healthy.”

  “Eww, you really want me to drink from that?”

  “Sorry, it’s the only thing I have.”

  She took the bottle and drank it all. “If I get a disease or something, I know it came from you. Now would you please take me to get my daughter.”

  “You promise not to run again?”

  “I promise.” 

  “Okay, but we need to change plans. I will take you home first so you can get cleaned up. You do not want your daughter to see you looking like this, you’ll scare her.” 

  Be strong and take heart,
all you who hope in the Lord.

  Psalm 31:24 

 

  Chapter 11

 

  “Can I come home now?” Asked Ivonne.

  “No, not yet.” 

  “What’s going on, Kenneth?” 

  “I should ask you that. My man went to fix the place as we discussed and he found someone else there. What game are you playing?”

  “I am not playing any games.”

  “Well, there was someone there, and according to my man, he looked mean.”

  “I don't know what you are talking about. I swear it. Never the less, I want to come home.”

  “No, I told you. I'm fixing this and I need you to stay away.”

  “I came here because the loneliness was awful, but it's worse here. I need to come home.”

  “I have already shown you that I know what I am doing, besides I'm trying to surprise you.”

  “Ken, I know that you mean well, but the loneliness is killing me.”

  “Do you want your daughter home?”

  “Yes. No. I don't know.”

  “Well, you need to decide.”

  “My daughter needs me. I just need to learn to give her space.”

  “My sweet Ive, your daughter is twenty-three, but she is impulsive and irresponsible.” 

  “She is impulsive, but not irresponsible.” 

  “You overindulge her.”

  “I do not. Oh Ken, I don't know what to do.”

  “That's my girl. Leave it all to me and I will take care of everything.”

  “Thank you, but I think I have to take care of this one.”

  “Sweetheart, let me help. I will always take care of you.”

  “Ken, you do understand that we are just friends, right? There could never be anything else between us.”

  “Why not?”

  “You were my husband's best friend. You are like a brother.”

  “That's not what you told me.”

  “I don't know what you understood, but listen and listen carefully. I would never ruin a friendship by having a relationship I know won't work.”

  “What do you want from me?”

  “Just be a friend.”

  “I can do that.”

  “Thanks.”

  “Ivonne, what is it that you want most in this world?”

  Ivonne thought of the wonderful two years she had with Chase, then she remembered the first time she held her daughter and granddaughter. She remembered the laughter; she remembered the tears. She wanted her family back. That was what she wanted most. She could not have Chase, but she could have her daughter and granddaughter.

  “For us to be a family again.”

  “‘Do not seek revenge or bear a grudge against anyone among your people, but love your neighbor as yourself. I am the Lord.

  Leviticus 19:39

  Chapter 12

 

  Maria Esperanza was exhausted. She had a horrible migraine and needed to sleep, but knew she couldn’t. After Josie and the cop had taken Vicky, she had closed the door behind them and then, in relief, leaned against the door and slowly slid down giving thanks to God that the devil child was gone. Sweet and behaved Vicky had acted possessed. 

  Vicky had always been a well-behaved child when she was with Josie, today though, she had been rude, petulant, and extremely argumentative. This change in their household was definitely affecting her. Poor baby.

   Then Maria Esperanza remembered the miserable day she had and her compassion for Vicky diminished. This had been one of the worst days of her life…Okay that was probably an exaggeration. When she had spent four years with her husband, that had to be the worst ever time of her life. 

  After they had gone, Maria Esperanza went to every door and every window making sure everything was locked. She put her kids to bed and then began cleaning the mess. She started with the kitchen, wiping the eggs from the floor and putting everything in the sink. All she needed to do now were the dishes and the floor. From there she would clean the playroom and finally the most difficult mess: The bathroom. Cleaning spilled soap was the most difficult task ever. It was almost impossible to rinse all the stickiness out. 

  She was willing to work all night as long as she did not have to read whatever was in that envelope. She was so tired of getting blackmail letters, and in truth it was a blessing that Vicky had thrown her phone in the toilet – doing so prevented her from getting those awful messages. Her life was a mess and she had caused all of it. 

  She needed to figure out a way to fix this, but did not know how. She had thought about confiding in her brother, but that would have to wait until he came back from his honeymoon. He did not want to put a damper on other people's happiness. She had messed up her life, and consequently, her kids' as well. As she saw it, there was no need to i
nvolve anybody else because of her foolishness.

  Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. 

  Deuteronomy 6:5

 

  Chapter 13

 

  Agent Parker took Josie on a tour of the apartment. He was terrified of what would happen to his place after he had heard Josie’s friend describe her time while babysitting. He had no children of his own and was fortunate that his nieces and nephews lived in other states. He did not have the time to worry about what was normal behavior in children, but if this was normal behavior, he would thank his lucky stars for not having kids. He took a deep breath to calm down and continued the tour.

  “The kitchen is toward your right, and past that is the laundry room,” said Jerome.

  Josie looked at the apartment. The influence of masculinity was obvious in the decor of the place. The walls were a light tan, the sofa and recliner were dark brown. Every piece of furniture was chosen for its practicality, not its beauty. Not one piece of furniture was ugly, but she would never have chosen such bulky pieces either. The sofa and recliner faced the television and gaming system, instead of facing each other to allow for conversation. 

  The pictures on the wall were from Salvador Dali, if she remembered her art class correctly, and the television took up at least a quarter of the wall. There was an empty candy dish on the corner of the table in which he placed his keys and a Bible next to it. He was a Christian; he could not be too bad.

  “Mommy, a bat mobile. Can I play with this?” 

  Jerome turned around and saw this crazy child holding one of his model cars. This Bat Mobile Dark Knight Hot Wheels 1/18 die cast car was one of his favorites. Not only had it been expensive, but he had spent hours building it. Gluing all the pieces together had taken time and precision. He reacted without thinking and snatched the car away. 

  Even though he was careful not to hurt the car, he also didn’t want to hurt the kid. He was not as concerned for the child's feelings though, and it surprised him when the child's eyes filled with tears. 

  “I told you not to touch anything.” He said.